Why businesses need resilience

Recent research by MHR International shows the challenges mid-size UK and Irish companies are facing in today’s VUCA (volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous) world. Over 500 senior leaders from businesses employing between 500 and 5000 people were interviewed to find their views on the importance of resilience in dealing with change and challenges. The major threats they saw were the expectations surrounding their businesses growth as they compete against multinationals and of staying ahead of agile start-ups.

Recessions and financial crisis are of course not strangers to long-established companies but the pandemic brought unforeseen and previously unknown challenges. Now, businesses face another set of problems including the cost-of-living crisis and the war in Ukraine. 

Many businesses came though the pandemic and will now deal with these new challenges because they are resilient and have the ability not only to deal with change but also to use the experience as a catalyst for further development.

So, in the short term, a resilient business will get through challenging periods but then in the longer term they will start to see a positive impact on productivity and work quality as well as improved employee engagement, performance and an inclusive and secure work culture.

There is no doubt there will be tough times ahead but a resilient business will not just survive, it will thrive.

Afraid of change?

Generally, when leaders want to introduce radical change to their organisation, it’s to respond to new threats or opportunities. Large numbers of business transformations still fail though and, although many reasons can be put forward for these failures, one of the major ones is simply a fear of change.

The possibility of change can create a huge amount of uncertainty for the people who are going to be affected. They are taking a leap into the unknown with no certainty that the grass will be greener on the other side. They aren’t sure they will still have a job or that their existing skills will still be needed. This can make people anxious and even question the entire purpose of the organisation.

The reality is that most people find it easier and safer to stay exactly where they are and intentionally or unintentionally resist change. Leaders therefore need to ensure there is transparency and that the change is communicated widely, frequently and to as many people as possible. If conditions of safety and trust are created and the resources needed to cope with any uncertainty provided, employees will feel supported, the fear of change minimised and the change itself embraced by more people.

No matter how extensive the consultation and communication strategy is there will always be some level of uncertainty but developing a relationship of trust can provide employees with the resources to help them cope during times of uncertainty.

Are you connected?

In today’s turbulent business world, an organisation needs to be adaptive, agile and resilient. It needs to be able to build change, structural resilience and process improvement. In short, it needs a resilient culture.

To achieve this, leaders need to be connected to their teams and to their organisation to drive maximum resiliency. When team members work together, they can solve problems, rise above setbacks, provide innovative and agile solutions and draw strength from each other. They understand their place in the organisation, have the confidence that they know where the organisation is headed and understand how they and their role contributes to its overall success.

If employees take care of their physical, mental and emotional needs so they don't suffer from stress, the organisation benefits through improved productivity, job performance, staff retention, engagement and reduced absence.

Building a resilient culture will result in trust, accountability and flexibility. It will also enable an organisation be better placed to deal with change, so when a crisis or disruption hits, they are better able to adapt and pull through.

How resilient is the culture of your organisation?

Leading an agile organisation

The increase in technology based innovation and in evolving customer expectations has driven change at an incredible pace. This has highlighted the importance of having an organisation that is ‘agile and able to adapt quickly and effectively to changing markets and requirements.

Agile organisations can reinvent their approach to business through a balance of flexibility and stability that allows them to react to changing circumstances in a future orientated way. This then enables a positive impact on productivity, quality, customer relationships, team morale, flexibility and the achievement of goals.

To ensure these benefits are achieved, teams need to realise agility is based on a willingness to embrace change. An alignment is required between existing roles and new processes and these should be seen as a top strategic priority which is reinforced across the organisations culture. Leaders need to be seen to embrace the changes themselves whilst providing an environment where employees feel safe, not afraid to fail and able to work with their leaders in finding solutions to current and future challenges.

Organisational agility is essential in today’s rapidly changing world. Organisations need to be ready to challenge and change their operating models so they are able to respond to change and create the capacity to deliver transformation and improvement. 

Making it happen

Sam Syed is co-founder, CFO and COO at Capsll, an app that enables users to gather their once-scattered memories into digital time capsules. Sam was born in London and is one of six brothers from a working class family. He has a Portuguese and Pakistani heritage and became aware of racism at a young age. but feels this helped him build his resilience. He looked on himself as different but in a good way. He was the only coloured person in his group so any racial slurs toughened him up and made him a better person. His working class background also meant he grew up wanting things but didn't always get them. His friends all got weekly pocket money but he didn't and he quickly realised that he would have to break the mould so he could obtain things for himself.

Sam says he had a fantastic childhood and upbringing but is also thankful that it wasn't ‘silver spooned’ so that what he accomplished was from his own personal success. He thinks his biggest success is that he never settles and that he’s always looked for the ‘what if’. He started his career as an equity broker in London advising clients on Commodities, Equities and FX, eventually rising to the role of Derivatives Trader.

In 2012 he was offered a wealth management position in Dubai helping clients achieve their financial goals through all areas of wealth management. Originally he wanted to think about it but he now thinks it was the best decision he ever made. After building a successful career in Dubai he was then asked if he had ever thought about moving his career to Manhattan. He hadn’t but he was very curious and that was what took him to New York. The first year was very difficult. The salary he had been promised didn’t materialise and he was unable to move any of his clients from Dubai so he had to start from scratch but he managed to build a new ‘empire’ in New York and won some national awards. It was at this point that his long time friend Clint called him with an idea he wanted to run past him.

Sam’s passion for history and philosophy added to the lessons he had learnt as a boy and from the time he spent in Dubai and New York meant he was up for the challenge and he moved from managing other peoples wealth to having to create a new business. He feels that building from scratch is much harder. The challenges he faced during the start- up of Capsll App were completely different to those in the corporate world.  Having raised all their funding, he realised the things that he had left behind – the support from a mentor or boss, a calendar filled with what you should be doing and when which provides a routine and structure for each day.  

Sam feels you need external help and advice as well as internal support and help. There is a fear in the corporate world now that you can’t disagree with each other. But if you cant have disagreements then innovation and creativity disappear.  If you have different views or highly passionate and enthusiastic people conflict is inevitable. Companies need heated debate but also a way of not making things personal so you can see the point of the conversation in the first place.

Sam is now excited to be making a difference to people’s lives by utilising the Capsll App and helping them preserve memories of their legacy in a different way.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

For more information, please visit https://www.capsll.app/

Leadership in the remote workplace: Opportunities and challenges

The combination of technological advances and shifting cultural norms has resulted in the remote work trend continuing to grow in popularity as numerous companies embrace this new way of working. 

