Happiness or satisfaction?

 Keywords

Resilience – Satisfaction – Happiness – Cognitive Behavioural Therapy – Beyond Happiness

 Dr Jennifer Guttman received her doctorate in clinical psychology from Long Island University and began her career working at a family homeless shelter in New York. When she found that traditional protocols made it difficult for people to access her services, she fought to ensure that every resident could meet with her as often as they needed, working day and night to fulfil requests for services.  

Motivated by a desire to reach even more people, she started lecturing and opened a private practice where her approach fuses traditional cognitive-behavioural therapy techniques with her own core methods, which have been developed over thirty-plus years of personal interaction with her clients. The combination of these innovative methods and her unparalleled empathic abilities has enabled her to have a profound impact on thousands of patients from diverse walks of life.

Jennifer has just published a book called "Beyond Happiness: The Six Secrets of Lifetime Satisfaction." In it she differentiates between happiness and satisfaction, stating that happiness is fleeting and dependent on external factors, while satisfaction is within one's control and achievable through certain techniques. She believes that resilience can be found within satisfaction as it includes confidence, self-reliance, and self-respect and that happiness can be a choice to some extent.

Main topics

• The concept of resilience

• Why we should aim for long-term life satisfaction rather than constant happiness.

• The importance of not making assumptions and waiting for concrete evidence before acting.

• Differences in communication styles between genders

• The impact of people-pleasing behaviours on relationships.

• Facing fears as a means of personal growth and building confidence.

• The six techniques for sustainable life satisfaction

Timestamps

1.  Introductions: 00:02 - 00:51
2. Background and Expertise: 00.52 - 03:25
3. Agreement and Challenging Questions: 03.26 - 04:28
4. Moving Beyond Happiness to Satisfaction: 04.29 - 07:28
5. Defining Sustainable Life Satisfaction: 07.29 - 12:51
6. Exploring the Six Factors of Satisfaction: 2.52 - 14:14
7. Communication and Persuasion: 14.15 - 17:19
8. Communication Styles and Preferences: 17.20 – 20.56
9.  Overcoming Avoidance and Focusing: 20.57 -22:31
10. The Birth and Genesis of the Book: 22.32 - 25:16
11.Conclusion and Book Availability: 25.16 - 28:13 

Action items

• For more information about Jennifer visit https://www.guttmanpsychology.com/

• Jennifer’s book is Beyond Happiness: The Six Secrets of Lifetime Satisfaction

  You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.  

Paws for thought?

Back in 2017 Scottish brewer Brewdog announced that all employees who adopted a puppy or rescue dog could have one week’s paid leave to help settle in their new pet. Now, the increase in pet ownership that started during in pandemic has put the subject of paid leave to look after new pets back in the discussion of employee benefits.

Pawternity is the term used to describe the concept where companies offer their employees paid time off to take care of their new furry friends. Similar to maternity or paternity leave, pawternity leave recognises the importance of pets in our lives and the responsibility that comes with taking one on. Depending on the company policy, the leave can range from a few days to a couple of weeks and is designed to allow employees to bond with their new pet, provide necessary training, and ensure their pet's health and wellbeing during the crucial adjustment period.

Employers are not legally obliged to give their employees paid or unpaid ‘pawternity leave’ in the UK. Some do however because they consider it’s something that's valuable to their staff – essentially prioritising animal welfare but with a benefit to the organisation. A pawternity policy provides employees with all the benefits that come with pet ownership such as reduced blood pressure, lower stress levels and boosted mood. And, when employees are happier and more content, job satisfaction, office morale and employee productivity all improve. One study from the University of Warwick actually shows that happiness improves productivity by around 12%.

Of course, if the owners of new pets get time off work, what does everyone else get?  Whilst its great to offer employees generous perks, is it unfair to offer such benefits to a limited number of people? And where does it stop? Any organisation thinking of introducing a pawternity policy will have to be very clear on the terms - what constitutes a pet and whether the benefits will only apply to cat or dog owners or if they will be extended to other types of pet owners.

With all the current difficulties in attracting and retaining talent, Pawternity leave could appeal to people who value their work-life balance and the well being of their pets. With work related stress costing the UK economy millions of pounds each year in lost productivity, perhaps any way of cultivating a happier, healthier and more productive workforce should be considered?

Decide to be happy

Rob Dubin was an award winning filmmaker who owned his own company and travelled the world working for numerous Fortune 500 companies. At 42, he and his wife changed direction, sold their home and bought a sailboat and spent the next seventeen years sailing around the world, studying human happiness and fulfillment.

