But you look so normal

 Keywords

Resilience - Hearing Loss - Isolation - Communication - Disability Awareness

photo by Anita Scharf.

In this episode of Resilience Unravelled Claudia Marseille talks about her personal experiences and struggles with hearing loss, including her journey of overcoming this challenge and pursuing a successful career in the arts. Claudia also discusses the significant impact of hearing loss on various aspects of life and the importance of social and cultural changes in increasing awareness and accommodation for people with disabilities. and the need for better communication skills in pacing for better understanding, especially for those with hearing disabilities.

Main topics

• Learning to lip-read and developing visual acuity.

• Why Claudia attributes her resilience to her parents, who instilled a belief in her that she could achieve anything professionally.

• How a social nature and love of music helped Claudia cope with feelings of isolation.

• The challenges of hearing loss, and how it's not just a volume issue but difficulty in distinguishing speech over background noise.

• The importance of pacing in communication, especially for those with hearing disabilities.

• Developing resilience through personal connections and technological advancements, such as digital hearing aids and closed captioning.

• The significance of social and cultural changes brought about by legislation to increase awareness and accommodation for people with disabilities.

• The positive changes in attitudes towards accommodating people with hearing loss in modern society.

Action Items

You can find out more about Claudia at her author site claudiamarseilleauthor.com or her painting website claudiamarseille.com

Claudia’s memoir is But You Look So Normal: Lost and Found in a Hearing World

   You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.   

 

Leadership challenges and opportunities in non-profit organisations

Keywords

Resilience - Leadership – Non-profits – Self-care – Wellness – Emotional Intelligence – Self-reflection – Communication - Expression

In this episode of Resilience Unravelled Rikimah Glymph, a traveller, writer, author, health/wellness coach, advocate for social justice and Founding Partner of Glymph Consulting, LLC, talks about the challenges and opportunities in non-profit leadership. This includes the need for a new approach and the tensions that can arise when personal passions and organisational priorities conflict.

Rikimah also highlights the importance of enhancing emotional intelligence among leaders, emphasising the need for self-reflection, understanding the communication styles of others' communication styles and creating a safe environment for expression. Additionally, Rikimah stresses the importance of self-care and wellness, including the social, emotional, and environmental factors needed for leaders to thrive

Main topics

• The need for a new approach to traditional leadership

• The tensions that can arise when employees' personal passions and the organisation's priorities diverge

• The unique challenges of blending family businesses with non-profits

• The intergenerational nature of business and the need for a flexible leadership structure

• The differences and similarities between leadership in the non-profit and profit sectors

• Why having a supportive network of like-minded individuals, who have undergone similar leadership experiences, can be beneficial for growth and feedback

• Why self-care and wellness, including social, emotional, and environmental factors, are crucial for leaders to thrive 

Action items

You can find out more about Rikimah at BWell365 or through LinkedIn Rikimah’s book is Total Wellness: A Millennial & Gen Z Guide to Living a More Balanced Life  

  You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.   

Blind Ambition. From Victim to Visionary.

Keywords

Resilience – Vision Loss – Adaptation – Trust – Communication – Virtual Work Environment – Technological Change

In this episode of Resilience Unravelled Chad E Foster talks about his personal experience of losing his vision due to an inherited eye condition called retinitis pigmentosa. He describes how he initially struggled with the loss, exhibiting a victim mentality, but later found solace and a new perspective after meeting and living with people who faced multiple disabilities. He emphasises the transformative impact of this experience, which shifted his attitude towards one of gratitude and appreciation.

Main topics

• Chad's Journey of relearning and adaptation after losing his vision

• Why effective communication is essential for safety and performance

• The challenges and importance of building trust and maintaining team relationships in a virtual work environment

• The need for intentionality in creating micro interactions before, during, and after virtual meetings to foster personal connections and demonstrate care beyond transactional work

• How the differences, including disabilities, can provide unique perspectives and skills, and should be viewed as gifts rather than obstacles

• The growing importance of resilience in the face of rapid technological change

• The five pillars of resilience: adopting a flexible mindset, reframing situations as opportunities, finding meaning in adversity, cultivating a growth mindset, and seeking help when needed

• The significance of cognitive reframing, and the necessity to visualise greatness even in unfavourable circumstances to inspire action and hard work for progress

• The importance of stepping outside one's comfort zone for growth and development

• How pushing through discomfort and terror can lead to expansion of one's comfort zone and improved clarity of thought

• The importance of taking advantage of perceived disadvantages and how every perceived disadvantage offers an advantage if used in the right context

• Overcoming fear by starting small and building up confidence through a series of small victories.

 Action items

 You can find out more about Chad at chadefoster.com

Chad’s book is Blind Ambition: How to Go from Victim to Visionary

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.   

Enhancing Employee Onboarding Processes with Digital Marketing Automation Tools by Bash Sarmiento

Businesses increasingly rely on marketing automation tools to streamline communication with customers, from personalised email campaigns to targeted social media ads. However, what many overlook is that these same automation tools can also revolutionise how you communicate with new hires during the onboarding process.

Employee onboarding is a crucial step in ensuring the success and retention of your workforce. Yet, many organisations still struggle with outdated onboarding processes. As different businesses and service providers, such as financial institutions, fund administrators, and tech companies, can benefit from enhancing their employee onboarding processes, it's important to explore innovative solutions.

In this article, we’ll talk about how you can leverage different digital marketing automation tools you might already have to improve your onboarding process.

Employee Onboarding Tasks to Automate

When it comes to employee onboarding, there are several repetitive tasks that can be automated to save time and effort for both HR professionals and new hires. Here are some common onboarding tasks that can benefit from automation:

●      Documentation and paperwork. Automating the creation and distribution of onboarding documents such as offer letters, contracts, and employee handbooks can streamline the administrative process.

●      Training and onboarding materials. Digital marketing automation tools can deliver personalised training modules and onboarding materials to new hires based on their role, department, or skill level.

●      Communication. Automated email sequences can be set up to welcome new hires, provide them with important information about their first day, and introduce them to key team members.

●      Feedback and surveys. Implementing automated feedback surveys at various stages of the onboarding process allows HR teams to gather valuable insights and continuously improve the onboarding experience.

●      Task reminders and checklists. Automation can be used to send reminders and checklists to new hires, ensuring that they complete necessary tasks and milestones during their onboarding journey.

Digital Marketing Automation Tools You Can Use for Onboarding

You may not realise that you already have digital marketing automation tools that can be repurposed to improve your employee onboarding processes. Here are some commonly used tools:

●      Email Marketing Platforms. If your company uses an email marketing platform such as Mailchimp, Constant Contact, or HubSpot, you already have a powerful tool for automating communication with new hires.

●      Customer Relationship Management (CRM) Systems. CRM systems like Salesforce, Zoho CRM, or Microsoft Dynamics are commonly used to manage customer relationships, but they can also be valuable tools for managing employee onboarding.