However, with the rise of remote work, there is an increasing need for leaders who can motivate and inspire team members from a distance. Effective leadership in the remote workplace requires a different set of skills than traditional office management.

The rise of this new setup in the virtual world has presented new challenges for leaders. How can leaders effectively lead a team when everyone is working in different locations? And how can they leverage the opportunities that come with a more dispersed workforce?

In this blog, I'll be discussing the challenges and opportunities of remote leadership. Leadership in the remote workplace can be difficult because leaders can't always rely on face-to-face communication. However, there are many opportunities to take advantage of when leading a team remotely. Keep reading to learn more!

The opportunities in leading a remote team

Leading a team remotely can present a number of opportunities. For example, it can allow leaders to build a more diverse team, as they are not limited to candidates who live in their area. It allows them to tap into a global labor market.

It can also allow leaders to create a more flexible work schedule, as the traditional 9-5 workday does not bind them. It can improve work-life balance. This can be a huge convenience when managing time and meeting deadlines.

Additionally, leading in a virtual world can help leaders develop their communication and organizational skills, as they will need to effectively communicate with their team members in different time zones.

Opportunities to be innovative and experiment with new ways of working are also beneficial for leading a remote team. This can include experimenting with different communication methods, such as utilizing video conferencing instead of email or developing new corporate policies based on input from everyone in the organization.

In addition to these practical benefits, working remotely also encourages a broader mindset, encouraging all members of a team to think creatively about how to succeed in their roles and what is best for the company as a whole.

The challenges of leading a team remotely

One of the biggest challenges is maintaining team cohesion. Without the daily interactions that take place in an office setting, it can be difficult to build relationships and stimulate a sense of teamwork.

Additionally, remote work can make it harder to monitor employee productivity and identify issues early on. As a result, leaders need to find new ways to stay connected with their team members and ensure everyone is on track.

Another challenge is managing expectations. When members are not present in the same physical space, it can be difficult to manage deadlines and ensure everyone is on the same page. This is why leaders need to overcommunicate and provide clear guidelines.

Communication is also a challenge. With team members working in different locations, there can be a lot of miscommunication. It's important to find ways to effectively communicate with the team, whether that's through video conferencing, instant messaging, or another method.

There can also be technical challenges, such as internet connection issues or problems with video conferencing. These challenges can be frustrating, but it's important to remember that they are not insurmountable.

Lastly, remote work can be lonely and isolating. This is why it is significant for leaders to make an effort to connect with their team members on a personal level. 

Effective strategies for leading a remote team

One key strategy for leading a remote team is establishing clear communication guidelines and protocols. It is important to set expectations around how and when leaders will communicate with the team members and ensure that everyone follows these guidelines consistently.

In addition to establishing communication protocols, it is also important to adopt different communication methods that work well in a remote setting. For example, video conferencing can be used for team meetings, while instant messaging can be utilized for quick questions or updates.

During a video conference, encourage an open webcam policy so that team members can see each other and build relationships. Participants may use an online webcam testing tool to check their setup before the meeting.

When communicating with the team, it is also important to be clear and concise. This will help to avoid miscommunication and ensure that everyone is on the same page. Make certain to provide a written record of team communication, such as in a shared document or chat log.

In addition to these strategies, it is important to foster a culture of trust and respect within the remote team. Leaders should make extra effort to connect with their team members on a personal level and set aside time for relationship building over video chat or email.

Summing It Up

Leadership in the remote workplace is a new and evolving field. There are multiple opportunities for those willing to take on the challenge, but there are also several matters that should be considered. 

Leaders in the remote workplace need to focus on communication, culture, and trust. Communication is crucial to be certain everyone is on the same page. Culture helps employees feel connected to their work even when they're not physically present. Trust allows employees to feel comfortable taking risks.

Ultimately, for anyone who is eager to shake up their routine and find new ways of working, being at the helm of a remote team can be an exciting opportunity indeed. It might not be without its challenges, but these can all be overcome with the right approach.

Guest Blog Author

Jennesa Ongkit is a content writer for VEED.IO and an all-around wordsmith. In her spare time, Jennesa enjoys reading books, watching movies, and playing with her pets.

The importance of soft skills

As UK business sets its sights on recovery and growth from the pandemic, more than ever emotionally intelligent employees with soft skills such as resilience, empathy, communication, problem solving, teamwork and self-confidence, are needed to help the organisation navigate through current and future change.

Advances in technology and the increase in home working means many roles have evolved and ensuring employees are equipped with the right soft skills for their role is essential. Looking at what soft skills their teams already possess and then what other qualities they would like them to have is the starting point. Then, on-the-job learning, coaching and feedback, as well as training courses can help an employee in their development. These skills should then become part of the company’s culture with the opportunity for continuous development to encourage individual and personal growth.

In an ever-changing environment, where businesses need to be on top of their game to succeed, employees who demonstrate these qualities can make a real contribution to its success.

Your story matters

Clint Davis was born in South Africa but, after living in Dubai and Australia, he and his wife realised a decades-long dream of living in the USA when they won the Green Card Lottery, a 0.73% chance. He and his wife then moved to Los Angeles, and eventually settled in Austin, Texas.

Clint considers resilience to be one of our greatest characteristics. Living in different countries is not as glamorous as it sounds. Growing up in South Africa he learned about adversity quickly particularly because of the dynamic change from the apartheid system and the racial healing that had to take place over a number of years. Clint and his wife developed a mindset that helped them deal with the different changes and challenges that played out as they moved from country to country. Whether it was budgetary issues or fitting into different communities, their approach became ‘this is where we are’ ‘this is the decision we made’ ‘lets see this through’ and ‘how do we do it’ rather than ‘can we do it’.

Moving gives you the opportunity to reinvent yourself but it also allows you to leave things behind. The more you mature the more you want to leave certain things behind. In your youth, when you move from a country you want to hang on to every nostalgic artifact and relationship but the truth of ‘out of sight out of mind’ is a human fact when you live it and over several moves you can lose many relationships. The reinvention of self is hard to translate back to people if you don't see them face-to-face. When you move countries you have to reinvent yourself and Clint feels the expats who don't make it are the ones who wanted to hang on to their homeland ideologies and didn’t recognise that a new country and culture require them to change. If you can find the balance of your roots and pair it with where you are now you can become an interesting tapestry of a person.

Holding on to your past is important in terms of resilience as its part of who you are. You need to adapt it for the future though rather than simply preserving it. There is a constant battle about what you hang on to and what you let go. Nostalgia actually holds you back when it come s to engaging with a new culture and will hold relational growth back.

