The power of intentionality

Keywords

Resilience – Intentionality – Building Relationships – Mindset Shifts – Behaviour Shifts – Intentional Action

In this episode of Resilience Unravelled John Miles, a leading authority on intentional behaviour change and personal growth, discusses his career path and experiences in various industries. John emphasises the importance of being intentional and deliberate in building relationships and adapting to different organisational sizes and sectors. He also highlights the significance of passion, purpose, emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and adaptability for future leaders.

 Main topics

• Being intentional and setting life goals.

• Why building relationships and emotional intelligence are important skills for success.

• Adaptability in a changing world.

• Intentionality in making deliberate choices and taking deliberate actions.

• How different voices and perspectives can resonate with people in different ways.

Timestamps

1: Introduction to John Miles. 00:02-02:35
2: The Power of Intentionality. John explains the importance of being intentional in one's career and decision-making process. He discusses how commonalities exist in various business sectors and emphasizes the need to be intentional about personal and professional goals. 03:40-08:30
3: Building Brilliant Relationships. John explores the secret to building successful relationships, highlighting the importance of trust, communication, and perseverance. He mentions the need to develop core elements often overlooked in leadership and management textbooks. 10:01-13:34
4: Mindset Shifts for Success. John introduces six mindset shifts that can be applied to overcome challenges and achieve success. He emphasizes the significance of passion, perseverance, and deliberate action in developing a growth mindset. 14:22-16:45
5: Behaviour Shifts for Personal Growth. John discusses six behaviour shifts that can lead to personal growth and development. He shares stories and examples of individuals who have successfully implemented these shifts in their lives. 23:15-24:30
6: Taking Intentional Action. John explains his approach to taking intentional action and outlines a step-by-step process for readers to follow. He provides a quiz to help readers understand their starting points and offers additional resources, such as eBooks and templates, to support implementation. 24:58-27:06
7: Conclusion and Call to Action. 27:27-29:58

Action items

You can find out more about John at https://johnrmiles.com/ His podcast is Passion Struck with John R Miles

   You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.   

Negotiate differently

Key Words

Resilience  - Negotiation – Conflict Resolution – Mindset – Authenticity – Bias – Cultural Difference

In this episode of Resilience Unravelled, Dr Russell Thackeray talks to Beth Fisher-Yoshida, a global expert and educator in intercultural negotiation and communication. She’s the program director of Columbia University’s Master of Science in Negotiation and Conflict Resolution and a negotiation consultant for the United Nations. IN this podcast Beth talks about how everyone can make a difference by being open to learning how to negotiate differently.

Beth talks about negotiation and conflict resolution and the importance of having a flexible mindset when operating in different cultures or dealing with conflicts, the challenges posed by media polarisation and the loss of objective news reporting. She also touches on the importance of debate and learning from arguments, even if one doesn't "win."

Beth highlights the importance of being open-minded, adaptable, and respectful in relationships and learning, the challenges of bias and cultural differences that affect negotiations and the different contexts in which negotiations occur. She also outlines the tools and skills necessary for successful negotiations as well as the need to be both a teacher and a learner. She then touches on the concept of authenticity, emphasising that it does not mean being uncontrolled or inflexible but rather embracing all facets of oneself while adapting to different contexts.

Main topics

• The importance of having a flexible mindset when operating in a different culture

• The importance of listening and considering another person's point of view

• Tools and techniques for negotiation

• The language of conflict resolution

• The importance of debate

• How you can learn from losing an argument

 Timestamps

1: Introduction - Russell Thackeray introduces Beth Fisher-Yoshida - 00:00-00:23
2: Background - Beth talks about her background and how she got interested in conflict resolution and negotiation - 02:02-03:29
3: Language and Conflict Resolution - Russell asks Beth about the development of language in conflict resolution and negotiation - 04:32-05:53
4: The Art of Debate - Russell and Beth discuss the importance of debate and the possibility of losing an argument while still learning from it - 08:21-09:01
5: Learning and Adapting - Russell and Beth talk about the different ways of learning and adapting to different cultures and environments - 11:23-13:42
6: New Story, New Power: A Woman's Guide to Negotiation - Beth talks about her book, New Story, New Power, and its contents and structure - 17:34-20:12
7: Negotiation Tools and Techniques - Russell asks Beth about some of the tools and techniques for negotiation that are discussed in her book - 20:20-21:17
8: Real-Life Examples - Russell Thackeray and Beth Fisher-Yoshida discuss some of the real-life examples of negotiation that are presented in her book - 21:17-22:45
9: Conclusion - Russell Thackeray and Beth Fisher-Yoshida wrap up the conversation and discuss how to find out more about Beth Fisher-Yoshida and her book 24:02-25:06

Action items

•  Read Beth’s book ‘New Story, New Power: A Woman's Guide to Negotiation’ which focuses on negotiation strategies for women

• Find out more about Beth at bethfisheryoshida.com

 You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.  

