Empowering Change.  Lessons I Learned from the Tortoise.

Donna P. Dahl is a master empowerment coach who works with individuals looking to take a step forward into the realm of confidence and enthusiasm. She is also a professional book development coach and feels stepping in to the foray of building a manuscript is a very special and intimate process that deserves all the care that can be brought to it.

It had never occurred to Donna to write a book herself but ten years after a car accident she was invited to write an article for a magazine. She didn't think she was qualified or an appropriate choice or that what she had to say would really matter but she started working on it. Writing and putting words together on paper had become a very difficult exercise post accident and it took three weeks to write a thousand words. When she finished it, she hesitated about sending it but her husband finally said ‘just send it’. She did and five minutes later the publisher sent a message back saying it was perfect.

Donna wasn’t sure she wanted to do it again as the bench mark had been set really high and she didn’t want to set herself up for failure. She wasn’t very confident in her ability to do something twice let alone three times but when the article came out she was challenged to make it into a book. She wasn't certain but she kept being prodded until finally she decided to see if she could do it. The first draft was fifty-three pages and she decided she could work to make it into a book and fourteen months after the article was published she launched a book and that book launched a coaching enterprise and that's what she’s been doing for seventeen years.

Sometimes something as unfortunate as an accident can provide choices and opportunities although it doesn’t feel like that at like that at the time. Donna went through a long grieving process for the things in her mind that she thought were lost - her former career and the social environment at work. She was in a situation where she was alone and needed to find a way to support her belief in herself and that she could heal. When people around you cant see there is anything different, its difficult for them to understand that what’s going on inside is different.

Donna had lost functionality in her right arm and hand in the accident and had difficulty with walking, with short-term memory and being able to engage in conversations. She could tell you that had something for breakfast that was round, that you could peel and came out in sections but someone the word orange wasn’t in her memory. In situations like this people can see how you deal with a lack of right arm functionality but when you have a mind or brain impairment people cant see it so its very hard to deal with. It's a challenge for people to be able to articulate and get treated for this type of situation.

As soon as we attach the word mental to something people seem to want to go into denial.  Because we can’t see, feel, smell or touch it, its vague but Donna feels that neural science is making tremendous advances and that we can do things in our work environment as teams, as leaders or as freelancers or entrepreneurs that we can do for ourselves in order to maintain our wellness of mind.

Many people feel they have a book in them but never start it. Donna feels it’s important to start with the ‘why’. Why would I write this book? Would I be writing it as a legacy for future generations of my family? Am I writing it to help support the realm of wisdom in the particular area I’m excited about? Would this be a children’s story that has value in the lessons that it beings or opportunities for discussion? Whether its sharing recipes you made with grandma, bedtime stories you told your children or something in the area of thought leadership, are you building something that has some sort of remarkability about it? Something that engages and invites people to the conversation. It doesn't really matter what the topic is, it's the why that will drive and motivate you to commit to the task and get it done.

There is more resilience required in writing than anything else because it brings together being judged and critiqued about what you've written very personally. Even if it's a non-fiction book that critique is about something you generated yourself. It’s very hard to separate ourselves from the words we’ve written and the content we’ve delivered. If you remember a time in your life at university for instance where your examination was being graded, there were times when you felt as though the evaluation that appeared on your report card exhilarated and empowered you to do even better next time but there were other times when you felt diminished, disheartened and that quitting would have been the best choice.

Donna cautions people if they are looking for critiquing to choose their critique wisely because there is no one size fits all. Donna prides herself on her ability to bring out the best in the people she works with who are becoming authors so that at the end of the exercise they can take a deep breathe and say yes! Whether it moves towards the stage of being published or not is their personal choice. What she is dealing with is fulfilling the goal to complete the manuscript.

Donna’s book ‘Lessons I learned from the tortoise’ contains twenty-two lessons that Aesop didn't write about.  One of the stories is about multitasking and how if you’re moving from one thing to another you are simply moving from one level of distraction to another so at the end of the day you feel you have accomplished nothing. Sometimes it can feel as if we are being drawn in different directions but we need to just focus on one thing, get that done and then move on the next. When it comes to having a multiplicity of choices in front of you try to think of them as individual purchases you are going to make.  How would you prioritise the purchase list? Which one would come first? Part of the problem is that we are governed by other people mistakes and we need the discipline to do deep work.