Different structures, careers, countries, environments, types of jobs and the entrepreneurial world all need resilience to know you are going to get things wrong so failure needs to be factored in as part of the build process. People define failure differently but Clint feels that if you need to look at each failure as a learning environment , to approach it with a willingness to fail and learn from it and the humility that comes with it. If you are emotionally healthy and stable, you know that what others see as failures, you recognise as lessons and you don’t see failure but growth.

Clint spent seventeen years in radio, broadcasting to four different countries and was also a high performance driving instructor at racetracks and skidpans. Additionally he was involved with freelance podcasting and interviewing and event management. Now with his company Capsil App, the biggest difference is that instead of just doing it and taking the risk for himself, he now has a team of co-founders so needs to keep them and their families in mind as well as the product users and their families.  He feels you need to make a shift from yourself to how your decision making, emotional intelligence and communication plays out not just to keep things pure but to make sure things are communicated correctly - the heartbeat that everything you created as this entrepreneurial version of yourself is actually relayed and received in the correct light of what you are trying to do.

Clint feels that while we live in a digital age, we have done a poor job in passing our personal histories on generationally because there isn’t a stable platform to keep them on. Capsil App is a new platform where users can gather their memories and life stories into digital time capsules with full user control so it can be shared privately with future generations or on an optional public feed to inspire others. It can also provide users with coached storytelling expertise who can help remember all the details and create a meaningful recount of your life events and memories.

For more about Clint or information about Capsil.App visit www.capsll.app/

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

Change your perception of time

Lisa Broderick trained as an economist before going into the business world. She wanted to work on something different though where people who might be sceptics could believe it also so moved into the fof quantitative mechanics, combining it with spiritual traditions. 

Many people know they can slow down time and that time speeds up around them depending on what they are doing. Time is contextual and depends on what we focus on and how we focus. It obviously has a physical component – it exists because things move around and because change occurs - no change no time. As its impossible to have no change, we have time. There is however a perception component. If people focus intently they can slow down and speed up time but we’re not really sure how this works.

If you imagine there are two worlds – the small world of quantum mechanics that is modeled only through mathematics and the large world of cars, human beings and astraroids. These two worlds would never seem to meet but the world of quantum mechanics bubbles up into our everyday lives through for example, computers and lasers. Lisa believes that as we understand and control this more it will provide the basis for how we control time and reality.

Lisa feels that we are getting much further in understanding the actual mechanics of the advances in quantum computing and biometric computing. Quantum entanglements are one of the biggest paradoxes of quantum mechanics - the idea that two particles can exhibit the same conditions. For instance they are both blue but one is on earth and one in space.  If you turn the on earth red the one in space becomes red immediately even though they are separated by thousands of miles and violates the universe speed limit - the speed of light.

Quantum entanglement exists on the quantum level but the question is does it exist in the big world? If it does, we’re going to be able to unlock this world and control it and use it in our daily lives. Lisa wrote her book during lockdown when time was an issue. Before that being busy was seen as a badge of honour but then everything changed. People lost their sense of identity and meaning, were overwhelmed, felt hopeless and burned out. They didn’t have any meaning any more and Lisa feels that they lost their relationship with time.

When we ask people how they are they used to say fine, now they say they are busy. The perception is that there is less time or that we don't use it in a productive way. The first steps in making time more within our control is to understand the equation time from Lisa - time is one part physical and one part perception. The perception part is the part that you can control to change that aspect of time and your perception of time and reality  

Lisa feels the reason we need to know what time it is, is because we need to know what to do now. If we didn’t we wouldn't care so if we can get a grasp of what to do in turns of personal transformation, we can slow down and speed up time in order to do all the things we want to do.

You can find out more about Lisa and her work at LisaBroderick.com Her book is All the Time in the World

 You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

It’s not what you’ve done, it’s how you move forward

Arman Vestad is based in Trondheim, Norway and is a public speaker, father of three and a runner. Before that though he went through a lot of tough challenges. Over the first thirty years of his life he was a criminal, drug addict and debt slave but for the last fifteen he has used the experiences he gained from being on the ‘wrong side’ of life to help others stay on or get back on track.

Arman feels it was a long journey that took him into life as a criminal and that there was no one or anything he could really blame. He had parents who took care of him and three siblings, the one closest in age to him is actual a police officer. He does think though that he had some vulnerabilities when he was a child. He was bullied at school, didn’t have many friends and every so often he received some money from his grandfather. He used this to buy friends so money became the tool to get self-esteem. He had a lack of self-esteem and money was the problem solver. Money has been part of his life all the time in good days and bad days.

Arman feels that he may have had a genetic vulnerability but that he was also affected by circumstance and by friends and people he met. Critically, he moved away from his parents and lived with his grandfather when he was 13 or 14 years old. His parents lived on an island with access to the city only by ferry. Arman loved playing football so asked if he could stay with his grandfather to enable him to play more. He stayed there most of the week and he now thinks that although it was fun staying with his grandfather this was where his problems started. He grandfather was 70 and divorced and enjoyed having Arman staying but there were no boundaries or limits.

Arman now feels children need to have boundaries but at the time he thought not having them was really good. He could do exactly what he wanted and in the spirit of this he also started stealing money from his grandfather.  His grandfather gave him money but it wasn’t enough and when he did it the first time it was extremely exciting. He decided he wouldn’t do it again and would put the money back but he couldn't.  Once you break the boundaries the first time its much easier to do it the next time – he knew it was wrong but he feels that if someone had stopped him and shown him the consequences at the age of fifteen who knows what would have happened.

By the time was 18 or 19 he was a doorman at a club. Some of the customers were criminals and they befriended him. He became part of a culture and adapted to it and one thing led to another and he realised that he could make more money by selling drugs and would do that from time to time. He was a party boy who loved to dance, be happy and share joy. He was very generous so gave away money, drinks and drugs and also made his own drugs which made a lot of money and became addicted because he needed to test his own drugs to see the quality.

Over time the police became aware of him and he was arrested many times. In the mid 90s he was in the UK, Amsterdam and Poland at parties that were part of the rave culture. He didn't feel a criminal, rather he was part of a big community that was testing boundaries but after several overdoses that life had taken a completely different direction. In 2000 he was sitting in a police cell and was at rock bottom  - he weighed 70kgs when two years previously he had been 120kgs. His physical and mental health was a complete mess and he just wanted to stop living.