Speed skiing, engineering and mindset The road to the Olympics

Speed skiing is an extreme sport where skiers reach speeds of up to 200 kms an hour. Each competitor skis in a straight line, in a tuck position as fast as possible to the finish line with the skier with the fastest time winning.

It was a demonstration sport at the Albertville Winter Olympics in 1992 but has not been part of the Games since then however there is a likelihood of it returning in the 2026 or 2030 Games and Jacob is on a mission to see that happen. 

Like all high level sport speed skiing is about failure, rectification, incremental gains and constant evolution. It’s an extremely tough sport mentally and physically – you know you will have crashes but you have to have a long-term vision and know where you’re tying to go. You have to put goals in place that are incremental – you’re not going to get to your end goal of skiing at 200 kms an hour on your first run but you can set goals to get towards it and look at it with a long term perspective.

It needs a lot of confidence to go that fast. The starts can be extremely difficult because the tracks are very steep – sometimes it can be like looking out the window of a plane! Starting points can be between 400 and 800 metres or 2000 feet tall and even getting to the start can be problematical. Often you have to use ropes or climbing gear to get in position and it’s even more of a challenge with super long skis of 240cms. Once you get in position and set up for the run you then just jump off a platform or push off the side of the track.

At the start you run though your check-list – the position, what you’re going to do on this run, is all your equipment correct. You focus on things systematically because it then makes you feel as if you have a game plan which in turn gives you a lot of confidence when you’re about to start. Then you put on your aerodynamic helmet (which has an inner helmet which stays on in a crash and an outer helmet that breaks off) and you’re ready for the run. The last thing you should be thinking about at that point are the potential consequences, the ‘what if’ or the ‘what will happen if I crash’. 

With the helmet on the field of vision is very small. You can only see a couple of feet in front of you especially when you are at high speed in a tuck but once they say go you’re totally focused. The run is over in 20 seconds so sometimes the hype before the run is more of a rush than the run itself. You focus intensely for 20 seconds or so. You’re travelling at 100mph and can see the undulations in the snow, you can feel the speed and the wind and then its over. Before you know it you’re at the bottom.

Jacob is also a Manufacturing Engineering team lead for Amatrol Inc., a global leader in technical education and training for industry, community colleges, and technical colleges. He finds it a very rewarding job transforming the global workforce and feels there is renewed interest in trade schools and in developing skills for various aspects of industry. He also finds that the engineering principals he uses and has learned can be applied to the speed skiing side of his life. Speed skiing is heavily involved in equipment so having a background in design engineering and manufacturing engineering allows him to provide product input on the different components of equipment and also to design various pieces of equipment set up.

Jacob found his way to speed skiing by chance. He competed in alpine ski racing, particularly slalom and giant slalom, as a junior and had some success but at the same time he was playing tennis in high school. He wound up playing Division 1 tennis for Wright State University and Southern Illinois University Edwardsville and competed on ITF and UTR Pro Tennis circuit.

Whilst he was focused on tennis he took a break from skiing competitively. The career span in alpine ski racing is not very long with most racers retiring around 30. By time Jacob came out of college he was 25 years old so it didn't leave a lot of time to complete. He started looking for ways to get involved in competitive skiing again but in a way that would provide a longer opportunity to build, compete and develop. He looked at different disciplines such as cross country and ski jumping but then came across the speed skiing which he thought looked really cool.

Jacob started reaching out to people in the US and in different organisations in Europe and found out more about the sport. The speed skiing community is there to help everybody. You are competing but somehow are on the same team and everyone wants to get more people interested in the sport. People were helping him to understand the equipment needs and how to get into competitions and at that point he realised this was what he wanted to do. The first year he didn't have any sponsors so was using used equipment in the feeder category for World Cup Competitions which is called S2. He did really well and last year was his first year on the World Cup category itself and he hopes to continue from there.

Managing anxiety is important. When he started out Jacob didn't have much anxiety but last year he had a crash at over a 100 mph. He walked away from it with just bruising but it wasn't the physically side that took a long time to get over. Ever since then when he’s training or even just working on equipment he relives the crash or gets anxiety about it. The biggest thing for him to deal with it was to understand why he crashed and then understand how to prevent it. Once he had figured this out then he could finally let go of that experience. He feels that if you can’t put a reason to why you are doing it or what the causes are then that's what creates anxiety – its the unknown.

Many engineers are very rational thinkers who are not prone to massive flights of imagination and Jacob thinks this can sometimes help because you can logically think through problems but sometimes it works against you because you start to overthink problems - you start to ask too many questions when in reality you should simplify the problem but you make more out of it than it is.

Jacob feels that his engineering and skiing careers overlap. There are always challenges and problems in manufacturing, meeting goals, using resources efficiently, increasing production and improving quality. These things go hand in hand with speed skiing, not just from a technical side but from a mental side as well.

You can find out more about Jacob at https://www.jacobperkins.org/ or to find out more about speed skiing visit speedski.com or fis-ski.com

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.

