Building a life after loss. Healing from grief.

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled -Building a life after loss. Healing from grief.

Julie Cluff is a speaker, author, international life and grief coach, and the founder of Build a Life After Loss. As a life and grief coach, she helps those who are grieving to rebuild their life after loss and is the author of the book Miracles in the Darkness, in which she shares her experiences with grief, including the death of her two youngest children in a car accident on Mother’s Day in 2007, and her journey back to hope and healing. 

Julie is based in Salt Lake City, Utah but is originally from Florida. She lost her brother to suicide when she was in her 20s and this was her first really devastating loss. Shortly after this, she went through another painful period when she was divorced from her first husband, which left her with three small children to care for. Then, on Mothers Day on 2007, she was travelling from her home in Texas to her in-laws home in North Carolina with her three youngest children. She didn’t feel at all tired but mid-afternoon she fell asleep at the wheel. She woke up between the east and westbound lanes of the highway and in shock tried to pull her vehicle back onto the road but then felt the wheels lift off the road. She can remember the vehicle rolling but then hit her head and couldn’t see anything. When the vehicle stopped rolling, she could hear her twelve-year old son James who had been sitting next to her crying. She knew he was alive and in pain but when she called to her other two children who had been sitting in the back of the car, Cary who was ten and David who was eight, she got no answer.   

When she started to come round and her sight returned she realised that they had been thrown from the car when it rolled. The police and ambulance crews arrived at the scene but Julie was stunned both physically and emotionally and wasn't unable to get to Cary and David. She was then taken to hospital with James but Cary and David were taken to different hospital and it wasn't until two hours later that she found out they hadn’t survived. The level of pain and grief she then experienced was unlike anything she had experienced.

Physically she was the least injured from the crash with a broken wrist and sprained shoulders but her injuries were more emotional including PTSD.  As well as the three children who had been in the vehicle with her she also had three older children who hadn’t travelled with them because of their school schedule. The accident had a huge effect on these surviving children. Julie wasn’t in a good place herself so it was very difficult to support them, She and her husband relied a lot on their family, friends, church members and neighbours who all came together to help. The whole family also sought professional help and saw a therapist to get some direction. Julie also went through two and a half years of therapy to help with her PTSD.

Julie feels that her previous losses informed her experience dealing with such a horrific accident.  As well as reaching out to friends and seeking professional help, Julie feels that what kept her going was the thought that she still had things to live for. She was in extreme pain and felt that it would have been easier to have died at that moment but she still had living children and her husband. It was difficult for her marriage but they muddled through.

The guilt was unrelenting. Julie feels that we don't talk enough about self-forgiveness which is as important as forgiving others. It took a long time for Julie to accept and forgive herself. Sometimes when we blame ourselves we need to accept that ‘it is what it is’ and then ask ourselves ‘now what am I going to do with it’? The thought that keep coming into Julie’s mind was that there was a reason why she was still here. When we lose someone we love, especially if we are involved in an accident and have survivor’s guilt, we need to see that there is a reason we are still here and tap into it. We need to look for a path forward and see the good that can still come from our life. Things can be different if we can work thorough and let go of the pain of a loss. The loss is still there but if we can work through the pain then we can look forward and see that although life is different it can still be great.

Grief is something we will all experience but most of us are uninformed about what is normal and what is not. Support often comes at the wrong time. There are lots of offers to help at the beginning but you often end up having to cope with everyone else’s grief. The offers tend to have disappeared later when you need it.  Support needs to be stronger than the challenge. We need to find the support systems that will be meaningful and encourage us to build hope. Julie knows how emotionally hurt she was when her brother died and her marriage ended but despite how hurt she was she was able to move through it and rebuild her life. Her thought was that if she could do it before it is possible to do it again. What we really need is strong hope – a certainty of hope so we understand that it is possible

When people talk about closure they are triggered into thinking they can never move on. The loss still exists therefore they cannot recover, but closure is not the closure of the relationship. People get confused and think that if they let go of the pain they let go of the person. They connect the pain with the person and we need to separate the two. Julie lives in love and gratitude to her children who died and lives in love and gratitude to those who are living – you can’t raise one above the other

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Julie here. Our previous podcast episodes, upcoming guest list and are also available.

You can get in touch with Julie through her website buildalifeafterloss.com were you an find a weekly podcast and the option for a Free Discovery Consultation. Her book Miracles in the Darkness is also available.

Rewiring the brain. Self-talk, self-image and making it reality

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled - Rewiring the brain. Self-talk, self-image and making it reality.

Steven Campbell was a University Professor and Educational Dean in Northern California for over 20 years. Having initially worked in hospital administration, he went on to take his degree in Computer Science before going on to teach Psychology. The message he shares with his students is that ‘while I’m talking to you you’re also talking to yourself but 1000’s of times faster ‘. When people talk to you they use words but when we talk to ourselves as well as words we also use pictures and feelings.

In 1961, Dr. Albert Ellis wrote a book called The Guide to Rational Living. In it he suggested that our feelings about ourselves don't come primarily from how we are raised or our successes and failures but from our beliefs about how we were raised or our successes or failures. Some people say they don’t know what to believe and Steven feels that we want to know what we believe, we need to listen to what we are saying to ourselves – our self-talk.

One of the most exciting discoveries that psychology has made is that our brain believes what we tell it, without question. Everything we do today is primarily based on what we say to ourselves about ourselves, today. We can change what we are saying to ourselves about ourselves and our brain just doesn’t care if what we say is true or not. You could say to yourself “I’m not very good at Maths’ and your brain will say “Yes, you’re right. You’re not good at Maths” and then it will look for other times you got something wrong. However, if you say “I really like Maths’ the brain says ‘OK’ and then looks for ways to show it. So, if we say “I really can do this” the brain will say, “Absolutely” and find ways of doing it. The principle is that our brain listens to us and rewires itself based on the messages we give it. This is neuroplasticity. The way we are today is primarily based on what we tell ourselves today. When we say something it is the brains job to make it true.

We all also have thousands of self-images. We have a self-image for every single thing that we do, for instance as a father, husband, grandfather, teacher, or singer. Some self-images are really strong and others less so, but we are not born with them, they are all learned.  We are also born with certain natural dispositions or things that we naturally love to do. We may have had to learn how to do it, but the learning isn’t hard because it was what we could do naturally. So, our self-images are learned from our self-talk and our self-images are based on what we are saying to ourselves about ourselves, today.

What holds us back from learning, growing and changing is ourselves. If we replace our self-talk we will then replace our self-images. The more we talk the more it will becomes a reality. We need to take our self-talk and use it to make it work. It’s not about just having an opinion. Rewiring the brain takes time because the brain doesn’t want to change, it wants to keep us risk free.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Steven here. Our previous podcast episodes, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can find our more about Steven at StevenRCampbell.com or find out about his book is Making Your Mind Magnificent – Flourishing at Any Age.

Resilience, burnout and the importance of self-compassion

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled - Resilience burnout and the importance of self-compassion.

Dr Gail Gazelle spent a large part of her career as a hospice physician and end of life carer. Ten years ago she pivoted and retrained became an executive coach so she could help other physicians deal with what at the time was seen as an epidemic, physician burnout.

Dr Gazelle sees resilience as a deep well of resources that resides in each of us. Resilience is more than just bouncing back, it’s about reaching our personal or professional goals with the minimum unnecessary difficulty, whether it’s physical, emotional, spiritual or physiological. We all have goals but can run into obstacles and resilience helps us to reach our goals with minimum wear and tear.

