Redefinng midlife for women

Jacqueline or Jack Perez runs a digital platform dedicated to normalising ageing for women through highly curated content and women driven brands. Jack feels that ageism is the last ism left and it's the one we do mostly to ourselves.

Jack feels that it’s something that happens to a lot of women when we start to look in the mirror at a certain age and don't particularly like what is reflected back to us.  It could be a line, a wrinkle, a sag or an age spot but we start to feel ‘less than’ and to internalise bad self talk that we are not as valuable. In North America there is also a very user centric culture so it adds to the feeling of being devalued over time.

There is currently a big push in society around the science of longevity. This can be a challenge as we are often not very good at knowing how to live as we get older, primarily because we are very family centric. Kids grow up and leave home and you’re left with a relationship that's slightly festered over the years or on your own and wondering what do you do next. Both women and men in their 50’s are thinking that they could have 30 or 40 years of this, but 30 or 40 years of what?

In the UK we’ve seen what’s known as 3rd age phenomenon which is rethinking that.  There is a big zeitgeist of people who are excited by this stage in their lives, have been liberated from everything else, are old enough not to care sometimes but also to have the wherewithal to think ‘OK what could be next?’ They are looking for a source of information, a friendly face or place that relates to them where they and say ‘this is something that I could do or someone who I could be’.

At the moment we are in a unique position. The average lifespan of a white woman in the early 1900’s was 51. Although there were people who lived to their 80s or 90s this was not as a cohort or large sector of the population. Now is the first time that there is a very large number or a high concentration of people in this space. The Baby Boomers, the Gen X’s and now even the older Millenials are all entering this space and the exciting thing is that we get to define what that seed change looks like and the new paradigm. Women are hungry to look for the modeling of ‘what can my life look like in my 60s 70s and 80s?’ This is why Jack built the platform and brought together global thought leaders on the topics that are important to women in the extra years that they didn’t get 100 years ago.

The idea of having a community of liberated free thinkers seems to be quite exciting. Every day a new article gets pushed out about a relevant topic. It doesn’t shy away from the tough subjects but deals with them in an empowering, kind and productive manner. It’s not about shaming or scaring anyone rather its about providing valuable information that's actionable in the different areas. For example, if you’re looking in your closet as a 55 or 58 year old and asking ‘can I wear any of the stuff I used to wear when I was in my 30s or 40s?’ There are articles about fashion in mid life and beyond and article about skin care and makeup. The best place to start is the About page. Just scroll down so you can access articles from women around the world and find the topic that's relevant to you.

Jack found that when she was going through menopause herself she couldn't find any positive relevant information to help her so she started the platform because she didn't want other women to feel alone or scared. Loneliness and isolation are leading indicators of longevity – you will live longer if you have connections with other humans. Neither smoking, drinking nor being obese are not as dangerous to your health as being isolated and lonely.  They are also major causes of depression and also dementia. In a world where we are more connected we are increasingly isolated.

Jack earned her MBA from the University of Chicago and was then hired by Hewlett Packard in San Francisco where she worked for several years. She wasn't really corporate material though so in 1999 she left the corporate world and started a PR and marketing business with her then husband. It was the heyday of the late 90s with .com bubble and lots of venture capital money. It was a very buoyant environment but not at all sustainable in the longer term. Jack became a single mum late in life so started working in smaller companies in fractional executive roles that helped her spend more time with her child. She then went through the menopause and that's when she realised she needed to do something not for her but for everyone else!

There does seem to be a reappraisal of ones life at the time of menopause and there is science behind this. It's a time when women lose a lot of the hormones that make them maternal and want to take care of people. Post menopause many don't feel as maternal as they used to. Jack didn't realise just how tied she was to that feeling, need, drive or biological imperative. She had no idea how critical, crucial or all encompassing it was until it dissipated. Women can also become more vibrant at this time of life so if there is a mismatch in a relationship it can become more evident and, in the US, the highest number of divorces are issued by women aged 50 and above. There seems to be a lot of women who at 50 just say ‘I don't want to be married to you any more’ perhaps because the dream has changed or been fulfilled in a way.

The idea that we should be empowered to go out and start a new life is exciting. The problem and opportunity with a youth culture is that older people are often seen as wiser and are used as mentors. Younger people want to gain an edge and this often comes from people who have been there and done it before. Interestingly, the platform attracts younger people as well as the target market with half of the audience being under 45. Jack feels that this is because they are curious about what is coming so they are empowering themselves by learning.