People standing on the outside don’t understand the power of community. Community has the power to heal and be positive but also the power but to destroy and attract people into a certain set of lifestyle choices. There is a vicious cycle of the community, drugs and crime which can be quite seductive, all partying and having fun but at the same time not noticing what it’s based on. You get caught up in the excitement and hedonism of the time. It is possible to stop the cycle but you need to stop it by removing one of the elements of the cycle and replacing it with something else that gives you that buzz.

When some people hit rock bottom they stay there but others have the resilience to make the decision to change. When he was in the prison cell Arman felt at rock bottom and wondered what have I done to deserve this – I’m just a kid who wanted to fit, be liked and be appreciated for the person I am. He didn’t feel he had enough to change things but the turning point came when he met a policeman a few months later.   Arman had gone even further down but policeman talked to him, asked him how are you today, you doesn't look very good, is there anything I can do to help, name it and I will try to see if I can make it happen. It was a very vulnerable moment and it might not have happened the day before or the day afterwards. Arman was arrested but the policeman visited him the next and that was the ignition he needed - as the policeman had said I don't see you as a drug addict I see you as a person.

Armans life didn't change at that time but when he met the next person in his journey, a prison inspector he had enough confidence in himself to realise he was worthy as a person. The prison inspector spent a lot of time with him and helped point him towards the work he does now but he still had to find his first job after he left prison. The person who hired him asked him two questions at the interview - what have you learned from the time you've been an ex-criminal and how can those lessons you learned help us solve our society responsibility. Those two questions changed the atmosphere completely at the job interview. Instead of being afraid and hiding his CV, he knew she asked about what he had learned so it was up to him to tell her.

One of Armans missions now is talking to managers or companies about hiring ex-criminals and explaining what the benefits are if you hire them. When he got his first job no one believed he would ever survive, that he would be unemployed for the rest of his live. Now, having worked for 15 years for the Norwegian government he can show its possible to change and make a difference. Ultimately it’s not about what you've done, its what it meant and how you drive it forward.

You can find out more about Arman and his work at https://www.armanv.no/en/

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

Moving on from alcohol addiction

Veronica Valli is a recovered alcoholic and drug addict, who has personal experience of what it takes to recover from an addiction. At the height of her addiction, she was unable to go to work without the aid of a drink and her life and confidence were in tatters. She got sober in 2000 at the age of twenty-seven and went into working in the addiction field as a Psychotherapist primarily because of her own personal history.  Since moving to the USA with her husband Veronica has written two self published books and has a new book coming out in February. She now works mainly as a coach with women who want to change their relationship with alcohol.

Veronica feels alcohol is part of the social fabric and that people who struggle with their relationship with alcohol do four things. 1. They drink.  2. They think about drinking. 3.  They think about not drinking. 4. They recover from drinking. People who don't have a problem with alcohol don't think about it because it doesn't rent any space in their head and take up energy. Veronica’s calls this bandwidth. You can do a lot with 70% bandwidth but what you can’t to is emotionally grow the way you’re meant to because you are spending that bandwidth arguing with yourself about whether you’re going to have a drink that night or not, whether you drank too much at the weekend or whether you should do Dry January.

Problems with alcohol start a long time before the external signs such as missing work appear. Only people with a problem think about not drinking - why would you be thinking about not drinking? People who don't have a problem think about alcohol the some way people think about sandwiches. It's the thinking about not drinking that's the indicator.

In the UK we have normalised abnormal drinking. People are seen as successful in the various areas of their life on the outside - they check the boxes, of having a job, a house and a car so not seen as having a drinking problem. If people go to work every day they are seen to be functioning and can appear to be OK. It may be that one part of a relationship is worried but the other isn’t concerned and feels they are functioning well. They still have a job and Veronica feels the job is the last thing to go because it’s where the money is and money is where the alcohol is. Typically though the relationship will break down before the job goes.

There is always the need to find support. The most common approach is the 12 Steps and Veronica got sober using this because at the time there where no other options. She found it very useful and always makes it clear that the 12 steps are simply ancient, spiritual wisdoms so we get into good enough fit enough shape to become alcohol free and then go and get some professional help. It’s a helpful approach but she feels there should be other options and that its not the perfect fit for everyone as some people don't relate or identify with it. It's a peer led programme and many people Veronica knows also have other issues such as limiting beliefs or relationships that need professional intervention

There is a difference in how alcohol affects the genders and the way of working with different genders. Veronica was part of Generation X and in the 90s binge drinking was sold as feminism. The belief was that if you drank like the boys it was equality.  To women of her generation abusive drinking normalized. Over the last five or six years though there has been a culture of alcohol being seen as a reward at the end of a stressful day. Perception is far harder if you drink, there is a numbing of feelings and a default to alcohol to deal with problems so you don't develop the skills you need as human beings to deal with disappointment or frustration. When you’re drinking you re not really alive, you’re not really present – you don't have all your band width – which is similar to the feelings associated with taking pills for  anxiety or depression. There is a feeling of walking through life thinking we’re are dealing with everything but not dealing with anything

Alcohol is marketed to women differently. There has been a rise in female led drinks such as Prosecco which are seen as being fun and glitzy – that if you’re not drinking you’re missing out. Women simply can’t drink as much as men and there are also unique problems woman have. If women going through menopause drink too much it makes the situation worse but drink is pushed on woman whatever stage of life you’re in. Male drinking is different. It’s more sociable as men tend to drink in groups whilst women tend to drink more on their own. Veronica feels that alcohol is one of the few ways men are allowed to express emotion, that it’s acceptable to cry on best friends shoulder if their football team lost. If alcohol wasn't involved men wouldn’t do that. There is no permission for men to express their feelings and alcohol gives them the avenue to express that.

Veronica feels that alcohol is sold as a belief system before we even start to drink. Not drinking is never presented to us as a option because drinking is what adults do. Alcohol is the best way to get to the land of fun, excitement, relaxation, belonging, connection rewarding yourself, romance and sex . That's what’s sold to us and who doesn’t want that? You want these things but if you feel inadequate alcohol will get you to that place. If you’re not drinking you’re seen as being boring and have to fight the social conditioning and stereotyping that goes with it.  It can be hard to challenge this on your own as the messaging is so clever and insidious.

Connection and community are essential to stopping drinking as we all need to have meaningful connections. We need people who really know us, who we can be vulnerable with – part of the reason AA has been around so long is that it provides community. At 27 Veronica lost all her friends because no one was staying in on a Saturday and she didn't have anyone to hang out with. When you stop drinking you feel like you’re the only one so you need to be with people who understand what you’re going through. It’s also powerful a bit further down the road to be with people who can say ‘I remember that’,  ‘I felt like that this is what I did’,  ‘this is how I feel now’. Seeing people who’ve been through it helps you think that it is possible for me. Connection is the most healing and life sustaining thing we can do.