There are many things that deplete resilience. Our life circumstances are often not within in our control. We can do little about where we are born, poverty, wealth, racism or other issues but some resilience comes with these circumstances. Another thing that can deplete resilience is not learning how to deal with our problems and being inflexible in how we approach them. We also don't learn how to work with our own thought processes. or have the fexibility of mind to work with our own mind. Additionally, we don't invest in the relationships that support us during hard times by connecting with people or nurturing and repairing our relationships.

The other area Dr Gazelle is interested in is burnout. Burnout can occur in a large variety of professions or workplaces. The thing that is universal is a lack of engagement and this captures the essence of what many people find in their workplace - that they are not being seen, they are not being given the time to do their job or being appreciated. Dr Gazelle feels that burnout is a feeling of being disconnected from our sense of purpose so that we become unfilled and emotionally exhausted. This is seen a lot in the healthcare sector and a result is that the focus of the person suffering from burnout becomes less on the patient on more on their own feelings. There is also a deep sense of pain which can stop them connecting with those they serve and should be taking care of. In other other professions burnout can lead to a loss of passion and caring and a sense of depletion and lack of direction.

Mindfulness is at the heart of resilience. It’s about awareness and paying attention to what’s right in front of us so we get to know our own mind patterns and understand when our mind is helping us or tripping us up. Mindfulness is different to self-awareness because mindfulness involves working with the judgments the mind makes and trying to bring more compassion and more kindness to ourselves and others.

Self-compassion is also a powerful tool that can help us find more inner peace, strength and motivation to deal with the challenges that come our way. Self-compassion is about responding to our own suffering in the caring way we would respond to a friend or a child who’s struggling. A Self-Compassion Break uses three different stages to directly experience the three components of self-compassion - Mindfulness, Common Humanity and Kindness. We need to bring compassion towards ourselves so that we are aware that we are struggling and going through difficulties. We need to remind ourselves that suffering is part of the human condition and this is what it looks like. By bringing the kindness to ourselves that we would give to someone else, ultimately builds greater kindness to ourselves.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Gail here. Our previous podcast episodes, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can find out more at www.gailgazelle.com

Dr Gazelle’s book is Everyday Resilience. A Practical Guide to Build Inner Strength and Weather Life’s Challenge

The body, mind and PTSD

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled - The body, mind and PTSD.

Laura Khoudari is a trauma practitioner, certified personal trainer, and corrective exercise specialist whose work grew out of her own experience healing from trauma. She is based in New York and works with her clients to turn movement practices into healing practices so most of her work is done in the gym.

During the winter of 2014-2015 Laura designed a holistic program to support her own treatment for PTSD that combined talk therapy, mindfulness, bodywork, and strength training. As she put together a program for herself, she realised that practitioners who worked with the body (doctors, massage therapists, meditation teachers, and physical therapists) often did not fully understand how trauma impacted their clients.

Frustrated that there weren’t more people in the fitness space who were equipped to help clients living with trauma, she decided to become the trauma informed personal trainer and coach she wished she had had. Her holistic programs draw from body-based trauma healing modalities, neuropsychological models, psychodynamic theory, mindfulness practices, and exercise science.

Laura feels that when people think of trauma they link it to medical trauma or emotional trauma and ask why they are working with her in the gym. Trauma can mean many different things but Laura thinks it is unprocessed nervous system energy that is left in the body after you’ve gone through something overwhelming or had to deal with something to fast so your body didn't get the chance to process it.

People generally come to Laura in two different ways. The first group are people who have a trauma history and want to bring movement back in their life but are having a hard time doing it – people who are suffering from things like PTSD or CPTSD and can’t get back to the activity they used to do or their doctor wants them to do. Others are currently in treatment for trauma and are working with a therapist and want to build skills they can use in therapy to process trauma.

Laura feels when you are in therapy you need to be in touch with your body. In therapy you are talking about your thoughts and, to process your emotions and experiences, it is useful to be able to stay with sensations and what happens in our body we are doing this. This means it has a lot more meaning rather than just talking about what’s going on in your head.

Laura’s clients do not have to tell her their trauma story. She feels there is a lot of pressure for people to prove that they need help and to put their story out there through social media. Her clients have suffered a wide variety of trauma including addiction, eating disorders, chronic fatigue syndrome, sexual assault, and abusive relationships. Laura has had her own trauma experience and her own fitness story. As a child she didn’t like sport or gym but when she was 20 she suffered a back problem.  Her doctor recommended physical therapy and strength training but it wasn't until she was 27 she decided to commit fully to strength training. Over time she started to love the gym and the fact she wasn’t in pain any more so in her mid 30s she took up the sport of Olympic weightlifting. Outside of the gym she experienced an acute trauma and suffered from PTSD. Her relationship with the gym changed then and it went from being fun to training ten times a week. She got injured because she wasn't resting enough and when she came back after a number of months of physical therapy and strength training she realised what she had been doing was a problem and not the culture she wanted.

She found it difficult to find a trainer who understood that trauma overwhelmed her ability to go to the gym so she figured out how to do it herself. She decided she wanted train people who liked her loved the gym and found it empowering but understood the impact on physiology and the nervous system and work together to get you back to where you were in a slower, structured way.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Laura here. Our previous podcast episodes, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can get in touch with Laura through her website laurakhoudari.com where she writes a regular newsletter and shares resources. Laura is also the author of Lifting Heavy Things: Healing Trauma One Rep at a Time  

Strategies to deal with fear.

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled - Strategies to deal with fear.

Lawrence or Larry Doochin is an author, entrepreneur and survivor of sexual abuse. As a child, he felt fear, anger, guilt and shame and it wasn’t until his late 20’s and early 30s that he began find strategies that helped him learn how to deal with and release fear. It was then that he started to move along an emotional and spiritual healing path.

Larry feels that fear is an emotion, a belief and an energetic in the body. Most people know the psychological part of fear that is built into our evolutional system. Larry refers to this as good or cautionary fear but there are different types of fear some of which we are not even fully aware of. These fears that lie under the surface could be a of not being successful, of not coming up to other people’s expectations, death, or of not being not lovable or worthy enough. Some are fears we feel individually and others collectively.

To determine what fear is, we need to watch our emotional reactions and how we interact in our experiences. This is called witnessing.  We also need to see how we are projecting so we can then bring these projections back in. This will not only show us our fears but also the beliefs that support them and the conditioning that created them. We can see how they are affecting us in our lives and experiences so we can make a start on changing them. Seeing what these fears are how they were formed helps us to lose those that are not useful.

Lawrence feels that we are too preoccupied with the past and the future, going back over memories and worrying about what might happen with no real solution or plan. This is when fear can take over so we need to become more aware of our own thoughts so we can pull our attention back to the present and reconnect with our ourselves in the now where fear cannot exist.

Fear does have a purpose. We will always need to have cautionary fears but fear can also be a good thing because it acts as a pointer as to what is not working for us. This then allows us to change and overcome our fears so we have a greater sense of ourselves and can live our lives the way we want to.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Lawrence here. Our previous podcast episodes, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

Lawrence’s book is A Book on Fear: Feeling Safe in a Challenging World.

You can find out more at lawrencedoochin.com.

