Flourish in captivity

Keywords

Resilience - Kidnap - Trauma – Change – Challenge – Recovery – Healing – Depression – Stockholm Syndrome

In this episode of Resilience Unravelled Gloria Londono shares her traumatic experience of being kidnapped and held in captivity when she was 25 years old and how the experience led her to leave her country and immigrate to the US. Gloria reveals how she developed an attachment to one of her captors due to the Stockholm syndrome and the challenges she faced after her release including a lack of proper support and therapy from her family.

She also recounts her journey seeking employment in the US and talks about the resilience and persistence she needed to apply for 40 jobs before securing a position in a hardware store. She also discusses her subsequent job in a produce company where she overcame language barriers with the help of her manager to improve her communication skills. She eventually started her own business and then met her ex-husband. Together they built a successful company before she decided to leave the company to pursue her interests in coaching and writing.

Gloria's has experienced trauma, depression, and anxiety and she shares the coping mechanisms and tools she used to manage her symptoms, including journaling and therapy. She also talks about how writing her book, "Flourish in Captivity," about her traumatic experiences and journey towards healing, was a significant part of her recovery process.

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You can find out more about Gloria at https://www.glorialondono.co/ Her memoir is Flourish In Captivity and she also has her own podcast, The Unbreakable Life with Glory, which offers audiences seeking healing and peace a blueprint for growth, forgiveness, gratitude, and hope.

 You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.   

The Wrong Calamity

Keywords

Resilience – Change – Coping Mechanisms – Shifting Perspective – Reframing Challenges – Narrative Building 

In this episode of Resilience Unravelled Marsha Jacobson, an author, teacher, and writing coach from New York, shares her life story, and how she overcame her challenging childhood, abusive relationship, and personal struggles to build a successful career and a fulfilling life. She discusses her experiences with vulnerability, resilience, and personal complexity, how she felt unprepared for challenges and how she overcame them.

She also discusses her resilience, her journey from teaching to consulting, and her experience in non-profit management and about her second husband's struggle with PTSD that ultimately led to their separation.

Main topics

• The importance of embracing change and transitions as part of personal growth.

• Adopting coping mechanisms such as "tiny experiments" and writing fake headlines to shift perspective.

• Reframing challenges as learning opportunities.

• "Narrative building" as a strategy for reframing challenges.

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You can find out more about Marsha at  https://marshajacobsonauthor.com/about/ Her memoir, The Wrong Calamity, is her debut book.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.   

Weathering the Storm: How Resilient Businesses Can Adapt to Climate Change by Katie Pierce

Adapting to the effects of climate change requires resiliency, not just from governments and businesses, but also from individuals and their everyday commuting habits. It is the only way we can build a sustainable future while weathering the storm. For businesses, adapting to climate change goes beyond protecting the environment. It also means surviving and thriving in the future. 

In this article, we will discuss how resilient businesses can stand strong in the face of climate-related challenges. 

Why Resiliency Matters in Adapting to Climate Change

Resilience is crucial in adapting to the impacts of climate change. It means having the capacity to bounce back quickly when we're knocked down.  Resilience is necessary to withstand extreme weather events such as floods, droughts, and hurricanes, and to reduce the potential for long-term harm. Building resilience can also help mitigate the impacts of climate change in the long term. Investing in resilient infrastructure, such as green roofs and permeable pavements, can protect communities from flooding and reduce greenhouse gas emissions.  Resilience is not a luxury, it's a necessity if we want to adapt to the challenges that lie ahead. It is needed to create a more sustainable future for ourselves and future generations.

Risk Assessment and Management

In today's rapidly changing climate, a savvy business understands the imperative of risk assessments to confront potential environmental challenges. But it's not enough to simply check the box and move on. To truly fortify their resilience, a wise enterprise invests in analysing these risks with a discerning eye, prioritising them based on their potential impact. Only then can they craft effective risk management plans, ready to withstand even the most daunting of scenarios. Yet, it doesn't end there. A truly resilient business remains nimble, consistently updating its risk assessments as new data and insights come to light. This adaptability allows them to stay ahead of emerging risks, a crucial asset in today's ever-changing landscape.

Adaptation Planning

In the face of an ever-evolving climate, a resilient business recognises the need for targeted adaptation plans designed to suit the unique risks they face. These plans go beyond just identifying potential threats. Instead, they leverage specific changes to operations, infrastructure, and supply chains to reduce vulnerability and build enduring fortitude. With such foresight and agility, a savvy enterprise can not only weather the storm but thrive in the midst of uncertainty, carving out a path to sustainable success.

