Undefeated Woman

Desange Kuenihira is the CEO and founder of unDEfeated, a non-profit organisation that provides education for underprivileged youth and supports single mothers in developing entrepreneurial skills so that they can start successful businesses to support their families.

Originally from Democratic Republic of Congo, at the age of two, Desange and her six siblings moved to a refugee camp in Uganda. In that camp, she had to fight for the life she wanted. She was told repeatedly that she was meaningless and that her only potential worth was the dowry a much older man who would pay to marry her as a pre-teen. Many of her friends were forced to marry strangers and have their children. Typically, the marriages wouldn’t last long, and soon the women returned to their parents with children, a ruined reputation, and no options for their futures.

Desange lived in Uganda for twelve years as a refugee before moving to the U.S. and becoming a U.S. citizen. Although she still faced many problems, she built her life in Utah and having people who believed in her potential meant she was able to determine her own future. She studied at the University of Utah and gained a Bachelor of Science in criminology and a Bachelor of Science in health, society, and policy, with a minor in entrepreneurship and pre- business.

Desange was one of the lucky ones and was given an opportunity to have a different future when she went to the United States but she always remembered the girls left behind. She founded unDEfeated for her friends and the countless young women in Uganda who don’t have someone valuing their worth. Her story of resilience and courage reflects the hardships faced by women in Uganda who often experience sexual abuse, poverty and child marriage and she hopes to break the cycle of poverty by creating opportunities for women to start and operate their own businesses.

Desange believes that education is the key to success and this is what will help Uganda move past being a poor country with an emerging economy and also close the significant educational disparity between men and women.

Find out more about Desange at Speakundefeated.org or her book Undefeated Woman is available at https://www.amazon.com/Undefeated-Woman-Desange-Kuenihira/dp/1956072063

    You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.

Redefinng midlife for women

Jacqueline or Jack Perez runs a digital platform dedicated to normalising ageing for women through highly curated content and women driven brands. Jack feels that ageism is the last ism left and it's the one we do mostly to ourselves.

Jack feels that it’s something that happens to a lot of women when we start to look in the mirror at a certain age and don't particularly like what is reflected back to us.  It could be a line, a wrinkle, a sag or an age spot but we start to feel ‘less than’ and to internalise bad self talk that we are not as valuable. In North America there is also a very user centric culture so it adds to the feeling of being devalued over time.

There is currently a big push in society around the science of longevity. This can be a challenge as we are often not very good at knowing how to live as we get older, primarily because we are very family centric. Kids grow up and leave home and you’re left with a relationship that's slightly festered over the years or on your own and wondering what do you do next. Both women and men in their 50’s are thinking that they could have 30 or 40 years of this, but 30 or 40 years of what?

In the UK we’ve seen what’s known as 3rd age phenomenon which is rethinking that.  There is a big zeitgeist of people who are excited by this stage in their lives, have been liberated from everything else, are old enough not to care sometimes but also to have the wherewithal to think ‘OK what could be next?’ They are looking for a source of information, a friendly face or place that relates to them where they and say ‘this is something that I could do or someone who I could be’.

At the moment we are in a unique position. The average lifespan of a white woman in the early 1900’s was 51. Although there were people who lived to their 80s or 90s this was not as a cohort or large sector of the population. Now is the first time that there is a very large number or a high concentration of people in this space. The Baby Boomers, the Gen X’s and now even the older Millenials are all entering this space and the exciting thing is that we get to define what that seed change looks like and the new paradigm. Women are hungry to look for the modeling of ‘what can my life look like in my 60s 70s and 80s?’ This is why Jack built the platform and brought together global thought leaders on the topics that are important to women in the extra years that they didn’t get 100 years ago.

The idea of having a community of liberated free thinkers seems to be quite exciting. Every day a new article gets pushed out about a relevant topic. It doesn’t shy away from the tough subjects but deals with them in an empowering, kind and productive manner. It’s not about shaming or scaring anyone rather its about providing valuable information that's actionable in the different areas. For example, if you’re looking in your closet as a 55 or 58 year old and asking ‘can I wear any of the stuff I used to wear when I was in my 30s or 40s?’ There are articles about fashion in mid life and beyond and article about skin care and makeup. The best place to start is the About page. Just scroll down so you can access articles from women around the world and find the topic that's relevant to you.

Jack found that when she was going through menopause herself she couldn't find any positive relevant information to help her so she started the platform because she didn't want other women to feel alone or scared. Loneliness and isolation are leading indicators of longevity – you will live longer if you have connections with other humans. Neither smoking, drinking nor being obese are not as dangerous to your health as being isolated and lonely.  They are also major causes of depression and also dementia. In a world where we are more connected we are increasingly isolated.

Jack earned her MBA from the University of Chicago and was then hired by Hewlett Packard in San Francisco where she worked for several years. She wasn't really corporate material though so in 1999 she left the corporate world and started a PR and marketing business with her then husband. It was the heyday of the late 90s with .com bubble and lots of venture capital money. It was a very buoyant environment but not at all sustainable in the longer term. Jack became a single mum late in life so started working in smaller companies in fractional executive roles that helped her spend more time with her child. She then went through the menopause and that's when she realised she needed to do something not for her but for everyone else!

There does seem to be a reappraisal of ones life at the time of menopause and there is science behind this. It's a time when women lose a lot of the hormones that make them maternal and want to take care of people. Post menopause many don't feel as maternal as they used to. Jack didn't realise just how tied she was to that feeling, need, drive or biological imperative. She had no idea how critical, crucial or all encompassing it was until it dissipated. Women can also become more vibrant at this time of life so if there is a mismatch in a relationship it can become more evident and, in the US, the highest number of divorces are issued by women aged 50 and above. There seems to be a lot of women who at 50 just say ‘I don't want to be married to you any more’ perhaps because the dream has changed or been fulfilled in a way.

The idea that we should be empowered to go out and start a new life is exciting. The problem and opportunity with a youth culture is that older people are often seen as wiser and are used as mentors. Younger people want to gain an edge and this often comes from people who have been there and done it before. Interestingly, the platform attracts younger people as well as the target market with half of the audience being under 45. Jack feels that this is because they are curious about what is coming so they are empowering themselves by learning.

You can find out more about Jack at www.kuellife.com or info@kuellife.com

    You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.

Beyond addiction. Science and kindness for positive change.

Jeff Foote is a clinical psychologist who has been involved with addiction treatments and programme development and research for over thirty years. He now runs treatment centres and a foundation for families of people struggling with substance issues. He has also written some books aimed at families to amplify the messages about evidence based approaches that families never hear about when they are helping their loved ones with their substance issues.

Jeff’s work has not always been based around families. For the first twenty-five years of his career he felt that he, along with many other clinicians, downplayed the role and involvement of families when it comes to mental health issues and peoples psychological struggles. During the first two thirds of his career he ignored families and focused on the person struggling with the addiction. Over the last ten years through, he has been working with organisations geared towards helping families.

Jeff had a pivotal experience talking with fifteen parents who he was just about to start training to coach other parents. Their kids had had terrible substance issues and they wanted to help other parents through evidence-based ideas rather than the things they had been told for years and years. That series of interviews changed his view and helped him realise the huge pain families go through, the levels of motivation they have to help and understand and the huge resource they are in helping to produce change.

Jeff has spent the last ten years shifting his focus and trying to make the tools and information more accessible to families so that they can see that they do this, both themselves and in the community, that they don’t need professionals and that they can take this up and be effective.