There is another aspect that is important. Research tells us that when we continually shift our focus from one thing to another we are encouraging our brains to not be able to sustain attention to a task and that is critical in teams of workplace wellbeing if we expect our team members to sustain attention to a task for fifteen minutes of each hour. This the beginning of how we develop things like neuroplasticity not just doing different things but doing them to a high level and not just skimming over the surface.

 You can find out more about Donna here.

 You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative
Resilience and Burnout solutions.

Redefinng midlife for women

Jacqueline or Jack Perez runs a digital platform dedicated to normalising ageing for women through highly curated content and women driven brands. Jack feels that ageism is the last ism left and it's the one we do mostly to ourselves.

Jack feels that it’s something that happens to a lot of women when we start to look in the mirror at a certain age and don't particularly like what is reflected back to us.  It could be a line, a wrinkle, a sag or an age spot but we start to feel ‘less than’ and to internalise bad self talk that we are not as valuable. In North America there is also a very user centric culture so it adds to the feeling of being devalued over time.

There is currently a big push in society around the science of longevity. This can be a challenge as we are often not very good at knowing how to live as we get older, primarily because we are very family centric. Kids grow up and leave home and you’re left with a relationship that's slightly festered over the years or on your own and wondering what do you do next. Both women and men in their 50’s are thinking that they could have 30 or 40 years of this, but 30 or 40 years of what?

In the UK we’ve seen what’s known as 3rd age phenomenon which is rethinking that.  There is a big zeitgeist of people who are excited by this stage in their lives, have been liberated from everything else, are old enough not to care sometimes but also to have the wherewithal to think ‘OK what could be next?’ They are looking for a source of information, a friendly face or place that relates to them where they and say ‘this is something that I could do or someone who I could be’.

At the moment we are in a unique position. The average lifespan of a white woman in the early 1900’s was 51. Although there were people who lived to their 80s or 90s this was not as a cohort or large sector of the population. Now is the first time that there is a very large number or a high concentration of people in this space. The Baby Boomers, the Gen X’s and now even the older Millenials are all entering this space and the exciting thing is that we get to define what that seed change looks like and the new paradigm. Women are hungry to look for the modeling of ‘what can my life look like in my 60s 70s and 80s?’ This is why Jack built the platform and brought together global thought leaders on the topics that are important to women in the extra years that they didn’t get 100 years ago.

The idea of having a community of liberated free thinkers seems to be quite exciting. Every day a new article gets pushed out about a relevant topic. It doesn’t shy away from the tough subjects but deals with them in an empowering, kind and productive manner. It’s not about shaming or scaring anyone rather its about providing valuable information that's actionable in the different areas. For example, if you’re looking in your closet as a 55 or 58 year old and asking ‘can I wear any of the stuff I used to wear when I was in my 30s or 40s?’ There are articles about fashion in mid life and beyond and article about skin care and makeup. The best place to start is the About page. Just scroll down so you can access articles from women around the world and find the topic that's relevant to you.

Jack found that when she was going through menopause herself she couldn't find any positive relevant information to help her so she started the platform because she didn't want other women to feel alone or scared. Loneliness and isolation are leading indicators of longevity – you will live longer if you have connections with other humans. Neither smoking, drinking nor being obese are not as dangerous to your health as being isolated and lonely.  They are also major causes of depression and also dementia. In a world where we are more connected we are increasingly isolated.

Jack earned her MBA from the University of Chicago and was then hired by Hewlett Packard in San Francisco where she worked for several years. She wasn't really corporate material though so in 1999 she left the corporate world and started a PR and marketing business with her then husband. It was the heyday of the late 90s with .com bubble and lots of venture capital money. It was a very buoyant environment but not at all sustainable in the longer term. Jack became a single mum late in life so started working in smaller companies in fractional executive roles that helped her spend more time with her child. She then went through the menopause and that's when she realised she needed to do something not for her but for everyone else!

