When resilience becomes toxic

In today’s fast-moving and competitive workplace, the idea of resilience, of bouncing back and remaining positive in the face of adversity or stress, is seen as an important attribute. But, with the world of work constantly changing and ongoing disruption and uncertainty, being consistently upbeat can take a real toll on mental health and emotional well-being. At this point resilience can become toxic.

The idea of toxic resilience centres on the expectation that employees should be able to deal with stress, pressure, and adversity by hiding their human vulnerabilities. Despite adverse situations such as ineffective organisational culture, inept management, or ongoing under resourcing, high workloads, and lack of work life boundaries, they keep going and stay productive!

This type of culture puts pressure on employees to keep quiet when they’re overwhelmed or struggling. They don’t feel able to ask for help or raise their concerns because if they do, they are made to feel that they are letting their colleagues down, are incompetent or weak, or simply aren’t resilient enough. A culture of fear then develops, and employees start to put their own needs behind that of the organisation, going beyond their limits and adopting unhealthy coping mechanisms that can have severe and long-lasting effects, and lead to burnout, mental health issues and decreased morale.

It's therefore important that leaders are able to recognise if a culture of toxic resilience is emerging and can instead start to build an environment where healthy resilience can develop. This means creating a culture where authenticity and open communication is valued, mental health resources provided, and managers enabled with the training to support their team and to understand the importance of their own mental health and wellbeing.

Resilience shouldn’t be needed to get through every day, it should be drawn on in the short term, when challenges arise, or problems have to be overcome. If leaders want to create workplaces that foster growth, fulfilment, and well-being, they need to lose the culture of toxic resilience.

Paws for thought?

Back in 2017 Scottish brewer Brewdog announced that all employees who adopted a puppy or rescue dog could have one week’s paid leave to help settle in their new pet. Now, the increase in pet ownership that started during in pandemic has put the subject of paid leave to look after new pets back in the discussion of employee benefits.

Pawternity is the term used to describe the concept where companies offer their employees paid time off to take care of their new furry friends. Similar to maternity or paternity leave, pawternity leave recognises the importance of pets in our lives and the responsibility that comes with taking one on. Depending on the company policy, the leave can range from a few days to a couple of weeks and is designed to allow employees to bond with their new pet, provide necessary training, and ensure their pet's health and wellbeing during the crucial adjustment period.

Employers are not legally obliged to give their employees paid or unpaid ‘pawternity leave’ in the UK. Some do however because they consider it’s something that's valuable to their staff – essentially prioritising animal welfare but with a benefit to the organisation. A pawternity policy provides employees with all the benefits that come with pet ownership such as reduced blood pressure, lower stress levels and boosted mood. And, when employees are happier and more content, job satisfaction, office morale and employee productivity all improve. One study from the University of Warwick actually shows that happiness improves productivity by around 12%.

Of course, if the owners of new pets get time off work, what does everyone else get?  Whilst its great to offer employees generous perks, is it unfair to offer such benefits to a limited number of people? And where does it stop? Any organisation thinking of introducing a pawternity policy will have to be very clear on the terms - what constitutes a pet and whether the benefits will only apply to cat or dog owners or if they will be extended to other types of pet owners.

With all the current difficulties in attracting and retaining talent, Pawternity leave could appeal to people who value their work-life balance and the well being of their pets. With work related stress costing the UK economy millions of pounds each year in lost productivity, perhaps any way of cultivating a happier, healthier and more productive workforce should be considered?

From ladder to leader

Ryan Larson has been a fire fighter for 21 years for the city of Phoenix. When he left high school he didn’t really know what to do with his life so he joined the fire explorer programme. He now feels that not only did it introduce him to the fire service, it also helped to mold him into being a good citizen and human being. Ryan had had some issues when he was growing up. His upbringing had been pretty tough and he wasn’t the best kid .He got involved in street fights but the fire explorer programme helped him to develop into a good leader and a good advocate and voice for his clients in his second career, the financial service sector,

In the emergency services sector people often talk about the physical requirements, the structure, the sense of clarity and knowing what you have to do and your role. But you also have to use your brain. Being a firefighter isn’t just about running into a burning building, it’s about knowing your environment, knowing the structure and what you’re going into. You’re trained to use all your senses  - if you go up to a door and its really hot your senses tell you not to go through it so you have to change tactics. It develops you into someone who is able to use their skills to see the dangers. You’re planning, plotting, analysing and doing major risk management in your head as you walk through a building.

There are other skills the fire service provides in terms of being a leader. Getting out into the community and speaking about fire safety needs good communication skills. When Ryan started out as a young firefighter he didn't have these skills. He had struggled at school and the fire service helped him to articulate his words in both his professional and personal life.

As a firefighter you see a lot. On average there are 10- 15 calls per shift. You can be up all night, suffer from sleep deprivation and then when you come home you have to take care of your family and maybe juggle another career. There is the mental aspect of ‘how do I cope with things’. You can’t just tuck everything under the bed. When you see a lot of traumatic things over the years you can become a little desensitized but you need to talk to people because if you don't lower the wall you put up and show your true feeling that's where the mental struggle is going to happen. You need to talk to people. You see a lot of stuff and you need to share it. If you don't share it you lock it away and then you become a little bitter or angry. As a firefighter you see the worst of people sometimes as well as the best.