The US has been a blaming society when it comes to substance abuse. This is gradually changing but it is still there. One message has always been that you have to detach. If your loved one is struggling you need to step away and take care of yourself. The tough love idea that you have to let someone hit rock bottom before they will change. This has nothing to do with evidence or effectiveness and is an approach that is heartbreaking for families who come scared, concerned and asking for help.

The 12 Step Programme is often considered to be the only solution for addiction. Jeff feels that it has helped many people and many families over the last seventy years. The problem is that it's a ‘one size fits all’ process. If it doesn’t help you then there must be something wrong with you and it’s your fault. It's a programme that has been both helpful and harmful because of its demand characteristics rather than an invitational approach.

The approach Jeff has been working on over the last ten years is called the Invitation to Change‘ which is an invitational idea rather than a command one. Its basis is in community reinforcement and family training, an approach called CRAFT which is the most powerful evidence based approach for helping families help loved ones. Before that, it was a case of letting go/detaching or confrontational interventionist approaches. What we know from CRAFT and other psychological based approaches is that you can take care of yourself and stay connected to them and that this is actually the most powerful way to help someone to change.

Jeff’s process starts by having to have an understanding of what the person you are trying to help is going through, to ‘Open the door to change by viewing your loved ones substance abuse by viewing it through another lens’. By shifting your perspective and starting to understand that you can step into their shoes. People do things because they are reinforcing. They act and behave because there is something in it for them. Substances are very reinforcing and they are reinforcing in different ways for different people.

Family members need to sit back and understand that their loved one is doing this not because they are morally reprehensible, lazy but because it makes sense to them in a powerful way. This creates an entirely different relationship and atmosphere – I still feel scared, I don't like or agree with it but I can understand it now. You’re a human being and these things mean something to you. This changes everything – what you’re doing makes me want to turn away to what you’re doing makes me want to turn towards you. The thing that changes is the understanding of their motivation.

The person struggling with the addiction is the one whose behaviour is not acceptable. The family is involved in a blame way. Studies about family support and family health show the barriers to are practical and economic but the major one is stigma. When a family member steps into the change process or treatment system they get blamed, ‘why didn't you see it earlier’ and there is shame and blame. It rips the family fabric of trust and safety apart and how you reengage is different for all families. Their values are different but most are invested in staying connected, of being loving and bringing safety, connection, respect and collaboration into a family unit that might have been damaged by the substance abuse.

Jeff feels Science and Kindness is what helps people change and that although strategies, understanding and data related research trial concepts are powerful without kindness the uptake and effectiveness is much less. Kindness is an evidence-based strategy as well.

You can find out more about Jeff at Center for Motivation and Change Foundation or The Beyond Addiction Workbook for Family and Friends: Evidence-Based Skills to Help a Loved One Make Positive Change, 

   You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.

A journey of awakening.

Beth Bell spent over fifteen years in strategic brand management in the pharmaceutical industry and which took her around the world. Eventually though she realised she wanted to do something more with her life. She loved her job but knew there was a bigger mission so she left her corporate life behind and moved to Bali, originally thinking she’d be there for three months but ending up being there for five and half years.

In total she spent seven and a half years in Asia and returned to the US in 2018 where she did her own shows ‘Pollenate the planet with love’ and  ‘Empowering peer love and purpose’.  She has now launched a book to on how we can stop the suffering of the mind by giving in to our souls plan and living the bliss that is our abundance and birthright.

Big pharma does not seem to be a place of great purpose and meaning. A lot of people get feelings that there is more so what was happening to you? What was going on in your head?

Beth is not really a disgruntled corporate person, but there is a soul seeking aspect of working for any big company. She always had the idea that there was something more that I’m here to do, something more that I want to contribute. After going though a tumultuous divorce which was also one of the biggest spiritual awakening moments in her life she just walked up the stairs of her corporate life and realised things had to change because she really wanted to do something different. She didn't really know what it was or where she should go but the idea of moving to Costa Rica came to mind. Within one week she had five people tell her she should go to Costa Rica and she took that as a sign. She started looking at the airfares and told herself that if the ticket was cheap enough she would go. It was and she took that as the last validation sign so bought the ticket and then realised she would have to quit her job.

Beth’s employer’s offered her a three-month sabbatical but after one month she realised she want to go back any time soon. She didn't want to leave her team without a leader so she decided to give them notice and not take the three months. She kept travelling and this started to accelerate her spiritual journey. She ended up going back to the corporate world after two years which turned out to be a great opportunity with many more things unfolding from there. Beth feels she was divinely guided to leave her corporate life, to return to it and finally leave it for good many years down the road.

You had an idea but you acted on it. lots of people don't act on. You de-risked it but there is a difference between people who act and those that don't. What is it that makes you take action?

Beth feels that she developed intuitive risk taking. It was a risk to leave her corporate life and pay check and it did take a lot to make the jump but intuitively she knew she wanted to follow her heart and didn't want to be a person who said woulda shoulda coulda. She wanted to be the person that lived her life to its fullest and not in fear. She read a book called ‘A Course on Miracles’ which told her that life is either based on love or fear. She choose love and that meant she was going to go where her heart said she should go. To Beth intuitively doesn’t mean doing something on a whim rather it means listening to the feeling in your gut and then finding some validation points to make it make sense.

Beth’s divorce was painful. She fell in love with someone who was a great companion and had a lot of things in common with. She also fell prey to the white picket fence fairytale of romantic love. They both had different ideas about who they were as people and what they wanted to represent. She spent a lot of time enjoying her marriage but ended up lying to herself, not intentionally because didn't know she was lying to herself but she was not seeing the relationship for what it really was and how it was holding it back. She doesn't think her ex wanted to intentionally hold her back but we all have fear in relationships and in love. We want to protect ourselves and we all have ideas of want a relationship should be.

They started to part but then Beth hadwhat she refers to as an awakening kiss at 30,000 feet. Someone woke her up and she realised that she wanted more and that she could be in a relationship that gave her more. It was an awakening kiss because it wasn't a relationship that then was heavily pursued, it was an awakening to say there is so much more in a relationship that she was capable of. It was difficult because she had been with her husband for ten years and it wasn't something he wanted. It created a challenge and it took five to six years to settle the divorce.

Beth is still very grateful for the relationship because it was good in a lot of ways and taught her a lot of things. It was a challenge to get of though and she spent a lot years going under every rock, nook and cranny to make sure she healed from all the things that had come about from the relationship.

Beth’s new book is called Angels, Herpes and Psychedelics. She was encouraged by many people to change the title but she feels the title was spirited to her.  She breaks it down by explaining that Angels are always around to guide us. They appear in many forms but surround us everywhere. Everyone is an angel and we need to be open to the people in our lives so we can listen to the lesson they are here to help us with. Herpes refers to the different traumas that appear in life. Beth feels that viruses of the mind are the biggest trauma in life. These mean different things for people but we need to unravel the storyline of our mind to stop suffering.

Beth always had an absolute no go drug policy with just an occasional use of alcohol but she now feels that after twenty years of building her spiritual toolbox, psychedelics have helped her to completely embody the intellectual concepts she had with all her spiritual learning in a completely new way.

Beth came to psychedelics because at one point she was a flower whisperer. In her corporate world she could not meditate so she started photographing flowers and fell in love with the vibration and energy of flowers and this became her meditation. This led her into her being more interested in plant based medicine because she understood the power of flowers and plants. Coming from big pharma she finds it interesting that there are no over 250 pharmaceutical psychedelics companies all studying different molecules. A number of them are featured on the New York Stock Exchange so are seen as legitimate companies and it is likely that approvals for some psychedelics will be given in 2023.