You can find out more about Jack at www.kuellife.com or info@kuellife.com

    You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.

Self-esteem. Recreate the narrative.

Self-esteem, the worth in which you hold yourself, can be a challenge for people with low self-esteem because they often use belittling language towards themselves. Their ‘attribution style’ sees positive things as being temporary or down to ‘luck’ so they don’t build on achievements or learn from them. They use an attribution that anything ‘bad’ is due to them and that it’s likely to repeat over time. This narrative builds on ‘confirmation bias’, the cognitive routine that highlights evidence of what we believe, and reinforces the self-esteem spiral as negative opinions are ‘proved’.

It’s vital that we recreate our narrative - the broad journey of our lives and how we see ourselves moving forward - as well as learning to catch ourselves when we knock ourselves down, Learning to reframe is key by creating language with a time-bound limit of negativity. Instead of saying 'I’m really not good at this’, learn to say “I’m really not good at this now, or today’. The creation of a time-bound element forces the brain to solve the problem of how to improve. So ‘how will I be later’, or even better ‘how will I choose to be better later’.

The realisation that all thoughts and actions are a function of choice provides the opportunity to choose differently and to begin to develop a realisation that you have ‘a voice’ that you can listen to when you choose to do so.

Choice, growth and resilience

Amy Eliza Wong has been a leadership coach for ten years and partners with leaders and teams on growth, transformation and flow with a particular interest in communication, which she feels is the entry point for all things transformation. Before she became a leadership coach, she worked at Sun Microsystems for ten years having studied mathematics at Berkeley. After having her first child she gained a Masters in Transpersonal Psychology, a subject she found fascinating, and this combined with her Maths background provided the perfect balance for coaching.

Psychology is the study of mental processes in human behaviour but Transactional Psychology is not limited to mental processes. It looks at the systems view of the human condition, factoring in things like consciousness in the womb, consciousness as a whole and also pulls in ancient wisdom traditions so becomes a much larger study of Psychology. 

Amy looks at resilience in terms of growth. We are interfacing with the stuff of life and every moment is contributing to our growth. Perspectives and beliefs are growing whether we like it or not. Growth and resilience go hand in hand. We can think about our growth in two ways - by accident or on purpose. If we want to be resilient we need to take life by the horns and maximise our wellbeing by embracing both. Most people focus on growth on purpose because that's what’s wanted – its the things we planned for, were hoping for and were willing to get uncomfortable for but it's the growth by accident that we need to look at. This is usually related to shame, disappointment or embarrassment - the stuff of failures, mistakes and setbacks - but where we have tools to harness both categories that's when we live on purpose.

Amy uses purpose as an adverb - on purpose meaning that it is intentional and we are fully harnessing choice with full intension and awareness. When we can choose to be on purpose we choose to harness our choice and respond rather than react to life.  Doing things with a sense of purpose knowing where you are growing and doing it purposefully.

Amy’s book is called Living on Purpose which is based on her own personal stories about growth and transformation and conversations she has had with a diverse set of individuals. She uses these powerful stories with social neuroscience to present a roadmap of the five choices of perceptional shifts that we can choose to make in order to stop self sabotage and loose the self imposed limitations we have. These are born in our belief system and it’s the interpretations we make that end up muting the quality of our own life.

People want to achieve something. The thing could be to make more money, to own their business, become a CEO etc., but Amy feels that we only think we want the thing we want. What we actually want is the feeling we think we would have as a result of achieving that thing. We are trained to use the thing as a proxy – we became attached to the thing and the strategy of realising it. This is largely due to educational system and how we develop as humans. In school we do what we were told. To get good grades, to make our parents happy and get into a good college and university, then to get a good job, make lots of money and then we’ll be happy. We put all our trust into following this strategy because it’s what I’m supposed to do to be happy. It never works though because we never really check if that's what’s going to get me to what I really want to feel. The choice is to feel it out rather than figure it out.

The chief source of failure is choosing what you want in the moment rather than what really want. This captures the slipperiness of choice because we can say we want to be healthy but at the same time we really want a bag of potato chips and to watch the game. We have to look at what we truly want and be honest with ourselves. What is the choice that aligns with what we truly want rather than what we want in the moment. We are not set up to have deferred gratification and are constantly investing in cognitive processing and energy to achieve that. Aligning our chemistry with our purpose is important. Quick wins are important. Self care, getting enough sleep and eating well are all important because if we are if not in an optimal state it is even harder to find the band width and reserves to make the choice that truly serves us.

