Building talent-centric organisations

 Keywords – Resilience – Communication Style – Leadership Alignment – Performance –Talent-centric

 In this episode of Resilience Unravelled, Dr Russell Thackeray talks to Carol Schultz a talent equity and leadership advisory expert. Recognised for her proficiency in corporate leadership, Carol spent three decades helping executives gain clarity in their careers, make bold leadership moves, and create cultures of performance.

In this podcast Carol talks about her work helping companies build talent-centric organisations. She explains that leadership alignment is crucial to achieving this goal and that she often starts with discovery meetings to identify gaps in vision and communication. She also discusses generational differences in communication preferences, the importance of diversity for avoiding groupthink and the challenge of dealing with conflict as a leader.

Carol also discusses the importance of communication and coaching for effective workplace relationships. She believes that blind spot awareness is crucial for building a talent-centric organisation but acknowledges that not all successful organisations prioritise this. She also talks about the challenge of working with people who have different beliefs or backgrounds, and how to navigate personal issues in the workplace.

Finally, she mentions her book "Powered by People," which focuses on recruitment, retention, and revenue in talent-centric organisations.

Main topics

• discovering gaps in vision, business strategy, and communication

• the differences in communication between generations

• the importance of effective communication and understanding

• coaching to uncover blind spots and give AHA moments

• getting leadership teams aligned so they can take action on other matters

• the need for effective team communication

• understanding the preferred communication style of team members

• addressing personal issues that may affect an employee's performance in the workplace.

• why leadership teams should be open to conversations about improving organisational performance

Timestamps

1: Introduction and Guest Introduction (0:00-0:24)
2: Aligning Leadership Teams (0:50-2:58)
3: Communication Differences (3:06-4:37)
4: Effective Communication Strategies (5:20-6:35)
5: Coaching for Improved Communication (15:06-17:16)
6: Overcoming Personal Biases (18:10-20:47)
7: Addressing Organisational Issues (21:03-23:26)
8: Guest's Book and Interview (25:09-27:39) 

Action items

• Read Carol’s book Powered By People: How Talent-Centric Organizations Master Recruitment, Retention, and Revenue (and How to Build One) 

• Find out more about Carol at  verticalelevation.com.

 You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.  

Making remote management work

 Keywords - Resilience – Working Remotely – Travelling - Change - Remote Works

In this episode of Resilience Unravelled Ali Green, a digital nomad who has been traveling full time since 2017, shares her experiences of working remotely and living a life of constant change. She talks about how she learned to keep in touch with her company while traveling and how she found success as an employee, freelancer, consultant, and writer. Ali also discusses the challenges of building deep relationships while constantly on the move and emphasises that it's possible to find your tribe even when you're not physically around them. She shares her most challenging experience in Asia where being far from her support system made her feel isolated at times.

Finally, she reveals some of her top experiences so far as a digital nomad- including skydiving in Brazil and organising a trip to Japan for remote co-workers which helped deepen their bond despite never meeting again in person.

She is also the co-author of the book "Remote Works: Managing for Freedom, Flexibility and Focus," which discusses her experiences with remote work and travel. She emphasises the benefits of embracing a resilient mindset to navigate the challenges that come with this lifestyle, such as language barriers and cultural differences. The book offers practical advice for managers on how to effectively lead remote teams and maximise productivity.

Main topics

• Ali's top three experiences while traveling.

• How Ali developed resilience while traveling and working remotely.

• The future of remote work.

• How to form and maintain connections while traveling.

• The importance of having a support system while traveling.

• The challenges of working remotely and managing a team in different time zones.

• The benefits of asynchronous communication in remote work.

Timestamps

1: Introduction and Background 00:02-03:17
2: Early Childhood Experiences 03:35-04:42
3: Professional Struggles 05:52-06:44
4: Nomadic Lifestyle 06:55-08:15
5: Top Experiences 12:46-15:47
6: Remote Work 19:01-22:16
7: Conclusion 23:30-24:27

Action items

• Read Ali's book on remote working, "Remote Works Managing for Freedom, Flexibility and Focus".

• Look for Ali on LinkedIn to connect with her.

   You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.  

Intentional Leadership

 Keywords - Resilience – Leadership – Intentionality – Implicit Bias

In this episode of Resilience Unravelled Dr Kristen Albert. a leadership coach and podcaster with 30 years of experience in education, discusses her definition of leadership, the importance of intentionality and the aspects positively correlated to leadership effectiveness.

Kristen believes that everyone at every level is capable and responsible for leading within their sphere of influence and talks about the need to change the traditional paradigms surrounding what it means to be a leader. She also discusses how intuition can be misleading but that listening to one's body can provide valuable insight into decision making and her advocacy for diversity and equality in leadership positions.

Main topics

• the leadership circle profile

• hierarchy and leadership

• the need for intentionality in leadership

• the importance of personal work in recognising implicit bias and benefiting from systems that have been created over time.

• the need for leaders to remove fear from the workplace and create psychological safety.

Timestamps

1: Introductions 00:02--00:40
2. Defining Leadership 02:05-03:45
3: Details of Leadership 04:18-06:57
4: Harnessing Potential of Difference 14:30-16:25
5: Personal Leadership 22:10-23:08
6: Ways to Work with Kristen Albert 23:26-25:46
7: Conclusion 25:48-26:20

Action items

•  Find out more about Kristen's Turning Points program which offers leadership coaching, a community, and positive intelligence coaching.

• Listen to her Turning Points in Leadership podcast.

• Visit Liveworksatisfied.com to learn more about Kristen's coaching services.

   You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.  

Lyrical Leadership and the five-step path of transformation.

Keywords - Resilience – Leadership – Poetry – Control - AI

In this episode of Resilience Unravelled, Aneace Haddad, an executive coach and author based in Singapore who talks about his background as a former tech entrepreneur turned leadership coach and writer. He talks about his recently published book, "The Eagle That Drank Hummingbird Nectar," which explores the concept of lyrical leadership through the five-step path of transformation - entering the path, resilience, limiting beliefs, innovation, and mindfulness – to enable leaders to let go of limiting beliefs and labels to become more resilient. The book is structured as a fictionalised account of his experiences and draws on Eastern philosophy principles without explicitly mentioning mindfulness.

Main topics

• The importance of relinquishing control to create a new culture that can solve complex problems.

• The concept of lyrical leadership

• The value of letting go of rigid labels and authority while maintaining some control

• The illusion of self and mindfulness

• Overcoming contradictions and balancing innovation and results

Timestamps

1: Introductions 00:00-00:36
2: Aneace’s background and career 00:41-02:19
3: Aneace's novel and writing process 02:19-04:11
4: Lyrical Leadership and Aneace's approach to coaching 04:46-06:39
5: Aneace's Book "The Dream", Five Steps to Resilience, and Letting Go 06:56-09:49
6: Detaching the illusion of self and mindfulness 11:29-14:33
7: Overcoming contradictions and balancing innovation with results 15:04-16:43
8: Chat GPT and the future of writing 17:43-21:15
9: Contact information 21:52-22:39
10: Conclusion and Farewell 23:00-23:17

Action items

• Find out more about Aneace at aneace.com

• Read Aneace’s book The Eagle That Drank Hummingbird Nectar

  You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.  

Share your story.

Keywords - Resilience – Storytelling – Narrative – Journaling

In this episode of Resilience Unravelled Molly Sider,  a storytelling coach, shares her journey to discovering the power of personal narratives and how telling our stories can create connections with others. She encourages people to get vulnerable and share their stories in whatever way feels comfortable for them, whether it be with friends or writing it down. Molly emphasises that sharing our stories helps us humanise ourselves and others and creates compassion and empathy. The act of hiding our true selves takes up unnecessary energy, so we should aim to release these little bits about ourselves in order to live more authentically.

Main topics

• The benefits of sharing personal stories and experiences.

• How opening up can help individuals understand their core identity and values.

• How privacy is okay for those who are uncomfortable with sharing personal details.

• The importance of interpersonal communication in calming one's nervous system and reducing stress.

• How listeners can start small by journaling or listening to others' stories before sharing their own.