Look for the opportunity

Carrington Smith trained as a lawyer and practiced law for seven years before becoming an executive search consultant. She now owns her own executive search business so has to interview different executives to see if they fit the criteria for opportunities she is recruiting for. Part of this is finding out if they would be a good fit culturally and the way she does this is through character and values. Her favourite question is that ‘we all have moments that define us, can you tell me about an event that has shaped you and how it did’. During the pandemic she decided to write a book to provide the answer to her question.

One of the things Carrington really looks for is resilience. She finds that people who haven’t had a defining moment haven’t had any hardships in life so are not able to deal with a ‘hurricane’ whereas to someone who had life experiences and developed emotional resilience it might just be a ‘rainy day’. Executives need to react and change quickly and be able to flex their resilience muscle.

In the US there a are number of laws and regulations regarding what you can ask people in an interview situation. Carrington uses that particular question because it’s very open ended. People respond with many different answers but being willing to be open and vulnerable can tell a lot about them. Some say getting married or the birth of child but this doesn't give much about character, values or resilience. You need to dig deeper – some moments can be almost everyday but also very transformative.

Carrington came from a very religious family where there was emotional, spiritual and physical abuse. When she got to college she was raped and the family response was to tell her not to talk about it. Now people ask how do she find anything good in being raped. How did she bounce back from it and not be defined by it. She knew she didn't want to be defined by it. When we tell ourselves about not being defined by something it’s generally not talking about it. The traumas that happen and that we don't want to be defined by we don't talk about and we don't deal with them. They then become what Carrington refers to as ‘the monster under the bed’. They end up controlling us because we haven’t dealt with them. We have to face these things head on. Feel the emotion then go back to what happened to us and incorporate it as part of our life experience. That is how we grow.

The motivation for Carrington’s book came from the pandemic. When it hit she realised her very ordinariness made her story compelling. We all experienced universal trauma but the way she responded to it was different.  She saw it as the opportunity of a lifetime – a historic moment that we might never have again to stop, evaluate and change course. She felt she was equipped to handle it so wrote her book by knitting her stories together as a road map and as a gift to share how she had experienced different traumas and got though them.

An example is her second divorce. The death of her marriage meant she got a whole new life. She went from she had lost to what she had gained – the opportunity to reshape her life. Carrington takes focus from what’s lost to what’s gained. Mindset is a muscle so the more you use it the stronger it gets. Now whenever something bad happens she looks for the opportunity. She now recovers faster having been through several traumatic experiences. That's not to minimise the feelings but to focus on there being something good on the other side. Having a sense of purpose gives meaning to the challenge you are experiencing.

Many senior executives have feet of clay. They don't have character but have been over promoted, have a good network set and strong political acumen.  Carrington feels there used to be two separate personas  - the personal and professional. The pandemic changed this with zoom calls providing a window into people’s lives so the two personas came together.  She also thinks the pandemic showed peoples authenticity and vulnerability so a lack of vulnerability and authenticity in executives are red flags. Some people are never going to share their emotions but are able to show empathy and meet people where they are and this willingness to acknowledge things will impact workplaces positively.

You can find out more about Carrington at www.carrington-smith.com where you can download the first chapter of her latest book Blooming free.

You can purchase the book at Blooming: Finding Gifts in the Shit of Life

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.

The actor’s mindset. The role of resilience

Craig Archibald is an acting coach in California who works with actors at all levels in their careers – from movie stars to those just starting out. He grew up in western Canada and got involved in the theatre when he was 11 years old. He became a professional actor when he was 15 and put himself through college using the money he made from acting. His college professors were British ex-pats and at the end of his course they suggested his next move should be to study in the UK.  He came to London and got a job at the Royal National Theatre as well as studying with leading teachers from RADA, Webber Douglas and the Guildhall. He then moved to New York’s Neighbourhood Playhouse and studied the Stanislavski method to acting. He had a twenty-year acting career before realising he also had a different set of skills, those of writing, producing and coaching.

Craig went through a major life change in his mid 40s and moved from Manhattan to Malibu where he took some time to get some perspective on life. He then decided to focus most of his attention on coaching and set up a west coast version of his New York coaching operation where over the last 12 -15 years he has worked with a lot of young artists to get their careers on the road as well as working with people higher in the industry to help them become more grounded.  Hollywood can be distracting and very ego driven and the problem with that is that is that you are going to be disappointed because your ego will always find reasons for failure. Turning that around and making it a positive is part of what Craig does along with mentoring people coming into the industry so they are a little more prepared. There is so much judgement nowadays particularly through social media and the capacity for people to say unpleasant things is far more common than it used to be. People in the public eye have to be able to take those negative comments and turn them around – to use them and then let them go.

Anyone who has worked in the theatre has had to learn the idea of doing something day in day out, whether you want to or not. If you are ill, tired or just don’t feel like it, you still have to turn up and perform. This teaches you a certain type of resilience – the ability to weather the storm, to manage your performance and give what needs to be given. This is not necessariliy 100 % but its always ‘just good enough’. You then lose the idea of perfection.  Craig tells his clients to aim to be above 95% every time. True professionals are disciplined enough to be above 95% every time. They aim to be the best they can be on the day but also to allow themselves room to be human, to be vulnerable and to weather the storm. Craig feels true professionalism lives at that level. With discipline, focus and the ability to maintain a performance focus, the audience might not know where you are on the scale but they receive the very best you can give them at that time.