Her new book is Living on Purpose: Five Deliberate Choices to Realize Fulfillment and Joy (BrainTrust Ink, May 24, 2022).

Learn more at alwaysonpurpose.com. 

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.

Whats Next? Mindset, Choice and EFT

Sallie Wagner is a speaker, author, lawyer, real estate broker and instructor and life coach based in the Tampa Bay area of Florida.

She started her career in the law and real estate and moved into the coaching environment a few years ago. This had always been her passion. In college she started as physics major and ended up in theology and she had always had a hunger to learn more about it so when she had a ‘this is how I need to live my life moment’ went back and did some additional training and certifications and expanded what she was doing.

Sallie feels resilience is incredibly important and is crucial to our lives and our wellbeing in four major areas – physical, emotional, mental and social - and that there are some very simple ways to build resilience. Resilience can also help us to move out of all the regret we have in life – the ‘what ifs’ and the ‘if only’.  As we build resilience we can move out of those regrets.

The epiphany in Sallie’s life came when she started to feel that she was living someone else’s life.  At some point in life many people feel that they are successfully discontent - their life looks good on paper but doesn't feel so good inside. Research shows that the top regret of mid career professionals is ‘I wish I’d had the courage to pursue my own interests and my own studies rather than what was expected of me’. When it hit her, Sallie reconnected with her earlier trajectory for her life, that of being a professor of theology. She had always had a vision of herself as a teacher and as she extended her opportunities to teach more the opportunities flooded in.

Sallie took her law and real estate knowledge and used it to teach other people. She teaches many different classes every week and this also sharpens her skills and knowledge about what’s happening in the industry. She also teaches as part of her life coaching work and much of this is around Mind Apps and how we make conscious choices in life and uninstall those mind apps that take our conscious power and choice away. The process includes Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and NLP modalities to get to that level of the subconscious so that we can make lasting change. Sallie feels that if we’re depending on willpower we’ve already lost the battle. It takes a lot of energy to make those choices and if we’re stressed, tired or hungry we don't have the energy to do it so revert back to those apps that were previously programmed into us.

There are two main ways to undertake EFT. The Gold Standard and Optimal EFT. Sallie uses the Gold Standard which involves tapping on the energy meridians that acupuncture and acupressure are based on.  Sometimes the energy fields in our body get out of sync. This could be because of environmental factors such as our thoughts, emotions or even food affecting the energy flow so by tapping on certain meridian points on the body the energy becomes more aligned so we can address things and respond rather than react.

EFT can be remedial, if someone has a habit they want to get rid of or are dealing with grief, loss or anxiety. It can also be preventive for example if you know you are going to be in a challenging situation such as public speaking or exams it can help you prepare ahead of time or it can also be aspirational, helping to develop new goals for life. 

Another area it can be used in is in dealing with trauma. Sallie has used it when people have been stuck in an event in the past. They aren’t able to be in the present and can’t see anything good happening in the future. EFT can help in getting relief as the energy that is carried in our bodies can affect us physically so releasing the energy can help resolve the trauma. This is also one of the benefits of building resilience so we can get rid of some of those bad effects and life longer and healthier lives.

Sallie believes that to create success we need to make a process for everyday. Mindset is not taught and we need the mindset to view the success we have and also past it to see what it looks like afterwards. We need to have the right skills to have the right mindset for our careers, businesses and lives and then to take action to make it happen. Without action it’s just a philosophy. Without action it’s just hoping and dreaming.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more about Sallie at Salliewagner.com

Living under the veil of domestic violence

Lara Sabanosh is based in Florida where, having retired from various roles in the government sector, she now has an advocacy role helping other people deal with domestic abuse.

Lara and her husband had been based at Guantanamo Bay in a civilian capacity for four years and had been married for twenty years. On January 9th 2015 they attended a Command function where they had an altercation. Later that evening he went missing and his body was found two days drowned in the Bay. In telling the story of his disappearance, the media portrayed him as a war hero and a wonderful husband and father but this did not tell the full story of their relationship. Lara was told not to say anything to the media and to keep quiet.

