Choice, growth and resilience

Amy Eliza Wong has been a leadership coach for ten years and partners with leaders and teams on growth, transformation and flow with a particular interest in communication, which she feels is the entry point for all things transformation. Before she became a leadership coach, she worked at Sun Microsystems for ten years having studied mathematics at Berkeley. After having her first child she gained a Masters in Transpersonal Psychology, a subject she found fascinating, and this combined with her Maths background provided the perfect balance for coaching.

Psychology is the study of mental processes in human behaviour but Transactional Psychology is not limited to mental processes. It looks at the systems view of the human condition, factoring in things like consciousness in the womb, consciousness as a whole and also pulls in ancient wisdom traditions so becomes a much larger study of Psychology. 

Amy looks at resilience in terms of growth. We are interfacing with the stuff of life and every moment is contributing to our growth. Perspectives and beliefs are growing whether we like it or not. Growth and resilience go hand in hand. We can think about our growth in two ways - by accident or on purpose. If we want to be resilient we need to take life by the horns and maximise our wellbeing by embracing both. Most people focus on growth on purpose because that's what’s wanted – its the things we planned for, were hoping for and were willing to get uncomfortable for but it's the growth by accident that we need to look at. This is usually related to shame, disappointment or embarrassment - the stuff of failures, mistakes and setbacks - but where we have tools to harness both categories that's when we live on purpose.

Amy uses purpose as an adverb - on purpose meaning that it is intentional and we are fully harnessing choice with full intension and awareness. When we can choose to be on purpose we choose to harness our choice and respond rather than react to life.  Doing things with a sense of purpose knowing where you are growing and doing it purposefully.

Amy’s book is called Living on Purpose which is based on her own personal stories about growth and transformation and conversations she has had with a diverse set of individuals. She uses these powerful stories with social neuroscience to present a roadmap of the five choices of perceptional shifts that we can choose to make in order to stop self sabotage and loose the self imposed limitations we have. These are born in our belief system and it’s the interpretations we make that end up muting the quality of our own life.

People want to achieve something. The thing could be to make more money, to own their business, become a CEO etc., but Amy feels that we only think we want the thing we want. What we actually want is the feeling we think we would have as a result of achieving that thing. We are trained to use the thing as a proxy – we became attached to the thing and the strategy of realising it. This is largely due to educational system and how we develop as humans. In school we do what we were told. To get good grades, to make our parents happy and get into a good college and university, then to get a good job, make lots of money and then we’ll be happy. We put all our trust into following this strategy because it’s what I’m supposed to do to be happy. It never works though because we never really check if that's what’s going to get me to what I really want to feel. The choice is to feel it out rather than figure it out.

The chief source of failure is choosing what you want in the moment rather than what really want. This captures the slipperiness of choice because we can say we want to be healthy but at the same time we really want a bag of potato chips and to watch the game. We have to look at what we truly want and be honest with ourselves. What is the choice that aligns with what we truly want rather than what we want in the moment. We are not set up to have deferred gratification and are constantly investing in cognitive processing and energy to achieve that. Aligning our chemistry with our purpose is important. Quick wins are important. Self care, getting enough sleep and eating well are all important because if we are if not in an optimal state it is even harder to find the band width and reserves to make the choice that truly serves us.

Her new book is Living on Purpose: Five Deliberate Choices to Realize Fulfillment and Joy (BrainTrust Ink, May 24, 2022).

Learn more at alwaysonpurpose.com. 

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