Mindset matters

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled - Mindset matters.

Janet Watson is the founder of Watson and Associates, a consultancy based in San Francisco that delivers customised coaching and development for a wide range of corporate leaders. Janet was coached from a young age in competitive figure skating and from this her passion to teach started. She turned pro before undergrad school and began coaching skating where her thought was always “How can I make something good, even better?” From developing coaching programmes for athletes, Janet moved into executive coaching after being asked to teach at a university in California on their strategic communications program.

Janet works with a number of female executives and feels that women in leadership roles need to develop skills that will help them survive the rough and tumble of corporate life to secure positions in the boardroom and make a difference at a senior level. Whether it’s preparing for a board meeting or media training for a radio or TV interview, Janet feels you need to ‘hone it till you own it’ and be aware of where and what you need to improve.

Janet’s experience has been very varied – a competitive athlete, a coach, a national spokesperson on TV, radio and media tours, a consultant, a professor and an advisor. She pulls elements from each aspect of her career in custom tailoring coaching for executive business needs. For example, from her athletic career, dedication, focus and time management and from her academic role, objective setting and learning styles. She also had to decide what areas to lose and what to keep – to decide what she held in heart and was true to her

Although she now has a role she loves and embraces, life was not always so easy. 24 years ago she underwent emergency surgery and almost died. Over her 5 months of recovery she undertook a lot of soul searching as to why she had been given a second chance at life. She found being grateful for each small step forward helped carry her on to the next week. That what was meaningful to her was how she could be in service to others. She really enjoyed helping and supporting executives through co-creation – coming to a new idea together and then working on it to foster growth and expand their businesses while still feeling supported

One of the things Janet is passionate about is mindset. Mindset prepares us for some of the most important conversations in our lives. Janet looks on mindset as a key component of success that is also linked to assessing opportunities. This perhaps goes back to her athletic experience where you need to visualise outcomes. Whether it’s going into a competition or a boardroom meeting, you need to ask yourself and others good questions. What mindset do you want to go in with? Are you ready? What part of your experience do you get to share today? Putting yourself in the right mindset s important so how do you prepare for this competition so you have the best outcome or the outcome you would like?

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Janet here. Our previous podcast episodes, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can get in touch with Janet at http://www.watsonandassoc.com

Hamilton to heart attack. The theatre of perfection

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled - Enjoy the experience as much as the result. Musical theatre and managing perfectionism.

Julian Reeve was a Music Director for over 25 years with a career that combined music and business and took him around the world.  He joined the Broadway team of Hamilton as Music Director and took it on it’s first national tour in 2017 before suffering from a heart attack which was triggered by maladaptive perfectionism. He is now based just outside Los Angeles where he is a perfectionism contributor, speaker, and author.

Julian started out as a musician before moving on to musical direction, which involves the running and creative upkeep of a show. Musical theatre can be seen to be a process rather than being creative as its essential to keep producing the same piece of music every night without mistakes to ensure the longevity of a show. The Musical Director also has to build team spirit and ensure high-level performance without burning out. Resilience is important. Julian feels you need to find the parts you enjoy and forget the bits you don't like to find the positivity which is the only thing that keeps you going. The Music Director is sometimes thought to be the least musical person in the room as their role is less about the music more about being the best leader and facilitator. Julian found his resilience by looking outside the box. He was always motivated by finding out what made his team tick and what got them to perform at their best every night. Even after five years on the same show you can still discover new things.

Julian had no idea he was a perfectionist until he was in his 40s. He suffered his heart attack 3 months after starting Hamilton and he feels his perfectionism was the cause. In his childhood he suffered from low self esteem and bullying, which led to bad lifestyle choices. Perfectionism has numerous explanations but research has shown it falls into two categories - adaptive and maladaptive. The adaptive part is what is recognised as good perfectionism, the part that gets good results, but the maladaptive side can lead to anxiety, depression, burnout and even suicide. Nothing is ever good enough. Perfectionists battle between the two and need to create equilibrium to regulate their experiences but this needs knowledge. We need to find a way to speak to perfectionists in a different way. They need self-compassion. This is made up of three elements, self-kindness, mindfulness and common humanity.

Julian now works with children and adults but his book is aimed at 6 to 12 year olds who can learn perfectionist behaviour in childhood. They need to develop self-management techniques. Warning signs include low self esteem, putting themselves down, mistakes being unacceptable, struggling to celebrate when they do well, fear of failure, all or nothing thinking and there only one way to do something.

Perfectionists need to learn self worth, to value themselves enough and to learn to love themselves.  They need to be able to say ‘I’m worth more than this’, to slow down and readdress. Perfectionism can be exciting if you can hone the gifts perfectionism gives you to the point where you become high performance.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Julian here. Our previous podcast episodes, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can get in touch with Julian at www.julianreeve.com or www.captain-perfection.com

Attitude to Gratitude. Turning a challenge into a benefit to others.

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled – Attitude to Gratitude. Turning a challenge into a benefit for others.

In this episode, Dr. Russell Thackeray talks to Holly Bertone, the President and CEO of Pink Fortitude, LLC, and founder of Fortitude.Academy and the health and wellness website pinkfortitude.com. Holly spent the first 10 years of her career as a recruiter before becoming a Chief of Staff in the federal government service. As well as having a highly successful career, Holly took part in triathlons and was a mountain bike racer but she was diagnosed and treated first for breast cancer and then for the autoimmune illness, Hashimoto Disease. She is based in Alexandria, Virginia.

When Holly was diagnosed with breast cancer she was told ‘don't worry you have the good kind of cancer’.  Two days later her boyfriend proposed (they have recently celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary) and, having completed surgery, chemotherapy and radiation treatment, they got married 10 days after Holly’s treatment ended. Over the next year however she kept getting sicker and sicker and the following year was diagnosed with the autoimmune condition Hasimoto Disease. This can lead to a number of symptoms including fatigue, migraine and IBS that are sometimes manageable and sometimes debilitating.

An autoimmune condition is really a case of our immune cells doing what they should be doing. The body has too much inflammation in it and the autoimmune system is trying to calm it down and put the fire out. There are 80 – 100 autoimmune diseases and they can have varying symptoms such as debilitating fatigue, pain, rashes, IBS and migraines. The symptoms and severity are different from person to person.

Holly was still working full time and could still function but she self demoted herself to an analyst role to reduce the amount of stress she was dealing with. She investigated different ways of dealing with her condition but gratitude seemed to be the driver - you can wake up and be miserable about your condition or wake up and be thankful for what life has given you. Holly’s mother had been diagnosed with Addison’s Disease, an autoimmune illness and Holly recalls that her mother was always positive, saying that gratitude builds fortitude.  Going through tough times builds fortitude and being grateful builds fortitude. It can be transformative in the midst of storms.

We all need fortitude or inner strength. Every day we can choose to be a victim of circumstance or we can say ‘I’ve got this’.  Our day might not be perfect but we can take control of our life despite of what’s coming our way – we can deal with what we’re going through because we’re strong and have fortitude. It’s about having a mental narrative and giving ourselves positive messages. We're all really good at ‘talking bad to ourselves’ and telling ourselves that we’re not good enough. Holly feels we should talk to ourselves as if we were talking to a baby, a grandparent or a member of the clergy – with respect, kindness and lovingness. If we’re feeling bad at the start of the day, messages, a mantra or inspirational quote can help get through a tough time. It's a matter of finding what works for you

Holly feels that gratitude is the umbrella. A simple definition of gratitude is that it’s a state of being thankful, a place of joy or love.  A way of getting started would be to start to think about 3 things to be grateful for in the morning and 3 before you go to bed. Over time this gradually starts to grow and change your mindset. The benefits of gratitude have a scientific base. Dr. Robert Emmons is a leading expert on gratitude and he has undertaken a number of world studies on the link between gratitude and wellbeing. It has been established that practicing gratitude has 7 benefits. Gratitude can:

1. open the door to more relationships.

