Become a Braveologist. The key to conscious bravery

Pamela Brinker has been a psychotherapist for more than thirty years but, when her second husband died of brain cancer eleven years ago, in her grief she didn't know what to do or where to turn. She looked at the obvious resources and tried to modify things as she had taught her clients but, within months, both of her then teenage sons turned to drugs and alcohol in their pain and suffering.

 Even though they were close it was such a challenging time for them. They were turning to each other and to substances. Within three years they were both addicted to amphetamines and Pamela had to come up with some different strategies. She became a ‘Braveologist’, using tools and resources differently and adapting and modifying different techniques not just for grief but also for the mental health and addiction challenges her sons were facing.

There is an assumption that drug users ‘come from the wrong side of the tracks’ and a lack of understanding that addiction can start in many ways - having an operation and getting addicted to painkillers or from grief. There are negative connotations when they talk about addiction and this is a stigma we need to break. None of us want to become addicted but most of us are to something – albeit chocolate or shopping!

Pamela thinks we need to start having a view of addiction that's on a continuum. Although she uses word addiction in her book, she sees it as substance or behavioural issues. She feels that we all need compassion and understanding to realise that no one wants to be dependent on a substance to get the level of happiness or containment that they seek or to deal with pain. That's really part of how addiction develops over time - it's a combination of a lot of different things. There is no one size fits all and it becomes a brain issue of pleasure and desire.

Some of the most recent research shows that the part of our brain that we need to use to help us override our dependency, is the same part of the brain that is flawed and not working properly. Pamela suggests that we walk alongside those we care about with deep compassion with tenderness and with strength.

One approach that is used when working with addicts is the 12 Steps which has been adapted for many different addictions such as eating, shopping, gambling etc. In the US there also mindfulness or whole-being based programmes with strategies that support people getting into their bodies not just their hearts and minds. Pamela has done a lot of work with somatic enquiry, awareness and body work which helps get us into the places in our bodies where our pain is stored. This is an answer to the ‘how do we resolve addiction’ and the ‘how do we quit depending on a substance’ questions. If we bring deep compassion to ourselves, to our whole being, we are seeking something to help us with what our brains, bodies and hearts can’t handle.

Linking the body to the mind is important as we wear pain in the body as well as the mind. The answer to many mental health even trauma issues is in the body. Pamela feels that we need to move past mindfulness and use the data available to us from going both inside and outside our beings so that we become more consciously aware. She uses the six zones of experience to do a whole being scan – the body, the heart, the mind, our intuition, the energy fields/environment around us and then the deepest part of our core self or essence. We can do this scan in thirty to sixty seconds and can gain a wealth of information so we can realign and balance and be there for our loved ones.

Self-care is very important when working with addicts because it’s very draining giving of yourself. It’s also important to guard and protect our happiness so we can remain a vibrant being who isn’t defined by our circumstances, situation or other people. When we are feeling agitated or tap into a situation which might be a crisis we start asking ‘what should I do?’ The key foundation of self-care is to tap into our own being where we have a wealth of data that can help us to decide what to do, to see what options are available and to think more clearly and be calmer - which is what we think we want when we say we want mindfulness! What we really want is to be truly aware and make choices that are truly brave.

Integrating the body with the mind helps the mind make better choices and allows for pattern disruption so that other things aren’t distracting you from harnessing your whole self. Most of us activate emotionally, in our bodies or both. Our minds start racing so we want to be able to ground ourselves and rebalance, to tune in to our bodies and calm the sympathetic nervous system.

There is a criticism of some awareness approaches. The critical thing is what comes next, of having awareness not for the sake of awareness but of making choices and taking meaningful action. We can’t just pretend to live joyful lives, we can’t just hope and affirm.

Being consciously brave is about being able to know what is needed in any given moment and then doing it. When we have the capacity to be free of all feelings and not judge ourselves we can come into our whole being and say ‘I can do this’. We need to be able to know who we truly are – to know I’m not my situation or defined by my loved ones - I’m defined by my essence which is never changing

Conscious bravery is innate. We are born with the capacity for it but we do have to cultivate and learn what tools work for us as its not a one size fits all.  Your form of conscious bravery may look different to everyone, but its something everyone has to practice.

Pamela is the author of the new book CONSCIOUS BRAVERY Caring for Someone with Addiction or you can find out more about her at https://bebrave.us/about-the-author/

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