Veronica’s latest book is Soberful,  a personal development programme that would be helpful for anybody not just people who have a problem with alcohol. Everybody has to do personal development work but most people don't realise that and just bumble along. An alcohol problem is a wake up call, you've got to do some personal wok on yourselves. We all need to exercise regularly for optional health and personal development are just exercises for our mental health that we need to do regularly as well .

 You can find out more about Veronica and her work at soberful.com or https://www.veronicavalli.com/ Her book Soberful is available via Amazon.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

Welcome to 2022!

Well, after what’s been a long year, an exciting year and for many, a challenging year, we’ve made through 2021. Whilst some people found it a tricky year to navigate, others found it a lot easier, but however we got through 2021, its what we do next that matters.

2022 has all the makings of being a fascinating year, a pivotal year and what’s needed is the mindset to make the most of it. A lot of people start the New Year by drawing up a set of resolutions but don't build the plan with the means to achieve it. Without a breakdown that takes you from the beginning to the end you’re set up to fail.  

Writing resolutions can though be more of a bigger picture exercise. Using something like the Wheel of Life can help you look forward to the future in 10, 20 or 30 years time. By looking at things like where am I going to be psychologically, in my career, financially, or relationship wise, you can see the bigger picture that can then help you figure out resolutions for the short term.  Of course, if our goals aren’t long term enough or ambitious enough, our resolutions can sometimes become trite and meaningless so don't grip our imaginations. For 2022 why not tackle your resolutions differently – put a plan together for the whole year … with a reward attached when you achieve it.

Another option is to forget goals and resolutions and sit down and review the previous year. Figure out the things you want to stop, start and continue. Look at where you’re going and what you can stop doing. You’re probably not setting goals or resolutions based on what went before so look at what you want to do more of and what you want to do less of or stop doing. We’re all guilty of taking on more and more, whether it’s work or social commitments and we don't think about what we can mindfully remove from our lives.

The idea of stop, start and continue is very simple but it mind give you a better idea of how 2022 might find into the general direction of things. Maybe 2022 can be the year you can really sort out where you are going. Work-wise, it might be a case of asking yourself whether your work still has purpose and meaning? Is it where I want to be? The future of work is changing and the rebalancing of the labour market and the way we are working means there is the opportunity to make changes.

Some people have already made considerable changes, moving from the idea of financial reward to that of seeing a tangible outcome. This year there is the potential to ask ‘do I really want this or am I just doing it for for the money’. Four criteria you could use to look at your job are whether it brings money, intellectual challenge, fun or achievement. If you’re not getting any of these from your role it’s possible that it’s total lack of meaning and interest could lead to burnout. Ask yourself what do I want from this year? If you don't know what you want, reverse it and ask what don't I want? What is the purpose and meaning of work in your life? How important is it in the scheme of things. Remember your focus will change at different stages in your life. You could also try to write a bucket list, bunches of different ideas and things you haven’t tried. We can easily get stuck in a rut doing the things we always do and finding meaning is not always about having things or going places rather finding happiness in what we do.

2022 is about change. The culture of organisations, the world economy and coming out of Covid will all lead to change which in turn will creates opportunities … and risks. The more we can plan for the future, the less anxious you will feel about it. Once you’ve worked out what you want or don't want to do you can apply self-discipline and focus to achieve it.  Here’s where it can go wrong through. Sometimes we get distracted by things that give us a greater or short- term reward or procrastinate too long so we miss the discipline of long-term goals.

Whatever the root-cause of your distraction, take away the decisions and just go out and do it! Dump the rules and just make choices. Decide what you want and then go out and do it. Chose to do one thing, enjoy it then choose something else to do the next day. Choices are what help’s us to make the life we want. Decision fatigue comes from having too many decisions to make so in a way it’s easier to say no to everything rather than having to challenge ourselves by making lots of small decisions.

Maybe we should make 2022 a year of choice. Whether we choose to be different, choose to get something special for ourselves, choose to deliver more than we think we can, the first choice we need to make is to have a plan behind us!

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

Grief Yoga. Healing through movement

Paul Denniston is a yoga teacher who specilises in learning how to move through grief or other difficult and challenging emotions such as anger or anxiety. He has created a practice called Grief Yoga that pulls together yoga, movement, breathwork and sound to transform pain or struggle and connect to empowerment or love.

There are many types of yoga. Hatha Yoga focuses on holding postures and breathing to quiet the mind and aid stability and balance. Vinyasa Flow Yoga on breathing and flowing from one posture to another like a meditation in motion. Kundalini Yoga uses different types of breathwork and posture to cause powerful transformations. Restorative Yoga is a gentle practice to help stretch and release tension and anxiety whilst Laughter Yoga is a mixture of laughter exercises and techniques blended with yoga stretching and breathwork. People have their own take on humour, but these are exercises that help release endorphins from the brain to facilitate more happiness. Paul uses elements of Laughter Yoga in his Grief Yoga practice because he feels there is a fine line between laughter and tears. Laughter helps the free flow of emotion to move through, especially the suppressed feelings we have beneath the surface, to allow the healing benefits to take place.

Having trained in the different practices, Paul realised that he was going to classes himself to help deal with his challenging emotions of anxiety and grief.  He created his Grief Yoga practice, a blend of different types of yoga, with the specific intention of releasing pain to fund more empowerment and love - it was a class that he would what to take himself! When going through training Paul was dealing with a lot of anticipatory grief because his sister was dying and he was having a hard time moving through the suppressed feelings he was holding onto. Although he didn't feel like laughter, it connected him to what he was feeling which was anger and sadness. Laughter gave him the release he needed to allow him to be more present with his sister and dealing with her loss.

Paul works with many people who have experienced and dealt with trauma.  The first step of the process is to become aware of the present, the body, breath and ways to befriend the body through gentle ways to move and stretch. The next step is about expression. A lot of the time we don’t have the words to express our pain, hurt, anger or rage so the practice of using the sound and vibration of the voice can start to move the pain through so we might not have to have the words to articulate it.

Paul spent decades trying to run away from pain, seek peace for himself and deal with his anxiety. He was going to classes for his physical wellbeing but he realised there was so much more beneath the surface. He then thought that if we channeled struggle and pain, we could use it as fuel for healing, If we hold onto pain in the body, the body remembers this and the trauma so it’s possible, in a compassionate space, to move the pain through so we don't have to hold to it inside. He feels that we can have physical pain in the body but that it can be a manifestation of grief that we are suppression. Because everyone grieves differently, it can manifest itself in different areas of the body such as the back, neck, stomach, pelvis or chest or even cause teeth grinding teeth at night if the grief is held in the throat.