Timestamps

1: Introduction Russell welcomes the audience and introduces Molly. 00:02
2: Getting to Know the Guest. Russell asks Molly how she is and about her background and how she discovered storytelling. 00:14-00:47
3: The Power of Storytelling. Molly talks about her experience with storytelling, the benefits of storytelling, and how it can create an immediate connection with the audience.02:38-06:23
4: Sharing Your Story. Molly and Russell talk about different ways to share your story, including journaling, talking to friends, and professional help. They also discuss the importance of picking and choosing when and how to share your story. 08:33-15:22
5: Listening to Other People's Stories. Molly and Russell discuss the importance of listening to other people's stories and how it can help you understand yourself better. 19:25-20:04
6: Working with the Guest. Molly talks about the work she does as a life coach and how she helps people share their change stories. 20:23-22:13
7: Conclusion. Russell thanks Molly and provides information on how to contact her.22:13-22:18

Action items

• Listen to Molly’s podcast I Am This Age a platform for people who have made big life changes beyond 40 years old.

• Find out more about Molly at mollysider.com

• Listen to The Moth, a storytelling event available as a podcast.

 You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.  

Changing times. Leadership in the entertainment industry.

Keywords: Resilience – Leadership – Empathy – Entertainment Industry – Executive Coaching

In this episode of Resilience Unravelled, Dawn Kohler a writer and executive coach in the entertainment industry discusses how media and entertainment are going through cataclysmic change right now due to streaming services like Netflix and Amazon. This has kept her busy coaching leaders who struggle to develop themselves and their teams during times of uncertainty or turbulence. She discusses the evolution of leadership styles in the industry and the focus on empathy and accountability, and also touches on the importance of proper nurturing in parenting and how organisations can value the wisdom of elders while embracing diversity for growth.

Main topics

• How the media industry reflects our society and shows how it has moved forward.

• The evolution of leadership style and approach behind the screen.

• Why adults need to hold space for somebody and listen to the acknowledgment of somebody being hurt by something they unintentionally or intentionally did.

• A generational shift towards people who are resilient is happening because of leaders' great intentions with zero competence.

• Building resilience means having the ability to get things wrong and put things right.

• Why organisations should value the wisdom of the elders and have good mentoring programs.

Timestamps

1: Introduction to Dawn and her work as a writer and executive coach (00:00-01:34)
2: How Dawn found her path in the entertainment industry and her success dealing with the human dynamic during times of change (01:51-03:07)
3: The role of entertainment in reflecting society and representing different sectors of the population and emotional issues (03:38-05:56)
4: The evolution of leadership style or approach (06:01-07:01)
5: The power of communication and social media in giving viewers the ability to share their opinions and bring things to the surface (07:11-08:12)
6: The importance of empathy and acknowledging hurt when unintentionally or intentionally offending someone (12:07-14:11)
7: Dawn's work as an author and her latest book, "The Messages," which is a memoir that tells the underbelly of her own story (14:19-18:37)
8: The need for resilience and the importance of learning the ability to get things wrong and put things right (19:48-23:00)
9: The value of wisdom from elders in organisations and the importance of passing down corporate history (23:08-24:59)
10: The importance of escalation and having challenging conversations in organisations (24:51-26:14)

Dawn is also the author of three books, including her latest memoir "The Messages," which discusses her personal journey through severe abuse in childhood, which led to a shift in perspective and ultimately into the field of executive coaching.

Action points

• Learn about Dawn at dawnkohler.com

• Read Dawn’s book ‘The Messages. A Memoir’

   You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.  

Healing the brain

Keywords: Rewiring the Brain – Resilience – Mental Health – Repairing the Brain

In this episode of Resilience  Unravelled, Scott Warwick, an attorney and human resources professional for over 41 years, talks about his interest in mental health which stems from his son's Asperger's autism diagnosis. Scott has conducted subsequent research that revealed western medicine has a limited understanding of how the brain works. He highlights that chronic distress is the number one threat to people’s health and that people need to change their lifestyle holistically rather than rely on pills. Furthermore, that getting rid of toxic individuals in your life is crucial for maintaining good mental health as they can drain your energy like vampires.

Scott discusses the importance of taking care of our brain and how it affects overall health. He talks about the negative effects of stress and anxiety on the brain, as well as poor nutrition and lack of hydration and emphasises that a holistic approach including things like meditation, positive thinking, conflict resolution skills, and emotional intelligence training for managers is necessary. He also shares his personal story and authenticated scans in his book ‘Healing the Human Brain’ which highlights how he overcame challenges to repair his own brain function and how his son’s brain scan revealed issues which led to a journey of discovery and healing. The book also talks about the brain's ability to rewire itself and techniques for stress management.

Main topics:

• Why chronic distress is the number one threat to health according to Harvard Medical College and the American Psychological Association.

• How meditation and positive thinking can help rewire the brain.

• Why a brain healthy workplace involves conflict resolution and emotional intelligence training for supervisors and managers.

• How learning a new language can also help heal the brain.

• The art of debate and mutual learning versus self-destruction in today's society.

• The importance of finding a lifestyle that works for each person's unique needs

• The need for better treatment of people in the workplace to promote productivity and leadership.

• How to improve brain health through activities such as meditation and sports.

Timestamps:

1: Introduction - 00:02-00:39
2: Background. Scott discusses his unusual background and how it led to his interest in brain healing - 01:21-02:43
3: Healing Brain Concept. Scott discusses his son's brain condition and the journey they went through to heal it - 02:43-07:12
4: Rewiring the Brain. The process of rewiring the brain and the various methods used to achieve it - 07:12-17:54
5: Brain Healthy Environment. The importance of creating a brain healthy environment, including emotional intelligence and conflict resolution - 18:48-23:35
6: The Book. Scott discusses his book on brain healing and shares information on how to purchase it -  24:09-28:50
7: Conclusion and contact information - 28:50-29:13

Action points:

• Learn more about Scott and his research and strategies for brain healing at https://scottwarrick.com/ His site allows viewers to access free videos on repairing their brain

• Read his book ‘Healing the Human Brain’ which is available on Amazon.com

     You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.  

Weathering the Storm: How Resilient Businesses Can Adapt to Climate Change by Katie Pierce

Adapting to the effects of climate change requires resiliency, not just from governments and businesses, but also from individuals and their everyday commuting habits. It is the only way we can build a sustainable future while weathering the storm. For businesses, adapting to climate change goes beyond protecting the environment. It also means surviving and thriving in the future. 

In this article, we will discuss how resilient businesses can stand strong in the face of climate-related challenges. 

Why Resiliency Matters in Adapting to Climate Change

Resilience is crucial in adapting to the impacts of climate change. It means having the capacity to bounce back quickly when we're knocked down.  Resilience is necessary to withstand extreme weather events such as floods, droughts, and hurricanes, and to reduce the potential for long-term harm. Building resilience can also help mitigate the impacts of climate change in the long term. Investing in resilient infrastructure, such as green roofs and permeable pavements, can protect communities from flooding and reduce greenhouse gas emissions.  Resilience is not a luxury, it's a necessity if we want to adapt to the challenges that lie ahead. It is needed to create a more sustainable future for ourselves and future generations.

Risk Assessment and Management

In today's rapidly changing climate, a savvy business understands the imperative of risk assessments to confront potential environmental challenges. But it's not enough to simply check the box and move on. To truly fortify their resilience, a wise enterprise invests in analysing these risks with a discerning eye, prioritising them based on their potential impact. Only then can they craft effective risk management plans, ready to withstand even the most daunting of scenarios. Yet, it doesn't end there. A truly resilient business remains nimble, consistently updating its risk assessments as new data and insights come to light. This adaptability allows them to stay ahead of emerging risks, a crucial asset in today's ever-changing landscape.

Adaptation Planning

In the face of an ever-evolving climate, a resilient business recognises the need for targeted adaptation plans designed to suit the unique risks they face. These plans go beyond just identifying potential threats. Instead, they leverage specific changes to operations, infrastructure, and supply chains to reduce vulnerability and build enduring fortitude. With such foresight and agility, a savvy enterprise can not only weather the storm but thrive in the midst of uncertainty, carving out a path to sustainable success.

Diversification

A truly resilient business understands the importance of diversification - in operations, supply chains, and beyond. By broadening their horizons, they reduce their dependence on any single geographic region or resource, effectively insulating themselves from the impacts of climate change. This means looking for alternative sources of raw materials and energy or even exploring new markets altogether. Doing so not only mitigates risk but also sets a business up for sustained growth and prosperity. In today's ever-shifting landscape, a willingness to adapt and explore new horizons is not just smart business - it's essential for survival.