There is lots of research and testing of psychedelics and the early results on their effect on trauma, anxiety and performance enhancement shows great promise. Conventional medicine is often reluctant and slow to take up new ideas so it’s often at the boundaries where you find advancements. However, the use of psychedelics is to be taken very seriously.

Beth feels it provides a great ability to help you work through trauma to expand your consciousness and that in an appropriate setting you can have an experience where you can understand the way that the universe works and who you really are and also unravel all the storylines in your mind that you don’t know are there. These can be ancestral or programmed from your parents, community or media and they can cause suffering.

Until you get into the depths of unraveling them to know who you really are, you will experience suffering. Psychedelics have the ability to give you a northern star that shows you where you’re headed, where you want to go and what your souls plan is.  

You can find out more about Beth at BethBell.me or her new book Angels, Herpes and Psychedelics, shares her journey of awakening and provides a spiritual toolbox others can learn from.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.

Lean in and learn. Finding the purpose to change.

David Richman is an author, public speaker, philanthropist and endurance athlete whose mission is to form more meaningful human connections through storytelling. He wrote Cycle of Lives, which shares the interconnected stories of people overcoming trauma and delves deeply into their emotional journeys with cancer.

David was on a quest to try to find out from real life experiences what are some of the difficulties people are encountering, how they navigate those conversations and what we can learn from them and bring to our own lives. He found that when many people try to navigate the emotional facets of the journey, they are not well equipped to have hard conversations or have deep authentic connections with people even their closet loved ones.

When David was at a super low point in life in his mid to late 30’s. He was overweight, a smoker, miserable, stressed and in an abusive marriage with an alcoholic wife.  He was also the father of four-year old twins. It was a destructive lifestyle going nowhere when he got the news about his sister ‘s terminal cancer diagnosis. He realised he had chance to change his life and live for the better but his is sister didn’t.

It wasn’t that easy to make changes. It was tough especially as he set out to find answers without little context – you can hear something fifty times but its not until you hear it the fifty-first that you get it. David heard his inside and outside voice as well as other people telling him that he needed to stop trying to find people to fix and to create problems to get out making changes. He knew he had no self-awareness or self care but he was aware of who he was and didn't like it. He saw himself for the first time and then he saw himself in reflection to his sister and their potential journeys. He had choices but she didn’t.

Someone then said something to him that didn’t make the transformation any easier but it did make the realisation that he had a lot of work to do easier. He was at a low point in his life, complaining about being tired, angry and having to watch his sister die. A friend told him that he’d been listening to him complaining for years and that he should look in the mirror and fix himself, that he needed to realise he was the problem not everyone else. It didn't make it easy but it opened his eyes about what he had to do and that he had to do it fast. The fact he needed to do it fast helped. He felt he didn’t have that much time and he wanted to live on purpose, to see himself for who he really was, to free his mind and forgive himself for his bad choices, the wasted time and the problems he had created. He wanted to lean in and learn. 

He didn't know what a sense of purpose was but he wanted to figure it out. He knew he was a good dad and a hard worker but what gave him purpose was to be present, to be in each moment, to spend time, make a choice that you want and are aware of and be open minded so you can live on purpose. You need to free your mind and let it go. This is your day one now so what can I lean in and learn?  David started with athletics – if he started by becoming healthy where would that lead him? What it led David to do was athletics, triathlons, ironman, 100-mile runs and a 5000-mile bike run. It has given him a lot of focus and purpose and helped solve problems that have crossed over into other areas of life.

In his book, Winning in the Middle of the Pack, he discusses how to get more out of ourselves than we ever imagined. Many people spend too much time thinking about winning or leading or being the best. Sometimes its enough to be yourself and be in the middle of the pack and make the best of yourself rather than being the best of the best or the best against anyone else. There are a lot of people who grow up looking for approval, thinking that other people see them in a different way or do they do things to please people because they think that’s who they need to be. When you think of people at the top such as Roger Federer they don't really care about what anybody thinks they care about what they think. They aren’t driven by outward approval they are driven by what they want to achieve. 

If you’re in the middle of the pack nobody is watching or cares because they are more focused on their own stuff. The only thing that matters is that you care and that you’re doing the best that you can do and that you make good choices – the only one who cares is the one you look at in the mirror.  

David is now leading very moving and transformative Expressive Writing Workshops geared towards people affected by all manner of trauma. He combines traditional expressive writing techniques with elements of both narrative and creative writing so that the participants will be well equipped to continue their expressive writing practices well beyond the workshops. Mental health is such an important topic and David brings his passion, skills, and unique approach to help people connect with their emotions in a whole new way and begin a healing journey.

You can find out more about David at https://david-richman.com/

In his book Winning in the Middle of the Pack, David discusses how to get more out of ourselves than ever imagined and in Cycle of Lives, he shares the interconnected stories of people overcoming trauma and delves deeply into their emotional journeys with cancer.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions. 

Why businesses need resilience

Recent research by MHR International shows the challenges mid-size UK and Irish companies are facing in today’s VUCA (volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous) world. Over 500 senior leaders from businesses employing between 500 and 5000 people were interviewed to find their views on the importance of resilience in dealing with change and challenges. The major threats they saw were the expectations surrounding their businesses growth as they compete against multinationals and of staying ahead of agile start-ups.

Recessions and financial crisis are of course not strangers to long-established companies but the pandemic brought unforeseen and previously unknown challenges. Now, businesses face another set of problems including the cost-of-living crisis and the war in Ukraine. 

Many businesses came though the pandemic and will now deal with these new challenges because they are resilient and have the ability not only to deal with change but also to use the experience as a catalyst for further development.

So, in the short term, a resilient business will get through challenging periods but then in the longer term they will start to see a positive impact on productivity and work quality as well as improved employee engagement, performance and an inclusive and secure work culture.

There is no doubt there will be tough times ahead but a resilient business will not just survive, it will thrive.

Afraid of change?

Generally, when leaders want to introduce radical change to their organisation, it’s to respond to new threats or opportunities. Large numbers of business transformations still fail though and, although many reasons can be put forward for these failures, one of the major ones is simply a fear of change.

The possibility of change can create a huge amount of uncertainty for the people who are going to be affected. They are taking a leap into the unknown with no certainty that the grass will be greener on the other side. They aren’t sure they will still have a job or that their existing skills will still be needed. This can make people anxious and even question the entire purpose of the organisation.

The reality is that most people find it easier and safer to stay exactly where they are and intentionally or unintentionally resist change. Leaders therefore need to ensure there is transparency and that the change is communicated widely, frequently and to as many people as possible. If conditions of safety and trust are created and the resources needed to cope with any uncertainty provided, employees will feel supported, the fear of change minimised and the change itself embraced by more people.

No matter how extensive the consultation and communication strategy is there will always be some level of uncertainty but developing a relationship of trust can provide employees with the resources to help them cope during times of uncertainty.

Are you connected?

In today’s turbulent business world, an organisation needs to be adaptive, agile and resilient. It needs to be able to build change, structural resilience and process improvement. In short, it needs a resilient culture.

To achieve this, leaders need to be connected to their teams and to their organisation to drive maximum resiliency. When team members work together, they can solve problems, rise above setbacks, provide innovative and agile solutions and draw strength from each other. They understand their place in the organisation, have the confidence that they know where the organisation is headed and understand how they and their role contributes to its overall success.

If employees take care of their physical, mental and emotional needs so they don't suffer from stress, the organisation benefits through improved productivity, job performance, staff retention, engagement and reduced absence.

