Making conflict positive.

Workplaces are a prime breeding ground for conflict. It’s almost inevitable that when people with different goals, opinions, and attitudes work together, insecurities, personality clashes, misunderstandings, breakdowns in communication and competitive instincts all emerge. But, whatever the reason for it, differing viewpoints show that an organisation has diversity, innovation and risk at its core and a culture where people are actively interested.

Most people see conflict as a negative. It’s something that’s hostile, frustrating, and uncomfortable, with a “win or lose” outcome. It’s feared and something to avoid when in fact it’s a normal and natural part of life.  In the workplace, its often subjective - something that might offend or frustrate one person, doesn’t worry another - because workplaces are made up of people who in all probability would never otherwise meet. It’s unlikely they will always agree and share the same goals but, it is possible to use those tensions in a positive way, to work with differences rather than against them.

Effectively managed, conflict can be a learning experience which can stimulate creativity and produce different perspectives and ideas that lead to innovative problem-solving.  Conflict resolution can lead to improved interpersonal and communication skills, a more positive and supportive environment where trust and team dynamics are strengthened and opportunities for personal growth and self-reflection. Unresolved though, conflict can quickly escalate and lead to the disintegration of relationships and teamwork, the removal of goodwill and the loss of areas of common ground. There is also the detrimental financial effect with increased costs in employee turnover, time wastage, increased absenteeism and health or stress-related claims.

Conflict needs to be managed in a way that harnesses the passion people feel about their work. Organisations often aim for the elimination of conflict which means that managers are less skilled at dealing with its emotional aspects so focus on avoiding it. If managers are empowered to see conflict as a core part of a vibrant culture and given the skills, training, and support to recognise, address and manage it, they will be able to gain the benefits from it. Whether it’s through a conflict resolution strategy, such as open communication, active listening, and mediation, an investigation or process, people need to work through the issues, clear the air, and then see how they can go forwards together.

Workplace conflict can be distressing, disruptive, time consuming and expensive but, organisations need the positive outcomes conflict can bring - it’s just a case of learning how to manage and harness its potential.

Negotiate differently

Key Words

Resilience  - Negotiation – Conflict Resolution – Mindset – Authenticity – Bias – Cultural Difference

In this episode of Resilience Unravelled, Dr Russell Thackeray talks to Beth Fisher-Yoshida, a global expert and educator in intercultural negotiation and communication. She’s the program director of Columbia University’s Master of Science in Negotiation and Conflict Resolution and a negotiation consultant for the United Nations. IN this podcast Beth talks about how everyone can make a difference by being open to learning how to negotiate differently.

Beth talks about negotiation and conflict resolution and the importance of having a flexible mindset when operating in different cultures or dealing with conflicts, the challenges posed by media polarisation and the loss of objective news reporting. She also touches on the importance of debate and learning from arguments, even if one doesn't "win."

Beth highlights the importance of being open-minded, adaptable, and respectful in relationships and learning, the challenges of bias and cultural differences that affect negotiations and the different contexts in which negotiations occur. She also outlines the tools and skills necessary for successful negotiations as well as the need to be both a teacher and a learner. She then touches on the concept of authenticity, emphasising that it does not mean being uncontrolled or inflexible but rather embracing all facets of oneself while adapting to different contexts.

Main topics

• The importance of having a flexible mindset when operating in a different culture

• The importance of listening and considering another person's point of view

• Tools and techniques for negotiation

• The language of conflict resolution

• The importance of debate

• How you can learn from losing an argument

 Timestamps

1: Introduction - Russell Thackeray introduces Beth Fisher-Yoshida - 00:00-00:23
2: Background - Beth talks about her background and how she got interested in conflict resolution and negotiation - 02:02-03:29
3: Language and Conflict Resolution - Russell asks Beth about the development of language in conflict resolution and negotiation - 04:32-05:53
4: The Art of Debate - Russell and Beth discuss the importance of debate and the possibility of losing an argument while still learning from it - 08:21-09:01
5: Learning and Adapting - Russell and Beth talk about the different ways of learning and adapting to different cultures and environments - 11:23-13:42
6: New Story, New Power: A Woman's Guide to Negotiation - Beth talks about her book, New Story, New Power, and its contents and structure - 17:34-20:12
7: Negotiation Tools and Techniques - Russell asks Beth about some of the tools and techniques for negotiation that are discussed in her book - 20:20-21:17
8: Real-Life Examples - Russell Thackeray and Beth Fisher-Yoshida discuss some of the real-life examples of negotiation that are presented in her book - 21:17-22:45
9: Conclusion - Russell Thackeray and Beth Fisher-Yoshida wrap up the conversation and discuss how to find out more about Beth Fisher-Yoshida and her book 24:02-25:06

Action items

•  Read Beth’s book ‘New Story, New Power: A Woman's Guide to Negotiation’ which focuses on negotiation strategies for women

• Find out more about Beth at bethfisheryoshida.com

 You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.  