Innovation

A resilient business doesn't just rely on old strategies to weather the storm of climate change. Instead, they cultivate a culture of innovation - one that encourages employees to think outside the box and develop novel solutions to complex challenges. By embracing emerging technologies, business models, and approaches, such an enterprise stays ahead of the curve. They adapt to evolving conditions and identify new opportunities that arise as a result of climate change. Through a willingness to experiment and explore new frontiers, a forward-thinking business can not only survive but also thrive. In the process, transforming adversity into opportunity and charting a path to long-term success.

Collaboration

Resilient businesses don’t just go it alone - they understand the power of collaboration. By working hand-in-hand with other stakeholders - from governments and NGOs to local communities - a savvy enterprise can develop the effective strategies needed to tackle the long-term challenges of climate change. Fostering collaborative partnerships and engaging with relevant stakeholders allows a business to tap into valuable insights and support. In turn, this builds the resilience needed to thrive in an ever-changing world.

In short, the path to success isn't a solitary journey - it's a shared one. It’s built on the foundations of trust, partnership, and the willingness to work together towards a common goal.

Climate-Related Financial Disclosure

The disclosure of financial risks and opportunities related to climate change is known as climate-related financial disclosure. It is an essential tool for businesses to manage their exposure to climate change risks and identify opportunities for growth and innovation. Resilient businesses recognise the importance of climate-related financial disclosure as it helps identify and mitigate climate change risks. It also provides stakeholders with a better understanding of the company's exposure to climate change. Climate-related financial disclosure also helps companies demonstrate their commitment to sustainability and responsible environmental practices, attracting investment from environmentally conscious investors.

Summing Up

Climate change presents significant challenges for businesses of all sizes and industries. However, by building resilience, businesses can effectively adapt to these challenges and position themselves for long-term success. 

If you want to learn more about resiliency in business, contact QED.

Guest Author

Katie Pierce is a teacher-slash-writer who loves telling stories to an audience, whether it’s bored adults in front of a computer screen or a bunch of hyperactive 4-year-olds. Writing keeps her sane (most of the time) and allows her to enjoy some quiet time in the evening before she walks into a room of screaming kids (all of whom she loves dearly) the next morning.

Sprinting towards life after loss.

In this episode of Resilience Unravelled, Jess Keefe, a writer and advocate for mental health and substance use disorders, discusses her personal experience with the issue after losing her younger brother to addiction. She highlights the need for science-based addiction treatment and challenges the stigma surrounding it. The conversation also touches on societal factors that contribute to addiction, including glamorisation of drug use in American culture and unfettered capitalism.

Jess and Russell discuss the conflicting messages in American society, where people are expected to be moral and responsible while being bombarded with toxic advertising. They debate the effectiveness of 12 step programs for addiction treatment, highlighting that it works best when individuals actively choose to participate and the lack of access to addiction treatment options is due to a complex system that prioritises profit over patient care. Effective addiction treatment involves ongoing support, medications, therapy, and social supports such as housing and jobs. The stigma surrounding drug use makes it difficult for people to seek help when they need it most.

Main topics:

•  The issues related to high overdose rates in the US.

• Why early intervention is important to prevent drug abuse.

• Jess own experiences with drug abuse.

• Why traditional forms of therapy, such as the Twelve Steps, are only effective for those who actively consent and want to participate.

• The different forms of talk therapy and medication that can be used to treat addiction.

• Why additional support such as career counselling and housing assistance is also important for sustained recovery.

• Why the current healthcare system is not well-equipped to handle addiction treatment.

 Timestamps:

1. Introduction - 00:00-00:25
2. Personal Experience with addiction - 00:30-03:02
3. Early signs and coping mechanisms - 04:50-10:21
4. Treatment options and efficacy of Twelve Steps - 15:14-17:04
5. Challenges in getting help and support - 21:13-25:04
6. Writing a book and target audience - 26:19-30:18
7. Conclusion and contact information - 30:52-31:52

Jess also discusses her new book "Remind Me 30,000 Steps," which follows her journey through grief after losing her brother. The book is for people who have experienced addiction or know someone who has, explores the psychosocial factors of addiction and drug use while also providing a human story that people can relate to. She hopes the book will help others who have experienced loss or are curious about the issue of addiction.

Action points:

• Learn more about Jess’s work as a writer and editor by visiting her website at jesskeefe.com.

• Read Jess’s book, "Remind Me 30,000 Steps: A Memoir of Sprinting Toward Life After Loss" for a practical and pragmatic insight into the human side of substance abuse.

    You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.  

The five rules of failure

Andrew Thorp King is an executive fintech banker, spy novelist, speaker, punk rocker, podcaster, ex-bodybuilder, cigar lover, and serial entrepreneur. He founded two independent record labels, Thorp Records and Sailor’s Grave Records, and has invested in many spaces, including online lending, fitness, lead generation, and independent music.

He is also a serial failure. Many people see failure as a single cataclysmic event but the definition of failure is a lack of success. It doesn't meet you’re finished forever it just means that whatever you've done hasn't been successful. There is a lot of drama about failure but it's really the best chance we have in our lives to learn.

Andrew thinks that failure sucks but that after that it rules. It’s something we want to void but if its unavoidable and part of the parcel of doing something that is difficult you need to predmeditively think about how you handle, leverage and optimise failure when it occurs. In his book Andrew outlines his five failure rules.

1. When failure happens it can purify and in that empty space its burns off something that needed to die, an old way of thinking, being or doing. The phoenix can emerge. Handled correctly you can become an objective observer of the failure and then take the experiences and gain from it – you’re not just resilient but more than resilient.

2. Nothing is safe. The impediment to living a bold courageous life in line with our true calling is clinging to safety. This doesn't mean taking unnecessary risks but placing safety first means it is probably something that will inhibit you from doing what you should be doing.

3. Money is spiritual. Used properly money is a tool. If you avoid greed and envy it can be a measurement of your usefulness in the world and also how you measure your thankfulness to others.

4. Build thing 1 and thing 2 dependency. This is the scaffolding, stable structure or platform that enables you to get where you want to be. You can’t just go head on with your dreams, you need structure to get there.

5. You are not your failure. You need to remove failure from yourself as failure is often something we cannot control.

Failure and success can be defined in many ways. We are all constantly evolving and failure is part of the journey. People often don't even know what success looks like for them because it is different for everyone. There is more than one indicator of success and Andrew defines success as finding a way to join yourself with your calling, by identifying and using your talents to their highest impact not necessarily monetary.

Many people feel a unique calling means you need to be an entrepreneur but that's not necessarily the case. Not everyone is cut out to be an entrepreneur and we need to understand our success to know our limitations. The challenge is the comparative aspect.

You can find out more about Andrew at https://www.andrewthorpking.com/

   You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.  

The leadership journey

Lisa Marie Platske lives on an 86 acre farm in Kentucky and from there runs her own leadership and development company where she offers corporate retreats and works with leaders individually and in groups. Her belief is that most people want health, happiness success and meaning in their lives and that the meaning comes from contribution and the desire to make a bigger difference.

People talk about the idea of ‘bigger than myself’ and originally Lisa’s journey was thinking that leadership was very much tactical - you hire, you fire, you work in culture and change. She recognised over time that leadership is a very personal journey. When one doesn't take that journey personally and it is simply about the tactical there is something missing. When you ask about where does this idea of meaning and making a difference in the other and the group comes from, for her it came when she was interviewing leaders and asking what it was they did to be successful. She thought at the time it was about the tactical but came to recognise that each of the leaders took the journey themselves around planning and understanding their personality and creating partnerships.

Lisa also believes that sense of the collective and almost feeling an emptiness when the focus is solely on the self comes from recognising that we are part of the greater fabric of humanity. We are the behaviours we engage in; in how we think and in the actions we take. When somebody engages in their own leadership journey and comes to this awareness, there is more conversation as people move up that hierarchy of basic needs once those are met.

Lisa developed the 7 Pillars of Leadership from the interviews she did with leaders. Her career had been in Federal law enforcement and she didn’t have any background in business. When she started doing the interviews she wanted a short cut in business. What do the best leaders do?  How do they do it? Can this shorten my learning curve? The 7 Pillars came from themes and all start with the letter Plan, Personality, Partnerships, Priority, Presence, Progress and Personal and Professional Development.