Building a resilient culture will result in trust, accountability and flexibility. It will also enable an organisation be better placed to deal with change, so when a crisis or disruption hits, they are better able to adapt and pull through.

How resilient is the culture of your organisation?

Leading an agile organisation

The increase in technology based innovation and in evolving customer expectations has driven change at an incredible pace. This has highlighted the importance of having an organisation that is ‘agile and able to adapt quickly and effectively to changing markets and requirements.

Agile organisations can reinvent their approach to business through a balance of flexibility and stability that allows them to react to changing circumstances in a future orientated way. This then enables a positive impact on productivity, quality, customer relationships, team morale, flexibility and the achievement of goals.

To ensure these benefits are achieved, teams need to realise agility is based on a willingness to embrace change. An alignment is required between existing roles and new processes and these should be seen as a top strategic priority which is reinforced across the organisations culture. Leaders need to be seen to embrace the changes themselves whilst providing an environment where employees feel safe, not afraid to fail and able to work with their leaders in finding solutions to current and future challenges.

Organisational agility is essential in today’s rapidly changing world. Organisations need to be ready to challenge and change their operating models so they are able to respond to change and create the capacity to deliver transformation and improvement. 

Making it happen

Sam Syed is co-founder, CFO and COO at Capsll, an app that enables users to gather their once-scattered memories into digital time capsules. Sam was born in London and is one of six brothers from a working class family. He has a Portuguese and Pakistani heritage and became aware of racism at a young age. but feels this helped him build his resilience. He looked on himself as different but in a good way. He was the only coloured person in his group so any racial slurs toughened him up and made him a better person. His working class background also meant he grew up wanting things but didn't always get them. His friends all got weekly pocket money but he didn't and he quickly realised that he would have to break the mould so he could obtain things for himself.

Sam says he had a fantastic childhood and upbringing but is also thankful that it wasn't ‘silver spooned’ so that what he accomplished was from his own personal success. He thinks his biggest success is that he never settles and that he’s always looked for the ‘what if’. He started his career as an equity broker in London advising clients on Commodities, Equities and FX, eventually rising to the role of Derivatives Trader.

In 2012 he was offered a wealth management position in Dubai helping clients achieve their financial goals through all areas of wealth management. Originally he wanted to think about it but he now thinks it was the best decision he ever made. After building a successful career in Dubai he was then asked if he had ever thought about moving his career to Manhattan. He hadn’t but he was very curious and that was what took him to New York. The first year was very difficult. The salary he had been promised didn’t materialise and he was unable to move any of his clients from Dubai so he had to start from scratch but he managed to build a new ‘empire’ in New York and won some national awards. It was at this point that his long time friend Clint called him with an idea he wanted to run past him.

Sam’s passion for history and philosophy added to the lessons he had learnt as a boy and from the time he spent in Dubai and New York meant he was up for the challenge and he moved from managing other peoples wealth to having to create a new business. He feels that building from scratch is much harder. The challenges he faced during the start- up of Capsll App were completely different to those in the corporate world.  Having raised all their funding, he realised the things that he had left behind – the support from a mentor or boss, a calendar filled with what you should be doing and when which provides a routine and structure for each day.  

Sam feels you need external help and advice as well as internal support and help. There is a fear in the corporate world now that you can’t disagree with each other. But if you cant have disagreements then innovation and creativity disappear.  If you have different views or highly passionate and enthusiastic people conflict is inevitable. Companies need heated debate but also a way of not making things personal so you can see the point of the conversation in the first place.

Sam is now excited to be making a difference to people’s lives by utilising the Capsll App and helping them preserve memories of their legacy in a different way.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

For more information, please visit https://www.capsll.app/

Leadership in the remote workplace: Opportunities and challenges

The combination of technological advances and shifting cultural norms has resulted in the remote work trend continuing to grow in popularity as numerous companies embrace this new way of working. 

However, with the rise of remote work, there is an increasing need for leaders who can motivate and inspire team members from a distance. Effective leadership in the remote workplace requires a different set of skills than traditional office management.

The rise of this new setup in the virtual world has presented new challenges for leaders. How can leaders effectively lead a team when everyone is working in different locations? And how can they leverage the opportunities that come with a more dispersed workforce?

In this blog, I'll be discussing the challenges and opportunities of remote leadership. Leadership in the remote workplace can be difficult because leaders can't always rely on face-to-face communication. However, there are many opportunities to take advantage of when leading a team remotely. Keep reading to learn more!

The opportunities in leading a remote team

Leading a team remotely can present a number of opportunities. For example, it can allow leaders to build a more diverse team, as they are not limited to candidates who live in their area. It allows them to tap into a global labor market.

It can also allow leaders to create a more flexible work schedule, as the traditional 9-5 workday does not bind them. It can improve work-life balance. This can be a huge convenience when managing time and meeting deadlines.

Additionally, leading in a virtual world can help leaders develop their communication and organizational skills, as they will need to effectively communicate with their team members in different time zones.

Opportunities to be innovative and experiment with new ways of working are also beneficial for leading a remote team. This can include experimenting with different communication methods, such as utilizing video conferencing instead of email or developing new corporate policies based on input from everyone in the organization.

In addition to these practical benefits, working remotely also encourages a broader mindset, encouraging all members of a team to think creatively about how to succeed in their roles and what is best for the company as a whole.

The challenges of leading a team remotely

One of the biggest challenges is maintaining team cohesion. Without the daily interactions that take place in an office setting, it can be difficult to build relationships and stimulate a sense of teamwork.

Additionally, remote work can make it harder to monitor employee productivity and identify issues early on. As a result, leaders need to find new ways to stay connected with their team members and ensure everyone is on track.

Another challenge is managing expectations. When members are not present in the same physical space, it can be difficult to manage deadlines and ensure everyone is on the same page. This is why leaders need to overcommunicate and provide clear guidelines.

Communication is also a challenge. With team members working in different locations, there can be a lot of miscommunication. It's important to find ways to effectively communicate with the team, whether that's through video conferencing, instant messaging, or another method.

There can also be technical challenges, such as internet connection issues or problems with video conferencing. These challenges can be frustrating, but it's important to remember that they are not insurmountable.

Lastly, remote work can be lonely and isolating. This is why it is significant for leaders to make an effort to connect with their team members on a personal level. 

Effective strategies for leading a remote team

One key strategy for leading a remote team is establishing clear communication guidelines and protocols. It is important to set expectations around how and when leaders will communicate with the team members and ensure that everyone follows these guidelines consistently.

In addition to establishing communication protocols, it is also important to adopt different communication methods that work well in a remote setting. For example, video conferencing can be used for team meetings, while instant messaging can be utilized for quick questions or updates.

During a video conference, encourage an open webcam policy so that team members can see each other and build relationships. Participants may use an online webcam testing tool to check their setup before the meeting.

When communicating with the team, it is also important to be clear and concise. This will help to avoid miscommunication and ensure that everyone is on the same page. Make certain to provide a written record of team communication, such as in a shared document or chat log.

In addition to these strategies, it is important to foster a culture of trust and respect within the remote team. Leaders should make extra effort to connect with their team members on a personal level and set aside time for relationship building over video chat or email.

Summing It Up

Leadership in the remote workplace is a new and evolving field. There are multiple opportunities for those willing to take on the challenge, but there are also several matters that should be considered. 

Leaders in the remote workplace need to focus on communication, culture, and trust. Communication is crucial to be certain everyone is on the same page. Culture helps employees feel connected to their work even when they're not physically present. Trust allows employees to feel comfortable taking risks.