In his late 60s he then started speaking on happiness and fulfillment and when the great resignation hit in the US, he realised that people were leaving their jobs not just because they were unsatisfied with their jobs but also with their lives.  He now works with corporations on wellness, happiness and fulfillment so they can keep their employees and develop a different type of corporate culture.

Pre-pandemic in the US there was a notion that if you did all the right things, went to school, got an education, got a job, got married, had a family, got the white picket fence, got reasonable promotions along the way happiness would just happen to you. That's not actually the way happiness works. In the pandemic there was a paradigm shift where millions of people started asking themselves were they happy in life, was their life ending up how they imagined it. Lots of people said no its not and resigned in mass numbers.

The second paradigm shift was when people asked themselves questions about their dissatisfaction at work. The HR department always knew the answer was more money and better benefits. Now that people are asking if they were happy in life, the HR departments are at a loss. If compensation and benefits are the solution, the great resignation would be over by now. When people ask themselves the question why am I not happy and how can I be happy, most people don't now how to make themselves happy. In the old world we knew that more money would make us happy. In the new world no one knows the answer because few people know how to make themselves happy.

When Rob and his wife had finished sailing around the world, a lot of people wanted to hear their stories but Rob wanted to leave people with more. He had been very involved in the sailing world and spent considerable time with very wealthy people, millionaires and billionaires who were aiming who high-end yacht races. A short time later they were sailing to tiny islands in the Caribbean and Pacific and spending time with and barefoot villagers. Some the very wealthy people were happy and some unhappy and it was the same for the villagers so happiness is clearly not your circumstances.

Rob feels happiness is both a state and a skill. We think that when zxy happens we will be happy. This is true in a small sense but this kind of happiness only lasts for a short time – we buy a new car, a new house and are happy but a while later we want a different car or house. We get sucked into this idea because it’s partially true but in fact real happiness is just a decision you make to make to be happy. Once we make that decision Rob thinks we need to practice habits or skills of happiness daily over a period of time until they become habits. Once they become habits and part of what you are, happiness becomes part of who you are. Rob uses LIVE HAPPY as an acronym.

L - Learn optimism

I - Invent your new story

V - Value yourself

E - Exert emotional control

H - Happiness is a decision

A - A daily gratitude

P - Practice mindfulness

P - Practice contribution

Y - Your dreams

Rob feels that the way we know when are happy is that we feel a deep contentment that you know your life is going the way you want it and that it is what we thought it was going to be. Our experience of life is our emotions so that's how we describe our experience of life be it happy, sad or worried, these emotions become our life.

The change in direction in Rob’s came a year after he and his wife were part of a group of people who spent five nights in the wilderness after being lost in a winter blizzard in Colorado. People generally only survive one or two nights so after three nights the search for them was called off and they were given up for dead. The search made the news worldwide and when they were found safe, the first call they received was from the President of the United States who congratulated them on their survival. 

The aftermath however though was that Rob’s wife incurred frostbite which led to the doctors saying they would amputate both her feet and most of her fingers. Rob wondered what life was going to be in the future. He left the hospital distraught and helpless but the next morning he woke up feeling powerful. He went back to the hospital where he and his wife refused to sign the papers for the surgery and focused instead on a full recovery. They decided that was going to the outcome and although his wife was in hospital for 21 days and it took a full year, he did make a full recovery. Rob feels their story of resilience has three phases. The first was when they were out in the storm. The second was when they decided they were going to focus on a complete recovery and focus on a compelling future for the future and the third was the story they told themselves going forward – that we can accomplish what we want so lets sail round the world

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more Rob at Robdubin.com

Time to invest in ourselves.

Dr Russell Thackeray’s podcast from December 2020 talks about the rather strange circumstances we found ourselves in 2020 and how we could launch ourselves into 2021. Unfortunately, much of this is still very relevant to the uncertain times we find ourselves in again this year so we thought it could be useful to return to it. In this podcast:

There is no doubt that during 2020 we’ve seen the best - and the worst of people in the work environment. There have been tales of heroism and triumph. People who haven’t worked for a large part of the year have had to deal with the economic and mental health issues that brings whilst others have worked relentlessly and tirelessly with the possibility of burnout hitting at some point. People have moved from big, open plan offices with the support, and problems, that brings to the challenge of working at home, sometimes in an environment really not suited to work!

The one thing we can bring out of the whole situation is the importance of resilience. We have seen that people can whether the storm, they can keep going and even thrive but its important to realise that they can’t keep going forever. At this time of year we all really need to do one (or both) of two things:

·      Stop and rejuvanate ourselves or

·      Invest in ourselves to plan forward.