Craig uses the expression ‘Acting is living truthfully under the imaginary circumstances’ to describe what actors do. Sometimes you get roles that are very close to who you actually are so the imaginary circumstances are very similiar to your personal circumstances. If you don't get a role like that and are an actor who can do deeper character roles and knows how to address getting into character you have the ability to create a character, and change the voice, hair colour, accent and stature. Gary Oldman is a master of this - he uses ‘Gary’ when he needs to and creates other layers to characters when he doesn't. He crosses that line so that some performances he gives are close to who he is whilst others are another character completely. Really it comes down to the individual given circumstances of the character. Some people are more comfortable playing someone closer to themselves whilst others are happier diving into the deep end of creating a character. It depends on the individual actor and how they see it.

Working in TV is completely different. It moves very quickly so its easier to use your basic personality to be in front of the camera 9 to late, Monday to Friday. Generally actors love playing something other than themselves so can find a way to put something different in their perspective, attitude or characters point of view. It’s more fun for them than playing themselves. On TV its a difficult job, full time and intense with lots of pressure and script changes. Actors tend to be a bit more protected, simple and starrtightforward with their work so they can adapt to those changes as they go through the day and not be thrown off and have to recreate all the time!

In leadership terms and in human behaviour terms there is a great drive for authenticity. Craig thinks authenticity is the key to everything. Actors give their authenticity depending on their characters authenticity. They can play someone whose not authentic through the given circumstances - whatever the script tells us we have to live truthfully inside those given circumstances. Within this wecan find where the character is or isn’t authentic. We have to ask  ‘what is my obstacle?’ What you do when faced by an obstacle gives the audience that characters moral code. The moral code is given by the actions a charcter takes. Actors ‘what is my obsctacle?’ and as a charcter what do I do as that character to get around it? It gives the moral complasss for that character. We have to be that character and use that mortal compass and authentically use myself to fill up that moral compass at whatever level that is.

Actors have to deal with a lot of rejection which can be pretty brutal. Boundaries are part of dealing with rejection and are also essential in life. It is not the rejection that hurts you rather your self. The rejection can be small but the negative voices that you have are going to come out and take over. Craig recommends daily practices such as meditation of physical activity. Positive self care makes a difference and helps you get into your own world again. Craig tells his clients that if they are being rejected its a good thing because youre actually auditioning and not just sitting around waiting for someone to call. You are actively pursuing your career so that’s a win. Each casting meeting means you are proving that you are a quality artist even though you might not be right for this project. If you can win the room you’re going to have an acting career.

You need resilience to come back from rejection. Craig feels you need to make a crisis management plan so you are ahead of the game. Whatever happens you will know what to do, how to come back from those moments and pre think a crisis. In this crisis this is what I’m going to do. If you give youerself the space and time to feel your feelings before you respond and take your time to remove yourself from the situation so you can clear your emotions and get ack to your authientic self so you can respond in a way you are proud of.

You can find out more at the Archibaldstudio.com Craig is also the author of The Actor’s Mindset: Acting as a Craft, Discipline, and Business.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.

Whats Next? Mindset, Choice and EFT

Sallie Wagner is a speaker, author, lawyer, real estate broker and instructor and life coach based in the Tampa Bay area of Florida.

She started her career in the law and real estate and moved into the coaching environment a few years ago. This had always been her passion. In college she started as physics major and ended up in theology and she had always had a hunger to learn more about it so when she had a ‘this is how I need to live my life moment’ went back and did some additional training and certifications and expanded what she was doing.

Sallie feels resilience is incredibly important and is crucial to our lives and our wellbeing in four major areas – physical, emotional, mental and social - and that there are some very simple ways to build resilience. Resilience can also help us to move out of all the regret we have in life – the ‘what ifs’ and the ‘if only’.  As we build resilience we can move out of those regrets.

The epiphany in Sallie’s life came when she started to feel that she was living someone else’s life.  At some point in life many people feel that they are successfully discontent - their life looks good on paper but doesn't feel so good inside. Research shows that the top regret of mid career professionals is ‘I wish I’d had the courage to pursue my own interests and my own studies rather than what was expected of me’. When it hit her, Sallie reconnected with her earlier trajectory for her life, that of being a professor of theology. She had always had a vision of herself as a teacher and as she extended her opportunities to teach more the opportunities flooded in.

Sallie took her law and real estate knowledge and used it to teach other people. She teaches many different classes every week and this also sharpens her skills and knowledge about what’s happening in the industry. She also teaches as part of her life coaching work and much of this is around Mind Apps and how we make conscious choices in life and uninstall those mind apps that take our conscious power and choice away. The process includes Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and NLP modalities to get to that level of the subconscious so that we can make lasting change. Sallie feels that if we’re depending on willpower we’ve already lost the battle. It takes a lot of energy to make those choices and if we’re stressed, tired or hungry we don't have the energy to do it so revert back to those apps that were previously programmed into us.