●      Social Media Management Tools. Social media management tools such as Hootsuite, Buffer, or Sprout Social can also be leveraged to share company culture content with new hires or facilitate communication within onboarding groups.

●      Chatbots. You can use chatbots to provide instant answers to common questions from new hires, guide them through the onboarding process, and gather feedback along the way.

Advantages of Automating Employee Onboarding

Automating employee onboarding offers many benefits for both employers and new hires:

Efficiency

Automation eliminates the need for manual tasks, speeding up the onboarding process significantly. This means new hires can integrate into the team and start contributing faster, benefiting both them and the company.

Consistency

With automated processes, every new hire receives the same level of attention and information. This consistency ensures that no one falls through the cracks and that everyone starts their journey with the company on the right foot.

Personalisation

Digital marketing automation tools allow for personalised onboarding experiences tailored to the unique needs and preferences of each new hire. By catering to individual interests and learning styles, businesses can increase engagement and satisfaction among new employees.

Insights for Improvement

Tracking and analysing onboarding metrics provide valuable insights into the effectiveness of the process. By understanding what works and what doesn't, businesses can make informed decisions to enhance their onboarding strategies continually.

Scalability and Seamlessness

Automated onboarding processes are flexible and easily scalable to accommodate a growing workforce. Whether the company is expanding rapidly or just starting out, automated systems ensure a seamless onboarding experience for new hires, regardless of company size or expansion plans.

How to Enhance Employee Onboarding Using Digital Marketing Automation Tools

Now that we've explored the benefits of automating employee onboarding, let's discuss how you can leverage digital marketing automation tools to enhance your onboarding processes:

1.     Segmentation and Targeting

Begin by segmenting new hires based on factors like department, job role, or location using automation tools. Once segmented, deliver targeted onboarding content and resources to each group.

2.     Personalised Communication

Craft personalised email sequences that warmly welcome new hires, acquaint them with the company culture, and provide relevant information specific to their role and responsibilities. Set up automated emails to be sent at key intervals throughout the onboarding process.

3.     Automated Training Modules

Develop interactive training modules and onboarding materials that can be delivered automatically to new hires. Utilize learning management systems (LMS) to create engaging and interactive onboarding courses, complete with quizzes and assessments to gauge understanding.

4.     Feedback Loops

Implement automated feedback surveys at crucial interaction points during the onboarding process. Set up automated surveys to be sent after specific onboarding milestones, such as after the first week or after completing training modules, to gather timely feedback.

5.     Integration with HR Systems

Ensure seamless integration between your automation tools and existing HR systems to streamline data flow and ensure accuracy in employee records. Work with your IT or HR department to set up integrations between your automation tools and HR systems, ensuring that all relevant data is synced automatically.

Final Thoughts

As different businesses and service providers continue to seek ways to enhance their employee onboarding processes, digital marketing automation tools offer a compelling solution. By automating repetitive tasks, personalising communication, and leveraging data-driven insights, businesses can create a more efficient and engaging onboarding experience for their new hires.

Bash Sarmiento, a writer and educator based in Manila, specialises in crafting concise pieces across the realms of education, lifestyle, and health. His works reflect his academic background and wealth of experience in teaching, textbook evaluation, business management, and travel.

Discussing end-of-life care

Keywords

Resilience – End-of-life – Planning – Communication – Spirituality

In this episode of Resilience Unravelled Dr Russell Thackeray talks to Dr Bob Uslander from Empowered Endings, an organisation that supports people through their end of life. Bob talks about his transition from emergency medicine to palliative care and hospice care, and his motivation to have deeper connections with patients and a desire to bridge the gaps in the healthcare system.

Bob also discusses end-of-life care, the role of hospices, and the need for improved communication and planning around end-of-life decisions. He emphasises the importance of spirituality and religion in end-of-life decisions, the need for planning, and the challenges faced when there are disagreements between patients and their families.

 Main topics

• Why discomfort about end-of-life care, often leads to a reluctance to discuss it.

• The importance of providing patients with options and dignity at the end of life.

• The need for better support and planning for patients and their families during these times.

• The role of spirituality and religion in end-of-life decisions, particularly in relation to medical aid in dying.

• The importance of supporting families, providing therapy, counselling, and bereavement support.

• The challenges faced when there are disagreements between patients and their families.

• The need for open conversations about death to reduce the stigma associated with it.

• The importance of having advocates who understand and can communicate one's wishes in challenging situations.

• The psychological impact on loved ones when making end-of-life decisions and the importance of having a supportive community to navigate those decisions.

Action items

You can find out more at  https://empoweredendings.com/

   You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.   

Develop your bold voice

Keywords

Resilience – Bold Voice – Communication – Self-talk – Verbal Regulation

In this episode of Resilience Unravelled Vasavi Kumar talks about the power of resilience and developing a bold voice. She emphasises the importance of being kind to oneself and how negative inner voices stem from external sources like parents or authority figures. Vasavi stresses that tone of voice is crucial in communication, especially when giving feedback, and offers training programs to help people play with their voices. Furthermore, she believes that discovering one's bold voice can empower marginalised communities who often lack representation.

 Vasavi also discusses the importance of taking personal responsibility for one's own voice and beliefs, while also acknowledging the role of collective responsibility and helping people overcome negative self-talk and organise their thoughts through verbal regulation.

Main topics

• How did Vasavi come up with the concept of developing a bold voice?

• What are some practical ways to get clear on what you want and don't want in your life?

• How can verbal regulation help organise your mind and ideas?

Timestamps

1: Introductions - 00:00-01:14

2: Understanding the Power of Resilience - 01:15-03:59

3: Inner and Bold Voices - 04:21-06:03

4: Tone of Voice - 07:33-09:47

5: Using Your Voice for a Force of Good - 10:11-11:34

6: Practical Ways to Organise Your Life - 13:18-14:46

7: Conclusion - 15:10-15:24

Action items

• Visit Vasavi's website to find out more or follow her on Instagram.

• Find out more about Vasavi’s Bold Voice Training Program

• Vasavi’s book is Say It Out Loud

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.  

Combating proximity bias

One way or another, most people have been affected by hybrid or remote working. It’s something that has fundamentally changed the way people work and although there have been many benefits, it has also introduced some new challenges.

The pandemic initially led to remote working patterns that created a level playing field in terms of communication or having a presence in the office. Now, with many organisations moving to permanent hybrid or home working schedules, it’s become increasingly important for these workers ‘left at home’ to feel they are represented in the workplace and don’t suffer from proximity bias.

This refers to the cognitive bias that occurs when individuals favour or give more weight to information, ideas, or people that are physically or geographically closer to them. It’s a tendency to rely on or prioritise information that is readily or easily accessible, often overlooking or undervaluing more distant or less accessible alternatives. In the workplace, managers are seen to give preferential treatment to workers they are more familiar with because they are physically ‘in the office’. Because they are visible, they are then seen as more productive or as having more dedication to their role.