You can find out more about Lisa Marie at www.upsidethinkinking

  You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions. 

Reinventing your brand.

Rocky Buckley is an entrepreneur and a hybrid coach and consultant who primarily works with solopreneurs – experts, thought leaders, authors, speakers, coaches or consultants as well as people who are successful corporate executives or service providers looking to reinvent themselves into that space. Rocky helps them with their business models, personal brand and how they package themselves as a soloprenerurs and experts.

Rocky had another business for over twenty years where he was primarily working with very large publishing companies and their authors in a consulting role by helping to take ideas and intellectual property and packaging it into different products. He worked with the biggest publishing companies, produced over 3,000 projects and built a successful business but wasn't happy or fulfilled. He has always had a desire to help people, particularly those who were stuck, people who had very high potential, who always thought they could have been someone, had big dreams and ambitions but also had the talent to do it. It was a crossroads moment for him and he decided to reinvent himself and his business. He figured out that strategically the people he could help the most were entrepreneurial, aspirational people who had talent, personality, and leadership ability but were trapped in their business model. He wanted to teach them how to unlock that model and change their life and business.

The context Rocky uses for a solopreneur is as part of the social media age where they must be online and must have a personal brand. There is a celebrity element to it now. He was a solopreneur for many years and nobody knew who he was because he worked behind the scenes and did not have a public presence at all. When you put yourself out there today, the way you promote yourself, the way you get your message out and market your business is through online means. You need to figure out how to communicate what you do to the right audience, to message it properly, be able to engage people and show a different side of your personality. We are all living in a social age where having a public persona is no longer a choice. We are all forced into it and the question is how do we maximise ourselves and put that best version of ourselves out there.

The market is very crowded now especially after Covid when a lot of people realised that what they were doing offline could be taken away from them very quickly. A lot of people pivoted and now there are so many more people coming online and there is still a lot of the world not even online yet. If you look at a phone where you can only have so much information on a feed, the structure makes it highly competitive. We can only look at so many things in a day or have so many messages coming to us. The more people there are on the feed it becomes more difficult to stand out.  Rocky’s aim is to help people figure out how to be the best version of themselves so they do stand out. In a period of rapid change that is only getting faster, the business models and strategies that are successful now might be obsolete in six months. Having to change and reinvent yourself is a skill and knowing how to do that and do it well over and over again is really a core skill of the 21st century.

Many of the people Rocky works with already have their own business but they sometimes get stuck. Typically, the people who start businesses have had a job that they become very good at and then decide to go out on their own as their own boss. They have the idea that they want to be their own boss, to work and build something for themselves that will create more free time and a better life. Often though if they are good are what they do and become successful they are swamped with work, busy all the time and stuck in the day-to-day of their business. They can’t work on their business because they’re working in their business.

People get out of this by making structural shifts in their business, and choosing a different market that is more lucrative. Things such as changing the way you deliver your product or service so instead of working one on one or change to a group setting or a digital product that gives you more leverage or going wider to use promotion and marketing to get your message out further than you did before. Most people starting out are dependent on referrals so you’re looking for the business to come to you. Breaking out of that and using the leverage of marketing allows the business to grow.

Differentiating yourself in a packed marketplace is a systematic and strategic process. People understand they need to get out there and create content but then find it doesn’t get a lot of engagement so they get frustrated. The mathematical aspect is that you have to put out a lot more content than you think but there is also the question of what makes a piece of content or persona engaging. It requires an in-depth, inward looking process to figure out what it is about me that makes me different. What is that sense of purpose I have that makes me more animated and bring s out my charisma? What are other people in the market saying or doing? How do they sound and what assumptions are they making about the people they are talking to and how can I cut against that?

You need to become strategic about the strengths you have and the things that other people tell you you’re really good at. What are the things you’re interested in that would make you more colourful, interesting and fascinating to people? It requires a step-by-step strategic process to develop and create that best version of yourself. It’s a creative process and most people never think or do anything about it and that is the critical step for everyone.

Entrepreneurs need resilience and one key element in building this is to tap into your sense of purpose which is what drives you and creates resilience. When you emotionally tap into the thing that drives you and you stay connected to it, it will drive you forward and also animate the way you appear as the natural passion, enthusiasm and desire to help people is what draws other people to you. Staying tapped into purpose from a resilience and personal charisma standpoint is the essential centre of this world. If you drift from purpose its really hard to succeed.

Once you tap into purpose and start to understand it a deeper level it becomes a life, business and personal vision with identity and belief shifts that stream from purpose. If you remove purpose from life you’re looking at a very grey world with no joy or change.

You can find out more about Rocky at rockybuckley.com

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.

Messages from Angels

Lorna Byrne was born in the 1950’s in Ireland and was growing up, like many at the time, in a monetarily poor family. Despite being severely dyslexic with the help of speech recognition software and assistance with proofreading and editing, she has written seven highly successful books, with the first Angels in my Hair becoming an international bestseller.

Angels have been in her life from the moment she was born. She didn't realise they were angels but she remembers reaching up to try and touch them when she was in her cot. Later, when she was with her brother playing with blocks in front of a fire their hands touched and at that moment angels circled them telling her that she must keep them a secret. She was very young at the time but the angels told her that her brother had died before she was born and was a soul. Lorna thinks keeping it a secret was one of the things that the angels were doing to protect her. 

From a very early age, the angels told Lorna that she would write a book about them. She used to laugh when they said it, telling them it was unlikely because she had dyslexia and could not read or write. Because of her dyslexia she was put in the bottom class at school and never finished primary school education after doctors told her parents she was retarded

Some people see angels as a metaphor for goodness, kindness wisdom and knowledge but Lorna talks about actual entities and sees angels physically with clarity. When she was a child she didn't know they were angels and it wasn't until they told her that her little brother was a soul that she started to understand. Even then she still thought her parents could see them but the angels kept reminding her to say nothing. Lorna sees angels as a beautiful light and sees them tumble down from the heavens and stop before they land.  She can’t really describe them further but says they give a human appearance in the light but that they can be very faint. Sometimes they tell her their names but because they are always around people and give the impression they want to help even with trivial things, she gave them a name of the unemployed angels.

Lorna doesn’t know why she can see angels. She thinks perhaps it is because she was considered retarded. No one talked to her and she was very silent and quiet so the angels became her teachers. They also made predications about her life. They told her when it was time to write a book but at the time she was busy being a mother. When she was about 10 years old, an angel showed her the man she would marry and told her that he would die young so in some ways Lorna feels her life is predetermined and that she has no free will like everyone else but she realises that to do that the world has to play its part so she can play hers.

Lorna feels that it’s to do with spiritual growth, connecting the soul with the human person. She feels everyone has a soul and that it is waiting to intertwine - the soul exists and the human attaches to the soul so when someone dies, the soul continues with all knowledge of that human person. The soul is the life force. The human body gets weaker but the soul never weakens. She also thinks that everyone has a guardian angel that never leaves them while other angels or the soul of a loved one can come or go. The guardian angel tries to help and give guidance to make life a little easier. Connecting into that is really important.

For many people their resilience comes from their ability to believe and having a path laid out for them. Lorna feels her angels have helped her to push ahead and given her the courage and resilience she has needed to overcome the obstacles in her life. This has taken her to incredible places and extraordinary experiences and people and shows that being limited in some ways in terms of skills doesn't mean you don't have the capability to achieve great things. When her first book came out a number of young people who had learning difficulties approached Lorna and told her she had helped give them the courage and resilience to achieve what they wanted to achieve.  

Lorna doesn’t know how she has achieved what she has and has needed courage because she has been ridiculed by any people but she says she loves them anyway because the love she has for mankind and for nature overcomes all of the negatives. This represents the idea that if you are secure in yourself it doesn't matter what other people think about you. It doesn't matter what the source of the security is, whether it's a rational, cognitive thing or a faith, belief or spiritual, the idea of being a strong version of yourself is important.

Lorna set up a children’s foundation in 2015 that supports the work of charities around the world in helping children who are suffering from poverty, illness, grief or war and has also helped to set up a online sanctuary for people from around the world, of all backgrounds and beliefs to come together.

