Self-awareness. The number one leadership skill?

Keywords

Resilience – Leadership – Self-awareness – Engagement – Emotional Intelligence – Bad Bosses

In this episode of Resilience Unravelled Rob Kalwarowsky, a TEDx speaker and the co-host of the Leadership Launchpad Project, discusses his experience with bad bosses and the impact it had on his mental health. Rob shares how he overcame depression and launched a career in leadership coaching.

Before transitioning into leadership coaching and speaking, Rob spent over 10 years as an engineer within mining, oil pipelines, and consulting in heavy industry. He was also a 3-time Academic All-American in NCAA Water Polo and played on the U18 Canadian National Water Polo team.  Now he uses a combination of high-performance coaching, technology, and analytics to build winning teams and help leaders achieve their goals. 

Main topics

• The negative effects of toxic bosses on company performance and employee well-being

• The qualities a manager needs to build engagement

• Employee engagement as a measure of good leadership

• How work can provide meaning and purpose

• Mindset, self-awareness, and the importance of self-management

• Internal and external awareness

• The need for emotional intelligence in leadership

• Resources for dealing with bad bosses

• Internal family systems and how it breaks down the internal world into parts or masks.

Timestamps

1: Introductions - 00:02 - 02:29
2: The Importance of Deep Work - 02.30 - 05:19
3: Self-Awareness as the Key Leadership Skill - 05.20 - 07:22
4: The Link Between Leadership and Engagement - 7.23 - 09:10
5: The Role of Managers in Building Engagement - 09.11 - 12:51
6: Leveraging Strengths and Purpose in Leadership - 12.53 - 18:01
7: Emotional Intelligence and Relational Intelligence - 18.02 - 23.02
8: Conclusion and Further Resources - 23.03 - 26.43

Action items

• Listen to Rob’s "Leadership Launchpad Project"

• Visit his website howtodealboss.com to access a free eBook on dealing with a bad boss. Use the code "resilience" to get $50 off the program offered on the website.

• Check out Robs Elite Performance page.

 You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.   

The challenge of working in a family business

David Bentall is based in Vancouver and has really has two careers. The first was following his father and grandfather into the family real estate and construction businesses where he rose to be the President of Commercial Construction. However, as can happen with family businesses, things went sour when his father and two of his brothers fell out and the business was sold. Since then, David has become an author and consultant, using his to help other families to get a better result.

Family businesses are the backbone of the global economy. One of the biggest challenges they face is the relationship between different aspects of the business, the corporate role/personal relationship or the owner/employee. David was only an 8% owner of the family business but he wanted to put his ownership hat on all the time. On reflection, he realises that he needed to learn to use his employee hat more often. There is also the relationship between the founders of the business, the 2nd generation who drive things forward and then the 3rd generation where often things start to go wrong. There is a lot of background evidence around the ideas of succession and moving the business forward. Bringing new ideas on board can be difficult because of the power dynamics in a family business.

One of the critical dynamics of a family business is to manage relationships. Before you manage businesses, you have to manage yourself. David is very interested in the role of Emotional Intelligence as a catalyst for better relationships. He thinks that if he had been more patient it would have made a difference in his relationship with his family. He thought being impatient was a virtue, he was a young, driving executive who wanted to make things happen but making things happen destroyed his relationship with his uncle. The two characteristics David thinks would have made a difference are more patience and more humility.

Many people come into a family business as part of the succession plan and never work anywhere else. David feels they need work outside of the family business to gain some perspective. He worked for two years for an outside company and found there were many advantages but the main one was to develop credibility with both non-family employees and with other family members.

Working with an outside company helps develop different skills such as dealing with people.  You might not like other members of your family but they might be good at driving the business forward.  Skills need to be developed and it’s good to get genuine feedback from other people about your performance. At one point David had a mentor who would ask all eleven of the vice presidents working for David what things he had done badly recently.  He would then back and they would sort it out – in other words he got the real world thrown in his face twice a year!

The role of ego is also important. David played sport at college so he learned how important it was to be self-confident as an athlete but right beside this is pride. When he was brought into the family company he had a very inflated view of himself and this was further fuelled by his father who wanted him to become president. He could see no wrong in David and as he was the largest shareholder and president of the board it allowed David’s confidence in himself to undermine his willingness to admit he didn't know everything. Arrogance and pride can be an enormous problem and he thought he had all the answers.

There is a balance to be had between confidence and assuredness and arrogance and obstinacy. Sometimes wisdom brings that to the point of fruition. Wisdom comes from making mistakes - you can be wise and 20 or 60 and not wise at all. In his 40s David took up competitive water skiing and he was often nervous before an event. He told his coach that he wanted to be more self confident but the coach said that wasn’t the case, what was needed was to be confident in the process. There is a difference between focusing on doing the right things and thinking you are always right.

In some family businesses things are left to chance, things are not written down, not made clear about how things are set up and meant to work. There is an implied trust that everyone is working together but this is a dangerous assumption to build a company on. Family members are not always loyal and can decide not to work together. They don't always get on well and one person can turn against the rest of the family is they feel there is something to gain. Family bonds are more personal and can be more vicious. 