This bias can limit exposure to different ideas, perspectives, and experiences, potentially leading to a narrower view or a limited understanding of an issue. This can be problematical for employees in that they can get left out of decision-making processes and project assignments, become disengaged and demotivated, which ultimately hinders their success, career, and wellbeing. From an organisational perspective these attitudes can alienate remote workers, divide teams, and damage the overall company culture.

Anyone can fall victim to proximity bias and either intentionally or unintentionally promote it, so it’s something leaders need to be aware of to ensure it doesn’t stop the promotion of inclusivity and diversity and allows the perspectives, knowledge, and insight of physically distant people to be heard.

Overcoming biases is an ongoing process that requires conscious effort and continuous self-reflection, and as remote work is here to stay, managers need to understand proximity bias and build strategies to reduce it.

The benefits of team collaboration.

A highly-motivated and engaged workforce that's in-tune with one another not only improves productivity and efficiency, but also the long-term well-being of individuals as well as enabling better idea-sharing and problem-solving.

A recent Stanford University study highlighted the benefits of effective team collaboration by showing that employees who were primed to act collaboratively stuck to their task 64% longer than those that worked alone, The research also reported higher engagement levels, lower fatigue levels and a higher success rate whilst another report by the Institute for Corporate Productivity showed that a collaborative approach helps companies by revealing that firms promoting collaborative working are five times more likely to be high performing.

Team collaboration refers to the process of working together towards a common goal or objective. In a collaborative team environment, individuals come together to share ideas, insights, and knowledge to achieve a shared goal and this is essential for achieving success in any organisation, as it allows individuals to leverage their unique strengths and expertise to create innovative solutions and drive results. When teams collaborate effectively, they achieve better outcomes than individuals working in isolation, by drawing on the diverse perspectives and experiences of all team members.

To foster effective team collaboration, it's important to establish clear communication channels, roles and responsibilities, and to set expectations around how individuals, teams and departments work together. This may involve defining shared goals and objectives, establishing processes for sharing information and ideas, and providing feedback and support to team members.

It is also essential to build a positive team culture that encourages openness, trust, and mutual respect among team members that will promote a growth mindset, continuous learning and development, and the recognition and celebration of individual and team achievements. The correct tools are also required so collaboration software and tools, such as project management software, communication platforms, and file-sharing tools, as well as training and support to help individuals use these tools effectively need to be in place.

Collaboration is all about making staff feel part of a team that is working towards the same goals so when everyone is fully invested and pulling in the same direction, the end result will be far more positive, for both the team and the company.

Ultimately, team collaboration can lead to more effective and efficient work processes, improved outcomes, and a stronger sense of community and purpose within organisations.

Building talent-centric organisations

 Keywords – Resilience – Communication Style – Leadership Alignment – Performance –Talent-centric

 In this episode of Resilience Unravelled, Dr Russell Thackeray talks to Carol Schultz a talent equity and leadership advisory expert. Recognised for her proficiency in corporate leadership, Carol spent three decades helping executives gain clarity in their careers, make bold leadership moves, and create cultures of performance.

In this podcast Carol talks about her work helping companies build talent-centric organisations. She explains that leadership alignment is crucial to achieving this goal and that she often starts with discovery meetings to identify gaps in vision and communication. She also discusses generational differences in communication preferences, the importance of diversity for avoiding groupthink and the challenge of dealing with conflict as a leader.

Carol also discusses the importance of communication and coaching for effective workplace relationships. She believes that blind spot awareness is crucial for building a talent-centric organisation but acknowledges that not all successful organisations prioritise this. She also talks about the challenge of working with people who have different beliefs or backgrounds, and how to navigate personal issues in the workplace.

Finally, she mentions her book "Powered by People," which focuses on recruitment, retention, and revenue in talent-centric organisations.

Main topics

• discovering gaps in vision, business strategy, and communication

• the differences in communication between generations

• the importance of effective communication and understanding

• coaching to uncover blind spots and give AHA moments

• getting leadership teams aligned so they can take action on other matters

• the need for effective team communication

• understanding the preferred communication style of team members

• addressing personal issues that may affect an employee's performance in the workplace.

• why leadership teams should be open to conversations about improving organisational performance

Timestamps

1: Introduction and Guest Introduction (0:00-0:24)
2: Aligning Leadership Teams (0:50-2:58)
3: Communication Differences (3:06-4:37)
4: Effective Communication Strategies (5:20-6:35)
5: Coaching for Improved Communication (15:06-17:16)
6: Overcoming Personal Biases (18:10-20:47)
7: Addressing Organisational Issues (21:03-23:26)
8: Guest's Book and Interview (25:09-27:39) 

Action items

• Read Carol’s book Powered By People: How Talent-Centric Organizations Master Recruitment, Retention, and Revenue (and How to Build One) 

• Find out more about Carol at  verticalelevation.com.

 You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.  

Let your body show you the way

Ellen Meredith is an energy healer, conscious channel, and medical intuitive who have helped over ten thousand clients and students worldwide. Ellen helps her clients engage with the body’s energies to activate healing. Ellen feels we are being forced by our own inner nature and the awakening happening all over the planet and the conflicts were running into. There are a lot of changes and people are shifting in what they want to do and how they want to do it. We are being forced to go inward and reevaluate and ask ‘What’s my part? What do I want to choose moment by moment? What do I want to do with this life?’ Beyond that there is a rising yearning to know ourselves in a deeper way. It's a very exciting awakening or time of change but it also means letting go of a lot of habits and ways of thinking and being social that don't work anymore.

Energy medicine uses energy to heal. We are all made of and fueled by energy and, under the surface of our awareness our body, mind and spirit are constantly communicating using energy. This communication is a language literally something we can learn to participate in and speak. It influences our health and wellbeing and what happens around us to a certain extent by learning to speak the lingo. Ellen’s latest book is about activating the inner guidance system that's built into the body mind and spirit and accessing inner knowing learning how to navigate change using energy tools. The body communicates using chemistry and energy and your energy influences your chemistry but your chemistry doesn't necessarily influence your energy. It’s an emerging field but one that's been around 1000s of years in the guise of acupuncture, yoga or tai chi. There are lots of different practices and traditions that have used the energy communications of the body.

Everyone will say I don't have any energy today. It’s a rare person who says there is no such thing as energy. What’s really going on is a blowback. We’ve been in a long period of outside in thinking where we look outside ourselves for authority. We want science to tell us the truth, we want religion to tell us the truth, we want external forces to validate our truth. We live in a culture that says our objective reality is more real than our subjective reality. That's out of balance. What’s shifting now is the rising awareness that there is a role to be played by inner knowing and inner awareness and the choices that come from within us or from our own experience rather than from statistics about what’s a good life, how you should live or what’s healthy. Something that's healthy for me might not be healthy for you.