Diversification

A truly resilient business understands the importance of diversification - in operations, supply chains, and beyond. By broadening their horizons, they reduce their dependence on any single geographic region or resource, effectively insulating themselves from the impacts of climate change. This means looking for alternative sources of raw materials and energy or even exploring new markets altogether. Doing so not only mitigates risk but also sets a business up for sustained growth and prosperity. In today's ever-shifting landscape, a willingness to adapt and explore new horizons is not just smart business - it's essential for survival.

Innovation

A resilient business doesn't just rely on old strategies to weather the storm of climate change. Instead, they cultivate a culture of innovation - one that encourages employees to think outside the box and develop novel solutions to complex challenges. By embracing emerging technologies, business models, and approaches, such an enterprise stays ahead of the curve. They adapt to evolving conditions and identify new opportunities that arise as a result of climate change. Through a willingness to experiment and explore new frontiers, a forward-thinking business can not only survive but also thrive. In the process, transforming adversity into opportunity and charting a path to long-term success.

Collaboration

Resilient businesses don’t just go it alone - they understand the power of collaboration. By working hand-in-hand with other stakeholders - from governments and NGOs to local communities - a savvy enterprise can develop the effective strategies needed to tackle the long-term challenges of climate change. Fostering collaborative partnerships and engaging with relevant stakeholders allows a business to tap into valuable insights and support. In turn, this builds the resilience needed to thrive in an ever-changing world.

In short, the path to success isn't a solitary journey - it's a shared one. It’s built on the foundations of trust, partnership, and the willingness to work together towards a common goal.

Climate-Related Financial Disclosure

The disclosure of financial risks and opportunities related to climate change is known as climate-related financial disclosure. It is an essential tool for businesses to manage their exposure to climate change risks and identify opportunities for growth and innovation. Resilient businesses recognise the importance of climate-related financial disclosure as it helps identify and mitigate climate change risks. It also provides stakeholders with a better understanding of the company's exposure to climate change. Climate-related financial disclosure also helps companies demonstrate their commitment to sustainability and responsible environmental practices, attracting investment from environmentally conscious investors.

Summing Up

Climate change presents significant challenges for businesses of all sizes and industries. However, by building resilience, businesses can effectively adapt to these challenges and position themselves for long-term success. 

If you want to learn more about resiliency in business, contact QED.

Guest Author

Katie Pierce is a teacher-slash-writer who loves telling stories to an audience, whether it’s bored adults in front of a computer screen or a bunch of hyperactive 4-year-olds. Writing keeps her sane (most of the time) and allows her to enjoy some quiet time in the evening before she walks into a room of screaming kids (all of whom she loves dearly) the next morning.

Why businesses need resilience

Recent research by MHR International shows the challenges mid-size UK and Irish companies are facing in today’s VUCA (volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous) world. Over 500 senior leaders from businesses employing between 500 and 5000 people were interviewed to find their views on the importance of resilience in dealing with change and challenges. The major threats they saw were the expectations surrounding their businesses growth as they compete against multinationals and of staying ahead of agile start-ups.

Recessions and financial crisis are of course not strangers to long-established companies but the pandemic brought unforeseen and previously unknown challenges. Now, businesses face another set of problems including the cost-of-living crisis and the war in Ukraine. 

Many businesses came though the pandemic and will now deal with these new challenges because they are resilient and have the ability not only to deal with change but also to use the experience as a catalyst for further development.

So, in the short term, a resilient business will get through challenging periods but then in the longer term they will start to see a positive impact on productivity and work quality as well as improved employee engagement, performance and an inclusive and secure work culture.

There is no doubt there will be tough times ahead but a resilient business will not just survive, it will thrive.

Overcoming challenges and limiting beliefs

Michelle Kuei was permanently disabled as a result of a hit and run car accident when she was 11 years old. Growing up in a society and culture where beauty is weighted heavily on appearance, the stories that she was telling herself were harsh, brutal, and cruel. For many years, she allowed many of her negative beliefs about herself to rule. The idea of loving herself felt strange and she was afraid to be seen and known. Her story is one of courage, determination, and vulnerability. But more importantly, it is about having the confidence to face fear in everyday life. Facing our own worst enemy, facing our own judgments and harsh criticism. By letting go of her own judgments, she allowed who she is to flow freely and accept herself with unconditional love.

When she was growing up Michelle always thought that she didn’t belong. A lot of it came from not feeling good about herself, she didn’t see herself as normal. There was a lot of judgement involved. Self-criticism and putting herself down every time she wanted to try something new. Growing up was pretty challenging because the way she looked made her stand out.  During the recovery period after the accident she had to wear metal braces that were attached to an ugly pair of shoes. Michelle couldn't find anything to match. She was 15 years old and struggling with her body image, not feeling good about herself and struggling to communicate with her peers. When she arrived from Taiwan she didn't speak English at all, didn't know how to converse with people or express who she was. There was a lot of holding back and feeling she didn’t belong anywhere.