Ultimately, for anyone who is eager to shake up their routine and find new ways of working, being at the helm of a remote team can be an exciting opportunity indeed. It might not be without its challenges, but these can all be overcome with the right approach.

Guest Blog Author

Jennesa Ongkit is a content writer for VEED.IO and an all-around wordsmith. In her spare time, Jennesa enjoys reading books, watching movies, and playing with her pets.

The importance of soft skills

As UK business sets its sights on recovery and growth from the pandemic, more than ever emotionally intelligent employees with soft skills such as resilience, empathy, communication, problem solving, teamwork and self-confidence, are needed to help the organisation navigate through current and future change.

Advances in technology and the increase in home working means many roles have evolved and ensuring employees are equipped with the right soft skills for their role is essential. Looking at what soft skills their teams already possess and then what other qualities they would like them to have is the starting point. Then, on-the-job learning, coaching and feedback, as well as training courses can help an employee in their development. These skills should then become part of the company’s culture with the opportunity for continuous development to encourage individual and personal growth.

In an ever-changing environment, where businesses need to be on top of their game to succeed, employees who demonstrate these qualities can make a real contribution to its success.

Your story matters

Clint Davis was born in South Africa but, after living in Dubai and Australia, he and his wife realised a decades-long dream of living in the USA when they won the Green Card Lottery, a 0.73% chance. He and his wife then moved to Los Angeles, and eventually settled in Austin, Texas.

Clint considers resilience to be one of our greatest characteristics. Living in different countries is not as glamorous as it sounds. Growing up in South Africa he learned about adversity quickly particularly because of the dynamic change from the apartheid system and the racial healing that had to take place over a number of years. Clint and his wife developed a mindset that helped them deal with the different changes and challenges that played out as they moved from country to country. Whether it was budgetary issues or fitting into different communities, their approach became ‘this is where we are’ ‘this is the decision we made’ ‘lets see this through’ and ‘how do we do it’ rather than ‘can we do it’.

Moving gives you the opportunity to reinvent yourself but it also allows you to leave things behind. The more you mature the more you want to leave certain things behind. In your youth, when you move from a country you want to hang on to every nostalgic artifact and relationship but the truth of ‘out of sight out of mind’ is a human fact when you live it and over several moves you can lose many relationships. The reinvention of self is hard to translate back to people if you don't see them face-to-face. When you move countries you have to reinvent yourself and Clint feels the expats who don't make it are the ones who wanted to hang on to their homeland ideologies and didn’t recognise that a new country and culture require them to change. If you can find the balance of your roots and pair it with where you are now you can become an interesting tapestry of a person.

Holding on to your past is important in terms of resilience as its part of who you are. You need to adapt it for the future though rather than simply preserving it. There is a constant battle about what you hang on to and what you let go. Nostalgia actually holds you back when it come s to engaging with a new culture and will hold relational growth back.

Different structures, careers, countries, environments, types of jobs and the entrepreneurial world all need resilience to know you are going to get things wrong so failure needs to be factored in as part of the build process. People define failure differently but Clint feels that if you need to look at each failure as a learning environment , to approach it with a willingness to fail and learn from it and the humility that comes with it. If you are emotionally healthy and stable, you know that what others see as failures, you recognise as lessons and you don’t see failure but growth.

Clint spent seventeen years in radio, broadcasting to four different countries and was also a high performance driving instructor at racetracks and skidpans. Additionally he was involved with freelance podcasting and interviewing and event management. Now with his company Capsil App, the biggest difference is that instead of just doing it and taking the risk for himself, he now has a team of co-founders so needs to keep them and their families in mind as well as the product users and their families.  He feels you need to make a shift from yourself to how your decision making, emotional intelligence and communication plays out not just to keep things pure but to make sure things are communicated correctly - the heartbeat that everything you created as this entrepreneurial version of yourself is actually relayed and received in the correct light of what you are trying to do.

Clint feels that while we live in a digital age, we have done a poor job in passing our personal histories on generationally because there isn’t a stable platform to keep them on. Capsil App is a new platform where users can gather their memories and life stories into digital time capsules with full user control so it can be shared privately with future generations or on an optional public feed to inspire others. It can also provide users with coached storytelling expertise who can help remember all the details and create a meaningful recount of your life events and memories.

For more about Clint or information about Capsil.App visit www.capsll.app/

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

Change your perception of time

Lisa Broderick trained as an economist before going into the business world. She wanted to work on something different though where people who might be sceptics could believe it also so moved into the fof quantitative mechanics, combining it with spiritual traditions. 

Many people know they can slow down time and that time speeds up around them depending on what they are doing. Time is contextual and depends on what we focus on and how we focus. It obviously has a physical component – it exists because things move around and because change occurs - no change no time. As its impossible to have no change, we have time. There is however a perception component. If people focus intently they can slow down and speed up time but we’re not really sure how this works.

If you imagine there are two worlds – the small world of quantum mechanics that is modeled only through mathematics and the large world of cars, human beings and astraroids. These two worlds would never seem to meet but the world of quantum mechanics bubbles up into our everyday lives through for example, computers and lasers. Lisa believes that as we understand and control this more it will provide the basis for how we control time and reality.

Lisa feels that we are getting much further in understanding the actual mechanics of the advances in quantum computing and biometric computing. Quantum entanglements are one of the biggest paradoxes of quantum mechanics - the idea that two particles can exhibit the same conditions. For instance they are both blue but one is on earth and one in space.  If you turn the on earth red the one in space becomes red immediately even though they are separated by thousands of miles and violates the universe speed limit - the speed of light.

Quantum entanglement exists on the quantum level but the question is does it exist in the big world? If it does, we’re going to be able to unlock this world and control it and use it in our daily lives. Lisa wrote her book during lockdown when time was an issue. Before that being busy was seen as a badge of honour but then everything changed. People lost their sense of identity and meaning, were overwhelmed, felt hopeless and burned out. They didn’t have any meaning any more and Lisa feels that they lost their relationship with time.

When we ask people how they are they used to say fine, now they say they are busy. The perception is that there is less time or that we don't use it in a productive way. The first steps in making time more within our control is to understand the equation time from Lisa - time is one part physical and one part perception. The perception part is the part that you can control to change that aspect of time and your perception of time and reality  

Lisa feels the reason we need to know what time it is, is because we need to know what to do now. If we didn’t we wouldn't care so if we can get a grasp of what to do in turns of personal transformation, we can slow down and speed up time in order to do all the things we want to do.

You can find out more about Lisa and her work at LisaBroderick.com Her book is All the Time in the World

 You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

It’s not what you’ve done, it’s how you move forward

Arman Vestad is based in Trondheim, Norway and is a public speaker, father of three and a runner. Before that though he went through a lot of tough challenges. Over the first thirty years of his life he was a criminal, drug addict and debt slave but for the last fifteen he has used the experiences he gained from being on the ‘wrong side’ of life to help others stay on or get back on track.

Arman feels it was a long journey that took him into life as a criminal and that there was no one or anything he could really blame. He had parents who took care of him and three siblings, the one closest in age to him is actual a police officer. He does think though that he had some vulnerabilities when he was a child. He was bullied at school, didn’t have many friends and every so often he received some money from his grandfather. He used this to buy friends so money became the tool to get self-esteem. He had a lack of self-esteem and money was the problem solver. Money has been part of his life all the time in good days and bad days.