All of us have been socialised to think that the outside in reality is more true, more accurate, more correct than something that arises from our own experiences and knowing. We are out of balance and need to activate our ability to access out own inner wisdom because right now we are in an age where technology are enabled us to her everyone’s opinion. We are bombarded by group things such as social media so if we don't have access to our inner wisdom, our inner knowing and our inner truth moment by moment, then we are at the mercy of charismatic but not very balanced people. There is a big move on the planet of authoritarian government and people wanting to turn to authorities who will tell them what the right thing is but there is also a counter move to say no, we need people power, we need to wake up and jointly make these choices and decisions for our own mutual benefit.

Energy medicine has lots of tools for shifting the dynamic of energy that makes us up. It's a very healing thing. Our culture helps us believe that if we have a headache we can get rid of it with a pill but we have trouble in believing that doing something like a yoga pose will also get rid of the same headache. It has to do with our culture and how we are raised. Energy medicine has lots of activities and tools that influence the energetic exchanges of the body and between the mind, body and spirit. We can learn what’s needed, by letting the body show us what’s needed.

Symptoms are your body speaking to you and telling you that it needs something. We all have to learn how the body communicates and how to respond appropriately but we are pretty clueless about that. If we are tired we think we’d better have a stimulant such as coffee but adding coffee to fatigue doesn't address why – are you fatigued because you’re not loving what you’re doing, because you’re doing too much, because you’ve used up your available energy or because you’re really bored? We have to be able to understand these communications so we can find out what we need and make adjustments to live a healthier more receptive life.

Ellen comes from a background of creative writing and feels we don't always need something that's always calming. Sometimes we need to create something big and bold that runs the whole gamut of possibilities. It isn’t always about applying the same technique when you feel bad, it’s about attuning to what your body, mind and spirit is asking and making different choices moment by moment. We make micro choices all day long. Do I pick up my phone or look out the window? Do I grab something quick to eat or consider what my body really needs at this moment? We need to be awake and aware to get more precise about what we need and listen to the things our body is asking for throughout the day to make us more effective, efficient and passionate in each thing we do.

 You can find out more about Ellen at  http://www.ellenmeredith.com.  

 You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.

Ellen’s books are Your Body Will Show You the Way and The Language Your Body Speaks. 

Improving Connection - Humanising the Remote Experience

Dr Amy Mednik is a psychiatrist working in her own private practice in New York. She grew up in New Jersey and went to college at MIT in Boston where she studied, and became fascinated by the brain and cognitive science. She then attended medical school and and fell into psychiatry halfway through the clinical rotation. She received her medical degree with Distinction in Research from Albert Einstein College of Medicine and a Bachelor of Science in Brain & Cognitive Sciences from MIT.

As a psychiatrist she mainly focused on medication versus psychotherapy. This developed into psychopharmacology, giving medication and seeing what symptoms can be quieted down so people can become their best self.  She wanted more to offer her patients so she then got involved with TMS which uses magnets to create electrical fields to intervene on the brain. She had just got up and running with in-person office based treatments when Covid struck and she had to shut down her office.

In 2020 she started working online with her patients, students etc. A colleague then invited her to write a book about an idea she’d had about the remote experience - what is wrong with the remote experience, why it makes us feel exhausted, why we have trouble focusing and why do we feel what we feel socially. They spent a year writing and living it and it was finished in 2022.

Brain science used to be very much about ‘this is where that happens’ and ‘that happens in that one part of the brain’. Things were learnt because when someone had a stroke and they couldn’t recognise faces that must be where faces are stored in the brain. Now we’re learning it’s not that simple and it’s really very network based. There is not one thing, there is a lot of communication between different areas and feedback loops that's great because networks are something that can be intervened on so that that network gets healthier and can be improved.

Amy is very interested in the use of psychopharmacology for anxiety and depression but with each of these things there are medicines that work well for people. When its done correctly negative symptoms are turned off and when you talk to the people you’ve prescribed for they can tell you what they experience and describe what the feeling in their head is really like. When the prescription is adapted, they can then describe the change and what that feels like.

There is a range or spectrum for drugs that also depends on the disorder. Anxiety and trauma really straddle the chemical responses to medicine versus environmental situational responses to therapy. With both of these you have symptoms that you can take and turn everything off so patients don't feel anything. If you are precise though there are a wide range of doses and sometimes a little does a lot so we just quiet the noise, we turn the volume down on the anxiety or trauma that's talking and not serving you. People begin to feel they have more access to themselves, their minds and to their creativity because the fight or fight response that should not be going is turned down. They can then engage better in therapy and in life and do more things. With trauma though its not always safe to go into those parts of your brain, your brain wont always let you into those parts before you build the scaffolding with a little bit of medicine, do the work, break the things down build them back up and then you might not even need the medicine.

Amy feels the maximum between sessions is six months but on average she sees patients every three months. If you are taking medicine and it’s helping you to feel better that's great but if it’s making you feel worse then it’s worth review. These things have side effects but it is not one or another – if your life has changed and you've done well in therapy and things are different to when you started the medicine its also worth reviewing. There is no right answer. Some people stay on them for live because they really help them to be their best self.

Amy’s new book about the virtual experience is Humanizing the Remote Experience through Leadership and Coaching: Strategies for Better Virtual Connections This looks at how we can foster wellness, raise engagement, and strengthen connections in professional contexts as our interactions become increasingly remote. Amy feels that as humans, we’re simply not wired for flat, two-dimensional virtual settings, that we’re built to connect in the real world. When this need isn’t met, we inevitably become stressed, struggle to focus, work harder, and burn out.

There are a lot of ways we can improve the remote experiences, but we need to learn the signs that our needs aren’t being met in our virtual interactions, for example why Zoom calls are physically exhausting, why what we intend to say gets lost and distorted in virtual settings and why being part of a remote team can increase stress.

To understand what is missing from these remote interactions, we need to understand how we use space, sensory cues and group dynamics and the challenges people face when their innate need for human connection is unmet.  Amy and her co-author Dr Diane Lennard used research and case studies, to outline the paradox that the digital technology we use to connect with others can leave us feeling less connected.

Amy’s book is Humanizing the Remote Experience through Leadership and Coaching: Strategies for Better Virtual Connections and you can learn more at www.HTRE-Book.com or you can find out more about Amy at dramymednik.com

  You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.

Desk bombing? Why it’s good to talk.

Desk bombing seems to have become the most recent buzzword to hit the workplace. It’s a phrase that appeared recently in a Financial Times feature where highlighted the incident of a worker who’d received no response to emails they’d sent to someone in the same office. It was suggested that they walk over and get the matter resolved but the worker refused, saying they didn’t want to “desk bomb” their colleague.

The idea is to encourage workers to think about whether they need to get up from their desk to discuss something with a colleague or if what they want to ask can be put in an email. To critics, the one-on-one is considered a waste of work time and 'intrusive', with mailing or messaging being preferable and less invasive. To others though, face-to-face contact is part of being human and an essential part of a flourishing workplace culture.