2. improve physical health.

3. improve psychological health.

4. enhance empathy and reduce aggression.

5. help people sleep better.

6. improve self-esteem.

7. increase mental strength.

Holly has turned two significant health challenges into a passion to help transform the lives of women struggling with chronic illness by sharing the power of gratitude.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Holly here. Our previous podcast episodes, upcoming guest list and full blog archive are also available.

You can get in touch with Holly through pinkfortitude.com or Fortitude.Academy 

Holly is also the #1 Amazon.com bestselling author of the book Thriving in the Workplace with Autoimmune Disease: Know Your Rights, Resolve Conflict, and Reduce Stress, the first book ever to educate others on Autoimmune Disease as a legal disability in the U.S. workplace.

Change the narrative and get unstuck

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released Resilience Unravelled – Change the narrative and get unstuck.

 In this episode, Dr. Russell Thackeray talks to Russell Heath, a life and leadership coach who is based in New York City. Russell has been a life and leadership coach for over ten years but before this he ran an environmental group that protects the national forest in Alaska. Over a period of time he came to realise that what the organisation could do was limited ,not by finance or by circumstances, but by his leadership - he could only take it as far as he was himself was developed and able to go. He attended leadership training courses but found that these focused on skills like presentation and staff management rather than the underlying behaviours needed to deploy the skills. In 2010 he moved to New York City where he undertook training and coaching to learn how to be a leader but eventually decided to go into business himself and retrained to be a professional coach

Russell now works with high performing professionals who are stuck in some way- they want more out of their professions, are very successful and have a good family and home but want something more and don't know what it is. The framework he uses works around the idea that we all develop a way of looking at the world and a set of behaviours and values at a young age. These are developed for our own physical and emotional survival and, whilst they produce results for some people, others often in their 30s or 40s find they aren’t producing any satisfaction or meaning.. They are stuck because this is all they know but what they need to do is look at the world to see what would produce meaning, fulfillment and excitement.

Russell uses the Ontology style of coaching. Ontology is the study of being and is about developing the ability to choose our being regardless of circumstances so we can choose the way of being that best enables us to fulfil on what is important to us. Ontological coaching expands our capacity to choose so we aren’t driven by our “default” behaviors but have the freedom to choose who we want to be. This allows us to accomplish our goals, deepen our relationships, and live a rich and rewarding life.

If we’re not getting the results we want we need to ask ourselves what we need to do differently to get better results’? ‘Do we want these results? What do we need to do differently? Who do we need to be to get different results? Money and status are external to ourselves but we can sometimes have difficulty giving them up for something more meaningful. How then when we achieve something can we avoid getting stuck? If we win is it what we wanted?  When we get so focused on getting there we realise we didn’t enjoy the journey.

Changing purpose or narrative is a key part of getting unstuck. We are in conversation with ourselves and that conversation determines how we see the world. Changing this can produce different results but we need to shift more than our linguistical world. To bring lasting change we also need to need to shift our emotional and physical worlds.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Russell here. Our previous podcast episodes and upcoming guest list are also available as is our full blog archive.

You can find out more about Russell or get in touch with him through his website.

If you would like to find out more about Russell’s Alaskan based thrillers visit https:/russellheathauthor.com/

Losing the illusion. Dealing with Bells Palsy.

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled – Losing the illusion. Dealing with Bells Palsy.

In this episode, Dr. Russell Thackeray talks to Barbie Wharton who is based in British Columbia. Barbie is a speaker, writer, dance event boss, Mum and survivor of Bell’s Palsy.

Barbie started dancing with her sister when she was in the 5th Grade and learnt ballet, jazz and tap. In fact, her Mother ended up buying the dance studio because they both spent so much time there! She then went on to business school and had a career in upper management before leaving after having her two boys. She then started a team apparel company with her sister and also worked with her sister and mother for 20 years producing a number of dance competitions across Western Canada.  The theme at all events was “You Belong Here” - everyone is special, everyone belongs. In 2020 the business had to close due to Covid-19 but the pandemic gave her some time to reflect and she realised that she wasn’t ready to let the dance world go - that she needed to get back up and try again! She is now starting her own company, B1 Dance Productions, where she will initially she be running a couple of small events in Vancouver.

Barbie’s resilience had really been tested in 2015 when she woke up with Bells Palsy, a condition that causes a temporary weakness or paralysis of the muscles in the face. It can occur when the nerve that controls the facial muscles becomes inflamed, swollen, or compressed and it causes one side of your face to droop or become stiff.  In Barbie’s case, it was very sudden although she had been feeling a bit run down. She just woke up on a Monday morning and was getting the kids ready for school when she realised one side of her face looked different. Her resting face was fine and she thought she had a sinus infection so went to a clinic where they told her to see a doctor asap! Her doctor prescribed steroids and anti-virals but Barbie tried a lot of other things such as acupuncture, acupressure, essential oils, prolo therapy, fascial stretch therapy as well as seeing a naturopath.

She also did a lot of research it and found Louse Hay, one of the founders of the self-help movement, whose idea was that the root cause of Bell's Palsy was about denying emotions like anger so that when emotional release is denied, the anger appears as facial paralysis. Barbie felt that in her case, developing Bells Palsy was about not using her voice to give her opinion or even not to think about what her opinion was. She wasn’t speaking up and using her voice and was letting other people’s idea of what was picture perfect affect her. She needed to stop and say this is what I think. Barbie was trying to be everything to everyone, the perfect mum, perfect partner with the perfect house and the perfect life which was exhausting. She needed to lose her illusion of what her life should look like.

At the moment Barbie’s recovery is about 85% but each day is different. It’s also different for each person who suffers with Bells Palsy. Some people find it goes away completely whilst others have to deal with it in the longer term. It can be a very traumatising and emotionally terrifying thing to happen so because there is not a lot of information available she decided to set up Bellspalsytalk.com a community where people can come together and talk to other people who are going through the same things.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Barbie here. Our previous podcast episodes and upcoming guest list are also available.

Our full blog archive is also available.

You can find out more about Barbie at barbiewharton.com or at bellspalsytalk

Solutions for anxiety and chronic-pain

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled – Solutions for anxiety and chronic-pain.

In this episode, Dr Russell Thackeray talks to Dr David Hanscom who is based in Oakland, California. Dr Hanscom was an orthopedic complex spinal deformity surgeon in Seattle WA for over 32 years. He quit practicing surgery in 2018 to focus on teaching people how to deal with chronic pain.

For the first eight years of his career David was part of a team surgically solving low back pain with lumbar fusions. Then research came out that showed the success rate of the intervention was only 22%. David had thought that the success rate was over 90%. This surgery is a major intervention so David immediately stopped performing them.  