Over the years Lorna has met with a lot of scepticism but many other people have visited or contacted Lorna, seeking healing or wisdom through God and the angels. She feels the scepticism doesn't matter because she just wants to help to change people’s lives.

You can find out more about Lorna at lornabyrne.com

 You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.

Empowering Change. Lessons I Learned from the Tortoise.

Donna P. Dahl is a master empowerment coach who works with individuals looking to take a step forward into the realm of confidence and enthusiasm. She is also a professional book development coach and feels stepping in to the foray of building a manuscript is a very special and intimate process that deserves all the care that can be brought to it.

It had never occurred to Donna to write a book herself but ten years after a car accident she was invited to write an article for a magazine. She didn't think she was qualified or an appropriate choice or that what she had to say would really matter but she started working on it. Writing and putting words together on paper had become a very difficult exercise post accident and it took three weeks to write a thousand words. When she finished it, she hesitated about sending it but her husband finally said ‘just send it’. She did and five minutes later the publisher sent a message back saying it was perfect.

Donna wasn’t sure she wanted to do it again as the bench mark had been set really high and she didn’t want to set herself up for failure. She wasn’t very confident in her ability to do something twice let alone three times but when the article came out she was challenged to make it into a book. She wasn't certain but she kept being prodded until finally she decided to see if she could do it. The first draft was fifty-three pages and she decided she could work to make it into a book and fourteen months after the article was published she launched a book and that book launched a coaching enterprise and that's what she’s been doing for seventeen years.

Sometimes something as unfortunate as an accident can provide choices and opportunities although it doesn’t feel like that at like that at the time. Donna went through a long grieving process for the things in her mind that she thought were lost - her former career and the social environment at work. She was in a situation where she was alone and needed to find a way to support her belief in herself and that she could heal. When people around you cant see there is anything different, its difficult for them to understand that what’s going on inside is different.

Donna had lost functionality in her right arm and hand in the accident and had difficulty with walking, with short-term memory and being able to engage in conversations. She could tell you that had something for breakfast that was round, that you could peel and came out in sections but someone the word orange wasn’t in her memory. In situations like this people can see how you deal with a lack of right arm functionality but when you have a mind or brain impairment people cant see it so its very hard to deal with. It's a challenge for people to be able to articulate and get treated for this type of situation.

As soon as we attach the word mental to something people seem to want to go into denial.  Because we can’t see, feel, smell or touch it, its vague but Donna feels that neural science is making tremendous advances and that we can do things in our work environment as teams, as leaders or as freelancers or entrepreneurs that we can do for ourselves in order to maintain our wellness of mind.

Many people feel they have a book in them but never start it. Donna feels it’s important to start with the ‘why’. Why would I write this book? Would I be writing it as a legacy for future generations of my family? Am I writing it to help support the realm of wisdom in the particular area I’m excited about? Would this be a children’s story that has value in the lessons that it beings or opportunities for discussion? Whether its sharing recipes you made with grandma, bedtime stories you told your children or something in the area of thought leadership, are you building something that has some sort of remarkability about it? Something that engages and invites people to the conversation. It doesn't really matter what the topic is, it's the why that will drive and motivate you to commit to the task and get it done.

There is more resilience required in writing than anything else because it brings together being judged and critiqued about what you've written very personally. Even if it's a non-fiction book that critique is about something you generated yourself. It’s very hard to separate ourselves from the words we’ve written and the content we’ve delivered. If you remember a time in your life at university for instance where your examination was being graded, there were times when you felt as though the evaluation that appeared on your report card exhilarated and empowered you to do even better next time but there were other times when you felt diminished, disheartened and that quitting would have been the best choice.

Donna cautions people if they are looking for critiquing to choose their critique wisely because there is no one size fits all. Donna prides herself on her ability to bring out the best in the people she works with who are becoming authors so that at the end of the exercise they can take a deep breathe and say yes! Whether it moves towards the stage of being published or not is their personal choice. What she is dealing with is fulfilling the goal to complete the manuscript.

Donna’s book ‘Lessons I learned from the tortoise’ contains twenty-two lessons that Aesop didn't write about.  One of the stories is about multitasking and how if you’re moving from one thing to another you are simply moving from one level of distraction to another so at the end of the day you feel you have accomplished nothing. Sometimes it can feel as if we are being drawn in different directions but we need to just focus on one thing, get that done and then move on the next. When it comes to having a multiplicity of choices in front of you try to think of them as individual purchases you are going to make.  How would you prioritise the purchase list? Which one would come first? Part of the problem is that we are governed by other people mistakes and we need the discipline to do deep work.

There is another aspect that is important. Research tells us that when we continually shift our focus from one thing to another we are encouraging our brains to not be able to sustain attention to a task and that is critical in teams of workplace wellbeing if we expect our team members to sustain attention to a task for fifteen minutes of each hour. This the beginning of how we develop things like neuroplasticity not just doing different things but doing them to a high level and not just skimming over the surface.

 You can find out more about Donna here.

 You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.

Preparing the mind for difficult situations

Lt Col Brian L. Slade started as an enlisted man in the US Army as a diesel mechanic. After he got his commission as an officer he then stated flying Apache helicopters. Shortly after a very long and arduous deployment he decided to transition into the Air Force in an attempt to save his marriage.

His first deployment was for twenty-three months and he had only been married for five months prior to that so for the first two and a half years of the marriage they were separated for two. The problem is often not the separation but when you come back together again and military personnel who are dealing with potential trauma in a very strong comrade type team often find it very difficult to go back to a routine husband, wife and children environment.

Brian’s ex-wife had also had a mental disorder borderline personality disorder so the relationship was really tumultuous. In some ways it was more traumatic than some of the things he was being asked to do in the military because he wasn't as prepared for the dynamics. The military prepares you for certain dynamics that you are going to experience. You are used to a certain regimentation and interaction that didn't work with the relationship.

Brian’s book is about trauma and the reason he wrote it was because when he was deployed as an Apache pilot there were crazy, traumatic, intense experiences that he was exposed to. He started asking why would he experience post-traumatic growth rather than the post-traumatic stress we always hear about. He looked at his peers and although they had the same stimulus they had different results. Brian felt he had grown from his experiences and that they increased his resilience and his ability to see things as opportunities rather than obstacles that would drag him down. Other guys on the alternative end of the spectrum were thinking about taking their own lives - that's a very big spectrum for the same stimulus

Brian’s book outlines seven principles. Things like growing a healthy perspective, how do you do that when you experience things that pull you into a myopic perspective but need to maintain that macro perspective?  How do you build a healthy support system and what does that look like. What are we talking about when we say we need to release hate? That's a big one that we don't really talk about. There are a couple of meanings to it. When you are at war, when you have to kill someone it makes it easier to de-humanise them and make them into something they aren’t. Harboring a hate for them is a coping mechanism but it’s not a healthy one.

As well as releasing the hate for the enemy you have to release the hate for yourself. As we start doing the things that the ugliness of war calls for we start painting ourselves as ugly to, that that's part of who we are. You need to remember that just because you’re there doing things other people wouldn't do it doesn’t make you an ugly person - it makes you a proxy for the people who aren’t suited to doing it or cant do it.

This is similar to a disassociation technique and it plays back to one of the other principals of defining and embracing your honorable mission. Brian’s honorable mission wasn't really to get Osama bin Laden, that was what got him on the plane but realised his honorable mission was to make sure that as many of his brothers and sisters in arms made it back. You are going to do ugly things at times to make sure that your honorable mission is accomplished,

How do we avoid festering, emotional wounds? If you're a banker and go to work and you have a transaction or something happens that's interesting you go home and talk about it. It’s so much harder to do when your job is blowing up twelve people but the fact still remains that your honorable mission is to make sure the ground guys make it home safely. It’s harder to talk about it but that’s how you avoid the festering emotional wound. You just talk about it in a matter of fact way.

Building resilience is never ending. With an honorable mission there’s a beginning and end. There are moments of high adrenaline and then lots of time doing mundane things. The mission allows you to compartmentalise things. There is the focal point that we are looking at and around that are lots of ugly things but when we pull the trigger we have just completed our honorable mission. We know there is lots of auxiliary stuff in there but that stays there because you’re in the ugliness because of your honorable mission. You don't have to take that home with you. Part of that is sharing it. You share it as matter of factly as you possibly can. You use humor because it makes it easier to share. Brian realised humor was his stepping-stone to talking about it seriously. In a way it’s doing the same thing with hate – you’re coping but it’s a positive emotion for coping not a negative one. It's a lily pad to being able to talk about it.