Many people feel they don't belong so you need to get to point of self-acceptance. Michelle feels her self-acceptance started to come into play later when she had reached a point where she was trying to figure out who she was when having a relationship with other people. In her 30s she wanted to go into the dating world and every time she went out on a date she felt she was looking for validation from someone to like her for who she was. She had a big question mark of exactly who am I? She was looking for the help or identity whilst trying to fit into the pieces of the puzzle and be considered as a normal person. Through that journey, she realised that finding yourself is not something that you find or seek from elsewhere. It’s not something external. It’s really a journey where you go inwards. That was one of her aha moments. One day she was crying for no reason, looking around and feeling completely lost and not knowing who she was. She was doing a lot of people pleasing, pretending to be normal, going out and looking for outside validation. Inside she felt she was an empty hole trying to feel and never felt complete. At this point she realised that no one was coming to save her so she had to save herself.

Michelle feels that finding yourself is not an activity that you do outside of yourself. She believes that your being is naturally happening. You already are. There is no doubt you are perfect, brave or beautiful but in our overall consciousness that waking up to the moment of realising that who you are is already happening, is already perfect. None of us are really finding anything outside of us. There are a lot of things that happen to us in life, events, injuries, trauma or divorce. With any type of life event happens we try to protect ourselves so we cover ourselves to survive and continue living. A life event such as the pandemic makes people withdraw and disassociate to protect themselves and others from things they used to care for. When people do that they go into a victim mindset - things always happen to me and only bad things will happen to me. What we are saying to ourselves, our inner voice or the way we speak to ourselves means the way we create stories in our mind leads to a lot of resistance and fighting that we have to go through. Whether it's a relationship with another or ourselves, the story we are living in and telling ourselves matters. Part of the challenge is to recreate your own narrative.

Becoming and unbecoming is part of the process. Under the impression that we have to become something to be something, in reality there is nothing that you need to become – you already are. The realisation is that we pick up all these beliefs and societal constructs or limiting beliefs as we go through our life journey but a lot of them don’t belong to us. There is an unconscious bias about how a woman should be, how she should behave, how she should dress. All of these are external limitations that play upon on a woman but who created that construct? Not me, I am perfect just the way I am!  I have a voice and an opinion and when appropriate and when asked I will share my expression and voice. Its about unbecoming not becoming. Becoming sounds like someone had an expectation and you need to follow thorough in order to become and fit in that expectation. Unbecoming is coming from realising that who you are is at the core. The value that you hold in your life, the belief that you have and how you want to show up. Looking inward bring inwardness out. It feels like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon. You are not becoming the external version of yourself, you are becoming the internal version of yourself assuming that the internal version is gold.

Michelle is optimistic that everyone is born perfect. The definition of perfectness is something that exists outside of us that people are placing and helping us to understand. The human brain does not understand anything that is not labelled. We learn words, phrases, language and stories because we are trained to give meaning to the things that we don’t understand. The fact that being perfect is actually something someone else has defined for us. Michelle’s theory is that we need to redefine that perfection, we need to redefine perfectness because you are already perfect for who you are at this very moment.

The desire to be a perfectionist is actually perfect. Everyone is on a journey so if we are trying to be a perfectionist there is a desire inside of us to accomplish. If we take out the negativity and the connotation that being a perfectionist is something bad, being a perfectionist just means you want to make sure that what you present and when you present yourself you are the best version of who you are. The idea of being a perfectionist is not a bad thing. Our mind thinks it's a bad thing but in reality perfectionists are just doing things at their best. A lot of perfectionists suffer from anxiety because they can’t live up to their own perception of themselves. There is a discrepancy in terms of coming to the realisation that my perfectionism is perfect versus my perfectionism is really causing me to be anxious and debilitated. It’s about how our relationship to the word and how the expectation was set in force.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more about Michelle at https://elevatelifecoaching.org

Mastering the nine pillars of resilience

Dr Stephen Sideroff started his career as a research looking at a learning and memory. He then moved into clinical work where he quickly realised stress was a major modulator of how people felt. They could be feeling really good but as soon as the amount of stress in their life increased, their coping abilities become strained and they began to develop different kinds of symptoms. He realised that if he helped people deal with stress it would help in all areas of their lives.