The evening her husband went missing he had assaulted her three times verbally and physically. Once his disappearance was reported a female agent was assigned to the case. Lara was trying to help her in finding out what had happened to her husband but the first thing the agent said was ‘why did you stay with him?’ Although she was trying to help she was being made to feel as if she was the bad person because she stayed with him. It was not a helped by the fact that the people who were questioning her were the same people he socialised with. Nobody was listening and the reports she had made against him were ignored.

People often ask why to people stay with the abusers. Lara feels that she became a military wife at a very young age. She was nineteen years old when she met her husband and was a college student with big plans for the future. She came from a close-knit family unit with no background in violence but she now realises that the stronger the ties became the more she lost herself. At the start of the relationship it was not abusive but again she now realises that there were some red flags before they got married. They had only dated for a short time, under a year, before they got married. They didn't live in same area and he would come and visit at weekends which didn't worry her at the time but she now knows he was breaking military law to come and see her. He had drug and alcohol issues and was driving on a suspended licence. There were incidents that happened which she now feels should have given her an indication about how he handled situations and that he was lying to her. After they got married these things became her problem.

Lara feels that domestic violence is not a new issue in the military, nor is it a small issue. When senior leadership fails to address these issues it becomes a foundational problem. There is a well established saying that ‘if the military wanted you to have a wife they would issue you with one’ and many senior leaders believe what happens in the house stays in the house.

Lara spent twenty years trying to figure out who she was and who he wanted her to be. She started to believe the things her husband was telling her and it didn’t matter what anyone else told her. She did something. She was the cause. She apologised for the reasons he was angry. She didn’t believe there was anyone else out there. There was nothing else left inside and she went through the motions to try to stop and slow down what continued to happen. In some ways she wished his abuse was more physical that verbal. It was so crushing and relentless.

Lara’s book Caged is a window into her life. As with nearly all trauma, there is a measure of healing to be gained in the sharing of her story, not just for herself and her family, but also for others who, like her who have lived under the veil of domestic violence for years. She offers a call to action for reform, encourages others to seek out help, and urges those in positions of authority to assess existing procedures and question certain long-standing policies.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more about Lara and her book Caged at www.LaraSabanosh.com

Welcome to 2022!

Well, after what’s been a long year, an exciting year and for many, a challenging year, we’ve made through 2021. Whilst some people found it a tricky year to navigate, others found it a lot easier, but however we got through 2021, its what we do next that matters.

2022 has all the makings of being a fascinating year, a pivotal year and what’s needed is the mindset to make the most of it. A lot of people start the New Year by drawing up a set of resolutions but don't build the plan with the means to achieve it. Without a breakdown that takes you from the beginning to the end you’re set up to fail.  

Writing resolutions can though be more of a bigger picture exercise. Using something like the Wheel of Life can help you look forward to the future in 10, 20 or 30 years time. By looking at things like where am I going to be psychologically, in my career, financially, or relationship wise, you can see the bigger picture that can then help you figure out resolutions for the short term.  Of course, if our goals aren’t long term enough or ambitious enough, our resolutions can sometimes become trite and meaningless so don't grip our imaginations. For 2022 why not tackle your resolutions differently – put a plan together for the whole year … with a reward attached when you achieve it.

Another option is to forget goals and resolutions and sit down and review the previous year. Figure out the things you want to stop, start and continue. Look at where you’re going and what you can stop doing. You’re probably not setting goals or resolutions based on what went before so look at what you want to do more of and what you want to do less of or stop doing. We’re all guilty of taking on more and more, whether it’s work or social commitments and we don't think about what we can mindfully remove from our lives.

The idea of stop, start and continue is very simple but it mind give you a better idea of how 2022 might find into the general direction of things. Maybe 2022 can be the year you can really sort out where you are going. Work-wise, it might be a case of asking yourself whether your work still has purpose and meaning? Is it where I want to be? The future of work is changing and the rebalancing of the labour market and the way we are working means there is the opportunity to make changes.

Some people have already made considerable changes, moving from the idea of financial reward to that of seeing a tangible outcome. This year there is the potential to ask ‘do I really want this or am I just doing it for for the money’. Four criteria you could use to look at your job are whether it brings money, intellectual challenge, fun or achievement. If you’re not getting any of these from your role it’s possible that it’s total lack of meaning and interest could lead to burnout. Ask yourself what do I want from this year? If you don't know what you want, reverse it and ask what don't I want? What is the purpose and meaning of work in your life? How important is it in the scheme of things. Remember your focus will change at different stages in your life. You could also try to write a bucket list, bunches of different ideas and things you haven’t tried. We can easily get stuck in a rut doing the things we always do and finding meaning is not always about having things or going places rather finding happiness in what we do.