Grief can come from many different aspects of change or loss so can be seen in many different ways - the loss of a loved one, a dream of what you thought was going to be, the ending of a relationship or even a sense of disappointment. It can also be a collective thing. People can experience grief when a famous person dies because of the way that person had touched them or through an event such as the pandemic or 9/11. Collective grief is rarely acknowledged and this can become challenging because grief needs to be witnessed by ourselves or by others. During the pandemic not being able to attend funerals meant we missed the healing of having our grief and loss witnessed.

Paul doesn’t necessarily believe in closure in the grief process. If we choose to love then grief is a part of the process. Each day is different but we need to move through the loss. One of the steps he focuses on is evolution – how we changed after the loss, how our life is different now, how am I different after loving them. With time things can become easier but its part of our life experience and process.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Paul here..Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more about Paul through his website Griefyoga.com

His new book HEALING THROUGH YOGA Transforming Loss into Empowerment is available from January and can be pre-ordered through Paul’s website

Changing lane. Making impactful change.

Jennifer or Jen Crowley is based in Chicago and is an author, certified life coach and leadership consultant.

In her 30’s Jen thought she had life she was meant to have. Married with a son, she also had a high profile job as Vice President and General Manager of a wine distribution company. Suffering from all the stress and anxiety that goes with juggling a high pressure role and family life she then went through what she refers to as a six year character building period. Her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, then a while later her father was badly injured in a motorcycle accident. Both are now happily retired in Florida but as the only child, Jen had to provide considerable support. Then, the president of the company was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer and died very suddenly. Jen was emotionally and physically exhausted and wasn’t taking great care of herself.  Her job defined her so when the company was then sold to a large international group she decided to stick with it. There was an interesting and demanding integration period and as she went into her 40’s her life was very demanding – she was fighting for resources at work, fighting for time with her son and struggling in a marriage that was no longer working.

Finally, Jen and her husband divorced and at this point she started taking much better care of herself. She was eating well, meditating and communicating much better with the people around her. She became a coaching mentor at work and came to realise that people were comfortable around her. They would talk to her about their work, their anxieties and what was happening with their family and Jen found that trying to help people was the part of her job that she enjoyed most.

Six years after the company had been sold Jen realised that life wasn’t supposed to be so hard and took the decision to leave her twenty year wine career.  At 45 she decided that she needed to figure out what was going to happen next. She didn’t have any plans apart from taking three months off to get her head as clear as possible. Over the next three months she realised that although many people thought she should be happy because she seemed to have everything she needed, she wasn’t. She needed a different path where she could help other people. Initially she worked as a consultant to entrepreneurs but after a few months he made the decision to move into coaching.

Jen now works primarily with women looking to make impactful changes in themselves and in their lives. With a background in science, Jen’s approach to change is process driven and built around the importance of getting ready for change and then implementing it. In her coaching she deals with widespread issues, but many of her clients are in similar situations to the one she found herself in. Woman in their 40 ‘s who are realising that they are not happy, not doing things that they think are important or meaningful to them.

Jen feels the key to change is having open conversations and asking questions that dig down into what people really want. Sometimes people are so busy taking care of everyone else they simply need the time and opportunity to think and talk about themselves.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Jennifer here. Our previous podcasts, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can find out more about Jennifer at  changeablecoaching.com

Raising awareness of Early Onset Alzehimer's

In  2010 Pat Moffett wrote his book ‘Ice Cream in the Cupboard’ about the true story of caring for his late wife Carmen who had early-onset Alzheimer’s. At the time Pat was still pursuing his long-term career in international logistics but after he retired in 2017 he had more time to devote to raising awareness of the illness. In 2017, by chance, he met another author on a plane and they exchanged books. Two days later Pat received a phone call from his new contact who told him that Pat’s story should be made into a movie.

There is little difference between Early Onset Alzheimer’s and Alzheimer’s, but many early onset patients still retain the physical strength associated with a younger person. This can put their caregiver in dangerous situations because Alzheimer patients can become very angry and agitated which can lead to violent behaviour. Alzheimer’s also accelerates more quickly in younger people and the medications used are generally more effective in older patients.

In Carmen’s case, Pat first noticed that they had started arguing a lot. Things had been quite busy so he decided to take her to Puerto Rico for a holiday. They checked in to their hotel and went out for dinner. Pat was looking across from the verandah of the restaurant and when he turned around Carmen hit him. She then ran out of the restaurant. When he caught up with her she was still very angry but they got a taxi and went back to the hotel. She then went straight to sleep.

Pat really didn't know what was wrong so he was really surprised when a while later she came out to the terrace where he was sitting and said she was really hungry and when were they going to eat. She couldn’t remember anything that had happened. Pat was so concerned that he got a flight home for them the next day.

When they got home things seemed to level off and go back to normal. She wouldn’t go to a doctor but after going food shopping one day Pat realised that Carmen had put the ice cream in the cupboard rather than the fridge. Pat knew he had to get her to see a doctor but the situation was taken out of his hands soon afterwards her employers realised there was a problem and suggested she get tested. She failed the test and came home that evening and told Pat that she had a ‘touch of Alzheimer’s’.

Pat highlights how importance it is for carers to take care of themselves otherwise the disease claims two victims. Some friends and family aren't so supportive when they find out someone they know has Alzheimer’s so often it comes down to hired caregivers.  Pat found a lady who he had experience dealing with Alzheimer’s patients and he thought he could go back to work but within 5 days Carmen had punched the caregiver and run away from her. Other helpers followed but the same problem occurred. Pat felt it was better to try and keep his job so the next step was to try daycare. He found a centre close to their home. It was very expensive but it worked well for a couple of weeks but he was then called from work as Carmen had punched a 90-year-fellow patient.

Luckily a legal case was not pursued but Carmen wasn’t allowed to go back to the daycare centre. It was then suggested that she be hospitalised so she could be tested to find out if it might be possible to use anti psychotic drugs to calm her down. She was monitored 24 hours a day and after being in hospital for three weeks Pat was told there were only three drugs that might help her and that there use might be limited. The drugs were so strong that they needed to be monitored constantly so the recommnedation was that she to go straight into 24/7 care. Whist in full time nursing care Carmen still had violent episodes but eventually, after nine years, her body started to fail and she died. Pat felt guilty because in many ways he had wanted it to come to an end because Carmen wasn’t the person he knew anymore.