Communicating with co-workers has always been fundamental to building and maintaining strong working relationships and in creating a healthy working culture. So what’s changed? Is it that working from home has somehow damaged working relationships? Do some workers now feel uncomfortable or anxious interacting with colleagues and clients face-to-face after working on their own during lockdown? Do employees who prefer being ‘left alone’ really welcome the idea of desk bombing becoming an HR or contractual issue if someone turns up at their desk unscheduled?

We all have moments when we’re really under pressure and don't want to be disturbed so its important to recognise personal space.  If someone looks totally engrossed in what they’re doing or are wearing headphones it's a sign that they don’t need or want to be disturbed. That's all good but we need to remember that it’s impossible to build a strong team if some of its members are unable or unwilling to talk to others.

Good communication is an essential tool in maintaining strong working relationships at all levels of an organisation and conversations with co-workers are an important aspect in creating a healthy work environment. 

Personally, after the last few years working from home with endless Zoom calls, actually talking face-to-face seems a far more enjoyable method of communication - as well as being more efficient by not generating a long and unwarranted email trail.

The Role of Psychological Safety

Stephan Wiedner is a psychological safety expert whose career has focused on developing sustainable high performance leaders, teams, and organisations.

Stephen’s interest in psychological safety spans twenty years and is based around his interest in psychology, technology and how to bring them together to help people live fulfilling lives and make teams and organisations more sustainable and effective over time.

Psychological safety is also important in schools as well. They are workplaces and places where its important for people to speak up because you want different opinions to be shared and debate and discussion to expand learning and knowledge. Reportedly there is currently an agenda to close down free speech and remove the ability to debate and disagree to protect us from ourselves. People often don’t realise that psychological safety isn’t about not talking about things - it’s about being safe to talk in a way that is acceptable to everybody.

The definition of psychological safety used by Stephen is from Amy Edmondson – ‘that psychological safety is a belief that you can share ideas concerns, mistakes etc within the work environment without the fear of reprimand’. That gives a subtle distinction that is critical and informed because its happening all the time. We’re constantly trying to manage our reputations and will refrain from speaking up because we don't want to look as if we’re going against the grain or by asking a question that we fear will make us look ‘stupid’. We are constantly protecting ourselves by withholding information.

There is a difference between explicit criticism and an inferred or implied reprimand. This is one of the challenges because we need resilient people and organisations who are able to have adult conversations where conflict creates the diversity you need to get innovation and energy flowing. Sometimes the organisation takes the rap for having people who aren’t resilient enough to have these types of conversations.

When we think about these challenging conversations our desire is to move towards politeness. Where there is a rupture within a team or where people don't necessarily agree, there is often a tension to get to a place where it is a little less uncomfortable, where it’s ‘nice’. We need to move not to ‘nice’ but to a place where we can generate fresh and new ideas, where we can have discussions that move the organisation, the team or a group of individuals to a new place, a new solution or a new way of doing things. This is what psychological safety is facilitating. It’s learning within a group environment - that is how we overcome any change in the world

The research Stephen is involved in shows that psychological safety is built on respect. The area he is focusing on is that of interpersonal skills - what are the specific interpersonal that lead to psychological safety within a team. Respect is very high on the list as is empathy and the desire or willingness to put yourself in someone else's shoes.  To start to consider how other people are looking at the world needs a certain level of curiosity and from a leader or manager and is also a demonstration of respect.

Respect is perhaps something we have forgotten how to do. There is a focus on self-care, self-respect, self-organisation and self-awareness and the Mecentric culture means we have forgotten how to collaborate well. The constant push for connection online is a completely different form of communication to that in the past and the immediate and long-term impact isn’t really known. A lot virtual relationships seem to be rather tenuous and seemingly not built on a sold foundation of respect or care but on transaction through the sharing a mutual dopamine hit so are they that meaningful?

Psychological safety is a very powerful thing but people can mistake it. It isn’t about agreeing. There is a need to foster psychological safety by getting peoples opinions and sharing what’s going on but leaders and managers some leaders seem to think that by asking you need to agree. What psychological safety is about is having the courage to speak up and the confidence that you know you’ll be heard. It's the job of the leader to give the confidence that they will be heard and listen to their input but it's the leader that still needs to make the decisions.

In high performance teams there is pressure and it doesn't always feel rosy and can be uncomfortable especially when people provide competing ideas. It’s fast moving, rigorous and challenging, an environment for growth, development and expansion on what exists. It’s all about an adult culture - treating people as adults and expecting to be treated as an adult. People can say what needs to be said because no-one is treating you like a child, patronising or over-parenting you. It’s about establishing an adult contract between people.

Stephen feels that in order to really be able to speak up you need to have the courage to have that conversation – to be disagreeable or to give critical feedback and have what it takes to get the words out. It might feel challenging but if you flip the script it’s not about being disagreeable, its about being respectful. You provide the opportunity to improve, to hear the feedback and action it.  Some leaders feel they are babysitting people at work, they feel it’s their job but don't realise the correlation between the way their team performs and their actions.

Stephen’s research project is looking at the interpersonal skills of leaders and psychological safety - that leaders who naturally possess these interpersonal skills will foster psychological safety and an environment where people can be more adult-like and contribute and communicate in a way that moves the organisation forward. He calls this Management Faciliative Interpersonal Skills. The starting point is to assess leaders and managers interpersonal skills then, through training and development, these skills can be improved.  Because these skills can be identified they can be made more tangible. Interpersonal skills are often described as soft skills but because they can be identified they can be assessed and then improved and measured through deliberate practice.

You can find out more about Stephen at zarango  A free psychological safety assessment for a team at zarango/freepsi

Stephens research study is about measuring the psychological safety of a team and the interpersonal skills of the leader of that team. If you are interested in volunteering to participate in the study please go to the Zarango contact page.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.

Intimidating? Me?

Nobody likes working in an intimidating work environment. The problem is some people don’t know the effect they have on people. They think they operate in a collaborative culture and value input from their staff but the office goes quiet when they walk in, people won’t look them in the eye and are nervous when asked to complete a task!

Intended or not, intimidation implies a threat and some people just aren’t able to regulate their responses to others. They lack ‘Emotional Intelligence’. Their mood or emotional state makes them seem threatening and they use phrases and body language that are ‘too powerful’. That said, most people don’t deliberately try to intimidate their co-workers - it's obviously much better to motivate and inspire your team rather than intimidate them into action.

Whilst the intimidation could be created by something you can’t actually control, such as being taller and towering over other people, it is possible to change some of your actions to help foster an open environment where employees feel able to express themselves. 

• Look for what people do well and congratulate them

• Focus your attention solely on the person you’re talking to

• Be an active listener

• Ask how you can help

• Use open body language

• Maintain good eye contact and smile

• Admit to mistakes you make

• Try to be more relaxed

• Be a continuous, lifelong learner

• Ask for constructive feedback

Very few leaders set out to be intimidating. Most have a real desire to get along with their employees and build relationships based on mutual trust and respect but no one is immune to intimidating staff.