Dr Sideroff feels that people have a lot of ambivalence about managing stress because not all stress is bad and also because many of our successes are accompanied by stress. Because of this he switched to a more positive concept of resilience that he finds people are more attuned to.  As a result he developed his own nine pillar model of resilience. Stephen’s nine pillars encompass three different areas:

1. Relationships

a. Relationship with self. This is the foundation of all the other pillars. How you relate to yourself. Do you come from a place of love, acceptance and compassion or from a place of judgement, criticism and negativity.

b. Relationship with others. Do you have good boundaries. Can you make good choices in who you choose as people to relate to. If you have no choice eg a boss or colleague can you maintain good boundaries so you don't absorb negative or conflictual energy.

c. Relationship with something greater. This includes spirituality and having meaning in life. Having purpose or giving service, something that connects you to the larger community.

2. Balance and Mastery

a.    Physical balance and mastery. This is usually what people refer to when they talk about stress management.  Being able to relax readily, getting a good night’s sleep and being able to keep your nervous system in a place of balance.

b. Cognitive balance and mastery. This is about having a positive outlook and expectations. It doesn't mean you ignore dangers but once you've planned for them and handled them you switch into a more positive frame of reference.

c. Emotional balance and mastery.  Are you able to notice feelings that arise in your body and do you handle them appropriately so that you can let them move through and out of your body and not carry any excess emotional baggage

3. How we engage in the world

a.    Presence. People usually refer to being aware of your surroundings and being present in the moment. Stephen looks at two directions of presence. One is what I’m receiving and being aware of my environment and the second is my presence. What is the energy I project out to the world and that includes facial expression, posture etc.

b.    Flexibility. Am I able to make adjustments based on current circumstances. This has been very important over the last couple of years as paths of success have been blocked because of the pandemic. Are we able to make adjustments so that we can still get satisfied. Are we able to have different perspectives and also see those of other people. It’s about flexibility on many levels.

c.     The ability to get things done. We’re able to go out into the world. We have courage, persistence and perseverance so we can be successful in life. When we are successful it increases our sense of agency and self-confidence and then we experience stresses less impactfully.

One of the things about resilience is that it takes challenges to become more resilience. Challenges are resilience fuel. Dr Sideroff found his challenges in relationships, moves to different locations and jobs as well as challenges in the jobs forced him to challenge himself and become more resilient. He worked for fifteen years as an apprentice to a shaman which showed him a whole different way of viewing the world. It was in those years that he broke through some of his own defenses. He feels we can’t stay just on the surface of life.  The wounding is what breaks us open and causes us to reach deeply inside ourselves. All of this was what shaped him and how he approaches resilience.

Dr Sideroff has used biofeedback in and research biofeedback for many years. Biofeedback is a way of monitoring some aspects of your physiology and feeding that back to the person you’re working with or yourself. When you make an adjustment physiologically you get immediate feedback letting you know of your success so its an optimum conditioning or learning model that helps us tune in better to our bodies so we get into a better place of physiological balance.

Neurofeedback monitors brainwave patterns so you are able to get more directfully to the origins of physiological control For example, Dr Sideroff participated in a research study where they went into a drug treatment facility where they did a series of neurofeedback sessions. The first stage was to help people become more present by enhancing their access to prefrontal cortex and the cortex in general so it helped with attentional issues and being able to focus. They then shifted into another neurofeedback approach called Alfa Beta. This creates a deep state, a beta state in which memories can come up. Trauma can also come up but in the context of a very calm state so it’s a way of helping someone move through their trauma and be able to let go of it. It had tremendous success in the research study where there was twice as much abstinence two years post treatment as in the control group and 77% after three years.  This helped to put this kind of neurofeedback model into a number of drip drug treatment centres.

Resilience is a lens that brings together many schools of thoughts into a more tangible set of circumstances. Right now Dr Sideroff feels it is very important for people to learn resilience. We are all faced with huge challenges in the world. The complexity of life right now and with the pandemic and war in Ukraine makes it really challenging people all over the world. Resilience is a fluid kind of concept because it’s always about the best way of being in the present moment.

The future is evolving so quickly in comparison to the last twenty years. We are moving to adaptability and the reinvention of the future for ourselves.  There are some factors that interfere with our adaptability. If we adapt very well to our childhood environment that adaption can get locked so we carry the same type of adaption into adulthood.  If we have difficulty adapting to the adult environment it may be because we carry the lessons of our childhood into adulthood. If we grow up in a very dangerous childhood environment where we are always on the lookout for danger as an adult we keep our stress response activated much more that it needs to be. The lessons of childhood very frequently get in the way of fully adapting as an adult.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more or take Dr Sideroff’s resilience challenge or download a relaxation visulisation exercise at drstephensideroff.com  

A resilience assessment booklet is available by emailing sideroff@ucla.edu

From Sicily to the UK. How to overcome judgment and build confidence.