As a top-level surgeon, David had always suppressed stress and didn’t know what anxiety was but around this point he started suffering from chronic anxiety, panic attacks and a obsessive-compulsive disorder. He thought anxiety was a psychological issue and sought help but found it just kept getting worse. David tried a number of different approaches but found the one that helped him the most was expressive writing. Studies have shown that this can help people with physical health conditions but David found it made it easier to separate and regulate his emotions

David feels that anxiety is the result of the body’s reaction to a threat or stress and that chronic pain is generated from sustained exposure to a threat. When we’re threatened for any reason, our body releases stress chemicals such as adrenaline and cortisol. We then experience a flight, fight or freeze response, with an increased heart rate, rapid breathing, sweating, muscle tension and anxiety. If this continues for a protracted time, we become ill.

As well as being something physical, a threat can also be can be intrusive thoughts, repressed thoughts or emotions which are processed in the brain in the same way as a physical threat.  Mental threats are the bigger problem because we can’t escape their consciousness. The body’s response with stress chemicals and inflammation is the same whether the source of the threat is mental or physical. If the threat is sustained, ongoing exposure to this inflammatory reaction destroys tissues and causes chronic disease.

To deal with pain we need to be aware of the neurochemical nature of chronic pain and the principles behind calming the threat response. We also need to address all the factors that are affecting our pain and, as chronic pain is complex and each individual is unique, the only person who can solve the pain is the patient who must take control of their care. Every symptom is created by our body’s response to our surroundings so cues of safety create a sense of contentment and well-being. Threats have the opposite effect, including elevated stress hormones, increased metabolism, and inflammation. Sustained and prolonged threats (including thoughts and emotions) cause illness and disease. David feels the solution lies in increasing the capacity to cope with stress and also learning to process it so it has less of an impact.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Dr Hanscom here. Our previous podcast episodes, upcoming guest list and full blog archive is also available.

You can find out more about Dr Hanscom at his website BackInControl.com or his program The Doc Journey His latest book is available from Amazon.

Understanding gambling addiction

Patrick Chester is an author and speaker on the subject of gambling addition. A former addict himself, he now lives in Washington State with his wife Erica and his two sons.

If you take a group of people playing slot machines or cards, or backing a horse or football team, some won’t be affected at all, a couple may develop a mild gambling habit whilst one may end up with a with a severe problem. It’s hard to say what the trigger is, as its different for each person but Patrick traces his trigger back to when he was young.  His father took him and his sister to parties where people were gambling and drinking and having a great time. Patrick didn’t recognise the dangers of gambling because he had grown up seeing it as fun and harmless, something you could do as a family. Before he knew it though, it had taken over his life.

Patrick doesn't know when was the point of change. It was difficult to recognise but he got to a point where he was in very deep and it had gone being fun to being the solution to his problems. In his mind the only way to recover and pay back his debts he was in was to gamble more. Patrick started to realise he had a problem around 2012 when he started committing crimes. He had exhausted all his access to finance and was no longer working for himself as he had been reported to the state. He was gambling with other people’s money by taking money as a deposit and using it to gamble.

At the end of 2014 Patrick had rented some heavy equipment for a job he had been hired to do but his plan was actually to sell the equipment and gamble the money. He had convinced himself that he would win the money back and pay off all his debts.   At this point he realised he had crossed the line. Nobody else knew and he looked and appeared normal but inside he was a mess, stressed out and confused. It is easier to recognise someone with a drugs and alcohol problem as you can see the toll the addiction takes physically but with gambling there is nothing to see. Patrick had also become very creative with his lies. His wife trusted him with the bills and the mortgage and he diverted mail so she didn’t see bills weren’t being paid. Deceit and having to live on your wits almost seemed to be part of the enjoyment. Talking his way out of situations and convincing other people gave him a sense of satisfaction but that was part of the illness. Some days he just felt a huge sense of sadness when he would ask himself how he could continue to lie and do this to the people I love.

Patrick had to figure out what was going on in his head and why he was doing these things. What he sees as his ‘Day of Comeuppance’ happened in 2015. During 2013 and 2014 criminal changes for theft were brought against him. He decided the best thing would be to let the charges to play themselves out and plead guilty. At this point he reached out to a family member.  He and his family were living with his wife’s parents as they had lost their house. He told them he was going to work but at that point he had no work. His father in law called and said they knew everything that was going on and not to come back to house, to book in a hotel and that they would all talk tomorrow. It turned out they had taken out an intervention. The next day they all sat down together and five hours later Patrick was on a plane for treatment.

Patrick feels that there were many points particularly in 2010 and 2011 when his wife was questioning him when he could have told the truth about his gambling problem and that her needed help but he was scared he would lose his marriage. As it turned out it was a 100 times worse carrying on. It takes a different form of courage to ask for help. He wished he had the courage but he kept searching for ways to get out his mess – he was going to win and pay everyone off and stop gambling. He knew it wasn’t reality but reality doesn't work with a full-blown addict. When Patrick went into treatment they did a full assessment and gave him a base plan to work with to help him understand what was going on in his brain but it took a couple of years before he could see the addiction patterns. Patrick feels he was very fortunate as his wife and her family put together a life plan for him. It was very much take it or leave it but he was ready. There are very few specialist gambling treatment centres in the USA but Patrick was fortunate in that a place was found for him. It helped him to release that he wasn't alone and that gambling addiction happened to other people as well. 

Therapy was very intense and lasted for eight hours a day for thirty days. After that he continued to work with them as an outpatient. Three weeks after he left therapy he was due to be sentenced for his criminal convictions. Patrick attended thinking that as he had completed treatment the judge would view his case favorably but the judge had listened to the victim impact statements and sent him to jail for four months.  Patrick had nothing to do but think of ways to improve his life and self and he now thinks the jail term was good for him.  He also had to pay back all the money he owed which amounted to hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Patrick very much respects his wife and her family. He doesn’t know another family who would have gone to the lengths they did. His wife was pretty tough on herself for a while and kept asking herself how she could have allowed him to manipulate her for so long but as Patrick says it is hardest for the person closest to you to see it. Patrick now focuses on being the best father and husband he can and trying to help people understand what gambling addiction is and helping people who are suffering. After taking from people and causing them financial and emotional pain he feels it is time to start giving back and turn it into a positive. He is working on a book which will hopefully be out in the summer/early fall and on a website.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Patrick here. Our previous podcast episodes, upcoming guest list and full blog archive is also available.

You can get in touch with Patrick through his Twitter account patrickchester9

He also recommends that anyone who feels they has a problem gets in touch with Gamblers Anonymous and the National Suicide Prevention line in US or the Samaritans in UK.

You may also be able to access help in the UK at https://www.okrehab.org/

Pulling the gems from adversity. Mindsets and tools to rebuild, inspire and dream bigger.

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled - Pulling the gems from adversity. Mindsets and tools to rebuild, inspire and dream bigger.

Susan De Lorenzo is an author, speaker and certified transformational life coach who focuses on helping women who are emerging from life-altering adversities. As a survivor of invasive breast cancer whose marriage dissolved as treatment ended, Susan draws on her personal journey as well as her training as a life coach to give clients, readers and listeners the mindsets and tools to rebuild their lives in alignment with their deepest desires.

Susan works with her clients to build a mindset where, no matter what has happened, you believe you can create something even greater through a higher platform of awareness to give inspiration to dream bigger and go for more.