There are two main ways to undertake EFT. The Gold Standard and Optimal EFT. Sallie uses the Gold Standard which involves tapping on the energy meridians that acupuncture and acupressure are based on.  Sometimes the energy fields in our body get out of sync. This could be because of environmental factors such as our thoughts, emotions or even food affecting the energy flow so by tapping on certain meridian points on the body the energy becomes more aligned so we can address things and respond rather than react.

EFT can be remedial, if someone has a habit they want to get rid of or are dealing with grief, loss or anxiety. It can also be preventive for example if you know you are going to be in a challenging situation such as public speaking or exams it can help you prepare ahead of time or it can also be aspirational, helping to develop new goals for life. 

Another area it can be used in is in dealing with trauma. Sallie has used it when people have been stuck in an event in the past. They aren’t able to be in the present and can’t see anything good happening in the future. EFT can help in getting relief as the energy that is carried in our bodies can affect us physically so releasing the energy can help resolve the trauma. This is also one of the benefits of building resilience so we can get rid of some of those bad effects and life longer and healthier lives.

Sallie believes that to create success we need to make a process for everyday. Mindset is not taught and we need the mindset to view the success we have and also past it to see what it looks like afterwards. We need to have the right skills to have the right mindset for our careers, businesses and lives and then to take action to make it happen. Without action it’s just a philosophy. Without action it’s just hoping and dreaming.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more about Sallie at Salliewagner.com

Setting a vision for success

Paola Knecht is a certified leadership, transformational, and self-development coach with fifteen years of experience working in leading-edge global corporations, including Viatris and Syngenta. She has recently published her first book The Success Mindset: Take Back the Leadership of Your Mind which challenges the mainstream view of success and asks her readers to redefine success so it is truly meaningful to them.

In her research, Paola looked at the difference between people who are extraordinary and reach things no one thinks are possible and people who don't achieve everything they want to. She feels that many people are living against an externalised idea of what success looks like rather than what matters to them and that they are following a definition of success that was not really defined by them but comes from external sources.

Paola thinks the first thing to consider is what success look like for each individual. For her, success is about discovering and following a vision and really thinking about what makes life meaningful. Not in terms of houses, cars or money because even though you may have reached certain milestones in the corporate world, it doesn’t mean you were successful in your own terms. You may have achieved all of the things you think you should have done but you still feel empty or stuck, don't find meaning in your life, feel bored or fall into the trap of never ending consumption. It’s about who you are rather than what you have.  

At different points in your career there is a chance to reset. Paola left Mexico because she wanted to travel. When she was a child her father gave her a globe which she used study. She graduated in engineering so when she had to choose where to continue her studies study she choose a Masters programme in Switzerland which gave her the opportunity to see more of Europe. Paola’s vision was that she wanted to see more of the world.  She feels we all need to set a vision for ourselves and that one way of doing this is reflecting back on what we enjoyed doing when we were children, before we took on responsibilities, followed other trends and disconnected from activities we loved. This can still be relevant as you get older. Not everyone will be clear on what they want, others are still not sure or discover they aren’t happy doing what they are doing and don’t know how to make the changes they need.

Paola thinks that resilience is something we are all born with, that's an inborn trait. This resilience muscle provides us with a self succeeding mechanism but as we get older and grow out of our inner self we tend to listen and comply to other people.  We forget our resilience muscle and don't ‘train’ it any more so become people pleasers who try to live in a world were we are liked by others and fill their expectations, Then, when a big challenge comes along we find ourselves helpless, asking ourselves ‘what do I do next’, ‘I don't want to fail and my self image be ruined’.

A way of growing resilience is to stop people pleasing. Always working to be liked gets in the way of understanding yourself and having your own sense of self. We need to learn to let go of peoples perceptions of us -  if we don't have our own vision, everyone’s else version of us becomes important.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more about Paola at www.my-mindpower.com

Her book is available at https://www.amazon.com/author/paolaknecht

Taking charge of MS

Wendy Björk has been living with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) for over 35 years and now used her experience and knowledge to help people diagnosed with MS to know they have choices and that there is hope 

Wendy explains MS in terms of an electrical cord that you pull from the wall socket roughly too any times. The wires start to separate and the covering becomes damaged. The nerves in the body also have a covering and in MS, the cover is damaged or missing so when the brain tries to signal the body the signals are missed or not received correctly - the body still works but not at 100%.

In the US there is some discussion as to whether MS is genetic, There is no diagnosed MS in Wendy’s family but her grandmother had what was thought to be very bad arthritis and could barely walk and Wendy feels there may also have been an element of MS in this.