By better understanding how to moderate unspoken gestures and spoken reactions, being real with other people, setting aside the quest to win or be perfect, and being as compassionate to those around you as you would be to yourself means you’ll be better equipped to avoid being seen as intimidating.

Why neurodiversity is good for your business

It is suggested that around one in seven of the UK population are neurodiverse, the term used to describe someone who thinks differently though conditions such as ADHD, autism, Asperger syndrome, dyslexia, dyspraxia or dyscalculia.  These “spectrum” conditions have a wide range of characteristics, but share some common features in the way people learn and process information. Increasingly , it has been shown that these characteristics can bring a variety of strengths to the workplace, such as problem solving, pattern identification and enhanced visual spatial thinking.

In the workplace neurodiverse people can use their unique qualities to excel in specific areas and provide new perspectives to old challenges. For example, people with autism tend to be logical and data-driven and do not fall into confirmation biases easily. People with dyslexia are often inventive and creative with around 20 per cent of the UK’s entrepreneurs being dyslexic, including Richard Branson, Lord Sugar and Jamie Oliver.

Whilst there are tasks and roles that neurodiverse people are well suited to, there are others that may not be right for them or environments that don't play to their strengths. Workplaces and work patterns are generally designed by neurotypical people and the ways of working that help neurodiverse people perform may be seen as out of place. Bright office lights or computer screens, noisy open-plan offices, and a lack of personal organisation could prove very difficult but are relatively easily adjusted. Strengths-based management that focuses on enabling people to do what they can do and love to do (whilst avoiding the things they can’t do) and aligns these abilities to what the organisation is trying to achieve, can also help get the best from neurodiverse employees.

Aspects of good support and management are equally applicable to all employees - giving clear instructions, ensuring staff are not overloaded and providing a working environment that is free of distractions - but specific knowledge about neurodiversity should also be shared. Teams can then understand and accommodate co-workers and provide help where needed. Neurodiverse staff also won’t necessarily pick up on any ‘unwritten rules’ of your company, so HR departments and line managers should be aware of each member of the team’s strengths and weakness to alleviate any workplace issues.

Provided ways of minimising any areas of weakness can be put in place, there are great benefits for employers having employees who think differently. Creativity, lateral thinking, bringing a different perspective, the development of highly specialised skills and the consistency in tasks once mastered are all skills that allow companies to be more innovative, spot solutions others may have missed and make better decisions as a result. Ultimately though, neurodiversity in the workplace is about helping everyone thrive and seeing everyone as talent no matter how their brain works.

Leadership in the remote workplace: Opportunities and challenges

The combination of technological advances and shifting cultural norms has resulted in the remote work trend continuing to grow in popularity as numerous companies embrace this new way of working. 

However, with the rise of remote work, there is an increasing need for leaders who can motivate and inspire team members from a distance. Effective leadership in the remote workplace requires a different set of skills than traditional office management.

The rise of this new setup in the virtual world has presented new challenges for leaders. How can leaders effectively lead a team when everyone is working in different locations? And how can they leverage the opportunities that come with a more dispersed workforce?

In this blog, I'll be discussing the challenges and opportunities of remote leadership. Leadership in the remote workplace can be difficult because leaders can't always rely on face-to-face communication. However, there are many opportunities to take advantage of when leading a team remotely. Keep reading to learn more!

The opportunities in leading a remote team

Leading a team remotely can present a number of opportunities. For example, it can allow leaders to build a more diverse team, as they are not limited to candidates who live in their area. It allows them to tap into a global labor market.

It can also allow leaders to create a more flexible work schedule, as the traditional 9-5 workday does not bind them. It can improve work-life balance. This can be a huge convenience when managing time and meeting deadlines.

Additionally, leading in a virtual world can help leaders develop their communication and organizational skills, as they will need to effectively communicate with their team members in different time zones.

Opportunities to be innovative and experiment with new ways of working are also beneficial for leading a remote team. This can include experimenting with different communication methods, such as utilizing video conferencing instead of email or developing new corporate policies based on input from everyone in the organization.

In addition to these practical benefits, working remotely also encourages a broader mindset, encouraging all members of a team to think creatively about how to succeed in their roles and what is best for the company as a whole.

The challenges of leading a team remotely

One of the biggest challenges is maintaining team cohesion. Without the daily interactions that take place in an office setting, it can be difficult to build relationships and stimulate a sense of teamwork.

Additionally, remote work can make it harder to monitor employee productivity and identify issues early on. As a result, leaders need to find new ways to stay connected with their team members and ensure everyone is on track.

Another challenge is managing expectations. When members are not present in the same physical space, it can be difficult to manage deadlines and ensure everyone is on the same page. This is why leaders need to overcommunicate and provide clear guidelines.

Communication is also a challenge. With team members working in different locations, there can be a lot of miscommunication. It's important to find ways to effectively communicate with the team, whether that's through video conferencing, instant messaging, or another method.

There can also be technical challenges, such as internet connection issues or problems with video conferencing. These challenges can be frustrating, but it's important to remember that they are not insurmountable.

Lastly, remote work can be lonely and isolating. This is why it is significant for leaders to make an effort to connect with their team members on a personal level. 

Effective strategies for leading a remote team

One key strategy for leading a remote team is establishing clear communication guidelines and protocols. It is important to set expectations around how and when leaders will communicate with the team members and ensure that everyone follows these guidelines consistently.

In addition to establishing communication protocols, it is also important to adopt different communication methods that work well in a remote setting. For example, video conferencing can be used for team meetings, while instant messaging can be utilized for quick questions or updates.

During a video conference, encourage an open webcam policy so that team members can see each other and build relationships. Participants may use an online webcam testing tool to check their setup before the meeting.

When communicating with the team, it is also important to be clear and concise. This will help to avoid miscommunication and ensure that everyone is on the same page. Make certain to provide a written record of team communication, such as in a shared document or chat log.

In addition to these strategies, it is important to foster a culture of trust and respect within the remote team. Leaders should make extra effort to connect with their team members on a personal level and set aside time for relationship building over video chat or email.

Summing It Up

Leadership in the remote workplace is a new and evolving field. There are multiple opportunities for those willing to take on the challenge, but there are also several matters that should be considered. 

Leaders in the remote workplace need to focus on communication, culture, and trust. Communication is crucial to be certain everyone is on the same page. Culture helps employees feel connected to their work even when they're not physically present. Trust allows employees to feel comfortable taking risks.

Ultimately, for anyone who is eager to shake up their routine and find new ways of working, being at the helm of a remote team can be an exciting opportunity indeed. It might not be without its challenges, but these can all be overcome with the right approach.

Guest Blog Author

Jennesa Ongkit is a content writer for VEED.IO and an all-around wordsmith. In her spare time, Jennesa enjoys reading books, watching movies, and playing with her pets.