Brian also uses chair flying which is an aviation technique. He added the meditation and role playing pieces to the visualisation aspect. A lot of people will struggle with anxiety if they are visulising a very stressful event so you control the environment through meditation and create a safe space where you plant the things you want to grow and get strong. Breathing exercises help to get in the right headspace and then start to visulise an emergency procedure.

One exercise has a co-pilot and engine getting shot out. In a matter of seconds you need to react to the rotors going down. The co- pilot is screaming in the background and you automatically think that's the first thing to deal with but in fact its number three on the list. The rotor is most important. The flight controls are jammed so that’s the second action then the co-pilot but it all needs to happen in one or two seconds. You don’t get through that by thinking about it. In the leadership world they practice so they get it right, in the military they practice so they don't get it wrong. Things do go wrong but the risk reduction is there. The noisy drama is not always the first thing to do!

You can find out more about Brian at https://www.clearedhot.info/ or find his book Cleared Hot.

 You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.

Upskilling to retain your top talent.

According to the World Economic Forum, by 2025, 50% of employees worldwide will need to be reskilled as the adoption of technology continues, whilst LinkedIn’s ‘2022 Global Trends Report’ reveals that upskilling and development opportunities were top priorities for employees.

As we move into 2023, in the UK economic uncertainty, and a competitive labour market means businesses face an on-going talent shortage. The pandemic changed job requirements and left many people feeling unprepared as businesses quickly reorganised and traditional learning and skills development tried to adapt.

The global labour market is also changing. A report from the McKinsey Global Institute says 14% of the workforce will have to change their careers by 2030. With so many employees looking for new jobs, employers have to be creative in their retention strategy and upskilling is an effective way of retaining top talent in the organisation.

Acquiring new skills or knowledge in order to improve job performance or career opportunities is advantageous to both employers and employees. For employers, identifying skills gaps and then investing in training initiatives to upskill the current team moves the priority to talent development rather than recruitment. This helps the business to remain competitive, increases the efficiency and productivity of the current team, boosts employee motivation and job satisfaction which results in improved employee retention. From an employee perspective, it not only offers the opportunity to develop or learn new skills, but also to increase their value and enable them to take on more responsibility or higher-level, better-paid positions within their organisation.

As we move into 2023, it’s clear that employees need to be prepared for the ‘future of work’ and that businesses will need to be resilient to the economic problems ahead. Upskilling can become an important part of a businesses workforce planning, talent acquisition and retention strategy and those that show a commitment to employee growth and implement better learning and development opportunities will be the ones that attract and retain top workers.

Move from shame and blame. The benefits of collaborative divorce.

Nanci A Smith has been a divorce lawyer for thirty years and is currently based in Vermont, North East USA. She is an advocate for collaborative divorce, a new model and mindset, which will allow a couple to emerge healthy and wholehearted from the divorce process rather than bitter and resentful. Her aim is to change the paradigm for divorce away from the blame and shame adversarial process to one that's more consistent with people’s core values of integrity, individual respect, transparency and compassion.

She feels that when it comes to the divorce table, lawyers are trained in the adversarial system. They get the basics of the story, the clients are wounded, frightened upset, scared and are maybe even feeling betrayed. There are lots of intense emotions going on and lawyers are not trained to handle these emotions so they say ‘you go get a therapist, I’ll do the legal stuff and then we’ll go off to the courthouse. There is no chance for healing or personal growth. Nanci feels the gift of a divorce is the opportunity to transform and grow through it.

In the UK we are used to the process of mediation. Its an out of court dispute resolution process where you have one neutral person listening to both sides and trying to come to some sort of compromise that both sides can live with. It's a real opportunity for people who are on an equal bargaining footing and who understand the psychological and financial issues and are both ready to get divorced.

Collaborative divorce is like ‘mediation on steroids’. It offers the couple more support with two lawyers trained in the process, a mental health coach and financial neutral so it’s an inter-disciplinary team. It provides a safe place to have the really difficult conversations that need to be had at a time when they are feeling their worst and we are expecting them to show and be their best.

Many people have the idea that a marriage is just a thing that happens to a person and don't consider the parties that are involved - the relationship, children and the different roles that can change over time. Dr Thackeray feels that no marriage should last more than ten years without a reprogramming or reengineering because we get so comfortable and familiar and becomes so easy to stay together. It’s almost as if we need something to happen to make us look at the relationship maybe when we get married we should be thinking how do we ensure we want to stay together? What you want when you’re twenty or thirty is not necessarily what you want when you’re forty-five, or fifty or sixty. Maybe there is a case for us we to review   our relationships every ten years?

People step out of marriage for different reasons but in Nanci’s experience it’s usually because communication has broken down or people are just not being honest. They don’t feel secure enough to say what they mean and mean what they say. The failure of communication leads to a lack of accountability and people get entrenched into positions of misery and want to blame and point the finger at others. They are just not feeling satisfied but they don't have the emotional training to engage in difficult conversations about important things like Am I happy?  Am I satisfied? Am I feeling constricted about money? Am I not feeling fulfilled in my work? If you don't have the capacity for that or take the time to dig deep during a marriage you’re likely to end up at the divorce lawyers. There is a choices – do it yourself, go to mediation or through a collaborative process or go to court and make a public display of all your trauma.

People who are drawn to collaborative divorce process tend to be internally driven and motivated to grow. They have the idea that they don't want this to be a nightmare for everyone, they want it to be reasonable, amicable and civil and they don't want to lose their relationships with their partner and in laws. Because there are children to consider they want to have a there is so much grief and loss involved in divorce. If you can look at it through the lens of grief you might be able to have the opportunity in the collaborative model to see that this is the opportunity to ask yourself truly what do I truly want? What do I need? I want to be heard. I want to be able to love again, I want to have a good relationship with my children. I don't want my ex to hate me. I don't want to lose the whole concept of our family

Nanci feels we have to reposition it, reconfigure it and take feedback. If your outward and pointing fingers at your ex for ruining your life then its going to be a long haul through the divorce process, If you view it as an opportunity for a major life transition and don't let layers bully you through an adversarial process you can use it for personal growth and transformational change

Collaborative lawyers are not going to make it worse. They are orientated towards settlement and are not going to ask you to make major decisions about children or major financial issues until both parties are psychologically ready to be divorced. Often one person is ready because they have been thinking about it for some time but it comes as a complete shock to the other person so they are not prepared. With enough support Nanci feels the shocked spouse can come back stronger if you give them time and grieve the losses and realise that this is good thing, an opportunity to move into the next stage of my life confident, secure and feeling good. The process provides the skills to do this and in so doing set an example to your children about handling adversity and building resilience.

Levels of grief can vary but the grief is generally for the relationship rather than for each other. There are so many loses. You lose your best friend, lover, status as a spouse, maybe your home, time with your children, your extended family and of course money but you are also losing the dream. This is one of the hardest loses. Shock and denial are so string then you’re mad and struck by the unfairness of what is happening rather than your role as co creator of the dynamic that has led to this. You are also a co creator in the resolution that is going to work for both of you and your entire family. Many people get so stuck in their anger at being betrayed that it becomes solely the other person’s fault and they don't accept any responsibility for their own role.

Nanci is the author of Untangling Your Marriage: A Guide to Collaborative Divorce (Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, Oct 11, 2022). You can find out more about her at nancismithlaw.com.

   You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.

Remodel your brain for happiness

Dr Dawson Church, PhD, is an award-winning science writer who aims to bring science to various exponential and personal and global questions around the way our brain activity changes as we shift our awareness. In his latest book Bliss Brain, Dawson looks at the mental states of people who spend a lot of time meditating such as Franciscan nuns and Tibetan monks.  The book also looks at the science behind meditation and what works as well as showing that certain parts of the meditation are highly effective at inducing those states.

The research Dawson carried out shows how the brain state of these nuns and monks is extraordinarily happy and at a level we can’t comprehend because they are in an ecstatic state. The research also showed that their corpus callosum, the part of brain tissue that connects the left and right hemispheres, were very large. The question Dawson then asked was whether they were happy because their left and right brain had a lot of neural connections, because they had a large corpus callosum or whether these states were triggering brain growth?