There does seem to be a reappraisal of ones life at the time of menopause and there is science behind this. It's a time when women lose a lot of the hormones that make them maternal and want to take care of people. Post menopause many don't feel as maternal as they used to. Jack didn't realise just how tied she was to that feeling, need, drive or biological imperative. She had no idea how critical, crucial or all encompassing it was until it dissipated. Women can also become more vibrant at this time of life so if there is a mismatch in a relationship it can become more evident and, in the US, the highest number of divorces are issued by women aged 50 and above. There seems to be a lot of women who at 50 just say ‘I don't want to be married to you any more’ perhaps because the dream has changed or been fulfilled in a way.

The idea that we should be empowered to go out and start a new life is exciting. The problem and opportunity with a youth culture is that older people are often seen as wiser and are used as mentors. Younger people want to gain an edge and this often comes from people who have been there and done it before. Interestingly, the platform attracts younger people as well as the target market with half of the audience being under 45. Jack feels that this is because they are curious about what is coming so they are empowering themselves by learning.

You can find out more about Jack at www.kuellife.com or info@kuellife.com

    You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative
Resilience and Burnout solutions.

Fashion as empowerment. Social responsibility, technology and resilience.

Jonathan Joseph believes that fashion is for everyone. He started his company Little Red Fashion as way to educate children about the fashion industry through tech-enhanced books and resources that empower the next generation of fashion lovers, leaders, consumers, and creatives through a lens of DEI and sustainability.

Jonathan worked as a consultant in the woman’s luxury fashion and sportswear industry. During this time he saw a lot of toxicity and negativity that not only affected people working in the industry but also consumers through marketing and advertising. He thought that it would be possible to shortcut some of these issues such as the body dysmorphia created by unrealistic standards by empowering children rather than fixing broken adults.

After being left at an orphanage in Columbia when he was a baby, Jonathan was adopted when he was nine months old. He then grew up in New York where he was diagnosed with Ataxic Cerebral Palsy (ACP). This is a very rare type of Cerebral Palsy that affects perception, balance and fine motor skills but Jonathan’s parents taught him to be resilient. He wasn’t treated any differently by his family. It was ‘OK you have Cerebral Palsy but you can find ways around it and we will fight for you’.

Living with ACP became normal for Jonathan. His is non generative and when he was younger he undertook a lot of physical and occupational therapy. He also had to wear leg braces and these helped get him into fashion. His Mother was always looking for ways to empower him against the ACP by finding clothes and accessories that provided ‘armour’ in a world that may otherwise have been judgmental. Jonathan feels his Mother was a great role model. She was diagnosed with breast cancer before he was born and he can remember when she was going for chemo or radiation treatment she always had a scarf and her favourite Dior sunglasses - her armour for a situation that was disempowering by its nature.

Jonathan feels that you can use fashion as part of your therapeutic approach by creating a persona or armour or by realising that how you currently present yourself might be part of your ongoing issues. There is also the opportunity to use fashion as a lens to deconstruct the negative things that the fashion industry is notorious for. Fashion is a double-edged sword.  It can be very empowering but you can also get wrapped up in the consumer culture that puts a premium on fashion to the detriment of financial or mental health. The need is to create a healthy relationship between fashion, the consumer culture and children. Children need to realise that whatever their online personality is it comes from them and should be empowering. As long as they are aware of that then they are approaching it in a healthy way.

The fashion industry brings together a lot of topics under its umbrella, business, design and textiles for example. Jonathan’s company Little Red Fashion uses fashion as a lens to talk about and deconstruct complex issues and broker conversations between children and adults. Fashion is infinitely relateable and can play a role in how children navigate the world. Jonathan uses augmented reality (AR) to help highlight the goals of diversity, equity, inclusion, and sustainability by enhancing static resources like books to make them more dynamic and interactive and easier to engage with things such as body positivity They also have a fashion mentorship scheme so children and families can get resources and insights from professionals across the field in different disciplines that may inspire them – helping to move away from the ‘need to know someone in the industry’.

Jonathan’s first book The Little Red Dress is available on website preorders from February 2022

You can find out more about Jonathan and Little Red Fashion here.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.