Can hearing loss affect mental health?

There is no doubt that life is full of personal challenges, some will be small but others will be far more difficult to deal with. Hearing loss isn’t often thought of as something that can harm our mental health, but research has shown that it can have a huge impact on our self-confidence and relationships with others.

Hearing loss affects more than 10 million people in the UK and it is thought that this will increase to 14.5 million by 2031. Running alongside this is the hearing disorder Tinnitus that is estimated to effect 10%
of the UK population frequently, with 5% of them experiencing it in a persistent or troublesome way.

Whatever the diagnosis, hearing disorders can have a huge effect on our quality of life, both physically and emotionally. It can result in a breakdown of communication that can bring on physical symptoms such as tension and exhaustion as well as issues such as distrust, sadness, depression, nervousness, anger, irritability, feeling’s of incompetence or inadequacy and of being marginalised. People can become withdrawn and isolated so their social life can become more difficult and the prejudices associated with hearing loss can result in low self-esteem.

In the workplace, hearing problems can affect the ability to communicate with co-workers, interface with customers and function as part of a team. It can be harder to follow discussions and presentations and, if work relies on communicating with clients, a lack of understanding can be seen as rudeness or inability to do a job well. Hearing can also deteriorate as people get older and, as the majority of us will now be remaining in the workplace for longer, there will be a higher proportion of the workforce with some amount of hearing loss. Around 41% people with hearing loss already retire early due to the impact of their hearing loss, reasons commonly given include difficulties in fulfilling their day-to-day tasks, such as using the phone, or communication challenges with colleagues. Age-related hearing loss develops slowly over time so it can take several years before people actually realise they are having difficulty hearing and often their efficiency and self esteem has already been compromised by this point.

It is easy to understand why people might not want to tell their employer about a hearing problem but it’s important not to pretend or make excuses about it. This only creates problems in relationships with co-workers, customers and clients. People will be far more helpful if they know someone is suffering from a hearing disorder rather than just not paying attention to them. Employers have a legal duty to make reasonable adjustments in the workplace for disabled employees and prospective employees and this includes people with hearing loss. This could mean adjusting the layout of a meeting room, using better lighting to help the person with hearing loss see everybody clearly to help with lip-reading, moving to a office where sound is transmitted well and providing equipment such as amplified telephones and flashing-light fire alarms.

Well-developed resilience skills can also be helpful in dealing with the issues surrounding hearing disorders. The coping skills that can help you bounce back from setbacks and challenges can also be used to deal with some of the issues that can come with a loss of hearing. Stress, anger, pain and feelings of victimisation or of being overwhelmed can be helped by learning some simple techniques that control your psychological response to pressure. It may seem that some people have inbuilt resilience, but resilience is defined in terms of behaviour, so it’s something that everyone can learn and develop so they can cope with pressure, adversity and uncertainty.

Invisible disabilities are sometimes easy to ignore, and although developing resilience will not make problems disappear, it can provide the ability to see past an issue, to better handle stress and to ensure that confidence, energy and performance are maintained.

You can listen to any of our podcasts here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

Moving on from alcohol addiction

Veronica Valli is a recovered alcoholic and drug addict, who has personal experience of what it takes to recover from an addiction. At the height of her addiction, she was unable to go to work without the aid of a drink and her life and confidence were in tatters. She got sober in 2000 at the age of twenty-seven and went into working in the addiction field as a Psychotherapist primarily because of her own personal history.  Since moving to the USA with her husband Veronica has written two self published books and has a new book coming out in February. She now works mainly as a coach with women who want to change their relationship with alcohol.

Veronica feels alcohol is part of the social fabric and that people who struggle with their relationship with alcohol do four things. 1. They drink.  2. They think about drinking. 3.  They think about not drinking. 4. They recover from drinking. People who don't have a problem with alcohol don't think about it because it doesn't rent any space in their head and take up energy. Veronica’s calls this bandwidth. You can do a lot with 70% bandwidth but what you can’t to is emotionally grow the way you’re meant to because you are spending that bandwidth arguing with yourself about whether you’re going to have a drink that night or not, whether you drank too much at the weekend or whether you should do Dry January.

Problems with alcohol start a long time before the external signs such as missing work appear. Only people with a problem think about not drinking - why would you be thinking about not drinking? People who don't have a problem think about alcohol the some way people think about sandwiches. It's the thinking about not drinking that's the indicator.

In the UK we have normalised abnormal drinking. People are seen as successful in the various areas of their life on the outside - they check the boxes, of having a job, a house and a car so not seen as having a drinking problem. If people go to work every day they are seen to be functioning and can appear to be OK. It may be that one part of a relationship is worried but the other isn’t concerned and feels they are functioning well. They still have a job and Veronica feels the job is the last thing to go because it’s where the money is and money is where the alcohol is. Typically though the relationship will break down before the job goes.

There is always the need to find support. The most common approach is the 12 Steps and Veronica got sober using this because at the time there where no other options. She found it very useful and always makes it clear that the 12 steps are simply ancient, spiritual wisdoms so we get into good enough fit enough shape to become alcohol free and then go and get some professional help. It’s a helpful approach but she feels there should be other options and that its not the perfect fit for everyone as some people don't relate or identify with it. It's a peer led programme and many people Veronica knows also have other issues such as limiting beliefs or relationships that need professional intervention

There is a difference in how alcohol affects the genders and the way of working with different genders. Veronica was part of Generation X and in the 90s binge drinking was sold as feminism. The belief was that if you drank like the boys it was equality.  To women of her generation abusive drinking normalized. Over the last five or six years though there has been a culture of alcohol being seen as a reward at the end of a stressful day. Perception is far harder if you drink, there is a numbing of feelings and a default to alcohol to deal with problems so you don't develop the skills you need as human beings to deal with disappointment or frustration. When you’re drinking you re not really alive, you’re not really present – you don't have all your band width – which is similar to the feelings associated with taking pills for  anxiety or depression. There is a feeling of walking through life thinking we’re are dealing with everything but not dealing with anything

Alcohol is marketed to women differently. There has been a rise in female led drinks such as Prosecco which are seen as being fun and glitzy – that if you’re not drinking you’re missing out. Women simply can’t drink as much as men and there are also unique problems woman have. If women going through menopause drink too much it makes the situation worse but drink is pushed on woman whatever stage of life you’re in. Male drinking is different. It’s more sociable as men tend to drink in groups whilst women tend to drink more on their own. Veronica feels that alcohol is one of the few ways men are allowed to express emotion, that it’s acceptable to cry on best friends shoulder if their football team lost. If alcohol wasn't involved men wouldn’t do that. There is no permission for men to express their feelings and alcohol gives them the avenue to express that.