Harvard psychologist Sarah Lazar looked at this issue in 2005, asking whether it was because brain anatomies produced these states or whether those states produced brain anatomies. She gave definitive answers, showing that the states that produce the brain anatomy can turn temporary states of wellbeing. When we cultivate these pleasurable states over time, they become traits. We don't just feel more blissful as a temporary state; the changes are literally hard-wired into our brains, becoming stable and enduring personality traits.

The states to traits progression in people who meditate, especially those who meditate effectively means they are able to increase neural mass in parts of the brain like the corpus callosum and the memory and learning system. There is an increase in neural tissues in the ventromedial prefrontal cortex that hooks the executive centres in to the emotional brain and down-regulates all the irritations and distractions of everyday life and focuses on happiness joy and wellbeing. These parts of the brain get bigger and stronger in meditation adapts.

On the other side of the coin are people with major depressive disorders where the ventromedial prefrontal cortex actually thins and starts to disintegrate. What’s left of it starts to signal the wrong way. The emotional brain that can be miserable, worried, anxious and stressed actually starts to control the executive functions and people start to say that they are stressed because of xyz. They then start to invent reasons in their executive centres for their misery rather than controlling it with the same part of the brain. These states produce measurable changes in brain anatomy.

Dawson published another study that explored meditation adapts used by the nuns and monks. It found that the traditional model they used took 10,000 hours to achieve with many having done over 40,000 hours of meditation in their lives. So how do you get there without taking vows of poverty, chastity, obedience and giving up all of your possessions? Dawson has found that there are certain things that you can do that to produce those changes quickly. If ordinary people, even non-meditators, do some highly effective practices culled from ancient traditions in a controlled way they can achieve similiar results.

In the trial some people did the meditation whilst others did other things such as mindfulness and mindful breathing. The trial found that in the first group doing the effective things, there was evidence of rapid and radical brain change and measurable functional changes in two parts of the brain after just one month. They were only meditating for twenty-two minutes a day but, by using effective practices, brain remodeling began and over time these structural changes in brain anatomy can make us calmer, happier, and more resilient.

Dawson found that three things were highly effective. One is to meditate intensively so you feel the good feelings in your body through breathing and relaxing certain muscles. You can then dial-up your emotions.  Neuro-research shows that if you have a positive feeling in your body you need to amplify it. Second, is that the effect is better if you do the practices in a group.  Group meditation is known to provide more positive neuroplascity. Having a body physical experience, dialling up your level of intensity and doing it in a group is really powerful.

The final thing that makes a difference is compassion. Compassion meditation has greater positive neuroplascity than other kinds of meditation. If there is an element of feeling compassion, the part of the brain called the insular lights up. Negative thinking is associated with the activation of brain regions like the mid prefrontal cortex, the “seat of self.” Positive emotions such as altruism and compassion light up the insula, key to social interactions and pro-social emotions such as gratitude and joy.

What we find in these people is the focus has been on emotion and the value of compassion because that's what Buddhism calls it. What we are now seeing more in neuroscience is a single positive meta emotion - you just feel really good and its up to an academic to label whether its happiness, gratitude or compassion.

Meditation activates certain parts of the brain. The commonality amongst all meditation styles is the deactivation of the default mode network. This is how the brain defaults when you are doing a task. When people are just resting they definitely feel better and more relaxed but what often happens is that the default mode network kicks in and they begin to ruminate and cataptophise because the default mode network is associated with thinking about the past especially threats and bad experiences and any problems that might occur in the future.

During deep meditation, ‘the 7 neurochemicals of ecstasy’ are released in our brains. These include anandamide, a neurotransmitter that's been named “the bliss molecule” because it mimics the effects of THC, the active ingredient in cannabis. Meditation also boosts serotonin and dopamine; the first has a chemical structure similar to psilocybin (“magic mushrooms”), the second to cocaine and cultivating these elevated emotional states literally produces a self-induced high.

You can find out more about Dawson at http://blissbrain.com/ and https://www.eftuniverse.com/ You can buy his latest blook Bliss Brain at https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1401957757?ie=UTF8&tag=energypsych00-20

 You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
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A work in progress. Resilience to evolve and succeed.

Martha Aviles is a marketing executive based in Austin, Teas. She has 20 years of high-tech marketing experience in SaaS, semiconductor, networking, and network security at start-ups, private, and public companies and has focused on impacting high-growth companies with innovative, measurable marketing strategies. Martha’s dynamic background is in leading and building high-performance marketing teams that include demand generation, integrated marketing, product marketing, digital marketing, public relations, brand management, analyst relations, and crisis communications.  

Martha parents were Nicaraguan immigrants who arrived in Miami Florida in the 1970s. They didn't speak the language but they both worked really hard and became college graduates with her father becoming an electrical engineer. Martha was born and grew up in Miami before moving to southern California and then Austin, Texas in the early 90s primarily because it was developing into a tech hub. She didn’t want an engineering career for herself so became involved in technical marketing, the career she has pursued for the last twenty years.

When she was a child many people didn’t know that Nicaragua was a country let alone where it was. People would ask her if it was in Africa and when she said it was in Central America she would be told there was no such place. She got very tired trying to explain it so often just said she was from Cuba! Martha felt she didn't really fit in anywhere. In Miami she grew up with many Nicaraguans. Her first language was Spanish and she didn't even speak English until she was six but she always felt there was an American edge. Now though she feels she is a third culture child – she doesn't totally fit in either Nicaragua or the US but rather can fit in anywhere.

In Miami a lot of Cubans, Puerto Ricans and Nicaraguans stayed together. There were Nicaraguan restaurants that had been run by families for generations and these became gathering places. This was not the case in some of the other places she lived in. Her family moved a lot before she was twelve and when they eventually moved to Austin she realised there were not a lot of Nicaraguans in Texas.  Martha feels that you can’t build that type of community and most of her friends were from other ethnicities such as Philippine or Vietnamese with immigrant parents and being a first generation American.

Houston is a very diverse ‘international’ city but other parts of Texas are far less diverse and are very ‘Texas Proud’. Martha found it a struggle because many people thought she was Mexican and that was particularly frustrating because it felt as if Mexican was only Hispanic culture. When Martha moved to Texas in 1986 she lived in a small town for a couple of years called Harper Heights where she got beaten up at school every day because she was the only brown kid. It was very challenging but she knew she was resilient as a child – she didn't know the terminology but knew she couldn't quit and that there was something better waiting on the other side.  

Martha feels she had tenacity and stubbornness and that this built over time by having to deal with a lot of challenges. It’s something she still work on though - things keep getting thrown at you as you get older although you think you’re resilient enough and don't need another challenge! Children are often very resilient and Martha feels that there is an immigrant work ethic that tells you that you don't quit. She was also an oldest child so knew the pressure was on her to blaze a trail for the family in the US. This was difficult at times because her parents didn’t know what she was going through for the first time. She often asked why didn't they know about this or why didn't they give me the heads up about that until she realised it was up to her to make it easier for her family and sisters. Not wanting to disappoint her younger siblings did help build her character though.

Some parents expect their children to feel gratitude towards them. They say ‘look at what we’ve done for you’ but Martha’s parents used to tell her to remember her name and that she shouldn’t tarnish her reputation. Martha always felt this was very negative and not a good pressure and sometimes when she was a bit down her parents would say she was setting an example her sisters.

As an adult she now feels that what was a difference and a negative when she was a child is now her superpower and that it has given her an advantage in the real world. At college when she decided she was not going to be an engineer she realised she had a knack for people. She grew up feeling it was unsafe being who she was because of her skin colour, her language and lack of English and that to survive she had to figure people out very quickly. She had to adapt to stay safe so now feels that it really helps her in marketing – she can listen to people’s stories and get in their heads at a different level to other people. As she gets older she finds that she embraces her story and finds it empowering – it was a hard road to get there and to understand who she was and that's she’s OK with it.