Early on in the process of looking after Carmen, Pat realised he would need support from people who would understand what he was dealing with. He found a local support group but everyone was much older than him and didn't understand Carmen’s violent behaviour. He realised there was nothing for the carers of Early Onset Alzheimer’s patients so he started a new group with a social worker with regular meet ups for dinner whilst professional carers looked after their loved ones

It is thought that you can defer the onset of some Alzheimer’s though diet, stress reduction etc. There is a genetic risk though. Pats wife Carmen, her brother and two sisters were all were diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in their 50’s and died in their 60s. When he tried to track back, Pat found out that Carmen’s father who had been an alcoholic, had also suffered from bouts of forgetful behaviour which at the time was put down to his alcoholism.

The motivation for Pat’s book came from the fact that he simply hadn’t realised that Alzheimer’s could affect people at such a young age. Consequently, many of the caregivers are very young themselves so they became the drive and inspiration to get the story out both nationally and internationally.

 You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Pat here. Our previous podcasts, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can find out more about Pat and Ice Cream in the Cupboard at pat.moffett.com

Breaking the code. Life how you want it to be.

Rusty Gaillard is a transformational coach who works with people who are ready to make a change. Whether it's a career dead end, being bored or unhappy in their chosen path or working too hard, Rusty works with his clients to transform their lives and find work they love.make a change.

Before he was a coach, Rusty spent 13 years at Apple. He was Worldwide Director of Finance when he realised that it wasn’t what he wanted to do for the rest of his working life. He had no aspiration to continue climbing the corporate ladder, didn't want to work for another tech company or foe a consultancy. He felt stuck and that the situation was hopeless. He wanted to do something new and different but didn’t know what it was.

It was a challenging place to be. From the outside things looked really good and in many lots it was but there was something missing. In such a big company is it really possible to make a difference? When you put all your energy into work what will you have to show for it? What is the purpose of what I’m doing? You don’t find it meaningful but how do you find a different path?

Rusty did everything he was meant to do. He checked all the boxes and became defined by his job but his heart wasn’t in it. He didn’t feel he had got what he was meant to have got. He became less passionate about his job and less motivated.  He did what he needed to do and became responsive rather than proactive and didn’t have the drive to move things forward. So what was the first step he took to change his life around?

Rusty thinks that we all work towards a code, a pattern or belief system that we follow in life which can be very difficult to change. In Rusty’s case his code was to work for a big corporation, be a good employee with a stable job, and to be in a successful marriage with children. He needed to break this code before he could change his career path. It was during this time that Rusty got divorced and this external change was how he broke the code he was working towards. The divorce affected his self-confidence and self-image but coming through it broke the pattern and belief system and gave him the ability and confidence to move forward.

Without a big issue like divorce it is still possible to break the code. We need to find something we really want to do, something that we’re willing to stretch to get it. We need to acknowledge the way we think about the world. Our code is how we see ourselves and we need to deliberately step outside the code to get what we would really like in life - what is meaningful or what life we want to create for ourselves. If we create a picture beyond our current code it becomes the motivation and the key to break the code.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Rusty here. Our previous podcasts, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can find out more about Rusty and his work here. His book is Breaking the Code: Stop Looking for Answers and Start Enjoying Life

Rewiring the brain. Self-talk, self-image and making it reality

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled - Rewiring the brain. Self-talk, self-image and making it reality.

Steven Campbell was a University Professor and Educational Dean in Northern California for over 20 years. Having initially worked in hospital administration, he went on to take his degree in Computer Science before going on to teach Psychology. The message he shares with his students is that ‘while I’m talking to you you’re also talking to yourself but 1000’s of times faster ‘. When people talk to you they use words but when we talk to ourselves as well as words we also use pictures and feelings.

In 1961, Dr. Albert Ellis wrote a book called The Guide to Rational Living. In it he suggested that our feelings about ourselves don't come primarily from how we are raised or our successes and failures but from our beliefs about how we were raised or our successes or failures. Some people say they don’t know what to believe and Steven feels that we want to know what we believe, we need to listen to what we are saying to ourselves – our self-talk.

One of the most exciting discoveries that psychology has made is that our brain believes what we tell it, without question. Everything we do today is primarily based on what we say to ourselves about ourselves, today. We can change what we are saying to ourselves about ourselves and our brain just doesn’t care if what we say is true or not. You could say to yourself “I’m not very good at Maths’ and your brain will say “Yes, you’re right. You’re not good at Maths” and then it will look for other times you got something wrong. However, if you say “I really like Maths’ the brain says ‘OK’ and then looks for ways to show it. So, if we say “I really can do this” the brain will say, “Absolutely” and find ways of doing it. The principle is that our brain listens to us and rewires itself based on the messages we give it. This is neuroplasticity. The way we are today is primarily based on what we tell ourselves today. When we say something it is the brains job to make it true.

We all also have thousands of self-images. We have a self-image for every single thing that we do, for instance as a father, husband, grandfather, teacher, or singer. Some self-images are really strong and others less so, but we are not born with them, they are all learned.  We are also born with certain natural dispositions or things that we naturally love to do. We may have had to learn how to do it, but the learning isn’t hard because it was what we could do naturally. So, our self-images are learned from our self-talk and our self-images are based on what we are saying to ourselves about ourselves, today.

What holds us back from learning, growing and changing is ourselves. If we replace our self-talk we will then replace our self-images. The more we talk the more it will becomes a reality. We need to take our self-talk and use it to make it work. It’s not about just having an opinion. Rewiring the brain takes time because the brain doesn’t want to change, it wants to keep us risk free.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Steven here. Our previous podcast episodes, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can find our more about Steven at StevenRCampbell.com or find out about his book is Making Your Mind Magnificent – Flourishing at Any Age.

Change the narrative and get unstuck

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released Resilience Unravelled – Change the narrative and get unstuck.

 In this episode, Dr. Russell Thackeray talks to Russell Heath, a life and leadership coach who is based in New York City. Russell has been a life and leadership coach for over ten years but before this he ran an environmental group that protects the national forest in Alaska. Over a period of time he came to realise that what the organisation could do was limited ,not by finance or by circumstances, but by his leadership - he could only take it as far as he was himself was developed and able to go. He attended leadership training courses but found that these focused on skills like presentation and staff management rather than the underlying behaviours needed to deploy the skills. In 2010 he moved to New York City where he undertook training and coaching to learn how to be a leader but eventually decided to go into business himself and retrained to be a professional coach

Russell now works with high performing professionals who are stuck in some way- they want more out of their professions, are very successful and have a good family and home but want something more and don't know what it is. The framework he uses works around the idea that we all develop a way of looking at the world and a set of behaviours and values at a young age. These are developed for our own physical and emotional survival and, whilst they produce results for some people, others often in their 30s or 40s find they aren’t producing any satisfaction or meaning.. They are stuck because this is all they know but what they need to do is look at the world to see what would produce meaning, fulfillment and excitement.