Although her mother was a breast cancer survivor, when Susan had her breast cancer diagnosis she was shocked.  She never imagined it would happen to her and the diagnosis unravelled her. The first diagnosis was not the most serious. During a check up her oncologist asked if anyone had spoken to her about the lump in her other breast. At the time Susan was working full-time, had an 18-month old son and a new house that needed a lot of work and she found that she was very angry. The diagnosis was very hard to digest and she was very resistant to it and didn’t even want to do chemo.

People sometimes describe cancer as a battle but Susan thinks we need to develop the relationship we have with ourselves which is what gets us through. When adversity hits us we need to ask what can I do with myself to make it OK - I know it’s not going to be great but how can I keep my awareness that I’m not alone and am connected to life. Knowing that can be the strength by making it real for ourselves and our centre or eye of the storm. We are the centre of our own experience. Families often don’t know what to do to help and we end up comforting them. They don't have the skills to help or they have their own thoughts and feelings about what you’re going through. We need to remember that's their experience, I have mine.  

In the US divorces relating to couples where one is going through cancer are higher than the national average. Susan knew her marriage was going to be problematic but was determined to get married and have a family. She grew up with a parent who suffered with depression and this was something Susan’s partner suffered from as well.

Susan had 4 surgeries and 6 months of chemo and radiation but was then told she was cancer free. She found she had a new love of life. She wasn't going to play small anymore and was at a higher level but her partner was in depression. Susan felt they should work at their relationship but her partner wanted to be alone – he couldn’t deal with how happy Susan was.

When we go through adversity and start to come out the other side we sometimes find that we are going at a different speed to our partner. The other person is still where they were and unless you move together it becomes a challenge

The model of marriage is very romantic but the idea of staying together is impossible unless both people are growing. We need to remember it’s OK to let go if the other person doesn't grow at the same level. People move ahead and change. It takes something fundamental to change. We need to re-engineer relationships and remain interested in growth and what’s going to be next. We need to have something to look forward and to stay real by talking about the elements of life, what’s happening in the world and what’s happening to friends.

Susan works with clients coming out of life altering adversities.  The first thing they learn is to understand is that it’s not just other people who overcome adversity and that they can too. They need to be open to the idea that this is for me too so how can I design my life so it gets me to a place where I love my life.  This needs building and learning to overcome beliefs and conditioning – the not good enough syndrome.

Susan now spends her time between Rhode Island and Florida. Later this year Balboa Press will be publishing her new book Pulling the Gems from Adversity where she shares the five stages of working through adversity to come back even stronger.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Susan here. Our previous podcast episodes and upcoming guest list are also available.

Our full blog archive is also available.

You can get in touch with Susan at https://SusanDeLorenzo.com or at her Facebook page

It's easy to meditate. Just sit down and get started.

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled – It’s easy to meditate. Just sit down and get started.

In this episode, Dr. Russell Thackeray talks to Adam Weber, an author, speaker and highly successful commercial real estate business owner who is based to the north of New York City. Adam also has a progressive form of Multiple Sclerosis and uses meditation as a way of helping him to calm his mind, reduce his stress and see improvements in his pain and other symptoms. Now, he also helps other people learn to deal with their stress though meditation.

14 years ago, whilst working in the highly stressful world of commercial real estate, Adam was diagnosed with MS. The diagnosis came as a complete shock and left him struggling to walk and at times unable to eat. MS is aggravated by stress and Adam suffered with anxiety and depression as he tried to meet the demands of his day-to-day life.

Although both his parents worked in the medical profession, Adam wasn’t happy in taking a solely medication approach to his MS. He had used meditation infrequently in the past so he became interested in using it as a way of managing his MS. Once he realised how meditation could help with the mental, physical and emotional problems created by stress, he started helping other people use meditation to deal with their stress.

Adam wanted to take the ‘woo woo’ away from meditation and make it simple and easy to practice so he created his own ‘Easy to Meditate’ programme. He feels meditation is really about resting your mind and taking yourself out of the world we live in so you can concentrate on your breathing and focus. By closing your eyes and breathing in though your nose and out your mouth, you can start to focus on a place where nothing is going on so you can let your thoughts go and slow down your body and mind.

There are so many benefits in reducing stress and Adam wants people to be able to practice mediation anywhere – to be able to leave their business environment and be able to go to their car, the park or a spare office and take time for themselves.  There’s no need for incense, flowers or special clothes, you just need to sit down and get started.  

There is a difference between simple relaxation where you sit down, read a book or watch TV and meditation. Mediation physically changes the brain and works with heart to help you compartmentalise where you are

Adam feels that mediation is a skill that people can learn at their own pace. It needs practice and to develop good results it can take a few weeks. A good habit generally takes 21 – 30 days in place before you see results but the more you do, the better the results you’ll see.  

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Adam here. Our previous podcast episodes and upcoming guest list are also available.

Our full blog archive is also available.

You can find out more about Adam and his book at here.

Like yoga with crayons. Creative intelligence and healing.

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released Resilience Unravelled – Like yoga with crayons. Creative intelligence and healing.

In this episode, Dr. Russell Thackeray talks to Corry MacDonald, a creative healer who integrates her training as a transpersonal art therapist, HeartSpeaker and energy healer into her advanced cognitive coach training. Born in Alberta, Canada Canadian Corry is currently based in Belgium with her husband, three teenagers and their dog, but has nearly a decade of cross cultural experience having lived in five different countries.

Corry became interested in therapeutic processes of art and the way that creative expression can develop healing and mental wellbeing when she was at university. Now, she teaches people to uncover and activate their innate creative intelligence to give them the freedom and grit to transform their challenges into wisdom and information and potentials.

Art Therapy can be used to help people explore emotions such as stress, anxiety and anger, develop self-awareness, cope with stress, boost self-esteem, and work on social skills. Corry integrates the full suite of art therapy tools and techniques including drawing, doodling, mind-mapping painting, and journaling with neuroscience techniques to build creative intelligence so people don’t get derailed from life challenges such as stress, pain, triggers and heavy emotions.

Corry feels that we can all get stuck by heavy, trapped emotions and has developed a 7-step process to help change these heavy emotions for lighter ones. The steps are:

1. Own it
2. Ask on it
3. Receive information
4. Act on it
5. Expect it
6. Love it
7. Share it

Corry also uses an emotional healing and stress reduction tool called HeartSpeak which uses the two parts to the mind – our Emotional Mind which  is often the seeker of ‘truth’ and our Logical Mind. Being separated from our truth is one of the classic triggers of anxiety, depression & low self-love. HeartSpeak listens to and works with the heart and emotions, to deliver answers about repeated patterns.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Corry here. Our previous podcast episodes and upcoming guest list are also available.

Our full blog archive is also available and you can sign-up to receive these on a weekly basis.

You can get in touch with Corry at: www.CreatingHealingWithCorry.com

Corry has written her first book Life in Full Colors: Unlock your Childlike Curiosity to Uncover the Creative Intelligence You Are. In it she shares the findings from both her personal life experiences and from those she has worked with.

Conflict of identity? Remember the mission.

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled – Conflict of identity? Remember the mission.