Arman feels that he may have had a genetic vulnerability but that he was also affected by circumstance and by friends and people he met. Critically, he moved away from his parents and lived with his grandfather when he was 13 or 14 years old. His parents lived on an island with access to the city only by ferry. Arman loved playing football so asked if he could stay with his grandfather to enable him to play more. He stayed there most of the week and he now thinks that although it was fun staying with his grandfather this was where his problems started. He grandfather was 70 and divorced and enjoyed having Arman staying but there were no boundaries or limits.

Arman now feels children need to have boundaries but at the time he thought not having them was really good. He could do exactly what he wanted and in the spirit of this he also started stealing money from his grandfather.  His grandfather gave him money but it wasn’t enough and when he did it the first time it was extremely exciting. He decided he wouldn’t do it again and would put the money back but he couldn't.  Once you break the boundaries the first time its much easier to do it the next time – he knew it was wrong but he feels that if someone had stopped him and shown him the consequences at the age of fifteen who knows what would have happened.

By the time was 18 or 19 he was a doorman at a club. Some of the customers were criminals and they befriended him. He became part of a culture and adapted to it and one thing led to another and he realised that he could make more money by selling drugs and would do that from time to time. He was a party boy who loved to dance, be happy and share joy. He was very generous so gave away money, drinks and drugs and also made his own drugs which made a lot of money and became addicted because he needed to test his own drugs to see the quality.

Over time the police became aware of him and he was arrested many times. In the mid 90s he was in the UK, Amsterdam and Poland at parties that were part of the rave culture. He didn't feel a criminal, rather he was part of a big community that was testing boundaries but after several overdoses that life had taken a completely different direction. In 2000 he was sitting in a police cell and was at rock bottom  - he weighed 70kgs when two years previously he had been 120kgs. His physical and mental health was a complete mess and he just wanted to stop living.

People standing on the outside don’t understand the power of community. Community has the power to heal and be positive but also the power but to destroy and attract people into a certain set of lifestyle choices. There is a vicious cycle of the community, drugs and crime which can be quite seductive, all partying and having fun but at the same time not noticing what it’s based on. You get caught up in the excitement and hedonism of the time. It is possible to stop the cycle but you need to stop it by removing one of the elements of the cycle and replacing it with something else that gives you that buzz.

When some people hit rock bottom they stay there but others have the resilience to make the decision to change. When he was in the prison cell Arman felt at rock bottom and wondered what have I done to deserve this – I’m just a kid who wanted to fit, be liked and be appreciated for the person I am. He didn’t feel he had enough to change things but the turning point came when he met a policeman a few months later.   Arman had gone even further down but policeman talked to him, asked him how are you today, you doesn't look very good, is there anything I can do to help, name it and I will try to see if I can make it happen. It was a very vulnerable moment and it might not have happened the day before or the day afterwards. Arman was arrested but the policeman visited him the next and that was the ignition he needed - as the policeman had said I don't see you as a drug addict I see you as a person.

Armans life didn't change at that time but when he met the next person in his journey, a prison inspector he had enough confidence in himself to realise he was worthy as a person. The prison inspector spent a lot of time with him and helped point him towards the work he does now but he still had to find his first job after he left prison. The person who hired him asked him two questions at the interview - what have you learned from the time you've been an ex-criminal and how can those lessons you learned help us solve our society responsibility. Those two questions changed the atmosphere completely at the job interview. Instead of being afraid and hiding his CV, he knew she asked about what he had learned so it was up to him to tell her.

One of Armans missions now is talking to managers or companies about hiring ex-criminals and explaining what the benefits are if you hire them. When he got his first job no one believed he would ever survive, that he would be unemployed for the rest of his live. Now, having worked for 15 years for the Norwegian government he can show its possible to change and make a difference. Ultimately it’s not about what you've done, its what it meant and how you drive it forward.

You can find out more about Arman and his work at https://www.armanv.no/en/

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

Moving on from alcohol addiction

Veronica Valli is a recovered alcoholic and drug addict, who has personal experience of what it takes to recover from an addiction. At the height of her addiction, she was unable to go to work without the aid of a drink and her life and confidence were in tatters. She got sober in 2000 at the age of twenty-seven and went into working in the addiction field as a Psychotherapist primarily because of her own personal history.  Since moving to the USA with her husband Veronica has written two self published books and has a new book coming out in February. She now works mainly as a coach with women who want to change their relationship with alcohol.

Veronica feels alcohol is part of the social fabric and that people who struggle with their relationship with alcohol do four things. 1. They drink.  2. They think about drinking. 3.  They think about not drinking. 4. They recover from drinking. People who don't have a problem with alcohol don't think about it because it doesn't rent any space in their head and take up energy. Veronica’s calls this bandwidth. You can do a lot with 70% bandwidth but what you can’t to is emotionally grow the way you’re meant to because you are spending that bandwidth arguing with yourself about whether you’re going to have a drink that night or not, whether you drank too much at the weekend or whether you should do Dry January.

Problems with alcohol start a long time before the external signs such as missing work appear. Only people with a problem think about not drinking - why would you be thinking about not drinking? People who don't have a problem think about alcohol the some way people think about sandwiches. It's the thinking about not drinking that's the indicator.

In the UK we have normalised abnormal drinking. People are seen as successful in the various areas of their life on the outside - they check the boxes, of having a job, a house and a car so not seen as having a drinking problem. If people go to work every day they are seen to be functioning and can appear to be OK. It may be that one part of a relationship is worried but the other isn’t concerned and feels they are functioning well. They still have a job and Veronica feels the job is the last thing to go because it’s where the money is and money is where the alcohol is. Typically though the relationship will break down before the job goes.

There is always the need to find support. The most common approach is the 12 Steps and Veronica got sober using this because at the time there where no other options. She found it very useful and always makes it clear that the 12 steps are simply ancient, spiritual wisdoms so we get into good enough fit enough shape to become alcohol free and then go and get some professional help. It’s a helpful approach but she feels there should be other options and that its not the perfect fit for everyone as some people don't relate or identify with it. It's a peer led programme and many people Veronica knows also have other issues such as limiting beliefs or relationships that need professional intervention

There is a difference in how alcohol affects the genders and the way of working with different genders. Veronica was part of Generation X and in the 90s binge drinking was sold as feminism. The belief was that if you drank like the boys it was equality.  To women of her generation abusive drinking normalized. Over the last five or six years though there has been a culture of alcohol being seen as a reward at the end of a stressful day. Perception is far harder if you drink, there is a numbing of feelings and a default to alcohol to deal with problems so you don't develop the skills you need as human beings to deal with disappointment or frustration. When you’re drinking you re not really alive, you’re not really present – you don't have all your band width – which is similar to the feelings associated with taking pills for  anxiety or depression. There is a feeling of walking through life thinking we’re are dealing with everything but not dealing with anything

Alcohol is marketed to women differently. There has been a rise in female led drinks such as Prosecco which are seen as being fun and glitzy – that if you’re not drinking you’re missing out. Women simply can’t drink as much as men and there are also unique problems woman have. If women going through menopause drink too much it makes the situation worse but drink is pushed on woman whatever stage of life you’re in. Male drinking is different. It’s more sociable as men tend to drink in groups whilst women tend to drink more on their own. Veronica feels that alcohol is one of the few ways men are allowed to express emotion, that it’s acceptable to cry on best friends shoulder if their football team lost. If alcohol wasn't involved men wouldn’t do that. There is no permission for men to express their feelings and alcohol gives them the avenue to express that.