You can find out more about David at nextstepadvisors.ca David is also an author and his book, Dear Younger Me: Wisdom for Family Enterprise Successors explores the character traits critical for navigating the interpersonal demands of a family business enterprise.

   You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions. 

Leadership skills for the smartest person in the room

Christian Espinosa is an entrepreneur, a cyber security engineer, a certified high-performance coach, a professor, and a lover of heavy metal music and spicy food. He’s also an Air Force veteran and Ironman triathlete. Christian used to value being the “smartest guy in the room,” only to realise that his greatest contribution to the fight against cybercrime is his ability to bring awareness to the issue through effective communication and leadership training. Christian is a speaker, coach, and trainer in the secure methodology, helping to make the smartest people in the room the best leaders in the field.

Christian has spent almost 30 years in cyber security, initially in the military before forming his own company in 2014.  He found that most of the problems he had in his company were not because his staff lacked technical skills or processes, frameworks or procedures, it was because they didn't have people skills. He was hiring staff because of their technical aptitude and not looking at the cultural fit or their interpersonal skills and this opened him up to the problem or challenge that faced the whole industry. He realised that this was a recurring problem and one he needed to solve in his organisation - to bring back people skills to compliment his staffs already high IQ.

Christian feels that a lot of people want to proliferate the idea that if you are super smart, rationally smart with a super high IQ that you don't have any people skills. This idea has been tolerated for so long that it has become mainstream and acceptable but like any other skill it is something you can learn. A lot of people who are super high IQ will brag about how smart they are but, if you are super smart, you should be able to learn people skills. Somehow though they are resistant to this, perhaps because it is outside their comfort zone

When he looked back at his own career Christian realised he was trying to be smarter than other people. He realised that he was part of the problem and thought that if he could improve people skills or emotional intelligence it would help him go further in his career. Additionally, when you own your own business you have to also manage your team and use a different skill set than just hands on the keyboard. With your own business you need to be very practical, show empathy and insight, be able to explain and communicate and deal with conflict. These are often referred to as emotional intelligence or soft skills but they are not soft skills, they are fundamental to leadership.

Christian feels there should be a programme around developing leadership skills that tie into people skills and emotional intelligence.  A lot of companies will take their best engineers or technicians and promote them to a leadership position without giving them any training  - they assume that because they were good in a technical role they’ll be good in a leadership role.

They are however two dramatically different skillsets. If you are going to promote someone to a management or leadership role there should be a lot of training and awareness that just because someone is good as an operator it doesn't mean they'll be good as a leader.  Christian feels there is a difference between leadership and management. Leadership is about leading yourself first and then leading and influencing others to accomplish something whilst management is about keeping everything on track and less about influencing people.

There is also a feeling that as we skill leaders up to be more sensible and rounded, somehow their rational side diminishes as we improve one the other falls away.  In the past technical staff wouldn't want to take a leadership role because their technical skills would reduce and they would become obsolete. This needs to change. The technical skills will still be there because they maintain the high rational intelligence but they are just adding the people skills. You can pick up the technical skills again if you need to but if you add well developed people skills you will be an awesome leader because its rare for someone to have both skill sets

There has also been an idea that if you promote your best technical or sales person and put them into a management role, it’s somehow seen as a lesser career. Perhaps this is because those skills are more transferable or easier to acquire but you can always fall back into your technical side if management doesn’t work out but these things are massively important in themselves

Cultural, life and people skills and emotional intelligence has an infinite shelf life. Technical skills though have a finite shelf life because there will be new technology and updates. From a investment of time perspective, it makes more sense to learn skills that are always going to be applicable in a broader spectrum, skills that will help you across everything otherwise you are pigeon holing yourself into one specific thing.  If you develop people skills then they will applicable for the rest of your life. Dealing with conflict or having crucial conversations will be situations that will play out for the rest of your life. That’s why they have an infinite shelf life. If you get better at a specific cyber security tool or a specific technical aspect at some point that thing will change and the skill set become obsolete.

The first thing Christian learned about emotional intelligence was the awareness that he was part of the problem. We all want to be understood, appreciated and significant and in the past he felt significant by knowing more, being faster and by achieving more but he realised once he had the awareness that he was causing conflict with relationships by always trying to outdo somebody. He was never able to belong to anything because he was always trying to achieve more than everybody else. Reflecting back on his own journey was pretty sobering but he now has awareness but the awareness needs to be actionable or it doesn't really matter – knowledge is not power unless you can do something with it.

We all have unique skill sets and the goal of a leader is to work harmoniously with those skills. A lot of this requires a baseline level in people skills. We don't need to develop everybody to the maximum but if you are going to collaborate, communicate and deal with conflict it helps if we have some tools especially if someone isn’t used to having these sort of conversations. If we can communicate effectively, we are working on the solutions to the challenges, which in turn help the overall organisation.

Christian’s book ‘The Smartest Person in the Room’ is available here or you can find out more able Christian at https://christianespinosa.com/

  You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.
 