2022 is about change. The culture of organisations, the world economy and coming out of Covid will all lead to change which in turn will creates opportunities … and risks. The more we can plan for the future, the less anxious you will feel about it. Once you’ve worked out what you want or don't want to do you can apply self-discipline and focus to achieve it.  Here’s where it can go wrong through. Sometimes we get distracted by things that give us a greater or short- term reward or procrastinate too long so we miss the discipline of long-term goals.

Whatever the root-cause of your distraction, take away the decisions and just go out and do it! Dump the rules and just make choices. Decide what you want and then go out and do it. Chose to do one thing, enjoy it then choose something else to do the next day. Choices are what help’s us to make the life we want. Decision fatigue comes from having too many decisions to make so in a way it’s easier to say no to everything rather than having to challenge ourselves by making lots of small decisions.

Maybe we should make 2022 a year of choice. Whether we choose to be different, choose to get something special for ourselves, choose to deliver more than we think we can, the first choice we need to make is to have a plan behind us!

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

Time to invest in ourselves.

Dr Russell Thackeray’s podcast from December 2020 talks about the rather strange circumstances we found ourselves in 2020 and how we could launch ourselves into 2021. Unfortunately, much of this is still very relevant to the uncertain times we find ourselves in again this year so we thought it could be useful to return to it. In this podcast:

There is no doubt that during 2020 we’ve seen the best - and the worst of people in the work environment. There have been tales of heroism and triumph. People who haven’t worked for a large part of the year have had to deal with the economic and mental health issues that brings whilst others have worked relentlessly and tirelessly with the possibility of burnout hitting at some point. People have moved from big, open plan offices with the support, and problems, that brings to the challenge of working at home, sometimes in an environment really not suited to work!

The one thing we can bring out of the whole situation is the importance of resilience. We have seen that people can whether the storm, they can keep going and even thrive but its important to realise that they can’t keep going forever. At this time of year we all really need to do one (or both) of two things:

·      Stop and rejuvanate ourselves or

·      Invest in ourselves to plan forward.

Firstly, we need to really stop and look at what we’re doing. Remember we’re on holiday so turn off the work mobile, don't look at the emails and don’t start on the presentation needed in the New Year. We have to have a break to renew. Try some meditation or breathing exercises, have some long, relaxing baths or get out for some walks in the countryside.

Stopping will also help you to think forward. If you feel stuck or aren’t happy then start planning! There are a huge number of free learning courses online to help obtain some new skills. Alternatively, check out the Wheel of Life, which can help us think and project forward through categories such as career, relationships finance and happiness. It will also highlight the fact that at different points in our lives, different things are important. For example, at the moment you may be prepared to work hard because its getting you where you want to go but alternatively, you might be coming to a point where you’re working equally hard but you realise it’s not giving you what you need so it’s time to stop and think about what you really want.

Once we stop we can then start to invest in ourselves. We can begin by being more mindful about the way we engage with ourselves, our partners and our friends and family and the time we dedicate to them. We can look at our immune system and the nutrients and vitamins it needs to improve our sleep and help us generally feel better. We can also look at our work environment. We need to make sure we can move about freely, take time away from screens and build in proper breaks rather than just keeping going.

Rolling forward, it looks as if the seas will be a bit choppy so thinking about the narrative we use can help our mental state. If we think 2021 is going to be terrible we’ll spend our time dreading what’s to come whereas if we adopt more of a ‘what will be’ attitude we’ll be able to deal with situations a lot better. Plan some things that you can look forward to. Just the process of booking future holidays, family events or days out helps change our mental state. Remember how confirmation bias helps give us the things we believe in. If, on balance, we think 2021 will be a positive year it’s far more likely to happen if we tell ourselves it will. 

Our mental state can also be affected by the constant flow of social media. The dopamine surge when we get ‘liked’ on Facebook can be pretty addictive so we need to keep a healthy sense of perspective. The same is true about the media generally. We need to become more rationally pragmatic so we can make measured decisions about what we see and read.

Above all else, we need to be kind to ourselves. 2020 has been a year like no other and we all deserve some time and some self-care.

The only other thing to say is that we hope you have a happy and safe Christmas and we look forward to catching up with you again in 2022!

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

Changing lane. Making impactful change.