Often MS starts with quite small things that could be attributed to many other illnesses. It took six years for Wendy to be fully diagnosed. She started suffering from symptoms when she was fifteen or sixteen. When she got out of a hot bath her legs felt like ‘spaghetti’ and were useless. She mentioned this to her doctor during her annual physical but he didn’t seem to think it unusual so she kept ignoring it. It kept happening and then she started to get numbness and tingling in her feet.

Every case is different but it often starts with the extremities of the body. Wendy feels you should look for non- connected experiences. She first saw a neurologist when she was working at he first job in an insurance office. It was a very busy and stressful environment and one day she just couldn't speak. She thought she was having a stroke but in reality something in her brain wasn't connecting properly and in this instance it was her speech that was affected.

MS is a life limiting illness but people can choose how to look at it, deal with it and live with it. Treatment following a medical diagnosis will now often involve different infusions and medications that suppress or mask the symptoms. When Wendy was first diagnosed there were few medications available so she had to learn how to manage the things around her. She still feels this is a good step – alleviating stress, keeping calm and doing breathwork can all help in resetting your nervous system.

It can be very easy to go into a negative spiral. You can feel out of control because you can’t do anything about the diagnosis and slip into a depressive zone. It took Wendy a long time to navigate around it but she realised she was only 40 years old so needed to do something different. She considers herself very fortunate that her manager in her first job was very supportive. It was the early 90’s and he was very interested in self-development so sent her on a number of seminars and courses where she learnt how to take something and find a positive in it. Everyone is dealing with something and manipulating the way you use your brain can help deal not only with MS but also other illnesses or situations. 

In the US Wendy feels there are definite gaps in the care of MS.  A positive attitude is a good start but there are other aspects apart from mindset. There are many chemicals that can interfere with how your system functions so what you are eating, drinking and putting on your body is important in reducing the amount of inflammation in the body. A support circle and someone you can talk about your MS to is also important as is the home environment where things such as cleaning products can have an effect on your bodies system and how it functions.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Wendy here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more about Wendy and her work at Heartsofwellness.com and also download her free ebook ‘What is your body trying to tell you’.

The power of mindset. Dealing with Polymyositis.

Clarke Boozer has been living with a rare muscle disease for over twenty years. At it’s worst, he was in a wheelchair and told he might not reach his next birthday whilst at its best he’s ridden a hundred miles on his bike! He still has good days and bad days and each day when he wakes up, he doesn't know which it’ll be.

Before 2000 Clarke was very active, participating in, and organising sports. Then in 2001 he felt the first signs of the muscle disease. He was in the gym and felt a pain in his shoulder and after that things progressed very quickly. It became difficult to walk, he lost strength and was losing his breath very quickly when he tried to exercise.

He had no idea what was going on. His doctor told him he had tendonitis and bursitis. In the back of his mind Clarke knew that wasn't it. He was working as a family intervention specialist at a public school and one day he fell over and knocked himself out. He went back to the doctor but there was still no clue as to what the problem was. Over the next couple of months things got worse until he had to use a wheelchair.

He went back to see a specialist and at this point he asked if he would ever walk again. The doctor’s response was that walking was the least of his worries. The muscle disease was also affecting his internal organs and unless they worked out exactly what the problem was, he might not make it to his next birthday

Clarke’s initial response was anger. He couldn’t take in what they were telling him. He remembers being driven home and crying because he thought he was about to die. Because it had happened so suddenly he wasn’t prepared for it. At the time his children were 10 and 4, he had a good job and things had been going well. Now, he didn’t know how he was going to support his family.

He was eventually diagnosed with Polymyositis, an inflammation of the major muscles. There was no clue as to what had caused it but it can be related to autoimmune disease. His doctor prescribed high levels of drugs and after a few days the pain went away but he was still so weak he couldn't do anything. Simple things like buttoning a shirt, putting his shoes on and feeding himself were impossible.  

He felt at rock bottom. He was depressed, angry, mad at the world but also helpless. Because the disease had progressed so quickly it was difficult to understand what was happening.  Usually with muscle wasting diseases there is a gradual decline but Clarke was losing lbs each day and as his body was declining, his mind was driving him downward as well.

At the time Clarke didn't really understand how much mindset can affect physical health but an experience he had when he thought he was going to die started to change things around for him. He worked with a therapist on trying to improve his physical health and he went from thinking that his life was over if he couldn't participate in sports or play with his children. One day her just looked at his kids and his mother and realised he had something to live for. This change in mindset led to change in physiology. He started to find things he could do sitting in his wheelchair, initially just trying to lift his arm and then trying to build back strength into his legs. He still had ups and downs but he weighed the positives and negatives and found that talking to other people about his story gave him hope and helped in his recovery.

Clarke feels that mindset is the key and that we can do anything we want if we focus on what we say to ourselves and what we believe. He also thinks having a strong faith helps He has found African Spirituality, meditation and spending time in nature helps him reach his inner self and connect.  His aim now is to get out and help more people going through the same sort of issues he has. He has just completed Instinctive Mediation Teacher Training which he hopes he’ll be able to use and although he is limited as to the type of exercise he can do, he is hopeful that he might be able to undertake the 100 mile Portland Century bicycle ride again as well as continue with his Tai Chi, Qigong, recording music and DJ sets.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Clarke here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more about Clarke at http:/youtube.com/user/clarkecboo

Mindset matters

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled - Mindset matters.