The positive side of conflict

The word “conflict,” generally conjures up negative associations. It’s seen as hostile, frustrating, negative and uncomfortable with a “win or lose” outcome. Many people fear it, seeing it as something to avoid when in fact it’s a normal and natural part of our lives which, when handled correctly, can be very beneficial.

In the workplace conflict is almost inevitable when people with different goals, opinions, and attitudes work together. Feelings of insecurity, clashes of personality, misunderstandings, breakdowns in communication and competition for limited resources will all emerge in an environment where people care about the outcome. But whatever the reason for it, a sharing of differing viewpoints shows an organisation that has diversity, innovation and risk at its core and a vibrant culture where people are actively interested.

Unresolved though, conflict can quickly escalate and lead to the disintegration of relationships and teamwork, the removal of goodwill and the loss of areas of common ground or agreement. There is also a detrimental financial effect with increased costs in employee turnover, time wastage, increased absenteeism and health or stress-related claims.

Conflict needs to be resolved but it needs to be dealt with so the passion people feel about their work is harnessed and the work environment remains vibrant and healthy. Management fear and a lack of skills in this area means many managers are more focused on avoiding conflict rather than the benefits it can bring. The key to unlock this is to empower managers to see conflict as a core part of a vibrant culture and give them the skills and support needed to recognise and address potential conflict and then to positively manage it.

Handled correctly in the right setting, conflict can be very beneficial and produce new and creative solutions, improved teamwork and a better understanding of the situation and the people involved. There are definitely positive outcomes from conflict - it’s just a case of learning to manage it and harness its potential.

The learning is in the journey. Resolving conflict between teens and their families.

Valerie Canino works with parents and their teens to help them focus on resolving conflict and set goals to help create a success path.

Valerie doesn't consider teens a troublesome category to work with. She finds them very enlightening, feels they have a lot of wisdom and that they are misunderstood a lot.  The teen years are challenging. It’s a growth period and a stage in their life where they are learning much of what they’ll take into adult life - exploring and experiencing friendships and relationships as well as having academic pressures.

Much of Valerie’s work revolves around creating a strong connection between parents and their teens. This is a period of life when teens really need their parents. She feels that some teens struggle especially when making decisions and solving problems. She often finds when coaching teens that they want to do well and be resilient but they don't know how to do well. They get stuck and her coaching helps them get unstuck and find the answers.

Often they get stuck because of outside influences such as social media, which make them feel they are on the outside. Their own parents have expectations and want them to be successful but this looks different for every family. Teachers and other adults in their world can also add to the pressure by making them feel powerless and that they don’t have a voice – why say anything, why do anything if you’re not going to be listened to?

Nowadays teens aren’t really trained to think critically. Critical thinking programmes don't feature in the education process any more as schools especially are set up to get students through subjects. Critical thinking is essential though in helping teens work through a problem, realise what is going to move them forward and help them get the result they want. Schools can’t be responsible for everything so its up to parents to be responsible for the provision of a parent model. This can have a huge influence on kids. A parent helping guide their child through making a decision is extremely powerful but a lot of the times Valerie finds that although great strides have been made on parenting there is still some thinking in society that adults know best. It’s up to the parent to create a connection and allow their child to make mistakes and decisions and to figure out their own path

Being a guide is about creating a connection and allowing the teen to have their voice and express themselves. Letting them be who they want to be, focusing on the good and positive, having an open dialogue and parenting from within. Instead of telling them what to do, parents should be helping them figure out what to do. Parents may not like the decision but once the choice has been made the decision is owned. This experience of owning that choice allows them to learn and teaches responsibility and consequence all of which is very empowering.

There are several different styles of parenting which work for different ages but Valerie helps parents develop their parenting instincts so they don’t come from their head, ego anger and fears, but from their own instinct for what they think is best for their teen. They are listening within rather than taking on outside influences. Part of being a parent is setting rules and structures but there is also a need to allow teens to have an opinion and for this to be discussed freely. They need to be able to balance their expectations by setting their goal and having a plan to achieve it but also being open to other options in case it doesn't work out. The focus may be on the end result but a lot of the learning is in the journey. It's the plan, the need to execute the plan, to get things wrong but then having the resilience to move forwards.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more about Valerie and her work at https://valeriecanino.com/ She is also the author of the upcoming guide Surviving to Thriving and the owner of the non-profit Mission A-Teenable, Inc., which seeks to offer coaching to teens at a low cost.

Understanding and dealing with conflict

Douglas E Noll or Doug Noll was born deaf, blind and unable to walk. He had four surgeries before he was three to enable him to walk and at school did not perform well until the fourth grade when a school nurse tested his vision and found he couldn't see.