Veronica feels that alcohol is sold as a belief system before we even start to drink. Not drinking is never presented to us as a option because drinking is what adults do. Alcohol is the best way to get to the land of fun, excitement, relaxation, belonging, connection rewarding yourself, romance and sex . That's what’s sold to us and who doesn’t want that? You want these things but if you feel inadequate alcohol will get you to that place. If you’re not drinking you’re seen as being boring and have to fight the social conditioning and stereotyping that goes with it.  It can be hard to challenge this on your own as the messaging is so clever and insidious.

Connection and community are essential to stopping drinking as we all need to have meaningful connections. We need people who really know us, who we can be vulnerable with – part of the reason AA has been around so long is that it provides community. At 27 Veronica lost all her friends because no one was staying in on a Saturday and she didn't have anyone to hang out with. When you stop drinking you feel like you’re the only one so you need to be with people who understand what you’re going through. It’s also powerful a bit further down the road to be with people who can say ‘I remember that’,  ‘I felt like that this is what I did’,  ‘this is how I feel now’. Seeing people who’ve been through it helps you think that it is possible for me. Connection is the most healing and life sustaining thing we can do.

Veronica’s latest book is Soberful,  a personal development programme that would be helpful for anybody not just people who have a problem with alcohol. Everybody has to do personal development work but most people don't realise that and just bumble along. An alcohol problem is a wake up call, you've got to do some personal wok on yourselves. We all need to exercise regularly for optional health and personal development are just exercises for our mental health that we need to do regularly as well .

 You can find out more about Veronica and her work at soberful.com or https://www.veronicavalli.com/ Her book Soberful is available via Amazon.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

What relationships need to succeed. Communication, learning and resilience.

Kathryn Ford has been practicing psychotherapy for over 20 years. She now specialises in working with couples and other relationships having realised the importance of relationships and that she could do a better job if she had the whole relationship in the room rather than a single piece of it.

Kathryn feels being in a couple is very natural but that it’s also very natural to have difficulty being in a couple. Statistics show that about 75% of all human beings will attempt to be in a couple or major relationship at some point and, as Kathryn says, these relationships are the major way we continue to grow as adults.

When people make the mistake of thinking that the relationship is difficult because there is something wrong,  wrong with one of them, wrong with the relationship or that they are the wrong match, what’s really going on is that there is a lot of learning to be done and it takes a while to figure out how to do that.

Kathyrn feels that realising that being in a relationship is the single most important thing you can do for your own happiness and that pursuing your own happiness separately doesn't usually result in happiness. Some people ask her what is the most Important thing to look for in a partner and she thinks that we need to look for someone who likes to learn and is interested in learning because most of what you will need to do with this person is to learn together.

People often look for a type of person for a relationship without understanding what a type is and how restrictive that is. You could also look at there being different relationships for different stages in life. In the same way a company grows, relationships can have their entrepreneurial, start up and acquisition phases. The need is always to figure out how to learn together because relationships can run their course if you don't keep doing this.

Children can change relationships. In previous generations children were not at the centre of the parental relationship but in many cases now that is completely reversed. Couples need to realise that they have to prioritise their child’s health and wellbeing but that the learning for that child will come from how well they do as a couple. The main task of the family is to help the children learn to be with other people but how can you help your child learn how to relate if you’re not doing a good job of that yourself? There needs to be a emphasis on the couple. Previously families were larger social groups and there were a lot of people around to help each other. These days its more likely that two adults are trying to raise their children so the quality of their relationship makes the difference in sustaining the energy needed for the demands of being a parent. This highlights how couples need resilience. We need to face our battles together, help each other as we fail and bounce forward and learn from the experience.

Kathryn feels that the type of conversation that many couples have does not help. Often it boils down to a debate, a checking in about who knows what and whose ideas are better. What’s needed is an enlivened conversation that builds resilience and allows both people to explore and learn together. They can then move out of an adversarial mindset to a place where they can learn and be resilient together. Kathryn feels learning is the most important thing that a couple needs to do. A relationship can be demanding and needs energy and an inspiring vision, something to aim for that learning can be added to. The vision is what you’re going to learn to do together not who you already are when you start the relationship. Relationships do through different stages and this can bring different aspirations - one person moves forwards and leaves the other one behind.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more about Kathryn and her work at her website including details about her new course starting this month with Stanford Continuing Studies .

Cycle of Lives – Emotional connections with cancer

David Richman is an author, public speaker, philanthropist, and endurance athlete whose mission is to form more meaningful human connections through storytelling. He competes in Ironman triathlons and a wide range of endurance athletic events and has recently completed a solo 4,700-mile bike ride in 41 days. This was to connect with the people who contributed to his book Cycle of Lives, which shares the interconnected stories of people overcoming trauma and delves deeply into their emotional journeys with cancer.

David’s career working for a Wall Street firm was incredibly stressful. During the financial crisis he was managing up and down and things got very tough. He suffered from both external and self-inflicted stress – was overweight and a smoker, did no exercise and had four-year old twins, as well being in a relationship with an abusive alcoholic. He needed to make a change but it wasn’t until his only sister was diagnosed with terminal cancer that he started to change his life around.

He says it was like a light switch going on. His whole life he had been trying to be an overachiever for other people – a good kid, a good student, keeping his boss happy, impressing his employees. Whatever it was doing he was looking for external gratification. Eventually he understood the concept of having to do things for yourself and when he realised this, he took control of his life.

David combined the thought that his best days were ahead with forgiving himself for his past mistakes. He stopped smoking, lost weight and become physically active. He stopped worrying about what other people thought about him and his work and instead concentrated on what he thought about himself and his work. He feels it's very freeing to accept the idea that nobody is watching you and nobody cares about what you do. Everybody has their own problems and own life to deal with. We believe other people are judging us but really they’re not.   When David started doing endurance athletic events he soon realised that no one was taking any notice of what he was doing, what training he was undertaking and where and when he completed an event - he was just doing it solely for himself.

David grew up not wanting to upset his mother and he realises now that is where not doing things for himself or learning self-sufficiency or forgiveness started. Everyone has difficulties so it’s important not to compare yourself to other people. Your life is your life and some people are going though unbelievably traumatic experiences. He talked with his sister through her end of life journey and then went on to do an endurance event to raise money for the cancer centre that had cared for her. Through the contacts he made he realised that many people have great difficulty communicating the emotional side of trauma and cancer.

He decided to write a book that could help people deal with the emotional side of cancer such as how trauma affects the cancer or how we can better relate to someone going through cancer. He found a number of people with a wide range of emotional responses to cancer - doctors, nurses, patients and relatives - and talked to them about their stories. When the book was finished, he wanted to connect with the people he had worked with so organised his bike trip to meet them all. All the profits from book go to charity. Each of the participants came up with a charity they had an affinity to and the proceeds of sales will go to those charities.

As well as raise money, David’s aim is to start the conversation. He feels we all need to try to live our best life but do it because its what we want to do. What matters is the state of happiness that we choose to surround ourselves with and the emotional connections we make with people in life!

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about David here. Our previous podcasts, upcoming guest list and previous blogs also available.

You can find out more about David here.