Veronica feels that alcohol is sold as a belief system before we even start to drink. Not drinking is never presented to us as a option because drinking is what adults do. Alcohol is the best way to get to the land of fun, excitement, relaxation, belonging, connection rewarding yourself, romance and sex . That's what’s sold to us and who doesn’t want that? You want these things but if you feel inadequate alcohol will get you to that place. If you’re not drinking you’re seen as being boring and have to fight the social conditioning and stereotyping that goes with it.  It can be hard to challenge this on your own as the messaging is so clever and insidious.

Connection and community are essential to stopping drinking as we all need to have meaningful connections. We need people who really know us, who we can be vulnerable with – part of the reason AA has been around so long is that it provides community. At 27 Veronica lost all her friends because no one was staying in on a Saturday and she didn't have anyone to hang out with. When you stop drinking you feel like you’re the only one so you need to be with people who understand what you’re going through. It’s also powerful a bit further down the road to be with people who can say ‘I remember that’,  ‘I felt like that this is what I did’,  ‘this is how I feel now’. Seeing people who’ve been through it helps you think that it is possible for me. Connection is the most healing and life sustaining thing we can do.

Veronica’s latest book is Soberful,  a personal development programme that would be helpful for anybody not just people who have a problem with alcohol. Everybody has to do personal development work but most people don't realise that and just bumble along. An alcohol problem is a wake up call, you've got to do some personal wok on yourselves. We all need to exercise regularly for optional health and personal development are just exercises for our mental health that we need to do regularly as well .

 You can find out more about Veronica and her work at soberful.com or https://www.veronicavalli.com/ Her book Soberful is available via Amazon.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

Welcome to 2022!

Well, after what’s been a long year, an exciting year and for many, a challenging year, we’ve made through 2021. Whilst some people found it a tricky year to navigate, others found it a lot easier, but however we got through 2021, its what we do next that matters.

2022 has all the makings of being a fascinating year, a pivotal year and what’s needed is the mindset to make the most of it. A lot of people start the New Year by drawing up a set of resolutions but don't build the plan with the means to achieve it. Without a breakdown that takes you from the beginning to the end you’re set up to fail.  

Writing resolutions can though be more of a bigger picture exercise. Using something like the Wheel of Life can help you look forward to the future in 10, 20 or 30 years time. By looking at things like where am I going to be psychologically, in my career, financially, or relationship wise, you can see the bigger picture that can then help you figure out resolutions for the short term.  Of course, if our goals aren’t long term enough or ambitious enough, our resolutions can sometimes become trite and meaningless so don't grip our imaginations. For 2022 why not tackle your resolutions differently – put a plan together for the whole year … with a reward attached when you achieve it.

Another option is to forget goals and resolutions and sit down and review the previous year. Figure out the things you want to stop, start and continue. Look at where you’re going and what you can stop doing. You’re probably not setting goals or resolutions based on what went before so look at what you want to do more of and what you want to do less of or stop doing. We’re all guilty of taking on more and more, whether it’s work or social commitments and we don't think about what we can mindfully remove from our lives.

The idea of stop, start and continue is very simple but it mind give you a better idea of how 2022 might find into the general direction of things. Maybe 2022 can be the year you can really sort out where you are going. Work-wise, it might be a case of asking yourself whether your work still has purpose and meaning? Is it where I want to be? The future of work is changing and the rebalancing of the labour market and the way we are working means there is the opportunity to make changes.

Some people have already made considerable changes, moving from the idea of financial reward to that of seeing a tangible outcome. This year there is the potential to ask ‘do I really want this or am I just doing it for for the money’. Four criteria you could use to look at your job are whether it brings money, intellectual challenge, fun or achievement. If you’re not getting any of these from your role it’s possible that it’s total lack of meaning and interest could lead to burnout. Ask yourself what do I want from this year? If you don't know what you want, reverse it and ask what don't I want? What is the purpose and meaning of work in your life? How important is it in the scheme of things. Remember your focus will change at different stages in your life. You could also try to write a bucket list, bunches of different ideas and things you haven’t tried. We can easily get stuck in a rut doing the things we always do and finding meaning is not always about having things or going places rather finding happiness in what we do.

2022 is about change. The culture of organisations, the world economy and coming out of Covid will all lead to change which in turn will creates opportunities … and risks. The more we can plan for the future, the less anxious you will feel about it. Once you’ve worked out what you want or don't want to do you can apply self-discipline and focus to achieve it.  Here’s where it can go wrong through. Sometimes we get distracted by things that give us a greater or short- term reward or procrastinate too long so we miss the discipline of long-term goals.

Whatever the root-cause of your distraction, take away the decisions and just go out and do it! Dump the rules and just make choices. Decide what you want and then go out and do it. Chose to do one thing, enjoy it then choose something else to do the next day. Choices are what help’s us to make the life we want. Decision fatigue comes from having too many decisions to make so in a way it’s easier to say no to everything rather than having to challenge ourselves by making lots of small decisions.

Maybe we should make 2022 a year of choice. Whether we choose to be different, choose to get something special for ourselves, choose to deliver more than we think we can, the first choice we need to make is to have a plan behind us!

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

Grief Yoga. Healing through movement

Paul Denniston is a yoga teacher who specilises in learning how to move through grief or other difficult and challenging emotions such as anger or anxiety. He has created a practice called Grief Yoga that pulls together yoga, movement, breathwork and sound to transform pain or struggle and connect to empowerment or love.

There are many types of yoga. Hatha Yoga focuses on holding postures and breathing to quiet the mind and aid stability and balance. Vinyasa Flow Yoga on breathing and flowing from one posture to another like a meditation in motion. Kundalini Yoga uses different types of breathwork and posture to cause powerful transformations. Restorative Yoga is a gentle practice to help stretch and release tension and anxiety whilst Laughter Yoga is a mixture of laughter exercises and techniques blended with yoga stretching and breathwork. People have their own take on humour, but these are exercises that help release endorphins from the brain to facilitate more happiness. Paul uses elements of Laughter Yoga in his Grief Yoga practice because he feels there is a fine line between laughter and tears. Laughter helps the free flow of emotion to move through, especially the suppressed feelings we have beneath the surface, to allow the healing benefits to take place.

Having trained in the different practices, Paul realised that he was going to classes himself to help deal with his challenging emotions of anxiety and grief.  He created his Grief Yoga practice, a blend of different types of yoga, with the specific intention of releasing pain to fund more empowerment and love - it was a class that he would what to take himself! When going through training Paul was dealing with a lot of anticipatory grief because his sister was dying and he was having a hard time moving through the suppressed feelings he was holding onto. Although he didn't feel like laughter, it connected him to what he was feeling which was anger and sadness. Laughter gave him the release he needed to allow him to be more present with his sister and dealing with her loss.

Paul works with many people who have experienced and dealt with trauma.  The first step of the process is to become aware of the present, the body, breath and ways to befriend the body through gentle ways to move and stretch. The next step is about expression. A lot of the time we don’t have the words to express our pain, hurt, anger or rage so the practice of using the sound and vibration of the voice can start to move the pain through so we might not have to have the words to articulate it.

Paul spent decades trying to run away from pain, seek peace for himself and deal with his anxiety. He was going to classes for his physical wellbeing but he realised there was so much more beneath the surface. He then thought that if we channeled struggle and pain, we could use it as fuel for healing, If we hold onto pain in the body, the body remembers this and the trauma so it’s possible, in a compassionate space, to move the pain through so we don't have to hold to it inside. He feels that we can have physical pain in the body but that it can be a manifestation of grief that we are suppression. Because everyone grieves differently, it can manifest itself in different areas of the body such as the back, neck, stomach, pelvis or chest or even cause teeth grinding teeth at night if the grief is held in the throat.