Janet Watson is the founder of Watson and Associates, a consultancy based in San Francisco that delivers customised coaching and development for a wide range of corporate leaders. Janet was coached from a young age in competitive figure skating and from this her passion to teach started. She turned pro before undergrad school and began coaching skating where her thought was always “How can I make something good, even better?” From developing coaching programmes for athletes, Janet moved into executive coaching after being asked to teach at a university in California on their strategic communications program.

Janet works with a number of female executives and feels that women in leadership roles need to develop skills that will help them survive the rough and tumble of corporate life to secure positions in the boardroom and make a difference at a senior level. Whether it’s preparing for a board meeting or media training for a radio or TV interview, Janet feels you need to ‘hone it till you own it’ and be aware of where and what you need to improve.

Janet’s experience has been very varied – a competitive athlete, a coach, a national spokesperson on TV, radio and media tours, a consultant, a professor and an advisor. She pulls elements from each aspect of her career in custom tailoring coaching for executive business needs. For example, from her athletic career, dedication, focus and time management and from her academic role, objective setting and learning styles. She also had to decide what areas to lose and what to keep – to decide what she held in heart and was true to her

Although she now has a role she loves and embraces, life was not always so easy. 24 years ago she underwent emergency surgery and almost died. Over her 5 months of recovery she undertook a lot of soul searching as to why she had been given a second chance at life. She found being grateful for each small step forward helped carry her on to the next week. That what was meaningful to her was how she could be in service to others. She really enjoyed helping and supporting executives through co-creation – coming to a new idea together and then working on it to foster growth and expand their businesses while still feeling supported

One of the things Janet is passionate about is mindset. Mindset prepares us for some of the most important conversations in our lives. Janet looks on mindset as a key component of success that is also linked to assessing opportunities. This perhaps goes back to her athletic experience where you need to visualise outcomes. Whether it’s going into a competition or a boardroom meeting, you need to ask yourself and others good questions. What mindset do you want to go in with? Are you ready? What part of your experience do you get to share today? Putting yourself in the right mindset s important so how do you prepare for this competition so you have the best outcome or the outcome you would like?

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Janet here. Our previous podcast episodes, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can get in touch with Janet at http://www.watsonandassoc.com

Pulling the gems from adversity. Mindsets and tools to rebuild, inspire and dream bigger.

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled - Pulling the gems from adversity. Mindsets and tools to rebuild, inspire and dream bigger.

Susan De Lorenzo is an author, speaker and certified transformational life coach who focuses on helping women who are emerging from life-altering adversities. As a survivor of invasive breast cancer whose marriage dissolved as treatment ended, Susan draws on her personal journey as well as her training as a life coach to give clients, readers and listeners the mindsets and tools to rebuild their lives in alignment with their deepest desires.

Susan works with her clients to build a mindset where, no matter what has happened, you believe you can create something even greater through a higher platform of awareness to give inspiration to dream bigger and go for more.

Although her mother was a breast cancer survivor, when Susan had her breast cancer diagnosis she was shocked.  She never imagined it would happen to her and the diagnosis unravelled her. The first diagnosis was not the most serious. During a check up her oncologist asked if anyone had spoken to her about the lump in her other breast. At the time Susan was working full-time, had an 18-month old son and a new house that needed a lot of work and she found that she was very angry. The diagnosis was very hard to digest and she was very resistant to it and didn’t even want to do chemo.

People sometimes describe cancer as a battle but Susan thinks we need to develop the relationship we have with ourselves which is what gets us through. When adversity hits us we need to ask what can I do with myself to make it OK - I know it’s not going to be great but how can I keep my awareness that I’m not alone and am connected to life. Knowing that can be the strength by making it real for ourselves and our centre or eye of the storm. We are the centre of our own experience. Families often don’t know what to do to help and we end up comforting them. They don't have the skills to help or they have their own thoughts and feelings about what you’re going through. We need to remember that's their experience, I have mine.  

In the US divorces relating to couples where one is going through cancer are higher than the national average. Susan knew her marriage was going to be problematic but was determined to get married and have a family. She grew up with a parent who suffered with depression and this was something Susan’s partner suffered from as well.

Susan had 4 surgeries and 6 months of chemo and radiation but was then told she was cancer free. She found she had a new love of life. She wasn't going to play small anymore and was at a higher level but her partner was in depression. Susan felt they should work at their relationship but her partner wanted to be alone – he couldn’t deal with how happy Susan was.

When we go through adversity and start to come out the other side we sometimes find that we are going at a different speed to our partner. The other person is still where they were and unless you move together it becomes a challenge

The model of marriage is very romantic but the idea of staying together is impossible unless both people are growing. We need to remember it’s OK to let go if the other person doesn't grow at the same level. People move ahead and change. It takes something fundamental to change. We need to re-engineer relationships and remain interested in growth and what’s going to be next. We need to have something to look forward and to stay real by talking about the elements of life, what’s happening in the world and what’s happening to friends.