 In this episode, Dr. Russell Thackeray talks to James Boardman a former Royal Marine Commando Sniper and Physical Trainer who served for eight years including some time in Afghanistan as part of a 6-man sniper team. He left the Royal Marines in 2011 to pursue a family life but struggled to come to terms with being back in a normal life, away from the military. Conflicting identities caused James to turn to drink and within three years he was divorced, on the verge of loosing his house, and struggling to find a path. Minutes away from attempting suicide James managed to pull himself away from this environment long enough to see a new path. In 2013 he started his first business, a fitness Bootcamp which he grew to a £100k a year business in its first year. In 2017, he started The Man Coach with the sole purpose of helping men become Elite Operators in life.

In this podcast, James talks about how he helps men to rebuild their lives and have a better state of mind through the way they live their lives emotionally, physically and mentally. He calls this an Elite Operating Mindset, an alter ego by which we set our standards to build the character, values and principles needed to perform in life for the four pillars of health, relationships, personal development and business. James originally started working with his clients on their fitness and nutrition but many seemed to fall off the programme. He started to consider why this was happening and realised that the chaos of life – responsibility, conflicting identity, direction – was what was stopping them.  He decided to change his tactics and concentrated on the key root of the problem, the level of control, consistency and clarity of where men were going.

James was in the Royal Marines for eight years and everything he talks about comes from his experiences. The mindset and processes he has are from what he has gone through and what he has used to get where he is today. He really loved being in the Marines but he left because he wanted to be a full-time Dad and role-model. He thought going back to normal life would be easy but he struggled with a conflict of identity. When he left the Marines he was a Sargent who was respected, was part of something, had purpose and mission and knew where he was heading.  When he left, everything from the last eight years was lost. He became a teacher at a college and there was a huge difference between teaching motivated recruits and 16-19 year old students. He didn't really settle in and considered rejoining the Marines but that fell through and within three years of leaving he was divorced, seeing his kids for half a week and suffering financial difficulties.  Things came to a head and one night he thought about ending his life. Instead he went out for a run for three hours and spent the time reflecting on his life. When he came back he had decided he wanted to turn things around.

Male identity can be a real problem. Many men get their sense of identity through their work. James feels you should replace identity with purpose, to ‘remember the mission' and have an emotional connection to an outcome. He feels motivation is an emotion like happiness or sadness that comes and goes and is not substantial enough to drive change. We need to decide what is our mission in life and create a ten-year vision within the four pillars of health, relationships, personal development and business. James also thinks we should work towards a 1% a day improvement so instead of acting emotionally and making changes for a few weeks and then stopping, we should try to reach long term control, clarity and consistency –1% a day over a year gives you a 365% improvement! Along the way there would be big wins and changes but resilience is also built so we have control of a situation and can deal with having one bad day.  The next day we just realign with the mission, we Learn- Grow – Repeat.

James had to rethink his purpose. He became involved in a dispute with the College he was working for and started doing some part-time work as a Personal Trainer. The dispute went through a grievance procedure but the relationship was unworkable so he left with a settlement. He saw it as an opportunity to change so although he knew nothing about working for himself he set up his own Bootcamp business. Six months into his journey he remembered what had happened before and saw how far he had come and how much further he could go in six years. He realised that he had allowed himself to let go of his life as a Royal Marine and that he had taken what he needed from that and become stronger, was happy with who he was and that he had moved on with his life.

James feels that people try to become best version of other people rather than themselves. It is easy to be influenced by social media and celebrity and take traits from each. When you have clarity you understand what success is to you and what is enough. The more you fail, the more you understand yourself and become more secure in who you are. What comes out of failure can be better.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about James here. Our previous podcast episodes and upcoming guest list are also available. Our full blog archive is also available.

You can get in touch with James at The Man Coach  where you can access a free five day challenge and James’s Daily Rise to Thrive Facebook Show, his It's a State of Mind Podcast and The Man Coach YT Channel

Jame’s book It's a State of Mind Book is available at Amazon.

Mountaineering, authenticity and a story of Karma.

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled – Mountaineering, authenticity and a story of Karma.

In this episode, Dr. Russell Thackeray talks to Michael Schauch a mountaineer, entrepreneur and storyteller. Michael and his partner, Chantal live in Squamish near Vancouver but spend several months a year in Nepal where they are heavily involved with mentorship, fundraising, and educational projects.

Mike started mountaineering when he was 17. He feels the attraction of mountaineering is the connection with the natural world that allows him to plug back into what he feels it is to be human. The interaction with nature in its rawest sense pushes him out of his comfort zone by heightening sensitivities and takes him into a new world with a freedom of view where he is a small aspect of the whole picture.

Mike has climbed in many different countries at many levels. Some mountains can be really high but not difficult in a technical way whilst some of the mountains close to where he lives in Canada are not particularly high but are technically challenging. Things do go wrong sometimes which is why it’s essential to know the landscape and to know yourself. The ability to tap in to your higher sensitivities, your intuition is essential.  Sometimes it feels as if the modern world is creating barriers to the natural sensations between nature and ourselves. Mike feels we ignore this at our own peril. In the mountains, Mike found that sometimes things just didn’t feel right. If we don't practice our senses, we are losing part of our fundamental warning system. Technology and social media bring many good things but sometimes it can distract us so we are we not paying attention and we become disconnected from the real world of nature.

In 2012 Mike and Chantal went to Nepal. It was somewhere he had always wanted to go but he really wanted to have an authentic experience. In 2011, he met someone who had just returned from trekking through the Himalayas and he told Mike about The Lost Valley of Nar Phu. The valley had been closed off for generations but had recently been opened up but the modern world hadn’t yet reached it. Mike and Chantal decided that this was where they wanted to go. They put together a team consisting of a photographer, a musician and a painter so they could learn and observe the people before it changed too much.

Mike also wanted to climb an unknown mountain he had seen in a photograph. He describes it as the white pyramid mountain and after 2 days of reconnaissance with two Sherpa guides they found the mountain. As they started heading towards it things started to go wrong. They were caught in a snowstorm at 17,000 feet and then the mule that was carrying the kit ran off and was two days behind them. As things started to fall apart, Mike was forced to stop in the most remote outpost village in the valley

Mike was starting to suffer a real identity crisis. He was where he had always wanted to be but things had gone really wrong.  He started questioning why and what he was doing but then really started connecting with the local people. One man had just come back to the village after 7 years away having left when he was 14 to get an education. They took walks together and he explained to Mike the village ways and culture and the plight of the area. Children started working in the fields when they were 6 or 7 and girls were married at 15 or 16.  As he learned more about the village Mike stopped stressing about the mountain - it became less important when he compared it to the rapid changes happening in the village.

In another village in the valley Mike and Chantal discovered a small school where a 7-year-old girl was teaching her class. The little girl was Karma and Michaels book, A Story of Karma recounts this journey, and the years that have followed as Karma, Michael and Chantal ‘s lives have grown together in the Himalayas, Kathmandu; and Vancouver.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Mike here. Our previous podcast episodes and upcoming guest list are also available.

The full blog archive is also available.

You can get in touch with Mike through his website: www.MichaelSchauch.com or buy his book at Amazon, The Story of Karma. Finding love and truth in the lost valley of the Himalayas

Gender, sexuality and communication.

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled – Gender, sexuality and communication.

In this episode, Dr. Russell Thackeray talks to Georgie Williams, a specialist in gender and sexuality whose work focuses on how gender and sexuality varies in different communities and cultures around the world and how the Wests influence on those communities has shaped those identities.

Georgie identifies specifically as genderqueer and as pansexual. Georgie’s recent papers have focused predominantly on marginality pertaining to queer and specifically non-cisgender identities, but has also written about aspects of sexuality, structural violence, borders and bodies as sites of resistance through interdisciplinary and intersectional lenses.