Firstly, we need to really stop and look at what we’re doing. Remember we’re on holiday so turn off the work mobile, don't look at the emails and don’t start on the presentation needed in the New Year. We have to have a break to renew. Try some meditation or breathing exercises, have some long, relaxing baths or get out for some walks in the countryside.

Stopping will also help you to think forward. If you feel stuck or aren’t happy then start planning! There are a huge number of free learning courses online to help obtain some new skills. Alternatively, check out the Wheel of Life, which can help us think and project forward through categories such as career, relationships finance and happiness. It will also highlight the fact that at different points in our lives, different things are important. For example, at the moment you may be prepared to work hard because its getting you where you want to go but alternatively, you might be coming to a point where you’re working equally hard but you realise it’s not giving you what you need so it’s time to stop and think about what you really want.

Once we stop we can then start to invest in ourselves. We can begin by being more mindful about the way we engage with ourselves, our partners and our friends and family and the time we dedicate to them. We can look at our immune system and the nutrients and vitamins it needs to improve our sleep and help us generally feel better. We can also look at our work environment. We need to make sure we can move about freely, take time away from screens and build in proper breaks rather than just keeping going.

Rolling forward, it looks as if the seas will be a bit choppy so thinking about the narrative we use can help our mental state. If we think 2021 is going to be terrible we’ll spend our time dreading what’s to come whereas if we adopt more of a ‘what will be’ attitude we’ll be able to deal with situations a lot better. Plan some things that you can look forward to. Just the process of booking future holidays, family events or days out helps change our mental state. Remember how confirmation bias helps give us the things we believe in. If, on balance, we think 2021 will be a positive year it’s far more likely to happen if we tell ourselves it will. 

Our mental state can also be affected by the constant flow of social media. The dopamine surge when we get ‘liked’ on Facebook can be pretty addictive so we need to keep a healthy sense of perspective. The same is true about the media generally. We need to become more rationally pragmatic so we can make measured decisions about what we see and read.

Above all else, we need to be kind to ourselves. 2020 has been a year like no other and we all deserve some time and some self-care.

The only other thing to say is that we hope you have a happy and safe Christmas and we look forward to catching up with you again in 2022!

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

Changing lane. Making impactful change.

Jennifer or Jen Crowley is based in Chicago and is an author, certified life coach and leadership consultant.

In her 30’s Jen thought she had life she was meant to have. Married with a son, she also had a high profile job as Vice President and General Manager of a wine distribution company. Suffering from all the stress and anxiety that goes with juggling a high pressure role and family life she then went through what she refers to as a six year character building period. Her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, then a while later her father was badly injured in a motorcycle accident. Both are now happily retired in Florida but as the only child, Jen had to provide considerable support. Then, the president of the company was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer and died very suddenly. Jen was emotionally and physically exhausted and wasn’t taking great care of herself.  Her job defined her so when the company was then sold to a large international group she decided to stick with it. There was an interesting and demanding integration period and as she went into her 40’s her life was very demanding – she was fighting for resources at work, fighting for time with her son and struggling in a marriage that was no longer working.

Finally, Jen and her husband divorced and at this point she started taking much better care of herself. She was eating well, meditating and communicating much better with the people around her. She became a coaching mentor at work and came to realise that people were comfortable around her. They would talk to her about their work, their anxieties and what was happening with their family and Jen found that trying to help people was the part of her job that she enjoyed most.

Six years after the company had been sold Jen realised that life wasn’t supposed to be so hard and took the decision to leave her twenty year wine career.  At 45 she decided that she needed to figure out what was going to happen next. She didn’t have any plans apart from taking three months off to get her head as clear as possible. Over the next three months she realised that although many people thought she should be happy because she seemed to have everything she needed, she wasn’t. She needed a different path where she could help other people. Initially she worked as a consultant to entrepreneurs but after a few months he made the decision to move into coaching.

Jen now works primarily with women looking to make impactful changes in themselves and in their lives. With a background in science, Jen’s approach to change is process driven and built around the importance of getting ready for change and then implementing it. In her coaching she deals with widespread issues, but many of her clients are in similar situations to the one she found herself in. Woman in their 40 ‘s who are realising that they are not happy, not doing things that they think are important or meaningful to them.

Jen feels the key to change is having open conversations and asking questions that dig down into what people really want. Sometimes people are so busy taking care of everyone else they simply need the time and opportunity to think and talk about themselves.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Jennifer here. Our previous podcasts, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can find out more about Jennifer at  changeablecoaching.com