Russell uses the Ontology style of coaching. Ontology is the study of being and is about developing the ability to choose our being regardless of circumstances so we can choose the way of being that best enables us to fulfil on what is important to us. Ontological coaching expands our capacity to choose so we aren’t driven by our “default” behaviors but have the freedom to choose who we want to be. This allows us to accomplish our goals, deepen our relationships, and live a rich and rewarding life.

If we’re not getting the results we want we need to ask ourselves what we need to do differently to get better results’? ‘Do we want these results? What do we need to do differently? Who do we need to be to get different results? Money and status are external to ourselves but we can sometimes have difficulty giving them up for something more meaningful. How then when we achieve something can we avoid getting stuck? If we win is it what we wanted?  When we get so focused on getting there we realise we didn’t enjoy the journey.

Changing purpose or narrative is a key part of getting unstuck. We are in conversation with ourselves and that conversation determines how we see the world. Changing this can produce different results but we need to shift more than our linguistical world. To bring lasting change we also need to need to shift our emotional and physical worlds.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Russell here. Our previous podcast episodes and upcoming guest list are also available as is our full blog archive.

You can find out more about Russell or get in touch with him through his website.

If you would like to find out more about Russell’s Alaskan based thrillers visit https:/russellheathauthor.com/

Understanding gambling addiction

Patrick Chester is an author and speaker on the subject of gambling addition. A former addict himself, he now lives in Washington State with his wife Erica and his two sons.

If you take a group of people playing slot machines or cards, or backing a horse or football team, some won’t be affected at all, a couple may develop a mild gambling habit whilst one may end up with a with a severe problem. It’s hard to say what the trigger is, as its different for each person but Patrick traces his trigger back to when he was young.  His father took him and his sister to parties where people were gambling and drinking and having a great time. Patrick didn’t recognise the dangers of gambling because he had grown up seeing it as fun and harmless, something you could do as a family. Before he knew it though, it had taken over his life.

Patrick doesn't know when was the point of change. It was difficult to recognise but he got to a point where he was in very deep and it had gone being fun to being the solution to his problems. In his mind the only way to recover and pay back his debts he was in was to gamble more. Patrick started to realise he had a problem around 2012 when he started committing crimes. He had exhausted all his access to finance and was no longer working for himself as he had been reported to the state. He was gambling with other people’s money by taking money as a deposit and using it to gamble.

At the end of 2014 Patrick had rented some heavy equipment for a job he had been hired to do but his plan was actually to sell the equipment and gamble the money. He had convinced himself that he would win the money back and pay off all his debts.   At this point he realised he had crossed the line. Nobody else knew and he looked and appeared normal but inside he was a mess, stressed out and confused. It is easier to recognise someone with a drugs and alcohol problem as you can see the toll the addiction takes physically but with gambling there is nothing to see. Patrick had also become very creative with his lies. His wife trusted him with the bills and the mortgage and he diverted mail so she didn’t see bills weren’t being paid. Deceit and having to live on your wits almost seemed to be part of the enjoyment. Talking his way out of situations and convincing other people gave him a sense of satisfaction but that was part of the illness. Some days he just felt a huge sense of sadness when he would ask himself how he could continue to lie and do this to the people I love.

Patrick had to figure out what was going on in his head and why he was doing these things. What he sees as his ‘Day of Comeuppance’ happened in 2015. During 2013 and 2014 criminal changes for theft were brought against him. He decided the best thing would be to let the charges to play themselves out and plead guilty. At this point he reached out to a family member.  He and his family were living with his wife’s parents as they had lost their house. He told them he was going to work but at that point he had no work. His father in law called and said they knew everything that was going on and not to come back to house, to book in a hotel and that they would all talk tomorrow. It turned out they had taken out an intervention. The next day they all sat down together and five hours later Patrick was on a plane for treatment.

Patrick feels that there were many points particularly in 2010 and 2011 when his wife was questioning him when he could have told the truth about his gambling problem and that her needed help but he was scared he would lose his marriage. As it turned out it was a 100 times worse carrying on. It takes a different form of courage to ask for help. He wished he had the courage but he kept searching for ways to get out his mess – he was going to win and pay everyone off and stop gambling. He knew it wasn’t reality but reality doesn't work with a full-blown addict. When Patrick went into treatment they did a full assessment and gave him a base plan to work with to help him understand what was going on in his brain but it took a couple of years before he could see the addiction patterns. Patrick feels he was very fortunate as his wife and her family put together a life plan for him. It was very much take it or leave it but he was ready. There are very few specialist gambling treatment centres in the USA but Patrick was fortunate in that a place was found for him. It helped him to release that he wasn't alone and that gambling addiction happened to other people as well. 

Therapy was very intense and lasted for eight hours a day for thirty days. After that he continued to work with them as an outpatient. Three weeks after he left therapy he was due to be sentenced for his criminal convictions. Patrick attended thinking that as he had completed treatment the judge would view his case favorably but the judge had listened to the victim impact statements and sent him to jail for four months.  Patrick had nothing to do but think of ways to improve his life and self and he now thinks the jail term was good for him.  He also had to pay back all the money he owed which amounted to hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Patrick very much respects his wife and her family. He doesn’t know another family who would have gone to the lengths they did. His wife was pretty tough on herself for a while and kept asking herself how she could have allowed him to manipulate her for so long but as Patrick says it is hardest for the person closest to you to see it. Patrick now focuses on being the best father and husband he can and trying to help people understand what gambling addiction is and helping people who are suffering. After taking from people and causing them financial and emotional pain he feels it is time to start giving back and turn it into a positive. He is working on a book which will hopefully be out in the summer/early fall and on a website.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Patrick here. Our previous podcast episodes, upcoming guest list and full blog archive is also available.

You can get in touch with Patrick through his Twitter account patrickchester9

He also recommends that anyone who feels they has a problem gets in touch with Gamblers Anonymous and the National Suicide Prevention line in US or the Samaritans in UK.

You may also be able to access help in the UK at https://www.okrehab.org/