Gender and sexuality play an integral role in all of our lives. Our dynamics, our sexual and non-sexual relationships and the roles assigned to us socially are often based around our gender perceptions of one another. In understanding how gender and sexuality vary, we can understand miscommunications between communities and cultures based on a mistranslation or misalignment of norms and practices.  If we understand them, that exclusivity is a means to create productivity, symbiosis and communication within communities. Understanding sexuality is about communication, something that benefits all of us

Georgie feels that the younger generation, in particular Generation Z, engages and focuses with this message more than many of the older generation. By focusing on visibility and representation, community based social change and practice can happen which really matters as it gives voices to individuals who were not afforded that opportunity in the first place. She thinks that globalization and access to the internet virtual spaces and social media has given younger people the opportunity to congregate and find their community.

The younger generation has been raised in a time where conversation around gender and sexuality is more open than ever before.  People can discuss sensitive matters in confidence with others who have gone through it before. In time social change can be enacted and communities will become more visible in non-virtual spaces. Small communities and marginal groups have always existed and found ways to congregate but now this is more feasible and visible.

One of the benefits of engaging with diversity in the workplace is that it focuses a brand new lens on what an organisation is doing. This will help shed light on potential blind spots that existing team members may have missed because of their own standpoint or experience.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Georgie here. Our previous podcast episodes and upcoming guest list are also available. Our full blog archive is also available.

You can find out more about Georgie at /slashqueer.com

Out of pain comes purpose. Equus Coaching, reinvention and changing course at 60

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled – Out of pain comes purpose. Equus Coaching, reinvention and changing course at 60

In this episode, Dr. Russell Thackeray talks to Nancy J. McKay who is based in Colorado. Nancy is the Founder of Amazing Outlook Coaching and believes that you can't be courageous without first being vulnerable.

Nancy has been through some challenging and life changing events and became acutely aware that life is short, and there was no time to lose to follow her dreams. She completely changed course at the age of 60 and became a Certified Mind-Body-Eating Coach in 2018, a Certified Wayfinder Life Coach in 2019 and a Certified Equus Coach in 2020. She now uses her experience, training, and passion to help women explore and eliminate what is holding them back, challenge old beliefs and patterns and replace them with tools and strategies that empower them change their lives.

Nancy herself struggled with alcohol for many years. Her Father was an alcoholic and killed himself in 2007. Nancy also tried to commit suicide and this wake-up call led to her finally getting sober when she was 52. She was then diagnosed with ovarian cancer when she was 58 and the experience of going through chemo helped to change her perspective on life – she didn't get sober and survive to be miserable! She had a good job but was very unhappy so started on a programme of personal development. She enrolled in a coaching programme and from there started her own coaching business.

Nancy feels that ‘Out of pain comes purpose’. Many people don't want to feel pain but if we are willing to look at it, we can grow from our pain. Nancy thinks that she wouldn’t be working as a coach if she hadn’t had cancer. Her life looked good from the outside but she was dying inside. She had to do something else because her life was about more than recovering from alcohol and cancer.

Nancy’s cancer diagnosis came after she had been alcohol free for six years so she feels it was not so devastating because she had learnt from the journey getting sober She also considers it was worth the journey to be where she is now – she doesn’t look on her cancer as a battle rather accepting it as part of her. She feels it was her greatest gift because it made her wake up and made her realise she wasn’t connecting and was living under a veil that was between her and life. Nancy thinks its not circumstances that make life make good or bad but how we think about the circumstances that make us happy or sad.  

One of the techniques Nancy is qualified in is Equus Coaching which uses horses as co-facilitators. All the work is on the ground and the horses act as a mirror, responding to the energy we put out. Horses are aware if we are not being authentic but if we are aware of our truth they will interact. Nancy used this herself and once she realised how powerful the release and transformations could be, decided she wanted to learn the process herself so she could share it.

Although it's a very specilised coaching style there is really nothing that stands in the way. Even if people are scared of horses they can benefit just being close to them. Nancy finds people are generally more concerned about what they will learn about themselves. The link to the horse releases something – you just need to be open, willing and curious 

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Nancy here. Our previous podcast episodes and upcoming guest list are also available.

Our full blog archive is also available.

You can contact Nancy at nancy@amazingoutlookcoaching.com or visit her website:

www.amazingoutlookcoaching.com

What we want, not what we need. Technology and self-awareness.

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled – What we want, not what we need. Technology and self-awareness.

In this episode, Dr. Russell Thackeray talks to Daniel Jenkins whom he met when he guested on his podcast The Freelance Entrepreneur. Daniel is also a consultant solicitor, working for two London law firms and specialising in civil and construction litigation, something that can be both contentious and stressful!

Daniel set up his podcast to help younger people with the practical and mental health elements found in starting up a business. He feels many younger people suffer from stress and anxiety when they start their own business and his podcast aims to provide them with tools he would have found useful when he was starting up his own business.

Every generation faces it’s own set of challenges. What Daniel feels is facing the younger generation now, is the advancement of technology and the pressures that come with it. Using the legal profession as an example, clients used to contact solicitors by telephone and letter so work could be done reasonably slowly because there were days to respond. Now, most people can access their work emails on their phone so expect a response in minutes and hours rather than days. This brings the expectation that responses have to be provided quickly and at any time because potential clients will go somewhere else if their requests are not answered straight away.

It is possible that generational attitudes to technology may not be as straightforward as people tend to think. Because they grew up without it, many older people now see the introduction of technology as an enabling toolkit whilst to some younger people it is enslaving with increased expectations. Daniel grew up in a world where work contact has always been by email and mobile so its difficult for him to image a world where you can’t be contacted immediately.  Because he didn't know the world beforehand, technology doesn’t seem liberational or transformational as it might to someone older.

Some professions have embraced technology whilst others have been slower. Daniel feels the legal profession usually lags a little behind and is not moving as quickly as it could. Technology is available but isn’t utilised fully.  If systems that improve time efficiency and keep costs down for clients aren’t updated, firms will quickly get left behind.

Introducing new technology can also mean that roles become soulless and lacking in meaning and purpose. Pigeon holing people so they deal with the same thing over and over again can be the most efficient way to run a business but its not good for the people doing the work. They become a cog in a machine and miss the challenge of doing something different, something that's not just a tick box exercise. When a job becomes a simple transaction process, it loses any sense of purpose, which in turn affects mental wellbeing.

Millenials in particular have had a pretty tough time. Their parents brought them up to expect that they will have a job with meaning and purpose but the gig economy, highly computerised, low value, low brainpower jobs means their expectations for a better life have not been met. They also have to deal with the ideal portrayed by social media and the idea that ‘if they can have it I can and if I don't get it I’m doing something wrong’. As a society we’re not keeping up with technological advances. We don't understand the impact on people of being exposed to social media 24/7 – the pressure to fit in, to be instantly contactable and constantly ‘on’ - so its no wonder people exhibit anxiety.

Younger people need to be given the tools to deal with social media at an early age so that they have a choice and know that access should be limited to ‘as much as you want but not what you need’.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Daniel here. Our previous podcast episodes and upcoming guest list are also available. Our full blog archive is also available.

You can get in touch with Daniel at The Freelance Entrepreneur.co.uk or through LinkedIn