Martha thinks that it she could go back and talk to her ten year old self that she would say a couple of things. One that its going to be OK because there were many times she couldn't see the path forward and two that she shouldn’t care so much about what other people think. However much you try to be a good person, you’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea and that you shouldn’t waste a lot of time trying to get people to like you because it's a real waste of time. To navigate this path you need to understand what parts are mine to own and what parts can I lose. Martha still struggles and wants to be liked but different challenges and life has helped her realise that being a people pleaser doesn't work long term and that you will still get through even if everybody doesn't like or understand you.

To try to get ahead some female executives have developed social fluency, others a ‘bitch from hell’ persona whilst others try being a woman in a man’s suit. All are legitimate strategies but social fluency and being able to get on with people in a more adult and honest way of getting on. If you are agreeable it can be easier to get on in life but then people can be shocked when you do disagree about something and find it hard to take you seriously.

Martha feels that life is work in progress. Her background gave her goal metrics and an idea of where she was meant to be going and the points she needed to hit but then she realised that once she hit the goals there were still more challenges. Life is about evolving and facing challenges and continuing to broaden your knowledge to be a better person. This is a process that continues until we die so we need to look at it as a process and try to enjoy it rather than consider it a mountain to climb and once you reach the top its over.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.

Recovering from childhood trauma to rebuild the sibling bond

Ronni Tichenor and Jennie Weaver are sisters and survivors who found a way to emerge from a tragic cycle of intergenerational trauma and abuse

Ronni and Jennie grew up in a home with abuse, addiction and mental illness. There is a lot of conversation around these issues nowadays about recovery from childhood trauma, its impact and how it can be difficult to realise that you grew up in a home with these dynamics because denying that these things are going on can be common. Sometimes this denial lasts to adulthood.

Both of them took some time to figure out what had happened to them in their childhood and have spent the last couple of decades trying to recover from their experiences. One of the things they noticed as they tried to get information and educate themselves about the dynamic they had experienced as children is that there is a lot of talk about childhood trauma these days but not a lot of discussion about what happens to siblings.

The relationship between siblings is nearly always damaged in some way in homes like theirs. Its not their fault because the dynamics the parents set in motion often sets children against each other in very explosive ways. Children can grow up and have really tough relationships with their siblings or be estranged from their siblings and not realise that it’s not their fault. The fact that Ronni and Jennie were able to come back together and heal the relationship in addition to healing individually is something they didn't see a lot of people talk about so that is why they are trying to bring that forward in the conversation.

Siblings can have different experiences, especially male and female relationships. Often one sibling is on the side of one parent and the other is on the side of the other?

Jennie was the youngest of three children and she was identified as the patient or scapegoat if you use the terms talked about with addiction. Ronni was the oldest and the hero. She was set up to succeed and to be the champion of the family. Jennie’s role was to be the problem of the family. She was a sensitive child and very intuitive so was constantly trying to read the mood of the room and her parents to try to avoid the next explosion. She really didn't feel particularly closer to one or the other - they were equally frightening in their ability to rage and to afflict pain. She feels Ronni seemed at times to be a confident of father so there was definitely a constant loyalty of ‘who do you love more’. That's probably very common in families with these issues.

Ronni agrees that they had different roles that they played and although neither of them was fun, Jennies’ was terrible. There were times when Ronni felt that her father was trying to draw her into being his confident, especially during her teen years. Her mother did that as well sometimes so there was a loyalty trap. It was also difficult because when her father was looking for looking for someone to talk it was because he felt he couldn't  talk to her mother in that way - it was both flattering and troublesome that she was being put between her mother and father. It was just one of a number of uncomfortable and unhealthy dynamics that were set into motion n homes like theirs.

If you are a single child and you’re abused there is a different set of dynamics going on.  In families are all the siblings involved or is the abuse confined to one and with the others not being part of it?

It’s unusual to have just one sibling targeted. You’re targeted in different ways. Their parents were verbally and physically abusive to all of them but because of her role as the ‘hero’, Ronni received less of that than Jennie did. Jennie got the brunt of it and that disparity intensified into adulthood. It got to the point where they had to break contact with their parents and their brother because they realised what was happening and wanted to get help whilst their parents and brother did not.  This happened when Ronni and Jennie were in their late 20’s/early 30’s and whilst Ronni was getting much less of the abuse, Jennie was constantly targeted. There can be disparities but usually all the siblings get some measure of maltreatment. Their brother was abused as well although he did not see it that way – when they tried to point out the abuse he had endured when he was growing up he couldn't see it and sided with their parents as they were trying to pull out of denial.

It is quite common that you see different roles. They are almost strategic partnerships or relationships that build because sometimes the best defence is to appear to join the enemy. When you were experiencing the abuse did you talk about it or was it only later that you began to unpack it that you discovered what was going on? How did that awareness of each other’s role come about?

Jennie feels it really evolved over time.  They both knew that they wanted very different types of marriage to what they had witnessed growing up. They both married really good men and as they started to have their children they started to talk about parenting and how they wanted to parent. One weekend Ronni invited Jennie to visit alone with her 8 month old daughter. Ronni knew Jennie was really struggling – she was living with their parents as her husband was overseas on Operation Desert Storm and there wasn’t a lot of direct communication with each other. They were still entrenched in part in denial and what therapists would call triangular communication – in order to maintain control somebody in the family had to be controlling the communication. At that time most of the communication was running through their mother who kept a tight lid on what she decided to share, which often wasn't accurate at all. It was all part of maintaining loyalty and keeping them in line.

The weekend was a big deal and Jennie received a lot of flak from their parents but it turned out to be an opportunity for Ronni and Jennie to open up. As soon as Jennie walked in the door Ronni realised she was suffering from severe depression. Over the weekend they started to talk and they stepped out of denial and broke the taboo of silence by discussing the family dynamics and how their parents were treating Jennie.

It’s often the case that each individual sibling treats what’s happening as a secret and doesn't share it. There is a futility to those years where you don't realise that you have somebody else, that you have a supporter or ally. There must be part of the sickening sense of waste that comes from this?

You are so entrenched in the denial and following those ever changing roles of control. Its about controlling each of the children and they realised as they started to talk to each other how isolated they were from each other and their emotional needs. They didn't really talk much directly to each other about what was going on because they were conditioned to keep silent. You are conditioned to believe that after a horrible beating that you’re not hurt, too stop crying, I didn’t mean to hurt you so don't talk about it. When you are conditioned from infancy it takes a lot to break out those patterns and recognise the patterns and then talk about and have someone to talk about them with. A therapist who is well versed in abuse and addiction and the mental illness dynamics in families is imperative to start unpacking but to have a sibling to validate the memories and say ‘I was there’ ‘I remember that’ ‘you’re not imagining it’ accelerates your healing process dramatically.

One of the major challenges is building a relationship with a partner who is taking on someone who has been through such an experience. It creates trust or commitment issues and the need to not have the relationship you had with your parents. You need to construct something that is a figment of your imagination because you can’t use your experience. How do you begin to work with your partners in sharing issues and begin to develop relationship and parenting styles?

Ronni and her partner talked a lot in the beginning about what they wanted. They recognised patterns with both his father and her father and mother’s anger issues. It wasn't until she started going to counselling early in their marriage before they had their children that she started unpacking some of what had happened. Her husband was very supportive, he is a very healthy and loving person in his own right and they just wanted to work on creating the most loving relationship they could have with each other and then when they started having children to be the best parents they could. To parent as consciously as possible.

Ronni and Jennie have both pursued really successful careers and are examples of people who have not been defined by past significantly learned from it.

They have both taken what they were given as children and tried to figure out how to live their lives in a healthier manner and also use that information to help other people. Ronni feels that because we don't talk about these issues they are swept under the rug and society helps people stay in denial about what they have experienced because we don’t talk about it.

You learn from the process of sharing. You learn more about yourself in the process of enabling and helping other people. What was behind the decision to write the book?

Ronni and Jennie both felt that they had done a lot of research and that it was helpful to hear other peoples stories. It also helped them find the name what had happened to them. A therapist told them that it is really unusual for the hero and scapegoat to become as close as the two of them had and they started to think that there might be probably some kind of formulae that they could share in terms of what they did on their path to increase the possibility that other people could heal their sibling relationships as well.

You can find out more at www.ronniandjennie.com or https://www.facebook.com/theheartandsoulsisters

Their book is available at  Healing Begins with Us: Breaking the Cycle of Trauma and Abuse and Rebuilding the Sibling Bond 

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.