Intimidating? Me?

Nobody likes working in an intimidating work environment. The problem is some people don’t know the effect they have on people. They think they operate in a collaborative culture and value input from their staff but the office goes quiet when they walk in, people won’t look them in the eye and are nervous when asked to complete a task!

Intended or not, intimidation implies a threat and some people just aren’t able to regulate their responses to others. They lack ‘Emotional Intelligence’. Their mood or emotional state makes them seem threatening and they use phrases and body language that are ‘too powerful’. That said, most people don’t deliberately try to intimidate their co-workers - it's obviously much better to motivate and inspire your team rather than intimidate them into action.

Whilst the intimidation could be created by something you can’t actually control, such as being taller and towering over other people, it is possible to change some of your actions to help foster an open environment where employees feel able to express themselves. 

• Look for what people do well and congratulate them

• Focus your attention solely on the person you’re talking to

• Be an active listener

• Ask how you can help

• Use open body language

• Maintain good eye contact and smile

• Admit to mistakes you make

• Try to be more relaxed

• Be a continuous, lifelong learner

• Ask for constructive feedback

Very few leaders set out to be intimidating. Most have a real desire to get along with their employees and build relationships based on mutual trust and respect but no one is immune to intimidating staff.

By better understanding how to moderate unspoken gestures and spoken reactions, being real with other people, setting aside the quest to win or be perfect, and being as compassionate to those around you as you would be to yourself means you’ll be better equipped to avoid being seen as intimidating.

Meditation for gratitude and forgiveness.

Lori Saitz is the CEO of Zen Rabbit and host of the podcast “FINE is a 4-Letter Word.” She’s an award-winning writer, speaker, and broadcaster, and a nationally recognized expert in using gratitude and meditation to manifest goals faster. Lori has over twenty-five years experience in marketing and is now teaching the concept of gratitude and meditation. Her mission is to teach the world to become grounded no matter what is going on around them. This means taking a pause to respond to situations instead of jumping straight away by reacting as though your hair is on fire - which seems to be the way the world works right now.

There is an overwhelm of information being thrown at us on a daily basis. The amount of information we are exposed to every day is the equivalent of what our grandparents were exposed to over their entire lifetime. We have not evolved to the point where we can process all this efficiently and discern what’s true, what not true, what do I need to pay attention to or what can I ignore.

In a busy world where there is a lot going on around us we are often told that we need to spend a lot of time meditating each day. Lori doesn't agree with this. There is no one right way to meditate there are many. It’s about finding the thing that works for you. It doesn't have to take a lot of time. You could spend just ten minutes and she sees this more as an investment of time because meditation helps you be more focused and productive so fifteen minutes meditating is actually buying yourself time.

Research and science shows that meditation actually enhances creativity so you can come at a problem with several different angles and be more creative about solving it. It decreases anxiety and in a more relaxed state you are open to getting more insights and having more breakthroughs. The other thing that meditation can do is enhance emotional intelligence which makes you more empathetic, less likely to act impulsively and get frustrated in an emotionally charged situation and make interactions easier.

Gratitude is another powerful way to reprogramme your brain because you are strengthening your neural pathways. When you are practicing gratitude they get stronger. The more your can find gratitude for what’s happening in your world the stronger the neural pathways will become. The brain chemistry actually changes. Feelgood chemicals like dopamine increase and cortisol the stress hormone reduces so you can get a reduction in physical pain and an increase in the effectiveness of your immune system.

On a practical everyday basis, we live in a world that loves complaining and criticising When you want to become more grateful recognise when you are complaining or criticising and add on this phrase – but I’m grateful for it. The more you do that, the more proactive you get into doing that the more you will catch yourself and naturally start seeing more things to be grateful for. Sometimes it’s had to find the greater good about a situation until you are a little more removed from it but you can still find some element of gratitude in it.

Forgiveness is releasing gratitude within yourself. Again can you find gratitude in a situation where someone has wronged you?  By allowing forgiveness nothing changes for the other person but everything changes within you. Forgiveness doesn’t absolve the other person from their guilt rather its actually forgiving yourself. You have to be able to learn the lesson – if you can find gratitude for that situation then again you’re giving yourself that piece of mind and sense of calm.

You can find out more about Lori at https://zenrabbit.com/

 You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.

The importance of soft skills

As UK business sets its sights on recovery and growth from the pandemic, more than ever emotionally intelligent employees with soft skills such as resilience, empathy, communication, problem solving, teamwork and self-confidence, are needed to help the organisation navigate through current and future change.

Advances in technology and the increase in home working means many roles have evolved and ensuring employees are equipped with the right soft skills for their role is essential. Looking at what soft skills their teams already possess and then what other qualities they would like them to have is the starting point. Then, on-the-job learning, coaching and feedback, as well as training courses can help an employee in their development. These skills should then become part of the company’s culture with the opportunity for continuous development to encourage individual and personal growth.

In an ever-changing environment, where businesses need to be on top of their game to succeed, employees who demonstrate these qualities can make a real contribution to its success.