Claudia Tinnirello is an international bestselling author and the CEO and founder of web design business Sophisticated Cloud Limited. She is also a professional SquareSpace Web Designer, UX expert, former cookery chef and enthusiastic public speaker.

Originally from Sicily, Claudia has lived in England since 2005. Growing up in Sicily there was a mix of cultures but at that time it was still thought that women would get their college diplomas and then get married and start a family. Claudia didn't want to follow that route, she wanted to do something more with her life and be financially independent and her starting point was studying to get to university.  

After she finished university she started looking for a job, something that can be very difficult to find in southern Italy. A friend who was working for a call-centre in the UK told her that the company was looking for a new agent who could speak Italian, English and French. Having studied English at school, the UK was always somewhere that had interested Claudia. So, at the age of 23 she decided she would move to the UK. Her initial idea was to stay for four months but she has never left!

She was on her own when she arrived in London. She didn’t have anyone to guide her so she had to learn a lot very quickly! She didn't particularly like her job which was in a call-centre dealing with technical systems. Her training was in three languages which she found very tough. She had thought her English was good but when she arrived she couldn't understand what people were saying to her or be understood herself.  This came as a real shock and she struggled for a while but realised that the only way forward was to spend time with English people. When some people move to a new country they find it more comfortable to be with their own community but Claudia intentionally didn't mix with Italians because she wanted to integrate and learn the language properly.

Claudia feels that her resilience came from the fact that she was the first woman in her family to leave Italy on her terms. Her family didn't want her to go so Claudia feels her resilience was based on pride – although she wasn’t really happy initially she was going to stay because needed to make the point that she could do it. As time went on she became stronger and it became easier.

After being made redundant four times, the last time after ten years with the same company, Claudia had started to lack confidence and become unsure of what to do next. She spoke to a life coach who suggested she join Toastmasters International to try to and restore her confidence and control her nerves and fear of public speaking. When she was younger she feels she missed many opportunities because she was too shy and Toastmasters has helped her discover ways of becoming a better and more confident public speaker. So much so she is now President of the Toastmasters International Basingstoke Speakers Club.

Claudia feels that we can all do anything we want if we are persistent and fight for it. Even if things have been done for generations it doesn’t mean we cant do anything different. The most important thing is to not let society put a label on you.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Claudia here. Our previous podcasts, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can find out more about Claudia at  www.SophisticatedCloud.com 


Breaking the code. Life how you want it to be.

Rusty Gaillard is a transformational coach who works with people who are ready to make a change. Whether it's a career dead end, being bored or unhappy in their chosen path or working too hard, Rusty works with his clients to transform their lives and find work they love.make a change.

Before he was a coach, Rusty spent 13 years at Apple. He was Worldwide Director of Finance when he realised that it wasn’t what he wanted to do for the rest of his working life. He had no aspiration to continue climbing the corporate ladder, didn't want to work for another tech company or foe a consultancy. He felt stuck and that the situation was hopeless. He wanted to do something new and different but didn’t know what it was.

It was a challenging place to be. From the outside things looked really good and in many lots it was but there was something missing. In such a big company is it really possible to make a difference? When you put all your energy into work what will you have to show for it? What is the purpose of what I’m doing? You don’t find it meaningful but how do you find a different path?

Rusty did everything he was meant to do. He checked all the boxes and became defined by his job but his heart wasn’t in it. He didn’t feel he had got what he was meant to have got. He became less passionate about his job and less motivated.  He did what he needed to do and became responsive rather than proactive and didn’t have the drive to move things forward. So what was the first step he took to change his life around?

Rusty thinks that we all work towards a code, a pattern or belief system that we follow in life which can be very difficult to change. In Rusty’s case his code was to work for a big corporation, be a good employee with a stable job, and to be in a successful marriage with children. He needed to break this code before he could change his career path. It was during this time that Rusty got divorced and this external change was how he broke the code he was working towards. The divorce affected his self-confidence and self-image but coming through it broke the pattern and belief system and gave him the ability and confidence to move forward.

Without a big issue like divorce it is still possible to break the code. We need to find something we really want to do, something that we’re willing to stretch to get it. We need to acknowledge the way we think about the world. Our code is how we see ourselves and we need to deliberately step outside the code to get what we would really like in life - what is meaningful or what life we want to create for ourselves. If we create a picture beyond our current code it becomes the motivation and the key to break the code.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Rusty here. Our previous podcasts, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can find out more about Rusty and his work here. His book is Breaking the Code: Stop Looking for Answers and Start Enjoying Life