Grief can come from many different aspects of change or loss so can be seen in many different ways - the loss of a loved one, a dream of what you thought was going to be, the ending of a relationship or even a sense of disappointment. It can also be a collective thing. People can experience grief when a famous person dies because of the way that person had touched them or through an event such as the pandemic or 9/11. Collective grief is rarely acknowledged and this can become challenging because grief needs to be witnessed by ourselves or by others. During the pandemic not being able to attend funerals meant we missed the healing of having our grief and loss witnessed.

Paul doesn’t necessarily believe in closure in the grief process. If we choose to love then grief is a part of the process. Each day is different but we need to move through the loss. One of the steps he focuses on is evolution – how we changed after the loss, how our life is different now, how am I different after loving them. With time things can become easier but its part of our life experience and process.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Paul here..Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more about Paul through his website Griefyoga.com

His new book HEALING THROUGH YOGA Transforming Loss into Empowerment is available from January and can be pre-ordered through Paul’s website

Changing lane. Making impactful change.

Jennifer or Jen Crowley is based in Chicago and is an author, certified life coach and leadership consultant.

In her 30’s Jen thought she had life she was meant to have. Married with a son, she also had a high profile job as Vice President and General Manager of a wine distribution company. Suffering from all the stress and anxiety that goes with juggling a high pressure role and family life she then went through what she refers to as a six year character building period. Her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, then a while later her father was badly injured in a motorcycle accident. Both are now happily retired in Florida but as the only child, Jen had to provide considerable support. Then, the president of the company was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer and died very suddenly. Jen was emotionally and physically exhausted and wasn’t taking great care of herself.  Her job defined her so when the company was then sold to a large international group she decided to stick with it. There was an interesting and demanding integration period and as she went into her 40’s her life was very demanding – she was fighting for resources at work, fighting for time with her son and struggling in a marriage that was no longer working.

Finally, Jen and her husband divorced and at this point she started taking much better care of herself. She was eating well, meditating and communicating much better with the people around her. She became a coaching mentor at work and came to realise that people were comfortable around her. They would talk to her about their work, their anxieties and what was happening with their family and Jen found that trying to help people was the part of her job that she enjoyed most.

Six years after the company had been sold Jen realised that life wasn’t supposed to be so hard and took the decision to leave her twenty year wine career.  At 45 she decided that she needed to figure out what was going to happen next. She didn’t have any plans apart from taking three months off to get her head as clear as possible. Over the next three months she realised that although many people thought she should be happy because she seemed to have everything she needed, she wasn’t. She needed a different path where she could help other people. Initially she worked as a consultant to entrepreneurs but after a few months he made the decision to move into coaching.

Jen now works primarily with women looking to make impactful changes in themselves and in their lives. With a background in science, Jen’s approach to change is process driven and built around the importance of getting ready for change and then implementing it. In her coaching she deals with widespread issues, but many of her clients are in similar situations to the one she found herself in. Woman in their 40 ‘s who are realising that they are not happy, not doing things that they think are important or meaningful to them.

Jen feels the key to change is having open conversations and asking questions that dig down into what people really want. Sometimes people are so busy taking care of everyone else they simply need the time and opportunity to think and talk about themselves.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Jennifer here. Our previous podcasts, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can find out more about Jennifer at  changeablecoaching.com

Raising awareness of Early Onset Alzehimer's

In  2010 Pat Moffett wrote his book ‘Ice Cream in the Cupboard’ about the true story of caring for his late wife Carmen who had early-onset Alzheimer’s. At the time Pat was still pursuing his long-term career in international logistics but after he retired in 2017 he had more time to devote to raising awareness of the illness. In 2017, by chance, he met another author on a plane and they exchanged books. Two days later Pat received a phone call from his new contact who told him that Pat’s story should be made into a movie.

There is little difference between Early Onset Alzheimer’s and Alzheimer’s, but many early onset patients still retain the physical strength associated with a younger person. This can put their caregiver in dangerous situations because Alzheimer patients can become very angry and agitated which can lead to violent behaviour. Alzheimer’s also accelerates more quickly in younger people and the medications used are generally more effective in older patients.

In Carmen’s case, Pat first noticed that they had started arguing a lot. Things had been quite busy so he decided to take her to Puerto Rico for a holiday. They checked in to their hotel and went out for dinner. Pat was looking across from the verandah of the restaurant and when he turned around Carmen hit him. She then ran out of the restaurant. When he caught up with her she was still very angry but they got a taxi and went back to the hotel. She then went straight to sleep.

Pat really didn't know what was wrong so he was really surprised when a while later she came out to the terrace where he was sitting and said she was really hungry and when were they going to eat. She couldn’t remember anything that had happened. Pat was so concerned that he got a flight home for them the next day.

When they got home things seemed to level off and go back to normal. She wouldn’t go to a doctor but after going food shopping one day Pat realised that Carmen had put the ice cream in the cupboard rather than the fridge. Pat knew he had to get her to see a doctor but the situation was taken out of his hands soon afterwards her employers realised there was a problem and suggested she get tested. She failed the test and came home that evening and told Pat that she had a ‘touch of Alzheimer’s’.

Pat highlights how importance it is for carers to take care of themselves otherwise the disease claims two victims. Some friends and family aren't so supportive when they find out someone they know has Alzheimer’s so often it comes down to hired caregivers.  Pat found a lady who he had experience dealing with Alzheimer’s patients and he thought he could go back to work but within 5 days Carmen had punched the caregiver and run away from her. Other helpers followed but the same problem occurred. Pat felt it was better to try and keep his job so the next step was to try daycare. He found a centre close to their home. It was very expensive but it worked well for a couple of weeks but he was then called from work as Carmen had punched a 90-year-fellow patient.

Luckily a legal case was not pursued but Carmen wasn’t allowed to go back to the daycare centre. It was then suggested that she be hospitalised so she could be tested to find out if it might be possible to use anti psychotic drugs to calm her down. She was monitored 24 hours a day and after being in hospital for three weeks Pat was told there were only three drugs that might help her and that there use might be limited. The drugs were so strong that they needed to be monitored constantly so the recommnedation was that she to go straight into 24/7 care. Whist in full time nursing care Carmen still had violent episodes but eventually, after nine years, her body started to fail and she died. Pat felt guilty because in many ways he had wanted it to come to an end because Carmen wasn’t the person he knew anymore.

Early on in the process of looking after Carmen, Pat realised he would need support from people who would understand what he was dealing with. He found a local support group but everyone was much older than him and didn't understand Carmen’s violent behaviour. He realised there was nothing for the carers of Early Onset Alzheimer’s patients so he started a new group with a social worker with regular meet ups for dinner whilst professional carers looked after their loved ones

It is thought that you can defer the onset of some Alzheimer’s though diet, stress reduction etc. There is a genetic risk though. Pats wife Carmen, her brother and two sisters were all were diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in their 50’s and died in their 60s. When he tried to track back, Pat found out that Carmen’s father who had been an alcoholic, had also suffered from bouts of forgetful behaviour which at the time was put down to his alcoholism.

The motivation for Pat’s book came from the fact that he simply hadn’t realised that Alzheimer’s could affect people at such a young age. Consequently, many of the caregivers are very young themselves so they became the drive and inspiration to get the story out both nationally and internationally.

 You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Pat here. Our previous podcasts, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can find out more about Pat and Ice Cream in the Cupboard at pat.moffett.com