Susan works with clients coming out of life altering adversities.  The first thing they learn is to understand is that it’s not just other people who overcome adversity and that they can too. They need to be open to the idea that this is for me too so how can I design my life so it gets me to a place where I love my life.  This needs building and learning to overcome beliefs and conditioning – the not good enough syndrome.

Susan now spends her time between Rhode Island and Florida. Later this year Balboa Press will be publishing her new book Pulling the Gems from Adversity where she shares the five stages of working through adversity to come back even stronger.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Susan here. Our previous podcast episodes and upcoming guest list are also available.

Our full blog archive is also available.

You can get in touch with Susan at https://SusanDeLorenzo.com or at her Facebook page

Conflict of identity? Remember the mission.

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled – Conflict of identity? Remember the mission.

 In this episode, Dr. Russell Thackeray talks to James Boardman a former Royal Marine Commando Sniper and Physical Trainer who served for eight years including some time in Afghanistan as part of a 6-man sniper team. He left the Royal Marines in 2011 to pursue a family life but struggled to come to terms with being back in a normal life, away from the military. Conflicting identities caused James to turn to drink and within three years he was divorced, on the verge of loosing his house, and struggling to find a path. Minutes away from attempting suicide James managed to pull himself away from this environment long enough to see a new path. In 2013 he started his first business, a fitness Bootcamp which he grew to a £100k a year business in its first year. In 2017, he started The Man Coach with the sole purpose of helping men become Elite Operators in life.

In this podcast, James talks about how he helps men to rebuild their lives and have a better state of mind through the way they live their lives emotionally, physically and mentally. He calls this an Elite Operating Mindset, an alter ego by which we set our standards to build the character, values and principles needed to perform in life for the four pillars of health, relationships, personal development and business. James originally started working with his clients on their fitness and nutrition but many seemed to fall off the programme. He started to consider why this was happening and realised that the chaos of life – responsibility, conflicting identity, direction – was what was stopping them.  He decided to change his tactics and concentrated on the key root of the problem, the level of control, consistency and clarity of where men were going.

James was in the Royal Marines for eight years and everything he talks about comes from his experiences. The mindset and processes he has are from what he has gone through and what he has used to get where he is today. He really loved being in the Marines but he left because he wanted to be a full-time Dad and role-model. He thought going back to normal life would be easy but he struggled with a conflict of identity. When he left the Marines he was a Sargent who was respected, was part of something, had purpose and mission and knew where he was heading.  When he left, everything from the last eight years was lost. He became a teacher at a college and there was a huge difference between teaching motivated recruits and 16-19 year old students. He didn't really settle in and considered rejoining the Marines but that fell through and within three years of leaving he was divorced, seeing his kids for half a week and suffering financial difficulties.  Things came to a head and one night he thought about ending his life. Instead he went out for a run for three hours and spent the time reflecting on his life. When he came back he had decided he wanted to turn things around.

Male identity can be a real problem. Many men get their sense of identity through their work. James feels you should replace identity with purpose, to ‘remember the mission' and have an emotional connection to an outcome. He feels motivation is an emotion like happiness or sadness that comes and goes and is not substantial enough to drive change. We need to decide what is our mission in life and create a ten-year vision within the four pillars of health, relationships, personal development and business. James also thinks we should work towards a 1% a day improvement so instead of acting emotionally and making changes for a few weeks and then stopping, we should try to reach long term control, clarity and consistency –1% a day over a year gives you a 365% improvement! Along the way there would be big wins and changes but resilience is also built so we have control of a situation and can deal with having one bad day.  The next day we just realign with the mission, we Learn- Grow – Repeat.

James had to rethink his purpose. He became involved in a dispute with the College he was working for and started doing some part-time work as a Personal Trainer. The dispute went through a grievance procedure but the relationship was unworkable so he left with a settlement. He saw it as an opportunity to change so although he knew nothing about working for himself he set up his own Bootcamp business. Six months into his journey he remembered what had happened before and saw how far he had come and how much further he could go in six years. He realised that he had allowed himself to let go of his life as a Royal Marine and that he had taken what he needed from that and become stronger, was happy with who he was and that he had moved on with his life.

James feels that people try to become best version of other people rather than themselves. It is easy to be influenced by social media and celebrity and take traits from each. When you have clarity you understand what success is to you and what is enough. The more you fail, the more you understand yourself and become more secure in who you are. What comes out of failure can be better.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about James here. Our previous podcast episodes and upcoming guest list are also available. Our full blog archive is also available.

You can get in touch with James at The Man Coach  where you can access a free five day challenge and James’s Daily Rise to Thrive Facebook Show, his It's a State of Mind Podcast and The Man Coach YT Channel

Jame’s book It's a State of Mind Book is available at Amazon.