Lean in and learn. Finding the purpose to change.

David Richman is an author, public speaker, philanthropist and endurance athlete whose mission is to form more meaningful human connections through storytelling. He wrote Cycle of Lives, which shares the interconnected stories of people overcoming trauma and delves deeply into their emotional journeys with cancer.

David was on a quest to try to find out from real life experiences what are some of the difficulties people are encountering, how they navigate those conversations and what we can learn from them and bring to our own lives. He found that when many people try to navigate the emotional facets of the journey, they are not well equipped to have hard conversations or have deep authentic connections with people even their closet loved ones.

When David was at a super low point in life in his mid to late 30’s. He was overweight, a smoker, miserable, stressed and in an abusive marriage with an alcoholic wife.  He was also the father of four-year old twins. It was a destructive lifestyle going nowhere when he got the news about his sister ‘s terminal cancer diagnosis. He realised he had chance to change his life and live for the better but his is sister didn’t.

It wasn’t that easy to make changes. It was tough especially as he set out to find answers without little context – you can hear something fifty times but its not until you hear it the fifty-first that you get it. David heard his inside and outside voice as well as other people telling him that he needed to stop trying to find people to fix and to create problems to get out making changes. He knew he had no self-awareness or self care but he was aware of who he was and didn't like it. He saw himself for the first time and then he saw himself in reflection to his sister and their potential journeys. He had choices but she didn’t.

Someone then said something to him that didn’t make the transformation any easier but it did make the realisation that he had a lot of work to do easier. He was at a low point in his life, complaining about being tired, angry and having to watch his sister die. A friend told him that he’d been listening to him complaining for years and that he should look in the mirror and fix himself, that he needed to realise he was the problem not everyone else. It didn't make it easy but it opened his eyes about what he had to do and that he had to do it fast. The fact he needed to do it fast helped. He felt he didn’t have that much time and he wanted to live on purpose, to see himself for who he really was, to free his mind and forgive himself for his bad choices, the wasted time and the problems he had created. He wanted to lean in and learn. 

He didn't know what a sense of purpose was but he wanted to figure it out. He knew he was a good dad and a hard worker but what gave him purpose was to be present, to be in each moment, to spend time, make a choice that you want and are aware of and be open minded so you can live on purpose. You need to free your mind and let it go. This is your day one now so what can I lean in and learn?  David started with athletics – if he started by becoming healthy where would that lead him? What it led David to do was athletics, triathlons, ironman, 100-mile runs and a 5000-mile bike run. It has given him a lot of focus and purpose and helped solve problems that have crossed over into other areas of life.

In his book, Winning in the Middle of the Pack, he discusses how to get more out of ourselves than we ever imagined. Many people spend too much time thinking about winning or leading or being the best. Sometimes its enough to be yourself and be in the middle of the pack and make the best of yourself rather than being the best of the best or the best against anyone else. There are a lot of people who grow up looking for approval, thinking that other people see them in a different way or do they do things to please people because they think that’s who they need to be. When you think of people at the top such as Roger Federer they don't really care about what anybody thinks they care about what they think. They aren’t driven by outward approval they are driven by what they want to achieve. 

If you’re in the middle of the pack nobody is watching or cares because they are more focused on their own stuff. The only thing that matters is that you care and that you’re doing the best that you can do and that you make good choices – the only one who cares is the one you look at in the mirror.  

David is now leading very moving and transformative Expressive Writing Workshops geared towards people affected by all manner of trauma. He combines traditional expressive writing techniques with elements of both narrative and creative writing so that the participants will be well equipped to continue their expressive writing practices well beyond the workshops. Mental health is such an important topic and David brings his passion, skills, and unique approach to help people connect with their emotions in a whole new way and begin a healing journey.

You can find out more about David at https://david-richman.com/

In his book Winning in the Middle of the Pack, David discusses how to get more out of ourselves than ever imagined and in Cycle of Lives, he shares the interconnected stories of people overcoming trauma and delves deeply into their emotional journeys with cancer.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
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Cycle of Lives – Emotional connections with cancer

David Richman is an author, public speaker, philanthropist, and endurance athlete whose mission is to form more meaningful human connections through storytelling. He competes in Ironman triathlons and a wide range of endurance athletic events and has recently completed a solo 4,700-mile bike ride in 41 days. This was to connect with the people who contributed to his book Cycle of Lives, which shares the interconnected stories of people overcoming trauma and delves deeply into their emotional journeys with cancer.

David’s career working for a Wall Street firm was incredibly stressful. During the financial crisis he was managing up and down and things got very tough. He suffered from both external and self-inflicted stress – was overweight and a smoker, did no exercise and had four-year old twins, as well being in a relationship with an abusive alcoholic. He needed to make a change but it wasn’t until his only sister was diagnosed with terminal cancer that he started to change his life around.

He says it was like a light switch going on. His whole life he had been trying to be an overachiever for other people – a good kid, a good student, keeping his boss happy, impressing his employees. Whatever it was doing he was looking for external gratification. Eventually he understood the concept of having to do things for yourself and when he realised this, he took control of his life.

David combined the thought that his best days were ahead with forgiving himself for his past mistakes. He stopped smoking, lost weight and become physically active. He stopped worrying about what other people thought about him and his work and instead concentrated on what he thought about himself and his work. He feels it's very freeing to accept the idea that nobody is watching you and nobody cares about what you do. Everybody has their own problems and own life to deal with. We believe other people are judging us but really they’re not.   When David started doing endurance athletic events he soon realised that no one was taking any notice of what he was doing, what training he was undertaking and where and when he completed an event - he was just doing it solely for himself.

David grew up not wanting to upset his mother and he realises now that is where not doing things for himself or learning self-sufficiency or forgiveness started. Everyone has difficulties so it’s important not to compare yourself to other people. Your life is your life and some people are going though unbelievably traumatic experiences. He talked with his sister through her end of life journey and then went on to do an endurance event to raise money for the cancer centre that had cared for her. Through the contacts he made he realised that many people have great difficulty communicating the emotional side of trauma and cancer.

He decided to write a book that could help people deal with the emotional side of cancer such as how trauma affects the cancer or how we can better relate to someone going through cancer. He found a number of people with a wide range of emotional responses to cancer - doctors, nurses, patients and relatives - and talked to them about their stories. When the book was finished, he wanted to connect with the people he had worked with so organised his bike trip to meet them all. All the profits from book go to charity. Each of the participants came up with a charity they had an affinity to and the proceeds of sales will go to those charities.

As well as raise money, David’s aim is to start the conversation. He feels we all need to try to live our best life but do it because its what we want to do. What matters is the state of happiness that we choose to surround ourselves with and the emotional connections we make with people in life!

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about David here. Our previous podcasts, upcoming guest list and previous blogs also available.

You can find out more about David here.