Jennifer or Jen Crowley is based in Chicago and is an author, certified life coach and leadership consultant.

In her 30’s Jen thought she had life she was meant to have. Married with a son, she also had a high profile job as Vice President and General Manager of a wine distribution company. Suffering from all the stress and anxiety that goes with juggling a high pressure role and family life she then went through what she refers to as a six year character building period. Her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, then a while later her father was badly injured in a motorcycle accident. Both are now happily retired in Florida but as the only child, Jen had to provide considerable support. Then, the president of the company was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer and died very suddenly. Jen was emotionally and physically exhausted and wasn’t taking great care of herself.  Her job defined her so when the company was then sold to a large international group she decided to stick with it. There was an interesting and demanding integration period and as she went into her 40’s her life was very demanding – she was fighting for resources at work, fighting for time with her son and struggling in a marriage that was no longer working.

Finally, Jen and her husband divorced and at this point she started taking much better care of herself. She was eating well, meditating and communicating much better with the people around her. She became a coaching mentor at work and came to realise that people were comfortable around her. They would talk to her about their work, their anxieties and what was happening with their family and Jen found that trying to help people was the part of her job that she enjoyed most.

Six years after the company had been sold Jen realised that life wasn’t supposed to be so hard and took the decision to leave her twenty year wine career.  At 45 she decided that she needed to figure out what was going to happen next. She didn’t have any plans apart from taking three months off to get her head as clear as possible. Over the next three months she realised that although many people thought she should be happy because she seemed to have everything she needed, she wasn’t. She needed a different path where she could help other people. Initially she worked as a consultant to entrepreneurs but after a few months he made the decision to move into coaching.

Jen now works primarily with women looking to make impactful changes in themselves and in their lives. With a background in science, Jen’s approach to change is process driven and built around the importance of getting ready for change and then implementing it. In her coaching she deals with widespread issues, but many of her clients are in similar situations to the one she found herself in. Woman in their 40 ‘s who are realising that they are not happy, not doing things that they think are important or meaningful to them.

Jen feels the key to change is having open conversations and asking questions that dig down into what people really want. Sometimes people are so busy taking care of everyone else they simply need the time and opportunity to think and talk about themselves.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Jennifer here. Our previous podcasts, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can find out more about Jennifer at  changeablecoaching.com

How our narrative determines our choices.

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled – How our narrative determines our choices.

Kimberly Spencer is an award-winning high performance coach and trainer, who is currently based on the Gold Coast of Australia. Originally from Los Angeles, Kimberly is also and Amazon best-selling co-author, international motivational speaker, and founder of CrownYourself.com where she helps visionary leaders build their empire and stand out in their full potential in their bodies, businesses, and relationships.

Kimberly’s uses her personal experience to inspire, motivate, and coach her clients using what she has learned from her personal development to help others to find their truth. She feels very strongly that we learn from different experiences and that in every problem there is an opportunity to grow.  The narrative we feed ourselves is incredibly important - the old adage of whether the news is good or bad comes back to the news being how we view it and what we decide it is.

She feels this also equates to the narrative of whether we see ourselves as a success or a failure. We all have successes and failures but we don't tend to share our failures so other people only see the successes. The link running through all our successes and failures is having the resilience to pick ourselves up and carry on. Our narrative also determines the choices we have and ultimately the control we have over our lives. We might not like some of the choices we are given and would prefer different options but we all have the ability to choose the attitude we take in that space. No one can take away the way we respond to a choice.

This power of personal choice is especially important to Kimberly as she grew up in a household with an addict father, which made her early home life very difficult. She realised she was a people pleaser so had to learn the importance of self-love. The pressure to be perfect can be overwhelming and cause people to blame themselves for just being human.  Often we link our personal value to something tangible. We need to get away from this external validation and external pleasing and not live our lives at the behest of other people.

Kimberly also talks about identity and how people attach it to things such as bank balances or weight. By attaching identity to the number on the scale, we are looking at it as the effect of choices that have been made. Having these choices allows us to be ourselves and, equally, making a choice not to do something is incredibly empowering because we’re cleansing ourselves and getting rid of things we don't want to do.

You can listen to the podcast in full here. Our previous podcast episodes and upcoming guest list are also available and there is an option to sign-up to receive our podcast episodes on release. Our full blog archive is also available and you can sign-up to receive these on a weekly basis.

You can find out more about Kimberly here.