Patrick Chester is an author and speaker on the subject of gambling addition. A former addict himself, he now lives in Washington State with his wife Erica and his two sons.
If you take a group of people playing slot machines or cards, or backing a horse or football team, some won’t be affected at all, a couple may develop a mild gambling habit whilst one may end up with a with a severe problem. It’s hard to say what the trigger is, as its different for each person but Patrick traces his trigger back to when he was young. His father took him and his sister to parties where people were gambling and drinking and having a great time. Patrick didn’t recognise the dangers of gambling because he had grown up seeing it as fun and harmless, something you could do as a family. Before he knew it though, it had taken over his life.
Patrick doesn't know when was the point of change. It was difficult to recognise but he got to a point where he was in very deep and it had gone being fun to being the solution to his problems. In his mind the only way to recover and pay back his debts he was in was to gamble more. Patrick started to realise he had a problem around 2012 when he started committing crimes. He had exhausted all his access to finance and was no longer working for himself as he had been reported to the state. He was gambling with other people’s money by taking money as a deposit and using it to gamble.
At the end of 2014 Patrick had rented some heavy equipment for a job he had been hired to do but his plan was actually to sell the equipment and gamble the money. He had convinced himself that he would win the money back and pay off all his debts. At this point he realised he had crossed the line. Nobody else knew and he looked and appeared normal but inside he was a mess, stressed out and confused. It is easier to recognise someone with a drugs and alcohol problem as you can see the toll the addiction takes physically but with gambling there is nothing to see. Patrick had also become very creative with his lies. His wife trusted him with the bills and the mortgage and he diverted mail so she didn’t see bills weren’t being paid. Deceit and having to live on your wits almost seemed to be part of the enjoyment. Talking his way out of situations and convincing other people gave him a sense of satisfaction but that was part of the illness. Some days he just felt a huge sense of sadness when he would ask himself how he could continue to lie and do this to the people I love.
Patrick had to figure out what was going on in his head and why he was doing these things. What he sees as his ‘Day of Comeuppance’ happened in 2015. During 2013 and 2014 criminal changes for theft were brought against him. He decided the best thing would be to let the charges to play themselves out and plead guilty. At this point he reached out to a family member. He and his family were living with his wife’s parents as they had lost their house. He told them he was going to work but at that point he had no work. His father in law called and said they knew everything that was going on and not to come back to house, to book in a hotel and that they would all talk tomorrow. It turned out they had taken out an intervention. The next day they all sat down together and five hours later Patrick was on a plane for treatment.
Patrick feels that there were many points particularly in 2010 and 2011 when his wife was questioning him when he could have told the truth about his gambling problem and that her needed help but he was scared he would lose his marriage. As it turned out it was a 100 times worse carrying on. It takes a different form of courage to ask for help. He wished he had the courage but he kept searching for ways to get out his mess – he was going to win and pay everyone off and stop gambling. He knew it wasn’t reality but reality doesn't work with a full-blown addict. When Patrick went into treatment they did a full assessment and gave him a base plan to work with to help him understand what was going on in his brain but it took a couple of years before he could see the addiction patterns. Patrick feels he was very fortunate as his wife and her family put together a life plan for him. It was very much take it or leave it but he was ready. There are very few specialist gambling treatment centres in the USA but Patrick was fortunate in that a place was found for him. It helped him to release that he wasn't alone and that gambling addiction happened to other people as well.
Therapy was very intense and lasted for eight hours a day for thirty days. After that he continued to work with them as an outpatient. Three weeks after he left therapy he was due to be sentenced for his criminal convictions. Patrick attended thinking that as he had completed treatment the judge would view his case favorably but the judge had listened to the victim impact statements and sent him to jail for four months. Patrick had nothing to do but think of ways to improve his life and self and he now thinks the jail term was good for him. He also had to pay back all the money he owed which amounted to hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Patrick very much respects his wife and her family. He doesn’t know another family who would have gone to the lengths they did. His wife was pretty tough on herself for a while and kept asking herself how she could have allowed him to manipulate her for so long but as Patrick says it is hardest for the person closest to you to see it. Patrick now focuses on being the best father and husband he can and trying to help people understand what gambling addiction is and helping people who are suffering. After taking from people and causing them financial and emotional pain he feels it is time to start giving back and turn it into a positive. He is working on a book which will hopefully be out in the summer/early fall and on a website.
You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Patrick here. Our previous podcast episodes, upcoming guest list and full blog archive is also available.
You can get in touch with Patrick through his Twitter account patrickchester9
He also recommends that anyone who feels they has a problem gets in touch with Gamblers Anonymous and the National Suicide Prevention line in US or the Samaritans in UK.
You may also be able to access help in the UK at https://www.okrehab.org/