Nowadays there is a big push about sharing your feelings but this works differently for men. They talk about things in a different way – when Ryan is talking to his workmates they sometimes use dark humour to get them through sensitive issues. Making fun of things becomes a coping mechanism. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect them, it hurts to see people in their worst moments but you have to have some sort of dialogue. Many conversations take place at the table and are very intimate but they don't go outside the walls. You need to bring some light heartedness to the profession because it’s such a stressful profession especially in these days where a lot of things are going on in the world.

Many firefighters have a second income because being a firefighter does not pay enough.  They make a modest income but there a stability in the fire department with a guaranteed income coming in every two weeks and a pension that be accessed after twenty years service. Even so a lot of firefighters have side hustles because ultimately they are hard workers and just want to supplement living expenses and their lifestyle with more money.

It makes sense to transition into second career whilst you are still involved in your first career – it’s sensible to be getting started earlier rather than later. Ryan took the decision to move into the financial services area – moving from one of the most respected careers to one of the most disliked. Ryan realises there is a shadow over the financial world, that some salespeople are looking out for their best interest rather than their clients. Ryan had always looked after his own investments so his plan was always to exit the fire service and move into the financial sector. Initially he had conversations with his co-workers about his own investments and they became interested and started to ask him to look at their finances so he always had a lot of people watching him. He wasn't your typical salesman who comes in and sells you a mutual fund and then walks out the door and collects the fees. Had an obligation to accumulate their wealth so they could achieve their goals.

Ryan’s started writing his book in 2020 during the pandemic. He wanted to share his story of being resilient and the steps he took to achieve his goals. He hadn’t been a good student but that didn’t limit him from achieving all his goals.

You can find out more about Ryan at http://www.laddertoleaderbook.com where you also find his book Ladder to Leader: My Journey from Failure to Fire to Financial Freedom

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
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Running towards the cannon. Self-acceptance, resilience and mental wellbeing

Michele Capots is a speaker, writer and mental wellness and resilience coach who is currently based in Arlington, Virginia.  Michele went through a clinical depression in her 20s that led to her having suicidal thoughts and planning to kill herself. She was a binge drinker and didn't drink every day but once she started she generally couldn't stop. She was in recovery for many years and had a really hard time dealing with her alcoholism as she felt all the things she associated with it didn't apply to her. Her drinking started out as a coping mechanism. Her father died when she was two and she grew up thinking she was different.  Alcohol made that OK and later when she was seventeen a sudden death in the family led to the drinking became the coping mechanism.

Michele stopped drinking when she was 25 and although at the time she thought that was too young she’s now grateful she stopped at that age. When she stopped drinking she went through a depression and went to therapy and onto medication and got better. Years later she went through a similar depression but this one sent her into a manic episode and she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She knew nothing about bipolar and was in and out of psychiatric wards for three years. Her bipolar manic episodes were bipolar 1 that meant she suffered intense experiences of mania and these episodes sent her into hospital – the episodes happened, she  was treated then released. She felt better and then the next year it happened again. Michele thought it was going to be like this for the rest of her life.

Michele was worried that it meant she was crazy and that she should be able to snap out of it.  She didn't think it was something that happened in your adult life, rather it was something you were born with. The self-stigma she felt was difficult to overcome and made her fight against the diagnosis and she didn't admit she had a mental illness. Illness is often portrayed as a war and this is not the best way of approaching it. Someone told Michele that she should to run towards the sound of the cannon and she took this as meaning she should run towards the problem rather than away from it. When she accepted that the disorder was only a part of her not all of her she found freedom and achieved mental wellness.

Michele feels mental wellness is different to mental health. Mental health is the diagnosis, therapy, medication and appointment with the doctor. Mental wellness is about finding the tools to help us get there – exercise, eating well, meditation and practicing gratitude – all the things we do to that help us take care of ourselves and maintain our mental health. Self- acceptance was really important to Michele. She fought against having a mental illness and the more she fought the more she was in its grip. Recovery helped a lot with that so she was able to accept her mental illness and realise that there was more to her. She thought her mental illness was all she was about and could offer someone but she then realised that there was a whole other side that she wasn't embracing because she was focused on her mental illness.

Its only fairly recently that words like mental illness have become more accepted. Now it’s sometimes seen as an obstacle that can be overcome with good lifestyle and therapy. The external stigma has been reduced and in a way Covid has helped with this by bringing the conversation to the forefront. So many people were experiencing problems with their mental health and Covid helped to normalise it but there is still more we can do.

The current generation seems to be more aware of mental health as being non-stigmatised and recognise mental illness as not being any different to a physical illness. People sometimes stuggle with taking medication for a mental illness but its exactly the same – you are simply taking medication to help your illness. Michelle feels it is courageous that people stand up and talk about it but when you’re in the middle of it you still feel isolated and alone. Being able to talk to people who are knowledgeable, practical and pragmatic as well as therapists and coaches is important.  

Michele recently broke her jaw and went through a period where the feelings that started her depression came back but she realised what they were and that she could do something about them. Resilience helps with this - knowing you've been through it gives you the tool kit to go through it again and come out the other side.

Bipolar not a sign of weakness and now Michele embraces that part of her, the experiences she’s been through are what made her resilient and shaped who she is and what she does.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more at Michele Capots.com