Although he was raised in privilege and affluence, socially and emotionally had no support as his parents were distant and he was left to fend on his own. However, once he had glasses he did well at school, and high school, going on to Dartmouth College before attending law school in California. He initially worked for a judge before going into private practice to become a civil trial laywer. After twenty-two years, he went back to school to obtain a Masters in Peacemaking and Conflict Studies before quitting law practice in 2000 and becoming a peacemaker.

Doug now uses an advanced form of mediation to deal with conflict in law suits, litigation or disputes where people are so angry they would rather kill each other than sit down and talk! He helps to deescalate situations and calm people them down to help them work through the issues to build a durable peace. There are four basic ways to deal with human conflict. The first is coercion where one person tells the other person what to do. The second is litigation where you go to an outside authority such as a judge or arbitrator who has the power to decide whats going to happen. The third way is to go to mediation which allows the parties involved to still have the power to resolve the issue themselves but with an outside person to help them through a process that allows them to focus on the situation. The last way is negotiation. Most situations are resolved in this way but people often want to revert to coercion if they get too upset. Whatever the size of a dispute, the issue at hand is usually not the problem. Conflict generally arises because one or a combination of six needs are not being met. Doug calls these the Six Needs of Justice - Vengeance, Vindication, Validation, The need to be heard, The need to create meaning and The need for safety.

People generally prefer peace, and only involve conflict if they feel there is no other way to get resolution. As we don't like conflict we tend to avoid it so are not used to dealing with it when a major conflict occurs. Few people have any training in dealing with conflict and without it’s difficult to know how to deal with anger or upset without being triggered yourself. Listening other people is one of the key foundational skills of life because it helps in developing your own emotional database and is an antedote to getting upset or angry when someone starts yelling at you.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Doug here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more about Doug and his work at https://dougnoll.com/ HIs latest book is De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less

Compassion in the workplace

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled – Compassion in the workplace.

In this episode, Dr. Russell Thackeray talks to Nate Regier who is the CEO and founding owner of Next Element Consulting, a global leadership firm dedicated to bringing compassion into the workplace. Nate is a former practicing psychologist and expert in social-emotional intelligence, interpersonal communication, and leadership.

Nate is now based in Kansas but originally was from the mid west. His parents were famers but decided to become missionaries so in the early 70’s Nate was living in Africa.  He spent his early childhood Zaire which is now the Democratic Republic of Congo and went to high school in Botswana in the 1980s. Nate feels that by travelling around at such a young age he learned to adapt and became very used to different cultures which has given him a different perspective of what its like to live in America now. He also believes that Africa was where the seeds of compassion were sowed in him Nate struggles with the traditional stereotypes of compassion such as Gandhi and Mother Theresa. He feels compassion is more than empathy. The Latin meaning of compassion is to suffer with – to have active engagement not just empathy.

Nate feels that conflict is a natural product of diversity - because we are different there will be conflict. Conflict is the energy created from diversity and means we have choices and opportunities and enables us to thrive and innovate. The only question is how will we use the energy of conflict?  A lot of conflict energy is spent in drama. In the drama triangle there are three roles – persecutor, victim and rescuer. The three roles can be quite fluid, with people moving between them and when people play these roles they feed off each other which distracts energy from well laid plans.

Nate originally trained as a clinical psychologist but felt it did not really suit him. He preferred more dynamic things such as coaching, consultancy, training and writing so, with some partners, he set up Next Element in 2008. Their aim was to take what they had learned in the social sciences field and apply it to the corporate world through leadership and development training and coaching programmes.

Many consultants in this field tend to play rescuer role – they know what’s wrong and have the solutions but if it doesn’t work its not their fault – it failed because you didn't do what they advised.  They actually set you up for failure and dependence. Nate feels that the goal is capability, self-confidence and independence but that all coaching relationship have a natural life and the coach and coachee need to know either can walk away from the relationship. Nate feels many consultants work to become needed rather than effective which is why he has developed certification programmes to impart knowledge which allows the company to carry on without him.

Nate views leadership as the practice of managing diversity towards shared goals.  Diversity is necessary as it provides the perspective we need so leaders need to cultivate a skill set to manage diversity whilst working towards shared goals. Two of the most essential competences needed to achieve this are communication and conflict management skills. Not everyone can clearly see a path so leaders need to translate the plan so everyone can understand – leaders need to have vision and strategy but also the human capital to go forward.

Nate’s latest book is called Seeing People Through and is about personality differences and inclusion through the Process Communication Model, a behavioural communication model that teaches people how to assess, connect, motivate, and resolve conflict by understanding the personality types that make up a person’s whole self.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Nate here. Our previous podcast episodes and upcoming guest list are also available.

You can find out more about Nate here.